Friday, January 30, 2009

My Roller Skates

Quick Note: I dare you to click and watch ALL the links. The songs take me WAYYYY back. It just might take you back too!

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When I was five years old, I received the prettiest pair of skates for my birthday. It was white and it had butteflies on the exterior, right where the ankle bone is. (Similar to the picture except the wheels were purple and there were pink and purple butterflies.) I remember my father taking me way out to Ala Moana Shopping Center to get them. Back then, the journey to Ala Moana took about an hour. And for a five year old, that means FOREVER!

I was so proud of those skates. I would roll down the hill right outside the house. At my birhtday party, I rolled around on my skates through out the entire party. You just couldn't sit me down. When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I did them in my lil skates! (Look at me with my favorite pink top, big cheeks, and all that hair!) My parents carport is maybe 16'x20' and you couldn't tell me that it wasn't my own roller rink. I couldn't wait to join my older cousins at the real roller rink.

The big kids went to Great America. That was the name of the roller rink! It was located in Kaneohe, behind what is currently Windward Mall. I was so proud to have my own pair of skates to take. I don't even remember getting out of the car. All I recall is approaching the entrance with my parents. The music was blaring and it sounded so good. Circa 1980, the world was making its way out of the disco era but still playing it loud and proud. I think that's when I fell for the Bee Gee's. Sing with me...
...Oh say you'll always be my baby
We can make it shine,
We can take forever
Just a minute at a time

More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, more than a woman to me...

The dimly lit rink/ dance floor was bathed in red, orange, green, and blue lights. The disco ball in the middle of the floor took my breath away with its sparkling mirrors. Even now as I think back on it, I'm awash in emotions; feeling those brand new emotions that come with new experiences.

The teenagers skated around in pairs and it looked liked they were disco-ing. It looked like so much fun. I looked forward to growing up and learning to skate like they did and pairing off with a really handsome guy that could MOVE. I anxiously put on my skates, laced them up, and stood against the bannister. I was good at skating, could keep my balance, was really quick on my feet yet I felt so intimidated with so many skaters around.

As soon as More Than A Woman faded. The DJ comes over the speakers and anounces the evenings first contest. It was a race! The distinct bass line of Another One Bites the Dust hits the eardrums, and the crowd goes wild! Of course, that was the first time I had heard the song but it made quite an impression on me as I associate that song specifically to Great America. I don't think I won the contest that night. It didn't even matter. I was taking the whole, new experience in.

As I look back on that first experience at the roller rink, it is a great reminder of my innocense. I once was a young girl, without a worry in the world. EVERYTHING was BRAND NEW! The rink closed soon after my one and only experience there. I think they turned the place into an old warehouse or storage facility. Every time I drive past it, I look at the corrugated tin roof that is still atop the building, and remember the ME that didn't have to make so many grown-up decisions.

In my perfect world, I run a roller rink. I serve as the DJ and owner. My doors are open to young and old, alike, helping them find their innocense again. Suddenly, will play a couple times throughout the evening. (The song is a fave from the wonderful 80's. Thank the movie XANADU.) I cry everytime I hear Suddenly. It reminds me of how exciting life used to be and can still be.

Have you been roller skating?

**Skates Photo Credit

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I've been under the weather the past couple of days. I have a terrible head cold. Let it be gone by tomorrow. Also, stress from having to make grown-up decisions has me thoroughly pre-occupied and very uninspired. Thus, having zero energy to put together a coherent piece.

I took out my sketchbook this evening, listened to beautiful music, and waited to feel the magic of creation. Nothing. I put the pencil to the paper and all I could muster was a few figures, random faces at different angles, and what I am calling a lion with a full mane. Have I lost my muse? I'm so hungry to create!

I didn't realize how much energy it takes for me to write my novel. I have the whole story in my head. I even have all the different characters thought up. All I have to do is put it to paper. I debate inside my head whether I should handwrite the entire novel or type it out on the ole laptop. I think there's a great connection to the source of creativity when it's being handwritten. My personal diary is a reflection of the creativity that happens when I handwrite. **sigh**

Husband and I purchased a really nice camera this past weekend. 10 megapixels, 18x zoom. After I took beautiful pictures at the beach on MLK Day, I was running toward the shore and dropped my reliable Sony camera into the salt water. So it definitely needed to be replaced. I've been meaning to upgrade anyway so it works out perfect. I'm glad I was able to rescue the memory card, at least. The camera has such awesome features. I took pictures of the flowers and ferns at my mothers house. The amount of detail is AMAZING!

Well, hopefully I'll have more energy to put together a meaningful piece tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Who Is God?

"I want to have a lasting experience of God," I told him. "Sometimes I feel like I understand the divinity of this world, but then I lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears. I want to be with God all the time. But I don't want to be a monk, or totally give up worldly pleasures. I guess what I want to learn is how to live in this world and enjoy its delights, but also devote myself to God."

Ketut said he could answer my question with a picture. He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart.

"To find the balance you want," Ketut sple through his translator, "this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God."

I love this passage from the book, Eat Pray Love. Many people pass through this life without having a true desire to know God. We get bogged down by our parent's view of God and take on their religious views without really asking ourselves the question: Who is God?

Early on in life, my mother took my older brother and I to church EVERY Sunday. I'm sure that many of you have had the same experience. My father joined us when he wasn't working and eventually when he did get Sunday's off all the time, he became a devoted attendee. For fear of severe punishment, I never asked my mother or father if God was at church but it was always in my mind. I don't remember my mother pointing Him/Her/God out to me or telling me where I could find him. So many of us travel through life never asking the question: Who is God?

My teenage years saw me leading the youth group at church and devoting an hour before school, every morning to the study of scripture. The culture of my religion had me on the right path to becoming a contributor to humanity. Yet, in the back of my mind and at the seat of my soul was the question: Who is God?

We are creatures of habit. Some of us never deviating from the path that our parents placed us on. Then there are some, born to break the ties from which they were born into. Jesus broke the Jewish mold from which he came and spread his gospel message and told the world that HE was sent from the Father, God. The Buddha departed from the beliefs that his father imposed on him. Rather than sitting in ignorance to the suffering of humanity, the Buddha yearned to ease the suffering of all nature. Muhammed, touted as the discoverer of Islam and the restorer of the true gospel of Adam, Abraham, Moses, Noah, etc., went into a cave to meditate and ask the question: Who is God? Joseph Smith, founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons), knelt in a grove of tree's and asked the question: Who is God?

There are many more spiritual guru's who have dared to ask the question: Who is God? There will be many more to come. And my job, your job, everyones job is to find God and get to know him. To have a "lasting experience of God". To put aside the "cultural" practices of religion and search for the meaning and the Source from which we all have come from.

**Photo Credit

Monday, January 26, 2009

A Healthy Me!

There's a scene on Waiting to Exhale, where Gloria (Loretta Devine) introduces herself to her new neighbor, Marvin (Gregory Hines).

She walks across the street and assumes that Marvin, the guy unloading the truck is just the moving guy. She makes small talk and asks questions about the family moving in and happily discovers that Marvin, the man she's talking to, is moving in alone and is single after the untimely death of his wife. After they exchange a few more pleasantries, she invites him over for a meal. He declines. She concedes to send over a plate.

In the dialogue she points out, "I don't need to be eating all that much, BIG AS I AM."

He replies, "I like that. I like a woman with meat on her bones."

She giggles and turns to walk back across the street. Midway through the street she turns back to see if he's watching her walk away. He is. She waves and giggles again at the attention from Marvin.

I remember being very conscious of my size when I was younger. It could have been because my family's constant attention was on how fast I was growing and how much larger I was than my cousins on my fathers side. They being mostly Asian with a sprinkling of Hawaiian. Me, being fully POLYNESIAN with the bone structure to match.

My mother was a very petite woman. She being all of 5'1" and tipping the scales at 120 pounds on her wedding day. She would often comment about my size and my need to lose weight. I don't hold any anger or resentment toward her for it, the way I did several years ago. However, I'm stuck in the thought process that I need to lose weight. Therefore creating the conditions to ALWAYS make that statement true, meaning I must stay BIG to always keep me in the lose weight mindset.

That last paragraph might be a little hard for people to read or understand. It may seem confusing. You probably have to read it over and over to get 'it'. Or you may not get it today but one day you will. What I've been finding, as I peel apart the psychological and emotional layers that keep me in a body shape that NO LONGER serves me, is that at the heart of the issue is my mindset.

I don't think I would have ever thought I was fat, if my family didn't remind me as often as they did. I'm sure that most of them didn't mean it in a hurtful way, nevertheless, that is how I received their words. Throughout my teenage years, I battled the "fat self-image" that was imposed on me even though I was popular, had a lot of friends, and dated often. The insecurities that come with teenage-hood, coupled with a fat-self-image, made for a very confused young adult.

After getting through the emotional junk, I fell in love with me. I mean I really love ME. I look in the mirror and LOVE everything about ME. But now, with my age creeping up on me and my desire to bear a child, I want to be in love with a HEALTHY ME!

Here I am 33 years and 5 months old and I have not yet mastered my body. One of this years goals, as it has been for the past 3 years, is to RELEASE 50 pounds from my body FOREVER! I fluctuate losing and gaining ten pounds. I want that to stop right now. I want to maintain a healthy body weight so that as I age I am able to have an excellent quality of life. **sigh**

Even though my husband likes the "extra meat on my bones"; even if I love the reflection in the mirror; even if I am comfortable in the skin I'm in; I need to realize a HEALTHY ME. Any ideas?

Friday, January 23, 2009

The Bus Ride

Penned in September 1996

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I sat watching a desert sunrise, reflecting on my life thus far, and absorbed my new surroundings. New Mexico, a barren desert, was a far cry from Hawai'is endless beaches and squawking mynah birds. The beauty of the rising sun entranced me and held me spellbound. It was new to see the sun rise from the earth: a horizon made of land. My sense were ablaze, excited with new sensations, and drowned by the unfamiliar existence.

I left Hawai'i in hopes of finding a different life and New Mexico seemed to fill all the criteria. I loved being in the New Mexico desert but getting there was the memorable part. It was my first bus ride alone. If anyone has ever been on a Greyhound but at Christmas time, you can relate to the chaos.

I think back to that Christmas season in 1994. It was an odd time to leave Hawai'i - my comfort zone, but I felt that if I didn't leave then, I would never leave. I arrived in San Francisco two weeks before Christmas, spent time with some friends, and moved on ahead. I had the choice of either flying to New Mexico on a two hour flight or riding a Greyhound bus for a day and a half. I opted for the bus ride.

Upon entering that crowded bus, I summoned all the courage I had in me to ask a lonely occupant, if the other half of his seat was vacant. It wasn't as hard as I had figured. I tried to get as comfortable as the seat would allow, after all, it was going to be a long trip. I recall sitting there in fascination. I wondered where she had been and where he had been. I wondered where he was going or where she was going. Each one of us had a story to tell.

Bubba was his name and he was an African-American gentleman on his way home after seventeen years away. He was seated across the aisle.

"I just want some home cookin' from mama's grill and I'll be the happiest man alive," he exclaimed.

And that is how we met. Through the hills and all along the California coast we talked. From Hayward to Los Angeles. This comprised six hours of conversation about absolutely nothing and everything. I enjoyed his company and was regretful about separating. He is a genuine character in the pages of my life.

The Pacific Ocean mocked me ans I talked with Bubba.

"Come and taste of my living waters one last time," she whispered.

"Feel the gentle sway of my waves. There is no ocean for you in New Mexico."

Over and over she called out. Her constant taunts aroused a feeling of homesickness in me and I wanted to turn back.

"You from Hawai'i? I saw you flipping tru' yo' book and I seen you' Hawai'i license." A man stood in front of me. Obviously his English was heavily accented with Hawaiian pidgin. I gleamed in response to his inquiry and his use of pidgin. When you're from Hawai'i and you're far from your island home and you meet someone else from Hawai'i, automatically there is a bond. There's that "localness". That spirit. We chatted for a while the he went back to his seat. Before he left, he patted my shoulder and said, "Aloha sista! You take care."

Throughout my journey I encountered diverse characters and people but none were so beautiful to me as the driver of the last leg of my tri. He reminded me of the grandfathers I never knew. His face wore years of hard work but his voice was that of a high school graduate with his entire life ahead of him. There was no conflict in his speech, just energy and youth. His sweet spirit spoke to my own and I felt comforted in his closeness. With a Spanish accent and a humble manner he pleaded with me, "love your family and do all that you can to make yor home a shelter from the storms." Nearly tearful, I shook his hand and gave him a kiss of fondest aloha and departed from him. The strong features of his face are etched in my mind and his sweet words are carved on my heart.

Faces and personalities; Characters and traits; I saw them all on the Greyhound bus. We all shared a common quality. We were running away from something and at the same time, we were all reaching for something else.

So there I sat, watching the sun set on the arid desert. I reflected on my life thus far and I remembered. New Mexico was worlds away from Hawai'i but I loved it. It was common now to see the sun drop into the earth; a horizon made of land. My senses were satisfied and my unfamiliarity became comfort.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

MLK Day in Hawai'i Nei

My brother and his family spent Sunday evening at our home. We played MarioKart til the wee hours of the morning. As soon as dawn broke, we were back at it again... MarioKart! I cooked an extremely large breakfast, complete with french toast, eggs, fried rice, pork and gravy, fried meatloaf. It was quite a large meal. I am thankful there weren't any leftovers.

MarioKart governed the entire morning. By 1pm, we had decided to head to the beach. What a wonderful way to enjoy such an awesome holiday! Enjoy the pictures of God's beautiful earth... and Kakela beach, where we spent the remainder of MLK Day!

History Lesson : The Angry Hawaiian

The past couple of days have been an emotional journey.

Saturday, January 17th, 2009 marked the 115th anniversary of the overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy. I blog on occasion about the plight of the native Hawaiian. Previous entries include:

  • Stolen

  • Native Hawaiian Government Reorganization Act

  • To mark the tumbling of the Hawaiian kingdom to a handful of Caucasian businessmen who were descendants of Christian missionaries, Hawaiians rallied together and marched down the streets of Waikiki. The march was also in protest of Hawai'i's Governors decision to sell ceded lands for profit. The ceded lands are the crown lands of the original monarchy. When America dethroned the Hawaiian kingdom, the land, according to U.S. Federal law was placed in the hands of the United States. When Hawai'i became a state, the U.S. transferred title to the State of Hawai'i. Kanaka Maoli, people whose ancestry lead back to the ORIGINAL settlers of this land, pre-dating western contact, have yet to be heard on OUR claim to the ceded lands.

    The march was a great spectacle of Hawaiian unity for the tourist crowd to examine. I despise tourism!

    For an overview of the overthrow, read this article.

    The march had me nostalgic for things I have not experienced in this lifetime. Nostalgic for an easier life, void of heavy taxation (income, SSI, licensing, property, etc). Nostalgic for a life where all I have to worry about is feeding my family and providing shelter. Basic human needs!

    Anyway, I was quite pleased to find out that my District Representative, Jessica Wooley, marched in the procession on Saturday. I had previously written my concerns to her regarding the plight of the host culture of Hawai'i and she replied with her view on the issue. I'm happy to say that it is in alignment with my own current beliefs.

    It would appear that I am an Angry Hawaiian. I am! Is it hard to understand why I feel so strongly? I would like to see Hawaiians governing themselves, to split completely from State and Federal government. I would like to see those all of the lands of Hawai'i come back into our possession. Hawaiians would unite and form our own government and have full autonomy over our destiny. We would allow the U.S. government and its citizens to exist here and they would lease the lands that they are currently on. The highways would remain, maintained by the State and Federal goverment, and they would lease that from the Hawaiian goverment to generate revenue for the Hawaiian nation. There are just so many possibilities!

    Friday, January 16, 2009

    Wandering Around the Bookstore

    I have a serious addiction to and purchasing books. When I was younger, on occasion, our family would go to the mall. My favorite place to be in the whole mall was the bookstore. I could sit there for hours on end browsing titles and reading the first couple of chapters of books that seemed interesting. I loved looking at comic books and seeing the beautiful illustrations. I love looking at photo books of far-off destinations and scenery of distant lands. Books were my escape as a young girl.

    As a teen, I was interested in the young adult fiction section but none of the experiences of caucasian teenagers could hold my interest for very long. Their experiences were not similar to mine at all. I consider that most in approaching the writing of my first novel. I want to feed the need of a Polynesian young person perusing the bookstore shelves for books for "us" and about "us". I think about powerful stories like Pouliuli, by Albert Wendt. His portrayal of familial responsibility, as defined by Samoan culture, hurts to the bone. Yet the desire to please family seems universal.

    I remember identifying with the Scott O'dell book, Island of the Blue Dolphins. Not only was the main character, Karana, marooned on an island but she witnessed the desecration of her people by foreigners. My 4th Grade Language Arts teacher, Miss Elly Tepper, read a single chapter from this book to us every week. Here I am, 25 years after having first experienced that book, marooned on my island by choice and witnessing the desecration of Hawaiian people and Hawaiian land. I feel so utterly helpless, almost, in regards to the foreigners total disrespect of native people. Had the white man never reached these shores, would my ancestors still be living as Karana did? Would we be able to roam free on our land, fish our waters and truly enjoy life; food and beautiful objects being our only currency? I wonder!

    I think of books like The Isis Papers. I never seen this book in a regular bookstore. I acquired it from my ex-husband. The first time I read it, I couldn't even finish it. I thought her ideas on white supremacy and male dominance were beyond wild and crazy. At that point in my life, she was asking me to push beyond my limited experience, beyond reason, to accept her ideas. Now, as a somewhat mature, more open-minded thinker, I see the truth in her words. I laugh at how some of her ideas explain events in history. I warn readers about this book because it will truly push your minds boundaries to its limit! DO NOT acquire this book unless you can stomach extreme description of the male and female anatomy, to say the least.

    As an aging adult, time has moved beyond bookstores in the mall to shopping in the comfort of my home. The bookstore has finally come to me. At the touch of a button, millions of books are at my disposal! Thank you, for bringing the book world to me! It truly aids me in my effort to keep my mind quick and strong and free-thinking. I cannot be bound by ignorance with so much knowledge in the universe.

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    **Photo Credit: Bookshelves

    Wednesday, January 14, 2009

    So Worth It!

    TwentyEight30 is a blog I frequent often. Recently, the author posed the question, "What Would You Do".
    What would you do if being with the person you loved, meant relocating and perhaps starting your career over?

    My husband and I met through mutual friends. Our friends instigated the match-up between us even though I was very married, though separated from my ex-husband. Our friends gave him my phone number. He called. We talked. We disagreed on several things, hung up on each other and didn't speak again. A year passes, never having actually met in person or speaking on the phone after our disagreement. He calls out of the blue. I had just been dumped by my ex, five days before he called. The next day we met up. The full story can be found in a PREVIOUS POST.

    To get to the point, we had known each other a couple days and knew it was love. He will never admit to it happening so quickly but it's obvious that he was feeling it or we would have never married as soon as we did.

    I was smitten from the second I laid eyes on him. My career was in full-swing. I had received two promotions within the year. I was making great money. I was definitely on top of my game when I met my husband and had my eyes on aggressively pursuing a management position.

    The Universe, God has his own way of introducing exactly what I need in my life. And for God to give me what I needed, I had to make room for it. Thus, the divorce from my ex was making room so that the love of my life could enter my world. Everything played out as if on que.

  • We talk over the phone

  • I remain faithful to my then-husband, now ex

  • We do not speak for months

  • When he calls out of the blue, I was headed for divorce court and suddenly available

  • We meet in person

  • We fall in love instantly

  • Our story gets interesting and starts to be relevant to the original topic of relocating for love here. After two months of being together every day, it was time for him to ship off to Fort Riley, Kansas. The U.S. Army was moving him out of Hawai'i and away from me. Like I said earlier, I was at the top of my game in my time share career with the Hilton! How could a love so right be so short-lived?

    We met in April 03. He left in June 03. I visited him in Alabama in July 03 and we parted ways for good or so we thought. I was a wreck. So confused and yet clear on my desire to be loved. When we parted ways in Alabama, I didn't speak to him until he called me in September. I was still livid at how we broke up. He wanted to marry me. We joke that the ink wasn't dry on my divorce from my ex and I was getting married again. I kept refusing to marry him just because, logically, it just didn't make sense. Altogether, we had known each other for just 7 months and were physically together for 2 when we eloped.

    The bottom line is, I picked up in the middle of a high-powered career to follow him. We married in November 2003 and are still happily married today. I don't regret leaving everything I had because my husband has proven to be the perfect MAN for me. He and I fit so well. We fit in each others family so well also. I mean we REALLY fit. And really, all that was required was a little courage on my part. Never risking it all for love is not living at all. At least thats how I think. If this story went in the opposite direction, I would probably still be working at the Hilton, unlucky in love. Bitter, even. I'm glad I didn't choose that route! I'm glad I put it all on the line because real love is so worth it!

    Tuesday, January 13, 2009

    Hawai'i Blues

    I've been dragging my feet about leaving the island but every so often I suffer from a severe case of island fever. Husband is adamant about moving to the continental United States. His reasons for wanting to do so are valid and logical. I've been the one holding us back. In so many ways, I want a life less ordinary and yet I still cling to my traditional ideals and values.

    I love this island. I feel so connected to the land, knowing that my ancestors are so a part of the landscape that I call home. Their spirits are on the wind. Their tears in every piece of earth that I touch. The Pacific ocean frees me in a way that no other body of water can. This is my home. This will always be my home!

    To contrast my love for the land is my extreme abhorrence for the exploitation of my home and my culture via tourism. I blame the Hawaii Tourism Authority, as of late, for their agressive campaign to sell Hawai'i and its culture. What is so ironic is that I was raised on funds earned from tourism. My father was a Tour Bus Driver for 20 years before the Japan-owned company closed its doors without warning.

    I suppose some people think that tourism is a great thing for Hawai'i. Currently, it is the dominant driving force in the economy. It doesn't have to be that way. There are other things that could be done in Hawai'i that would add to our self-sufficiency. For one, agriculture could be cultivated to provide for the people on the island now. Living in the tropics, it seems a shame that we ship in the majority of the food we eat. Second, we could work on energy dependence. We experience sunshine EVERY DAY! There is no reason for us NOT to harness the power of the sun. Third, Hawai'i could develop desalination plants. There's no reason why we should experience drought when we are surrounded by the greatest body of water on the earth! Tourism is never good for any host culture so why not develop other forms of industry?

    Obviously, I have very strong feelings about tourism. Tourism is what pushes me to leave the island and search for the slice of heaven I knew when I was coming up. Isn't that ironic? I feel like Hawai'i has moved on without me. Like I am a visitor here just because of all the things that have changed since my day. It could be me that has changed. Maybe I have outgrown Hawai'i. **shrugs** I don't know. I just know that Hawai'i is different. Too many tourists. Too much development in the effort to accomodate too many people. Hidden somewhere is the Hawaiian people, the host culture of the land, pushed off their lands, unable to assimilate into American capitalism. **sigh** And I am stuck between so many clashing worlds. My father's Hawaiian blood, my mother's Samoan tradition, and my American social upbringing.

    It almost appears as though I am suffering from an identity crisis. But I'm not. Above all of the man-made cultural traditions, including religion -- I am a child of the Most High. Made in the image of the Creator!

    I will be fine -- if we follow my husbands desire to move to the continental U.S., I will succeed, flourish and long to be in the land of my ancestors. If we stay in Hawai'i, I will succeed, flourish and appreciate all the beauty in my island home!

    Sunday, January 11, 2009

    2009 is Booked Solid!

    2009 rang in ever so silently this year. I was in Alabama where things are done a little differently. In Hawai'i we celebrate New Year's, Chinese style! Chinese tradition calls for firecrackers to chase all the evil spirits away and allow good luck in. Our family takes it way beyond just a few firecrackers. Actually, most of Hawai'i celebrates that way. It's a tradition that I was missing while on vacation in Alabama. At the same time, it was kind of nice to NOT be smoked out from all the fireworks.

    My in-laws were in bed by 9pm on New Years Eve. Husband was on the laptop and I was settling in to dig into a new book. We started fireworks of our own when we got into a HUGE fight that lasted the duration of New Years Eve and on into New Years morning. What a crappy way to start 2009! On the other hand, we ironed out many "unsaid" things so that he and I are BOTH on the same page. In the coming year, the previously "unsaid" things should be a non-issue. With that perspective, I suppose it's a great way to start the new year.

    I am very grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. I have health and strength! I have an absolutely AMAZING husband. I have a great family. I have a great extended family. I am clothed, fed, and have a roof over my head. I am gainfully employed, a retirement account that is steadily growing even in these economic times, money in some CD's, money in savings, and immaculate credit. My life is truly blessed and I am in such a great position to be of service to the universe.

    I am available to all the goodness in God's universe. He wants me to have all of my hearts desire and I shall have it all, as he see's fit! The universe is not bound by time. Time is man-made! Everyone follows a different calendar system. Here in America, it happens to be the Roman calendar that is manipulated by daylights savings time or adding on a couple of minutes here and there or leap year. Who knows why? Who cares? The ancient Maya had their own calendar that is said to end in 2012. The Jewish have their own calendar. The Chinese have their own calendar. Each one are based on different cycles observed in the universe. Mostly LUNAR! In any case, here on earth, we bind ourselves to a set standard of time. I bring it up only to say that all things happen in life PRECISELY at the moment it is SUPPOSED to happen. All of my desires will arrive EXACTLY on-time! No sooner, no later!

    I continue to be a work in progress. I suppose that will ETERNALLY be the case. This year already seems so busy and yet, I'm so excited with all the things I will be doing this year. In April, you will find me in Tulsa, Oklahoma for an annual software conference. May, husband and I are off to Maui for a youth conference. June is looking to be quite busy. Husband and I have targeted the end of June to be out of our current apartment and off to Mililani. Husband will also earn his under-grad degree this June. I'm in the planning stages of a grad party for him. It'll be fun! July, God-willing, I will be 60 pounds lighter and appearing as a Matron of Honor in my cousins wedding in Georgia. August will find me back in school, full-time. October, I'll be hitting California, Utah, New Jersey, and Philly... traveling with the choir I sing with. I think all these events should keep me quite busy and I'm so very excited. I am so wide open for all the possibilities!

    My plate is quite full for 2009. So many exciting changes are happening. This is truly a year of transition for me and mine. What will you be up to?

    Tuesday, January 06, 2009

    Back to Reality : Random Ramblings

    Well my Southern Holiday is over! I'm happy to be home mostly because of the moisture in the air. Serious! I thought Alabama was as humid as it is in Hawai'i -- which would mean that my nose wouldn't bleed every day and my skin wouldn't be so dry... but I was wrong. Maybe it's because in the continental U.S. people spend so much time indoors where there is zero humidity. That's probably it! I'm just glad to have this moisture back in the air.

    I have dreaded coming back to work. Aside from the pay, I actually enjoy my job. However, I just been feeling like I am outgrowing this position and there's no room to grow or increase my pay. I am definitely craving change. I've started applying to different jobs and planning to make a move out of the community I currently live in. It's time to go back to the central part of the island. Of all the places I've lived on this island, that would be my favorite part. Husband and I have set a target date to be out of our current living situation by the end of June. But who knows where the Lord will place us? I am so open to the journey!

    Lately, my dreams have been very enlightening... almost spooky at how it answers my deepest questions!

    This is the beginning of 2009 and I have the same goals as I did last year:
    1. Release 50 pounds FOREVER!
    2. Bare a child/ren!
    I'm determined to make at least #1 happen since my cousin asked me to be her Matron of Honor in her July wedding! #2 is entirely up to the Lord. I'm ready. I'm willing. It's up to Him to allow me the opportunity to be a mother.

    It's back to reality for me... after such a relaxing vacation in Alabama!