TBT: 1994 July 16th

Saturday
July 16th, 1994

Aroha?! I spent the whole day with Shane. He is good to me. And Joe is another one. You know, he gave Shane the house key cause he said he can't see me going back to the house. That made me feel good. I mean, this guy is looking out for me. Joe is just it. I kinda understand why he's backin' me... the same thing happened to his sister. I was sittin' with Joe and Shane listening to them reminisce and I just don't know how they do it. Everyone goes from base to base. They make acquaintances and some may turn into friends. And if you do happen to find a friend --> the friendships run deep and grow strong. Like Shane and Joe. It's been about 2-1/2 hours that I been away from Shane and I really miss him. I wanna be held by him. I am really gonna miss him when he goes but I don't expect our friendship to end. I only hope it'll grow stronger! They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Anyway, Joe, Shane, and myself went to Kailua. They was taking me to Masina's house. You won't believe how happy I was. How happy I still am. I mean Keesa was there. Uncle Henry. Aunty Mata. Brian. Me and Keesa was bonding. She's gonna try and hook me up at Sports Authority. Umhmm.. that big ole store... of nothin' but athletic ware. Okay?! I hope I get it. Lord knows I need a job. Then I can go to Leeward Community College. If I get the 6am to 2pm shift, I can take afternoon classes. Do homework at night and see Shane. I only have limited time with him. I hope things fall into place. It's gonna be on. Okay?!

I  swear, Shane is gettin' to me. His sweetness. He seems to SPOIL me all the time. And you know I don't need that!! I am grateful for his support because I ain't gettin' it from my parents. He is just a strength to me... a constant support. No matter what, I know he is there to pick me up when I fall. Tomorrow, we're supposed to go see The Lion King. I hope he comes to get me. Dang I miss him. The hugs and kisses. The gentle caress. When I'm with him, things seem to be okay. I feel safe and secure. It's like, all I need is him and it feels like everything's gonna be alright. Oh I don't know how to explain it. Time seems to fly with him. Anyway...

Patricia was tellin' me to just slow down. Uncle Henry said to take care of mom and dad. Be good. Slow down.

Photo Blog: China Town, O'ahu, Hawai'i

Husband and I took a drive to China Town on our Memorial Day. I attempted going to the beach but it seems like EVERYONE on this island was on their way to the North Shore. It's a given... Memorial Day in Hawai'i equals clean the grave in the morning then cool off at the beach after. Sad to say, I didn't make it to my mom's grave but it's all good because I visit her grave often. I don't really need Memorial Day to pay her a visit.

So anyway - husband and I walked around China Town. It was very empty. I can't remember the last time I walked around there. Normally, I zip through with my windows rolled up in my air conditioned car. That's not living at all. I wanted to see the sights and smell the smells and hear all the noises that comes with China Town. So please enjoy the pictures of my visit to China Town.

I just love store fronts and the sidewalks. Some of the buildings are over a century old.

I love this red brick. This particular building is where The First Hawaiian Bank is housed.

I love this building. I love the "Wo Fat Chop Sui" sign.

Fabulous building. I noticed the air conditioning units hanging out of the windows.

There goes that gorgeous sign again.

I love the dragons all over China Town. Beautiful... indicative of the culture.

The colorful facade is gorgeous.

There are many  marketplaces throughout China Town. They were all fairly empty because of the Memorial Day holiday.

The high rise in the background is in such stark contrast to the older, low-rise building in the foreground.

There goes another high rise in the background.

Love the red posts.

Beautiful dragon!

Here is one of my favorite shots of the day... again, the contrasting high-rise buildings in the background with the old low-rise buildings in the foreground.

ORDINARY PEOPLE | C01 | "Shower to Shower"

Shower to Shower.
I need a bottle of Shower to Shower.

I push my wagon through the health and beauty section looking for the Shower to Shower. I turn the corner of the hair products aisle when I first see him. A quick glance of instant attraction; the kind of chemistry that draws two people together is aflutter. He is not a "pretty boy" by any stretch of the imagination. In that moment, I realize that I have never seen such beautiful skin. Coffee brown. His shoulders, broad and wide. The way the sweater lay on his chest indicates the body underneath. I'd bet that he plays rugby.

I quickly move past him, looking for my Shower to Shower powder.  I love the smell of that powder. I'm not leaving the store until I find it. I am doing laps in the health and beauty section and am still unsuccessful in my attempt to find my powder. I pass 'coffee brown' again. He looks up at me and grins.

Is he grinning at me? I blush and move past him for the second time. I notice that his head is shaped like a football. Very oval. Not round. His legs are hidden beneath a comfortable pair of khaki pants, white low-cut tennis shoes, and a beige light-weight sweater with a thin blue stripe across his chest.

Was I looking that hard? He looked a little lost and quizzical, like he wanted to ask me a question. I keep walking down the aisle and giggle as I realize he's standing in front of the feminine products. Where is the darn Shower to Shower?

As I round the aisle again, my cart collides with another cart. 

"Sorry. Excuse me," Coffee Brown grins.

"It's okay. No harm done," I retort.

I suddenly feel self-conscious about the current condition of my hair. The humidity of the day has rendered my hair a birds nest of frizz. Couple that with the aroma of my drying sweat rising from my gym clothes and I am a total disaster.

I begin to maneuver past him but he's stopped still and unmoving.

"Whoops. Excuse me," I tell him.

"You're not excused. I'm not moving," says Coffee Brown with a faint accent.
"I have a question to ask you, if you don't mind."

"I don't work here. I'm a customer just like you are."

His arrogance makes me gag and just like that, I imagine stamping a big "ACCESS DENIED" across his forehead before filing him away in my mind. My 30-second  size-up of him was obviously just physical. His exposed conceit is not exactly my cup of tea.

"I know that," he says, with his chin up and his eyes staring down at me.

I attempt to shuffle past him. He moves his cart to block my progress. I look up at him dead in his eye, tilt my head to the left, and purse my lips. A wicked smile parts his lips, revealing a beautiful set of white teeth.

"So do you have time for a question, Miss _______," he trails off, waiting for me to fill in the blank.

"You can't pronounce it even if I tell you what it is," I tell him.

"Try me."

Even though my name is the simplest name you could imagine, I instantly try to think of the long Hawaiian names in my genealogy just so I can be right. Hmmm... I have the perfect name.

"Keli'ikuhalahala. Try that," I respond.

He repeats after me. My great, great, great, great grandfather's name rolls off his tongue. Surprised, I pull my cart back, shrug my shoulders, and step around him.

I turn around to see if he's following me and watch him, with his back turned already, walk away from me. Weird! I roll my eyes and wonder what just went down. I make my way to the check out, thoroughly frustrated that I didn't find the Shower to Shower but more frustrated by my interaction with 'coffee brown'.

As I'm loading my car, I hear a motorcycle pull up to me. I look up expecting to see 'coffee brown'. He has invaded my thoughts in such a short period of time. At first, it was the sight of him in front of the feminine products that caught my attention in a good way. Then, his arrogance irritated me. Top it off, he walks away from me after our little interaction.

I turn to see who has pulled up next to me and find 'coffee brown'. In his hand is a single, yellow rose.

"Miss Keli'ikuhalahala, this is for you," he says.

He hands me the rose, revs his engine then takes off.

My mouth is agape as I stand there with this yellow rose in my hand. I notice a few people stare and grin at whatever they just witnessed. I don't know how the audience interprets the exchange between 'coffee brown' and I but my brain is reeling. I watch him ride away. I don't know his name. I know nothing about him except for my very confusing first impression.

I sit in my car thinking about the last thirty minutes. What just happened? Why am I sitting here in utter disbelief about the events that have transpired. My hunt for Shower to Shower resulted in a yellow rose from a complete stranger. The mystery of him takes root in my mind and I wonder when our paths will cross again.

Around Town: Rumour(s) Has It

Over the past couple of months, the husband and I have been reliving our life as it probably was before we met, married, and fell in love. Yes, I did say it in the order that our relationship occurred. Met.
Married.
Then FELL IN LOVE.

I presume that the years will fare positively for both of us whether we remain together or go in separate directions. Whatever fate we create for ourselves, I'm sure we will always remain the best of friends.... at least, I know, I will always feel unconditional love for him.

With all of that being said, our adventure this Memorial Day weekend of 2013, we decided to go dancing. A couple weeks ago, we visited Zanzabar. This week, we headed over to Rumours in the Ala Moana Hotel. Yelp reviewers talk about the demographic of people that go out to Rumours on Friday nights: older, military, Black, Puerto Rican, etc. Given my affection for a particular demographic of men, in my single days I liked to frequent Rumours on Friday nights. The last time I visited this establishment was just over 10 years ago. Not much has changed, which is kind of a good thing if you think about it. They're doing something and it's working without having had to change any part of their business. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I made a couple observations last night since I spent most of it seated at a very comfortable counter area. It's what I like to do -  people watch. I had a view of the dance floor, the two cages on the dance floor, the entrance to the bathroom area, both VIP rooms, and both bars. I was in a perfect seat. Actually, you could sit almost anywhere in there and have a great vantage point of the entire club.  Rumour's dance floor is a decent size. The entire club is well-lit, tastefully-lit. The seating that surrounds the dance floor is stadium-like, perfectly tiered so that everyone can look down to the dance floor. I have to say that Rumour's is very well-designed.

NOTE: The WOMEN'S restroom is small but very clean.... it's located on the second floor.

* * * * * * * * * *

Observation #1
SERVICE: One thing that was absent is the presence of wait-staff. No one asked me if I wanted a drink or food. Nothing. That was very surprising to me as a good bulk of a club's income comes from sales, right? The security staff were dressed professionally and were very courteous. I was very impressed with that. The staff at the entrance were also professionally dressed. The gentleman in a suit and the young lady in a cocktail dress. The cashier was also in a suit and the bartenders in a button-up shirt and vest. Sharp!

Observation #2
MUSIC: Either I am just getting old or modern music producers are deaf. I was thoroughly disappointed with the selection of music that the music guy was playing (I wouldn't necessarily call him a D.J.). One can only stomach a limited amount of "bitch" and "colloquial-name-for-female-genetalia" in music lyrics, if at all. They boast "state of the art" audio, visual, and lighting but I could have done without the visual portion. They streamed the music video all night long. Let's see... if the lyrics are full of 'bitches' and 'colloquial-name-for-female-genetalia' then you can imagine what the videos were like. Do all hip-hop stars think that everyone enjoys watching a music video of women shaking their booty or dancing with a pole?

I have the slightest clue as to how I should dance to any song by Lil Wayne or 2 Chainz or worst yet a collaboration by both of them. **rolling my eyes** I am thoroughly disappointed by the state of hip-hop... fo' real! Earlier in the evening, they played good dance music like Timberlake's, "Suit and Tie" and some B.o.B but as the evening wore on all the good music faded. What's terrible about 2 Chainz? The beat is so very slow that a woman's only choice is to gyrate her hips and booty.
**heavy sigh**
And the women did do just that.

Observation #3
DANCING: I'm a little perplexed by the amount of lesbian activity on the dance floor. As a certified people-watcher, I noticed that women would behave one way off the dance floor and change all together when they got on the dance floor. In other words, straight (flirting with men) when they're seated but lesbian when they hit the dance floor. It could be that they're bi-sexual? I don't know and don't care. I witnessed a lot of lesbian loving on the dance floor. So the questions I came away with are as follows:

1. If a woman is heterosexual, does she behave this way for attention or to attract a man?
2. If a woman is a lesbian, does she feel like she has to express her sexuality in such an open manner? Isn't the beauty of intimacy intimate, private, personal? So the question would still revert to the first question, is the heavy petting for attention in an effort to attract men?

Toward the end of the evening, husband had an intense desire to be on the dance floor. I was thoroughly not interested in dancing because of the music that was playing but I felt obliged to give in. We shut the club down and stayed on the dance floor until the lights came on.

Observation #4
THE GAME: Some things will never change and I had quite a good time watching THE GAME unfold. There was a particular pair of women seated in front of me that I had an enjoyable time watching. Let's call them Erica and Sarah. Erica and Sarah sat near an entrance of the dance floor. Standing at that entrance was a pair of men. Let's call them Marcus and Dave. Marcus and Dave were standing there for at least an hour before Dave approached Erica and Sarah. Marcus went to fetch drinks for the women. He hands over the drinks then goes back to where he was standing. He does not socialize with the women at all. Dave eventually asks Sarah to dance. She refuses. Dave tucks his little tail under and goes back to where Marcus is standing.

A young man walks up to Erica and parks next to her. He stands there and just starts dancing and making small talk with Erica. Dave glares at the pair and he looks upset. Does Dave think he owns the pair of women because he just bought them a drink? Eventually, the dancing gentleman walks away. Erica was probably not responding to him the way he wanted her to.

Seated next to Erica and Sarah is another gentleman. Let's call him Tyrone. I was watching Tyrone also. He sat quietly for as long as I was seated behind all these people. I watched a young woman pass by several times. Let's call her Fiona because she reminds me of Princess Fiona from the cartoon, Shrek. All of a sudden, Fiona stops and asks Tyrone to dance. Tyrone refuses. I sit there and watch Fiona try to make a case for why they should dance together. Her boobs are pouring out of her dress and she keeps his face in her cleavage. 10-15 minutes later, Fiona is still trying to get Tyrone to dance with her. She finally attempts to leave then in comes Dave and asks her to dance and they both hit the dance floor. Dave and Fiona start gyrating and she looks like she's giving him a lap dance. It was really funny.

Observation #5
LAPS: I saw several men and women doing laps throughout the club. I can't help but remember doing the same thing when I was single. Me and the girls would circle the club hoping that the scenery would get more interesting. It never did.

One gentleman, let's call him Vince cuz he reminds me of a friend from the past with the same name. Vince had two or three very thin braids hanging out of his Kangol cap. He looked like a blast from the past. Hot mess! Watching him circle the club made me laugh so hard. I think I had a smile plastered on my face because of all the foolishness I witnessed.

* * * * * * * * * *

I had a really good time with  my husband. We are definitely enjoying ourselves as we age. We spent a couple years being so prude. We are coming out of the restrictions of our former life and I don't think we or I will ever be that prude again. Husband ran into a former co-worker who invited us to an all-white party on Sunday evening. We might go.

My final conclusion: Rumours still has "it", in my opinion.

TBT: 1994 July 13th, 14th & 15th

Wednesday
July 13th, 1994

RAPE! Wouldn't you call it that? Someone continues to touch you... your body... your sexuality... your womanhood... He goes and goes, even to the point of penetration. Tiny R.NewNew. Better known as... Pacman. He's strong. I know I didn't ask for it and I didn't think it was funny. I just wanna sleep it away. Dream it away. Whatever it takes. Maybe he thought I wanted it. He just kept going. Without hesitation. He had no thoughts that maybe, just maybe I didn't wanna BE with him, even though I kept saying no, no, no. I kept saying Get off. At first I thought it was funny when he was flirting. I didn't think he'd do it!

For a moment
Beauty is lost,
The beholder takes what
         He shouldn't.
No thought of consequence,
Just pleasure.
A thief, a robber,
A conqueror, a destroyer.
Ravaging through Bountiful
Turning it to Babylon.
Guilt, shame
Feelings...
Not his.
Mine to deal with.
Mine to be rid of.

He took what he wanted. I didn't provoke him and if I did, "No still means No." He has ruined a beautiful relationship that I have with Shane. I feel like Shane cares about me. I feel his respect for the woman that I am and the woman I someday will be.

I can't believe that Pac did it. I thought he had more sense. He thinks I'm stupid or something. Probably thought I wouldn't open my mouth. Had no respect for me, for Shane, or even for himself. I don't wanna press charges because it'll ruin his life. But dang, he violated me. When it happened this morning... I really didn't get it. But now it's hitting me. Real hard.

Forget the problems because the day itself is beautiful. Not a cloud in sight. Nothin' but blue skies!!

* * * * * * * * * *

Thursday
July 14th, 1994

Hey! I've taken the first step toward pressing charges against Mr. NewNew. I talked to his First Sergeant.  I even called 9-1-1. All I gotta do is file a report. He forced himself on me and that just ain't right. The only family member I've told is Cliff. He says to tell my mom and dad. Shane said that I should tell them also. I'm just afraid of what they'll think. Will they still love me?

I don't know why I'm thinking of his feelings when he didn't think of mine. He took from me my trust in men, in male friends, and the joy of making love. He just couldn't take no for an answer. He couldn't see that I didn't want the same thing that he did. I told him to get off. Everything was happening so fast. It all started when he started tickling me. I got up and moved. I sat at the edge of the bed. He kept telling me, "Are you ready? Are you ready?" I was thinking that I should just try to be calm and play it off. "Pac, can't you wait?" Obviously, his response was 'No'. I knew what would happen next and I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept pulling up my dress. He hopped on top of me and just did what he pleased. He thought it was so funny. I laughed just to hide the pain behind a smile.

* * * * * * * * * *

Friday
July 15th, 1994

For now, everything is done. I made a report --> tape recorded. Shane did one too. We had to go downtown for it, at the Criminal Investigation Division. We met with Detective Larry Tamashiro. After that, he sent me to Kapiolani Women & Children's Center where I was examined by a doctor - a female. She was accompanied by a nurse named Lisa. Oh they were so sweet. Then there's Shane. Just where would I be without his support? Where would I be without his understanding? He pushes me to do the right thing. What am I gonna do when he leaves in November? Rape -- the subject is getting tired.

I just been crying all day. More than any other day since. I feel like I provoked it. Like I encouraged it or something... this stupid RAPE. What is even crazier is that I feel like Shane shouldn't care for me because of everything that's happening.

This morning my brother and I was in mom and dad's room. Mom told him what happened. He just cried and hugged me and expressed his love for me. All I could do was cry. I don't know what to feel anymore. I just feel stupid. I feel yucky. I feel dirty. But you know what? I am strong! I am gonna get through this. Whether alone or not. Whether I win or lose. At least I tried. Face this fear of failure and I'm gonna get through. The hard thing about the whole thing is facing my family, my friends, and Shane. This feeling of dirtiness, of insecurity is what's killing me. Insecure that I'm gonna lose someone's love or caring. But you know what --> that's enough already. Enough talking about it. But I'm kinda wondering if I should press charges or not. At least I reported this incident. It wasn't severe as other cases I've read about but no still means no. Rape is unconcented sex.

Throw Back Thursday Preface

I just started Throw Back Thursday. I intentionally skipped last week's TBT because of the content of the new entry. I feel like I have to preface it with explanation, exploration, and ease you (the reader) into the next TBT post.

The posts for TBT come from my written diaries. I do this for two reasons:

1. To preserve my diaries; some of them are beginning to fade. An archivist told me that I should wipe them down with Denatured Alcohol to stop any water/mold damage and start scanning them and transcribing them into a document. This is my attempt at transcribing... I don't know if I'll scan them because that would take forever unless I take apart the binding of the book. **sigh**
2. Blog Content - this is a great way of looking back at who I am in different stages of my life.... I don't know how many people actually come to my blog to read my thoughts so most of the time, I write FOR ME. I write to express my innermost thoughts. I write to release the anger, the passion, the love that I have inside of me.

I don't know why I started with this particular diary.... the one that began on June 30th, 1994. My diaries extend all the way back to when I was a little girl. I know I've lost some of my journals and I know exactly which ones I've lost. I know I was meant to write in this way; memoir-ish - a very feminine way of reflecting on my life, capturing the moment in time, like standing still! I read it now and the memories just flood back from those days. I am amazed at how my life has progressed/digressed over the years. I cringe at a lot of what I wrote especially in high school. Did I really talk like that? **rolling my eyes** I look at the things that I thought were important back then and just shake my head in disbelief. I'm sure ten years from now I'll look back at what I wrote today and be amazed at the shallowness of some of my journal entries. But, isn't this what life is about?

In the recent TBT posts, I have a picture and a short preface at the beginning of the post. The picture is of the actual diary that the post comes from. The preface is just an introduction to the TBT post. All of them are the same. I suppose I will eventually STOP adding that little note. **shrugs**

The next TBT post topic -- I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it a couple times here. I may not have gone into depth about it but I know I've at least said it in passing. Too many women shy away from the truth seeing the light of day. Accepting what IS and living with it is far better than pushing it deep down inside and not dealing with it. Regardless of what we are conditioned to think, we must always take care of our heart and our well-being.

I hope you will find something of value in tomorrow's TBT post.

Pushing Through

Saturday, husband had a crazy idea of doing the Koko Head Crater trail. He's assisting me in trying to get healthy while he maintains his own fitness. The Koko Head trail would have been something I would normally work towards. Google it to see how people describe it. I googled it AFTER I actually went on the trail. Nothing can really prepare you for it either. None of the articles can do justice to the hike.

I am in terrible shape... physically. I am not as strong as I was in my twenties nor as limber but I'm always up for a physical challenge. This hike up Koko Head trail was exactly that! Even if you are physically fit, it will still be tougher than what you're doing in the gym. My husband? My husband is in excellent shape. He runs at least four miles a day... probably more. He loved the challenge of the hike. I did too but I'm not in the same type of physical condition as he is... YET! :-)

We missed the turn to Koko Head park so we ended up at Hanauma Bay. We turned around and headed back down. As you come out of the Hanauma Bay drive-way there is a mountain directly in front of you. I looked at the mountain and saw a trail going straight up the mountain. I said aloud to my husband, "If that's Koko Head Trail, I'm soooo not going!" As we followed the directions the security guard gave us, it indeed led us right to the trail that I said I would not go on. I was so nervous and husband was so excited about the challenge.

We got out of the car and got into a ridiculous argument because I wanted to wear my backpack. He was insistent that I should leave my backpack because no one else (that he observed) was taking a backpack. I wanted to take the backpack because it had my water in it, my phone, my wallet, and my first aid kit. He just berated me with reasons why I should leave it. **rolling my eyes** I did take it. I was so not backing down from what I wanted to do and I didn't see what the big deal was.

The trail is as steep as it looked from afar. The nervousness faded away as we walked to the base of the trail. As mad as I was about the stupid control issue with my husband, I just had to push through it. In the past, something like that would have made me stop dead in my tracks and make him do the hike by himself but I am not that girl from my past anymore. The words and phrases I repeated in my head went something like this:

I CAN DO THIS.

I GOT THIS.

I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO.

I kept repeating the words in my mind because I am committed to transforming my mind and, consequentially, my life. I must press forward through doubt and fear. That is the triumph of facing this trail that I pushed through the obstacles that presented themselves by overcoming the fear and doubt in my mind. My mind is what controls the physical and emotional challenges of my life and all I have to do is to push through! So even with the massive body aches, especially in my quadricep muscles, I did come away with a victory.

TBT: 1994 July 11th

TBT= Throw Back Thursday

PREFACE: This is a look into my written diaries from nearly two decades ago. Most of it is straight from my diary. I may have omitted a thing or two, changed a name or two, corrected grammar, added a hyperlink here and there (for context, of course) etc. etc. The general theme of who I was all those years ago are IN TACT.

* * * * * * * * * *



Monday
July 11th, 1994

Aroha?! Nothin' much goin' on. Spent the morning talking to Cliff to register for school and all-a-dat. Reema told me that Ui C. told her that NetaJane and them said that Dave is her man. Oh well?! It ain't no thang. At least not to me. :-)  I haven't heard from Shane all day. Ain't that somethin'?! I am just waitin' on his call. I be callin' his work but that phone is BUSY!! I was bonding with Reema this morning while we waited for Cliff to finish his placement test. Me and her are kinda the same. She's just starting at a  younger age. I have absolutely nothing to say. Nothing to write. Shane said he got some things to tell me and that he'll write me and have it to me by the end of the week... which is Sunday. I'm tellin' you I'm gonna miss him. He asked me if I'm gonna visit him at his new duty station. I said "Hell yeah"... He is like all that I need. He was taught so well. I want my kids to learn the things that he learned. He has much knowledge. Much wisdom. He is all of that to tme. Whatever he does in life, I support him. I just wish I could hold onto someone like him. He's so responsible in every way. He's just IT. I wish I could explain to you how I feel about him. I wish I could explain to myself. Every relationship I've had so far... the love and friendship faded. The magic just died. It'll start out REALLY strong and slowly the feelings will DIE. I don't know what's wrong, I just don't want the same thing to happen with Shane. But fo' realz, I don't wanna lose Shane but come November... he's gone! He expounds much wisdom. I know it seems raw but I really like him a lot. You'll never know. It seems childish, the way I feel like I don't wanna let him go but it's REAL. I'll get over him one day. I just gotta prepare for the heartache. I think the things is that I haven't been able to make him MY man. Ya know?! Imagine if I stopped seeing him when Dave asked me to?! I don't even wanna think about how I'd be. It's like we've known each other FOREVER. There was never a beginning to our friendship, and there'll never be an end. That's how tight I feel we are. Oh well, I'm just depressing myself. So maybe I should talk about something other than Shane.

Umm... what is there? I don't know. We went to Blockbuster and we just got back. Me and Cliff was just singin' in the back of the truck. It was funny. Soo Funkdafied. I really don't have anything more to say. I mean, I could go on and on about how Shane makes me feel but really?!*@# I think about him all the time & when we're on the phone, I think about him laying in bed... jus' chillin'... waitin' on me! He's a sweetie and yet he's still honest. I don't know how to explain what I mean. On Saturday, he and I just spent that LAZY day in bed. I wish we could have done things but we didn't cause I had just gotten on my period. He's an intelligetn man who shares the same interests with me. Without even noticing, he has become an important part of my life. I just wish that we'll never stop seeing each other. But I can't possibly believe that someone like him could ever love me or still continue to want to see me. I just think he's a special guy. He is absolutely wonderful. I'm almost afraid to say that I love him, when deep down inside I must feel something strong. Really strong. I just don't wanna get rejected by him. I don't wanna confess a feeling to him and be told that he doesn't feel the same. 

Around Town: The Zanzabar Flop

Husband and I did a crazy thing the other night. Well, come to think of it, it's not that crazy if it were 10, 15 years ago. We decided to go to a Waikiki night club for young, young singles called Zanzabar. The club has been around for quite some time. I remember it being there 10 years ago.


Why I Don't Like Zanzabar in Waikiki, O'ahu:

1. There's a sign posted at the entrance with a lengthy dress code. They DO NOT enforce it at all. Thus, my efforts to be presentable and force my husband into a dress shirt was all for naught because they DO NOT enforce their own dress code.

2. Zanzabar needs a serious makeover. It has been over 10 years and the decor is still the same. I definitely DO NOT think LUXE when I step into their establishment.

3. In lieu of a kitchen they had people selling food as soon as you step in the door. This is definitely not a high end experience when the people selling food have chafers covered with tin foil to keep their servings warm. GHETTO! First - it means the food is not made to order. Second - who knows how long it's been sitting there. Sanitation code states that food must be thrown out after a certain period of time. I don't think they're following that.

4. You step up to the person checking your I.D. You get "wanded" for metal items. Then you walk up to the door where a very mean-looking, frowny-face woman stands and tells you to move on the side while other patrons are either exiting or a VIP person is getting in ahead of you. **rolling my eyes**

5. The bathroom is a wreck! I visited the bathroom about three times that evening. The stall I used, the toilet tank had no lid and there was no toilet paper.

6. They had a very mean and feisty attendant in the bathroom. It was just all wrong to have that woman in there. She tried to guilt trip everyone into tipping her. If I were the boss, based on her customer service, I would fire her. I actually heard her tell a woman that she should tip because she's in the military and makes lots of money. By my third visit to the restroom, I was OVER the rude bathroom attendant and I skipped her hand soap and paper towels. I just washed without the soap and shook my hands dry.

7. The guy to girl ratio swings in the LADIES favor. There are like 5 guys to 1 girl. That might be a good thing for a single lady. Not a good thing for a single guy unless he's into guys.

8. The music... It was the same music and mixes from my mid-20's. That was 10 years ago.

FINAL CONCLUSION: $10 cover -- I will never pay it again -- not at Zanzabar! They need to call Jon Taffer and the team of Bar Rescue to rehab the place.