I Hope You Dance

There is a song performed by Leann Womack titled I Hope You Dance. The lyrics are beautiful, poetic, and imparts feel-good vibrations all the way around.... except for one line. It says, "Never settle for the path of least resistance." I think the song is flawed because of that one line. It should have said something like, "Don't give up even though it's hard," "Be persistent."

Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
I made the move out to South Carolina because it is and has been the path of least resistance. There have been so many events that are seemingly unrelated yet in my mind they have sequentially pointed me in one direction. That direction is for me to make this move to South Carolina.

Don't let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
No one ever falls in love thinking that it will end. I have always walked in the direction of love with fierce enthusiasm and the best intentions and ever so optimistic that this time it will be forever. It's not a secret that I have tucked away two romances. I cherish both of them and their presence and season in my life for different reasons. And now I stand in my own truth, my middle-aged self, that I must live for me and only me; that I must dream for me and walk in that dream. I cannot live to be a wife or to be a daughter, a sister, or aunt though I cherish all of those titles and the responsibilities that come with them.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
Today, I walk in my truth and in my happiness - happiness that has alluded me for a very long time. My divorce from my ex-husband has opened me up to all the possibilities of my life. There is so much power in discovering who I am and standing confidently in my authenticity. I no longer worry about what people say or think of the big dreams that I have or even of the seemingly small decisions that I make. Traveling this road alone has been tough. I counted so much on my ex to be my cheerleader and to support my crazy ideas. Most of the time, if my desires did not fit his, he would shoot them down and not support it. So now that I don't have him in my world, I realize that he was not my cheerleader and he is no longer stopping me from doing the thing I want to do the most. I am free to move about as I see fit.

May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I am beginning to let the "real me" emerge as I abandon old belief systems in favor of my own crafted version of the meaning of life. My search for happiness is now a path of happiness. I choose to be in a state of happiness no matter what the circumstances of my life are. I am not searching. I am not waiting for happiness to happen. Everything happening around me cannot disrupt the happiness I feel right now and in every single moment. Even when I'm shedding tears of sadness, the tears are just a means to let go of sad emotions and to make room for joy.

I hope you dance.
I hope I dance.
I am choosing to never sit out on experiencing life ever again. I will allow my own sense of morality to guide me and not inhibit me from participating in the great dance of life. There should never be guilt or shame around someone choosing to be exactly who they feel they are inside. Judgement over someone that has a different lifestyle than your own is antiquated and fosters a sense of exclusivity rather than inclusion. And right now, I am all about giving love to anyone I come in contact with. That is the best way I can serve the world by spreading love.

I hope you dance!

Video Podcast Episode 1 : How I Find Myself in South Carolina

Here's the link to the Deer Incident I talk about in the video.

I have this mantra that I always tell myself:
"Everything I want and need will fall into my lap without effort."

The way the pieces of my life have fallen into place in the present appear random but nothing is ever random. And everything I want comes to me without effort (that's what I tell myself). My move to South Carolina has been all about following the path of least resistance and turning a new leaf and moving in a direction that is not "resistant."

There's nothing like a life-changing event like divorce to make one reexamine life. I had it all. The house. The car. The handsome husband. And with my ex announcing that he wanted a divorce I lost everything that I had become so comfortable with. All of a sudden, all of that stuff wasn't so important anymore and I struggled everyday just to get out of bed. That's a story for another time that I will tell here on this blog and on my video podcast.

The shock of divorce rattled my life, shook it up, and pushed me to find out what will make me happy again. I thought to myself, if I could do anything in the world, what would it be? And this is how I find myself here in South Carolina... chasing my biggest dream to write full time, to be a media personality, to express my thoughts on any platform. I have a strong point of view and I am here to express it.

Magnolia Gardens and Plantation: From Slavery to Freedom | Photo Blog

The South (United States) has always drawn me. Outside of Hawai'i, I can't imagine living anywhere else but The South. The laid back vibe and the history of slavery draws me to this area. I have always felt, in some way, connected to the struggle associated with oppressed cultures. Every culture on the planet can identify with being oppressed in some shape or form but I am particularly captivated by the history of slavery in North America as well as the Native American struggle against European colonization. My own Pacific Island heritage continues to struggle against European colonization so I am no stranger to the struggle to overcome White privilege. 

My visit to Magnolia Gardens and Plantation in Charleston, South Carolina, included an eight dollar tour called From Slavery to Freedom. A young Caucasian man conducted the tour. I would say he is in his mid-20's.We boarded a small tram and headed toward a clearing with four white structures and it was surrounded by foliage and oak trees. We exited the tram and sat at picnic tables while the young tour guide did a 20 to 25 minute presentation, which in my opinion was very flat. It was full of information but void of real emotion. I will charge that to his age and lack of life experience but it is probably more about his disconnection to the practice of slavery. He was not disrespectful but his sympathy was a little manufactured but at least it was civil.   

In contrast, I can't help but think of my father who conducted tours for 25 years. The amount of insight and his deep connection to the content of his tours is unparalleled. He used humor, knowledge, emotion, and his God-given charm to regale his audience. I also think of a tour I took of St. John's Co-Cathedral in Valletta, Malta. Our tour guide was an older gentleman dressed in a three-piece, gray suit. He was small in stature with dark gray hair. His face was lightly wrinkled and wore a set of very thick glasses. Atop his head was a red cap; not a baseball cap or a fedora but almost like a skull cap and he walked with a cane. He had a deep, gentle voice. It was very soft. When we came across the Caravaggio painting called, The Beheading of St John the Baptist, it was like I was transformed by his monologue. I can't even recall all the details of what he said except that I knew he loved every word that came out of his mouth; that he was proud of his Maltese roots and that he was so excited to share the story of the painting and its importance to Malta. Ahhhh... If only every tour guide could have that depth and emotion.

There were some very interesting facts that the young man shared about the Magnolia Plantation. Specifically, the plantation was primarily a rice farm. The Drayton family that owned, continues to own the plantation attempted all sorts of crops but none were successful until they came across rice farming. And the rice farming was imported with the slave labor from West Africa. The tour guide shared that the West African slaves were very skilled at every aspect of rice cropping and it was their success that allowed the plantation to flourish.

The entire property is so beautiful. It's quiet and peaceful. In some areas you can hear the gurgling of a nearby brook or the wind in the trees. The birds are chirping and the peacocks cawing. The heat and humidity was nearly stifling but the gentle breeze gave some relief to the heat. The open fields surrounded by centuries-old Oak trees with Spanish Moss hanging from its limbs transported me to another time. The skies were so blue. It was a beautiful day spent there. 

The tour of the current mansion was very informative. Leslie was the tour guide and she was very knowledgable about the Drayton family. I was disappointed that the mansion was so modern. The home is not a centuries-old southern mansion at all. It is nothing that you would think of from the antebellum era. I was really hoping that it would be. I skipped posting a picture because it's just not a grand mansion. There was one piece of tapestry in one of the bedrooms that I really liked however we were not allowed to snap photos. Previous Drayton mansions on the property had burned to the ground during the Civil War. According to Leslie, that mansion was over 22,000 square feet because it included a grand ballroom on the 2nd floor. How festive. That is the type of mansion I was hoping I would be able to tour. Enjoy the photos. 

Buyer's Remorse

My last post I briefly mentioned that I was buying a house. Since I made the offer and it was accepted, I have felt nothing but STRESS. Feeling stress is NOT what I need in my life. And it occurred to me, just now, that the STRESS is an indicator that I don't agree with this purchase and that I should NOT move forward with purchasing a home.

As soon as I turned that over in my head and came to a conclusion, I called my Popps to get his take on the situation. I explained to him the stress I feel about purchasing this home. With a very matter-of-fact attitude he said, "Get rid of the stress." With that response, I felt good about the decision I made and I have stopped moving forward with buying a home here in South Carolina. It's just too soon. My father was actually very thrilled that I had changed my mind of buying a home in South Carolina. I know he is hopeful that I will return to the islands soon or at least closer to the west coast. I cannot. Not just yet. I have so much to do! And I just love the South. I have always loved the South in comparison to anything out west.

The confusion I felt after making the offer on the home really threw me. Isn't that what every one wants? The ability and the opportunity to purchase a home. I suppose under different circumstances, I do want that. But right here and right now is not that time. Part of my apprehension with buying a home here is that it locks me in and I am committed to this place. I don't even know if I am staying here in this place. I know how to live conventionally. That's what I just escaped from. I don't want a life of convention and conformity to the rat race of a job and bills. I am still relatively young. I feel young. I have NO OBLIGATIONS right now. None. This is a moment in my life, ripe with opportunity. To change the outcome of my life, I have to make different decisions and take risks that I have previously shied away from.

My dissatisfaction with my job is a recent development. I am very under-utilized for the amount of skill and talent I have. I am not modest in that area. I know exactly how good I am at what I do. So I am looking for growth, more money, but more than that, I want to make my biggest dreams come true. A part of me is grateful for the small work load I have because it does afford me a lot of time to pursue other things. However, while I'm making the dream happen I need to make more money. That means that I am actively looking for a better paying job. So... UNIVERSE... put it in my lap. I will wait.

#1yearLater

A year ago I was stuck on the side of the road in Nowhere, South Carolina (not a real town). I had struck a deer in my rental car and I was unable to continue my drive to the coast. A seemingly random event that, all things considered, was really just a random event has actually changed the course of my life. I look back at a year ago and the heavy heart that I carried around with me. I was newly divorced, had a really bad experience with an ex over the 2016 Christmas holiday, and was in such a bad place. The open roads of Georgia and South Carolina called to me. I needed the time and the space and the open road to just think and ponder how I would lift myself out of the dark place I was in.

I flew from Honolulu, Hawai'i to Atlanta, Georgia. I had not planned to hang with family in Georgia but I selected Georgia specifically because I had family nearby. I like having the comfort of knowing that people I can count on could be called in the case of an emergency. I was searching for something, anything, to make my heart happy again. My intention was to find that place in me through the silence of the dark roads and the seemingly endless open highway. As I picked up my rental car, I selected to travel east, south east to the eastern shores of South Carolina and Georgia. I wanted to look out onto the Atlantic Ocean to see if maybe I could find a new ocean to love - far away from the Pacific.

I have a love affair with the ocean. I will never stop loving the ocean and the feeling of being submerged in its waters. The Pacific, though, reminded me of all the good times I have had with the two loves of my life - both are ex-husbands now - and I just wanted to run away. Run far away from the place that I loved so much. I was hungry for new experiences and new places. I wanted to let my hair down and find the authentic me that was so caged up in Hawai'i. I wanted to run away from the pain and the hurt that I felt at the hands of my newly single ex-husband. I wanted to love him forever and I suppose a part of me always will but I needed to run away.

5:30 p.m. I pull out of the Atlanta-Hartsfield airport and make my way to I20-E. I drove for hours and hours through Augusta, GA through Columbia, SC. As I made my way toward Myrtle Beach, I pulled off the interstate and onto the lonely county highways. It was dark, so very dark, and I found myself so lost in the sadness and grief that was my life. Nothing like a broken heart to bring a person face to face with all of their flaws and brokenness. I felt alone.

I was just an hour away from Myrtle Beach when I hit the deer. It took hours for the tow truck to get to us because I was in such an isolated location. My cell phone didn't work, the State Trooper took about thirty minutes to get to me. The whole experience had brought me to my knees and illuminated all of my hurt places - not physical hurt but the emotional broken down places inside of me. The tow truck took me to the nearest town and dropped me off at a hotel where I checked in to hunker down for the night.

And then I met someone.

The electric between him and I was thick and so tangible. There is no way to duplicate that kind of fireworks and that kind of chemistry. I am still at a loss when I think of that evening. A seemingly random event like hitting a deer and wrecking my car has changed the course of my life.

Fast forward one year and here I am in South Carolina. I am settled in and about to buy a house on my own. It's all rather bittersweet for me because I have been married for all of my adult life, it seems. I have always had a partner to help me make decisions, especially the big ones like buying a house. There was always someone to share financial responsibility for the household. And here I am doing it all.by.myself. But this is what I wanted - new adventures, new beginnings, and that is the life I have chosen for myself.

And that someone that I met?

The conversation has been ongoing since that fated evening. #1yearLater

Poke Bros | Columbia, SC | Fresh Fish NOT-Hawaiian Style

Imagine a girl from Hawai'i (ME) in South Carolina. I'm craving yummy raw fish. (In Hawai'i we call it poke - pronounced po-kay). I'm walking up to the theatre to go watch a movie and to the right of the entrance is a restaurant called Poke Bros. "Fresh Fish Hawaiian Style". Of course, I'm going in there! Of course I want a taste of home whenever possible.

I made a rookie mistake and did not grab a menu pamphlet when it was offered to me. It would have been nice to look at it now that I'm out of the store and ready to "review" the menu. Also it would have been nice to take a closer look at how they're marketing this "Fresh Fish Hawaiian Style". I am positive that whatever was on their pamphlet can be found on their website. Which, by the way, is well developed and to my surprise there are four restaurants that are already open here in South Carolina. Two stores that are within thirty minutes of me. And they are opening five more locations in this state. I didn't know that the interest in raw fish was so high here in South Carolina to warrant a total of nine stores in this state. Wow!

In my opinion, this operation is a very cookie-cutter, assembly-line style restaurant that was conceived for the sole purpose of franchising. On the one hand, it's a great business model for the owner but on the other hand, the food suffers because there's just NO SOUL in this food. I suppose that sums up my review for Poke Bros - the bowl I ordered had NO SOUL in it. I have to compare it with the fish counters at home.

My #1 Favorite Poke spot in Hawai'i: FRESH CATCH | Kaneohe, O'ahu.

What you find at Fresh Catch that you will not find at Poke Bros are variations of poke from all types of ocean animals. I say animals because fish is not the only thing that is served poke-style in Hawai'i.

There's tako poke. Tako is the Japanese word for octopus. The Hawaiian word for octopus is he'e, pronounced "hay-a". Octopus can be caught fairly close to shore in Hawai'i. As a teenager I often went with my father on his diving expeditions. When he didn't need to go quickly, he would allow me to swim along. We would stay in the water for hours. The only reason we would return to shore was because we were thirsty and hungry. I remember one specific time being out in the water for eight hours straight. Me and my dad! When he was out diving, his main search was for octopus and it was usually for someone's luau. I remember my father coming out of the ocean with loads of octopus still writing along his t-bar. He would tenderize it by beating it and pounding it in the sink or in a pot. Then he would hang it to dry in the sun. The he'e would turn a deep purple and white. Though there are some recipes for raw he'e, most times it is served after being dried or smoked and tossed with a poke sauce and green onions.

There are two types of tuna that are most commonly served poke style. Aku, pronounced "ah-koo," is a skipjack tuna and was my most favorite fish when I was a child. I especially liked it dried. It is sort of like jerky. The high blood content is probably why I like the flavor so much. After it is caught, the blood rushes into the flesh and will turn black quickly. For most people that is not appetizing but me, I love it! The other tuna is the yellowfin tuna or better known as ahi.

There's scallop poke - the scallop is cooked and tossed with a poke sauce.

There's mussel poke - also cooked before tossing with a poke sauce.

There's crab poke - raw and cooked variations.

I feel like I'm rambling like on Forrest Gump when he talks about all the different ways of cooking shrimp. Because there's opihi poke, smoked meat poke, pipikaula poke. Seriously, the list can get extensive.

The Hawaiian yellowtail or amberjack, known by it's Japanese name in Hawai'i -hamachi- is another great fish to use in raw preparations. The fat content is high in this particular fish, which makes it melt like butter when you eat it. So delicious!

All poke preparations in Hawai'i boast a variety of ingredients:
Seaweed - Hawaiian word is limu
Hawaiian salt - typically red alaea, unrefined sea salt
Furikake
Green Onion
Sweet Onion
Round Onion
Ginger
Cilantro
Chili pepper flakes
Mayonnaise (Best Foods or Kewpie)
Sriracha
Tobiko and/or Masago - fish roe
Fried Garlic - my fave
Inamona - dried and preserved kukui nut (another fave)
Shoyu - everyone has their favorite brand, mine is a toss up between Kikkoman and Aloha Shoyu
Oyster Sauce
Sesame Oil
Wasabi
The list of ingredients could go on and on.

Considering all of those ingredients and the variety of seafood at a typical poke counter in Hawai'i, Poke Bros is not a place I would consider a leader in "Fresh Fish Hawaiian Style." Sorry - it just isn't! I am almost offended that they even reference Hawai'i in their advertisements. It is what it is - clever marketing, exploiting Hawai'i's unique flavors.

Photo Blog: New Zion, South Carolina

One can rarely appreciate the beauty that is all around us. On my country drives through South Carolina, I absolutely love that I can drive for miles and not see one single vehicle on the road. It allows me to slow down and look at the scenery around me.

Yesterday's early morning drive had me witness this beautiful scene. Enjoy.

Spontaneous South Carolina Adventure

The house was silent and empty last night. The dark of evening falls upon the land at about 5:15pm. Before I could second-guess myself, I decided on a spontaneous adventure. The adventure led me south east of my current location, about 140 miles away. The ride along i20-East was quite uneventful. Interstates are the best way to travel if you're in a hurry somewhere. Me? I like the scenic route - the route that's laden with a hint of danger like.... deer dashing across the road way and wrecking my car type danger.

After about forty miles of interstate (I20), I switch up to traveling on the single lane in each direction, county highway. There are no street lamps here in South Carolina. The road is only lit up by the headlights of vehicles and the occasional home. I am not sure how true this is but in the small towns, if you want a lamp pole on your street or in front of your house you have to pay to run the electrical lines, pay for the pole itself, and maintain the electricity. Thus, no street lights. I think it's fabulous for several reasons, the main one being that one can look up in the sky and see the true brightness of the stars without the interruption of manufactured light. The second reason, it must mean less taxation on citizens even though general excise tax here is at 8% and I'm mad about it.


I love driving on the mainland. For the most part, especially what I've experienced here in South Carolina, there is rarely any traffic on the country roads. The interstates are a different story and when you're in the city, it gets a little congested but nothing like I experience in Hawai'i.

I made my way south east of Columbia, SC. The darkness of the highway, the emptiness of the roads, and the silence was very relaxing for me. About half way to my destination, the fog appeared. It one particular section of highway, it rested just a couple of feet above my vehicle for several miles. It was mesmerizing to see the car lights reflecting off the moisture in the stark white of the fog. It moved and danced just above my car and was very distracting because of its beauty. The further south I drove, the thicker the mist became and I was not afraid -- only intrigued.

I arrived at my destination just after 730p. Why I found myself so far away from home is a story for another time. That's not what this post is about. When I woke in the early a.m. it was still chilly and the fog had not lifted at all. As I made my way back north, I was able to capture some of these beautiful images along my drive. I really feel grateful to experience this. The way the fog blankets the landscape is so beautiful in the early morning; the way it hugs the fields and the trees. My mind always seems to revert back to how people experienced this beauty before cars and modern roads. I think of the slave era. My fascination with American greed/slavery has been an obsession since I was a little girl. I cannot explain why I identify with it but I do.

I was thinking that maybe this weekend, I will find another adventure to get caught up in. If Hilton Head wasn't so far away, I would make my way there. I was reading up about things to do there and there are things that I have NEVER experienced that I have always been interested in. Back in the late 90's I read a book called Mama Day by Gloria Naylor. This book is set on a fictional island off the coast of Georgia and South Carolina. It mentions the Gullah people and some of their traditions. Thus, my interest in visiting Hilton Head  and Gullah culture has a lot to do with having read that book.

What might be simpler to do is to head back to Charleston. I visited there the weekend before Thanksgiving. It's less than a two hour drive and probably even shorter because the majority of the drive is on the interstate meaning I can "step on it." There were things that I wanted to do that I wasn't able to get to, places that I wanted to eat at, and pictures I wanted to take. Well, I think this weekend just might be my opportunity to go back and explore. On the other hand, it might be a chill weekend of lounging and writing and cooking and eating my favorite foods. If I were at home and it was a weekend like this, I would invite everyone to come over and eat. I'm in one of those moods. The holidays always tend to bring it on.

Happy Weekend everyone.

SIDE NOTE that I always feel compelled to talk about:
I am so fortunate to have so many people around me wanting whatever I want for myself. Everyday I wake up in extreme gratitude for the people in my life. Nobody really knows how difficult this past year has been for me. I do put on a facade very often so that others are comfortable around me. Very rarely do I let down my facade and have a good cry in front of people. My agony has been experienced privately and with my closest family and friends. Even when my mother passed away, I only cried with my now ex-husband. It would be in the dark while we were lying in bed. He wouldn't say a word to me. He would wrap his arms around me, let me cry, and wait for me to fall asleep. Ironic now that he is the source of my pain.
SIDE NOTE END.

Thankgiving 2017

This year has flown by. It's been full of so many changes. I can't believe that I've kept up. I have had some bad days, some bad weeks but overall I am content where my life is right here and right now. I am still hungry to achieve the goals that I have set for myself. They are coming along slower than I expected but I am still on track. Inspiration still hits me in waves rather than a constant flow but I am working on that.

I can say nothing negative about my life here. My arrival in South Carolina has really been the path of least resistance. The hardest part was making the decision to leave Hawai'i. Once I did make the decision though, the path here opened so wide and easy that there was no other choice but to move out here. I am so grateful for all the support I have had with this move. Now that I'm here, I'm digging in and really building my own life and actively working on all the things that I wanted to but couldn't because of my commitment to my marriage and my family. This life now is ALL ABOUT ME and only me.


Thanksgiving weekend was a whirlwind with two of the three Sao sisters. I had my fun with sister number one (she's the oldest) before I left Hawai'i. It is always a "thing" when you grew up in the same neighborhood and find each other on the mainland. We hung out all week long and ate and ate and ate. I threw down in the kitchen even though all of us are light eaters. I'm still eating leftovers and am not sick of yet. We did Black Friday shopping at the Charlotte Premium Outlet mall in North Carolina. It was crowded and it took us a good ten minutes just to find parking. There were deals everywhere. Saturday - we drove out to Augusta, Georgia to partake of some Hawai'i grinds. It was really good especially being all the way out here - to be able to get poke and laulau - heavenly! And it was good too. A little fact - the owner and operator of Hawaiian Style BBQ is from my hood in Hawai'i. He is a graduate of Kahuku, Class of 2000. In fact, his dad and my mother worked together back in the 80's. Red Raider Nation ain't no joke.

The following photo collages are from Thanksgiving Weekend. I picked up the girls from Rock Hill, South Carolina on Wednesday. We had a blast. They are such good girls. Their parents should be extremely proud of them. The girls came to my office at the University of South Carolina to "house warm" my office. They wanted to decorate it for Christmas but I didn't have any. I took them to take a picture with "Cocky" the USC mascot. So cute. We shopped and explored Columbia. Main Street in Downtown Columbia has the cutest boutique shops. I really enjoyed walking around. Every shop was geared up for Christmas with the most beautiful decorations. It really put me in the holiday spirit. I was sad to drop them off early Monday morning but was happy to have been able to spoil them while they were here.