Letter to My 13-Year Old Self

When I look back at my 7th grade picture in my school yearbook, I want to croak. The wildly, tight curly hair. The zits on my forehead. Strange body. Uneven skin tone. I cringe when I look at pictures from back then. I felt so awkward and ugly that I hid from the camera the following year. In fact, it was like I didn't exist because there was NOT ONE picture of me in the school year book.

My feelings were so delicate, so sensitive when I was young. Stupid boys said mean things to me and it stuck to me. I used to wonder why anyone would say something so mean when I felt like I was such a nice person. Oh well -- all water under the bridge now and I am still a nice person.

As is typical with pre-teen girls, or maybe it was just me, I was discovering those weird feelings in my belly when it came to the opposite-sex. Every guy had suddenly become so interesting. Well, that's not entirely true because I actually had a lot of male friends. But I definitely felt unbelievable attraction to the ones that I didn't see as just friends. But it wasn't in the stars to be "liked" by boys in high school. No boyfriends to speak of. No romantic trysts. First kiss wasn't until I was 17 and it was not ideal. (That should be another writer's prompt.) I don't think I missed out on anything though. I always had dates to all the special events. I never went with the same guy to anything from Winterball and banquets to Prom. And no awkward meetings when I see friends from high school now and that's a plus.

Anyway -- this letter is the result of 30 years of living outside of the bubble of high school. The letter started out so much longer. This is the way condensed version. I stuck to the essentials. When I look at that picture of 13-year old me... see below... I look exactly the same except 30 years older. And I feel fabulous about 43-year old me. When you feel good, you look good.

***** LETTER TO MY 13-YEAR OLD SELF *****

Dear 13-Year Old Neena,

Don't pay attention to any of the ugliness that people tell you. All that matters is that you are a child of the Most High.

You are sunbeams and fairy tales.
You are joy and happiness.
You are beautiful in spite of what people say.
You are gorgeous!

And when you're 43 and flawless, the guys that called you ugly will beg you for just a little bit of your time. They will send you letters they wish they had sent when they were busy calling you ugly. Don't worry your pretty little self about any of it. Even if you don't feel beautiful now, you will blossom in your own time.

You are so incredibly smart and kind.
You are so very talented and full of life energy.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. So build up your own self-worth in your mind and in your heart. All those boys don't even matter. You got this.

I.LOVE.YOU.

Always,

43-year Old Neena

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FOLLOW ME

NATURAL DISASTERS - What Are Your Memories?

VIDEO: Writer's Prompt

It was September 1992.
I was 17 years old. My senior year in high school had just commenced.
Hurricane Iniki was touted as the most powerful hurricane to hit Hawai'i in recorded history. It was a Category 4 hurricane when it hit the island of Kaua'i. The damage it left in its wake was heartbreaking. I have extended family in the Ha'ena, Wainiha, Hanalei region so it was sad to see the damage.

The island I lived on, O'ahu, had been spared any real major damage. We had dodged the fury of Iniki in my little town of Hau'ula. The day the hurricane arrived was a Friday. When O'ahu had received the all-clear sign, I instantly went back to teenage mode instead of worrying about my life and the unknown future. Being that it was Friday night, I wanted to hang out with my friends.

A few of us met up at the BYU Hawaii Campus. The Canon Activities Center on-campus was doubling as the Red Cross Shelter. We normally hung out there on the weekends. It was a safe place. Clean. It had a snackbar with inexpensive food and there were college boys.

The remnants of the hurricane left us with light passing showers and cloudy skies with a full moon hiding behind it. Naomi (high school bestie) and I were sitting near the box office of the Canon Activities Center. A couple of our guy friends came by also. We sat there laughing and talking. And then a peculiar thing happened. The full moon revealed itself from behind the rain clouds. One of my guy friends, let's call him Scott, went into this weird trance. We all started laughing while he was stoic and contemplative.

He proceeded to tell us a story. I cannot remember all of the details but I remember the important stuff. Scott said he had a dream one night. He was compelled to walk out of his home in the middle of the night and directed to go to the intersection of Moana Street and Kulanui Street. There, a man in black waited. (I swear this is not a reference to The Gunslinger stories by Stephen King.) The man in black asked Scott if he wanted to live forever and have supernatural strength. Scott agreed and did as the man in black directed. He lay down on the ground at the "crossroad" of Moana Street and Kulanui and sold his soul to the devil.

I couldn't figure out if he was telling the truth or if it was a scary story for a stormy night. I giggled at first (probably an attempt to calm my fears) but was completely weirded out by the visuals that I had in my mind of the man in black. I wondered what the man's face looked like. Was he like that creepy old man, Reverend Kane on Poltergeist II? Or was he a mirror of Scott's deepest fears?

Naomi and I stood up to move away from him. He stood up immediately also and began following us as we backed away from him.

"Scott. Stop! What are you doing?" I asked.

The full moon was so bright above him. He towered over us. He turned his head to the moon and began howling at the moon as if he were a werewolf. When he faced us after his howl, he raised his arms up, his hands mimicking the claws of an animal and began chasing us. Naomi and I screamed. We were both on the borderline between laughter and terror. Scott saw the terror on our face and fell down laughing. When we seen that he was laughing, Naomi and I calmed down and started laughing too.

At the end of the evening, Naomi and I talked about it and we couldn't figure out if Scott was joking or if he was telling the truth. Til this day I still wonder.

Kahuku High School 25th Reunion - Class of 93

On my social media accounts, I have been mentioning that I am going to Las Vegas soon. It's my 25th High School Class Reunion. I went to Kahuku High School, a little school on the north shore of O'ahu. I love my hood and my classmates. We really are a tight bunch. Seeing everyone on Facebook, I'd say that we all pretty much look the same - just a little older and a little wiser. When did we get so old? I am just ready to chill and DO NOTHING or EVERYTHING. Hang out. Turn up. Shop. Sleep in. Stay up late. Gamble. Spa pampering. Catch a few shows. Sip margaritas by the pool.

I don't know the last time I went to Vegas without a "chaperone". Meaning -- no parents, no husband, no boyfriend. It's just me and my bestie and all the classmates that will be there. I don't expect to go to all of the planned activities but I will try to make the ones I can. I suppose this is my Girl's Trip for this year.

Last year I went to San Jose, California where a bunch of us girls converged and partied and hung out. We were actually there for a wedding. We partied until it was time to get on the plane. Whewww... Dancing til 2'ish then breakfast at Matrix Casino to end the night had me almost missing my flight. Thankfully, I did make it just by the skin of my teeth. I expect to have the same adventures this time around.

I feel like I had my core group of friends in high school but that I was friendly with everyone. I hate the idea of cliques. I was a nerd meaning I attended the GT classes in intermediate and then AP classes when I got to high school. No one would have guessed that of me, I bet. I was an athlete. I played volleyball my freshman year in high school then moved to a private league for the rest of high school. I was on the Track & Field team and went to States all three years. My senior year, I was the State shot-put champion. So funny to think of it now. I so did not want to be at that track meet in Maui because our May Day program was happening at the same time back on O'ahu and I was missing it. For some strange reason, I was a football statistician for the Varsity squad, my senior year. I guess that's why I'm still so comfortable being on the football field on game nights. I was involved in everything. Student government, student activities, yearbook co-editor, blah blah blah... and I cherished my years at Kahuku High School. I don't know how many people can say that about high school. And I know there were some people that did not have a good experience and I can only hope that I did not contribute to their bad experiences. Some of my closest friends I have known since we were in diapers and I am still in touch and close with my friends from high school.

And even though many of us (my classmates) did not hang out regularly in high school, I bet we have so much more in common now. 25 years of life experiences is a whole lot of learning and growing and hopefully finding peace and love in our hearts. I know I have been through so many changes and the one thing that I am so certain of today is that I love people, unconditionally and without judgement -- at least I try to. And I know that it's possible to love humanity unconditionally because I love myself unconditionally. I don't need anyone to approve of who I am or who I am becoming because I accept myself in my totality, flaws and all.

So my wish for my classmates, as we converge on Sin City, is that we remain healthy and full of love. That our trials will turn to triumphs all the time! That our hearts will be soft in a world that wants us to be hard. That we remember our friendships from the past and create new bonds for the future. Hugs and sunshine kisses everyone!!!

Homecoming Season : Kahuku Style

It's HomecomingSeason at my High School alma mater. I'm going to miss this when I make my move to SC. I have done the photography for the Homecoming Court for the last six years. And then the last maybe four years, I've done the bouquets, sashes, and boutonnieres. I told the coordinator that I'm coming back next year just to do Homecoming. 

Every year is a little different with all the different personalities. The King and Queen really make a difference in the mood of the evening. One thing is for sure. Our community rallies around these kids. It is a beautiful site to behold. I always look forward to this time of year as I did when I was in High School. Happy Homecoming to current Red Raiders and all alumni Red Raiders. 

March Madness: Prom

My High School Alma Mater held their annual Junior/ Senior Prom this past weekend. I had a blast helping my baby boy get through it all. He was a nervous wreck throughout the entire week. This was his first and only formal event. When I was in high school I went to EVERYTHING. Every single banquet. Every single prom. Every single winter ball. I attended every single event with a different date so I had a lot of practice interacting with persons of the opposite sex. Anyway, here are some of the pics that I snapped.

Classic Looks

I love her dress. Classic. Elegant!

One of my favorite pictures of the day.

Flower. Flowers... my favorite ones too... Red and White Roses!

I didn't really like the LADY GAGA-esque look but to each his own. She rocked it.

Very nice.

Both of these boys... my babies! They grew up so fast. **sigh**

My baby boy and his date... very nice pic!

My other baby boy and his date.

Loved this dress. Very classy!

One of my favorite dresses of the evening!

Another favorite dress. All the beading and sequins was very nice!

The yellow dress was OUTSTANDING!

Another favorite dress!

I love their style!

Puanani blew me away with this dress. It is a hit!

This was the MOST original color dress of the evening. Very nice!