Saturday, November 24, 2007

The Passionate Life

Do people really know what love is?

When I was younger, the passion was MOST important.
It was ABOVE stability.
It was ABOVE respect.
It was ABOVE my own dignity.
It took me 9 years to find out that PASSION does not bring fulfillment. Passion does not equal love.

The passionate life means a series of ups and downs. Thats what makes the highs feel so high. Its because the low was lower than low.

My first marriage was "the passionate life". The highs I experienced with that man were at the very highest pinnacle of physical pleasure. Stoned, drunk and sexed beyond what I thought I could handle. He BROUGHT it every single time. Like an addict, I craved him. I rocked out in blind rages of sadness; unable to see beyond my addiction. Unable to shake my physical need for him. Unable to see how bad he was for me.

He had to take me there to that gulf of misery so that I would enjoy every time he took me HIGH. He knew my every physical desire and knew how to satisfy it. I was madd with lust, having no control over my appetites.

Then, like a pusher that gets arrested, he left me. He moved on. My passionate life spent high as a kite sunk me to the bottom of an abyss where the only way I could go was UP.

I spent a whole lotta time in that abyss. Lonely. Sad yet still hopeful in my "pusher". I knew he wanted to do right. He just didn't have the courage to do it. **heavy sigh**

I came out of that abyss unscathed. In fact, stronger for having been through such tough times. But like any drug addict, I know that my addiction to that man didn't look pretty on me. I'm glad I'm free from the grips of such a toxic love.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Kisses on the Wind

I sent a kiss on the wind to greet you in the dawn
As you wake and prepare yourself for the sunrise,
You capture my gift and place it on your lapel
As a reminder of what we once had.

Some nights I cry -- for no particular reason
I mourn the loss of true love
I relive the moment you walked out of my life
In that moment was such bittersweet release
And I remember YOU

I think of the depth of my love
It was an endless well of emotion
Full of total affection for you

Here I am stronger
Behind the strength is the knowledge that
At any moment -- I can stand on my own two feet
and WALK

I know the power I have within me
And I choose joy. I choose eternal LOVE
Pure.
Genuine.
Something you could never give me.