Thursday, January 17, 2019

COMING SOON



I am making big changes to the site. I'm so excited. After 15 years of this, I am finally giving NEENALOVE.COM a makeover.

Wednesday, January 09, 2019

3 Things: How Can I Get Her To Be Interested In More?



A gentleman asks, "How can I get this lady interested in more between us?"

He relates that the two of them have been flirting for months and he wants to move it past the flirting stage.

These conversations are always such an eye opener for me. I don't have the answers. If I did, I would not be a single woman at 43. I'm not one of those girls that flirts. The way my mother raised me, a woman should NEVER use her femininity to manipulate someone. As such, I have always been uncomfortable doing the typical flirt thing that I see so many women do. I think of myself as a sweetheart, agreeable, accommodating. It is genuinely me even though someone that is so close to me said that it comes off as FAKE. I understand that she looks at the world in such a different way than I do and she is entitled to her opinion of me but I am NOT fake.

In any case, I have but three points to make when it comes to taking a friendship to something more, possibly something romantic.


#1 OPPORTUNITY
There will always be a window of opportunity for you to make a move. I cannot say that there are specific examples because every single situation is different. Even if you think you've been "friend zoned" an opportunity will arise and you have to be ready to take it. You have to be ready to move on it. This search for love and companionship can be rough but it doesn't have to be. In fact the ones that move smoothly like a river flowing to the sea are the ones that I have enjoyed the most.


#2 EFFORT and CONSISTENCY
This is, by far, the most important part of making a woman take notice of you. Make the effort to call her in the morning and throughout the day. Make the effort to show that you are into her. I love surprises! I had a boyfriend who used to surprise me all the time with flowers or he would show up at my job with a treat. Sometimes he'd show up at the house, unannounced, and he'd whisk me away for a meal somewhere. On my days off, he'd pick me up and take me to watch the sunset. He lived an hour and fifteen minutes away from me so doing all these things was no small feat. I ended up breaking his heart. I never did apologize to him but I suppose it would be pointless at this stage of life because this was over twenty years ago. Anyway, every woman appreciates effort and consistency!!


#3 SHE WANTS TO BE SEEN
Although it is very flattering to be physically desired, I would prefer to be "seen." To be really seen for who I am, for my heart, my soul, my intelligence. It is one of the most annoying things when a man approaches me leading with sex. After a night of clubbing, a friend of mine and I were at a diner. It had to be 4 in the morning. We get up to leave and pay our bill. There are a few people ahead of us and a few behind us. I was wearing a mini-dress with my legs all the way out there. This guy looked about the same age as me mid-40's, maybe early 50's. He kept staring at me. Smiling. Winking. It was kind of annoying even though he was very attractive. I'm continuing to talk to my friend and we're laughing. When we get to the cashier, we pay, and we're about to walk out. The guy that was smiling at me stops me before I walk out the door. He grabs my arm and whispers, "All I been imagining since I saw you walk in is your legs wrapped around my face." I was so irritated. I looked him dead in his eyes and said, "Other girls might think that's cute. Not me though. You coming at me all sideways." Then I walked away. Anyway, a real woman wants to be admired for her heart and soul, her intelligence, not her physical features. Again, it's flattering to be desired that way and it's important to express that she is beautiful but DO NOT express it in a sexual way. You're welcome!


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FOLLOW ME



Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Connected Preparation




I am aging.
You are aging.
We are all aging and there's one guarantee in life - we are all going to die eventually.

The older I get, the more it becomes a reality and that my youthful thoughts of living forever young are fading. I still feel young but I know that I'm no spring chicken. I still feel the invincibility of youth but the reality is that Father Time is ticking away.

I cherish all the connections I have made in my lifetime with friends and family. At some point, our friends play a larger role in our lives because we actually get to pick our friends. Whereas, we don't really have a choice with our family.

So, moving forward, I know I need to reach out to my friends and family more often. I need to make it a point to call for no other reason than to say hello and connect. There are very few that I trust to share the intimate details of my life for fear of judgement. I don't really care to hear EVERYONE's opinion on my life. And yet my life is an open book if you ask me the right questions. (I don't volunteer just any kind of information.)

Being connected and feeling connected is an important component in my life. Even with the thousands of miles between my immediate family and I, I still feel so connected to them and involved in their comings and goings. My nieces and nephews are my heart and my soul and I believe that connection that I have with them is because of my deep, unconditional love for them. Perhaps I can incorporate that unconditional love approach to all of the people I am connected to you.

I don't know.

What I do know is that we all need to get connected -- to our friends and family, to our innermost desires, and to what is most authentic to us.


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FOLLOW ME



Monday, December 10, 2018

Best Christmas Ever



It was Christmas 1995 or maybe 1996. It was 1996. Definitely.

I married my first husband January 4th, 1997. For Pacific Island girls in my era, marriage was the only way out of the house. So I was excited to make my way in the world with my first love. A month before the wedding, with the excitement of becoming a new bride and all the butterflies I felt surrounding the love adventure I was about to embark on, I was feeling the Christmas spirit.

My little sisters down the road came over and we started talking about "Ding Dong Ditch," although I think we called it something else. We would make all sorts of homemade baked goods and give it to families in the neighborhood that had large families to feed. We would place the goodies on their porch, knock on the door or ring their bell, then run. We were very much feeling the spirit of giving, the spirit of Christmas. We made our list of the baked goods we would make and decided on homemade cookies, rice crispie treats, and cupcakes. We sourced our ingredients and started baking.

The TV was playing a Christmas special with beautiful music and we were having a good time. Laughing. Baking. Eating. Singing. The lights from our Christmas tree cast a soft glow in the living room and the lights that my father hung on the eaves of the house streamed into the living room and kitchen. There was a slight frost in the air with the temperatures dipping into the upper 60's, which is cold for Hawai'i. While the goodies cooled off, we made homemade gift tags. I'm artsy fartsy like that and my little sisters from down the road are always DOWN for whatever. In the midst of our laughing and singing along to the Christmas special, we hear a knock at the door.

Nobody we know would knock on the door. Most people we know will walk right into the house, not needing or waiting for an invitation. So it was odd that there was someone knocking at our door. Because of the cold temperatures, we had the heavy door closed when normally the screen door would suffice. When I opened the door, there was a Caucasian gentleman standing there. Dark hair. Round glasses. Red Santa hat on. Cardigan and khakis. I had never seen this man before in my life. He smiled really big when I opened the door.

He asked me, "Is this the home of ((insert my moms name))?"

I replied, "Yes. Do you need something?"

He handed an envelope to me and asked me to give it to her.

I said, "Okay," and took the envelope.

"Hold on," I told him, as I ran to get a box of macadamia nut chocolates under the tree that my mom had wrapped for occasions like this.

He took the box and walked down the driveway. I closed the door and took the envelope to my mother, who was sitting with my father in their bedroom.

I went back to preparing the gift packages for the families we selected. The laughing, the singing, the preparing continued. My mother came out of the room with a stern look on her face.

"Where did this envelope come from?" my mother asked.

I explained what happened and described the guy. She walked to the door and looked up and down the street. I was worried. Why was she so concerned?

"Is something wrong, mom?" Mom had tears in her eyes.
"There is $250 cash in this envelope."

All of us started tearing up as she explained how she had to choose between paying the electric or buying groceries for Christmas and New Years. I had been so caught up with thinking all about me in the preceding months with my wedding and the fairytale I thought I was going to live out. It never even crossed my mind about the struggles of my parents, who both lost their jobs within months of each other. My tears were about feeling regret and shame for having only thought about me all these months. I hadn't contributed to my wedding or anything and I just thought how selfish I had been. With one act, a gift from a stranger, I was brought to my knees and reminded to think outside of myself. I was glad that we were baking and preparing small, little gifts for other people in the area. In some way, I was just like the santa-guy that had delivered that envelope.

That was the best Christmas ever. Since then, Christmas is about everyone else especially the children. It is a time to remind them of the abundance of God's universe. It's a time to foster imagination and the magic of believing. The only thing that brings me joy at Christmas is the ability I have to give whatever I can. I still love cards especially when they are handwritten but other than that, Christmas is a time to create memories. I love the lights, the sounds, the music, the feeling in the air, the decorations. But this season is about love. Merry Christmas!



Wednesday, December 05, 2018

Journal Writing Fanatic - 3 TIPS




What I enjoy the most about Journal Writing is going back to read what was going on in my life years ago. I cringe at some of the stuff I wrote. Perhaps it's the subjects I opt to write about or it's the conversational, informal language that I use that makes me cringe. Either way, it's fun to go back and read and compare how I wrote in the past to how I write in the here and now. Maybe when I'm 60 looking back at the stuff I'm writing in my 40's I will cringe about it too. My life is in the pages of all of my journals. As I age, I get more real and honest. I am firmly coming in to being my most authentic. I want to be remembered as this woman I am today because I can feel my wings stretching from the cocoon that I was ensnared in and all I want to do is fly.

Real words on real pages that are not stuck in some electronic cloud is what will last through the ages. Wouldn't it be a wonderful gift for your posterity. The idea of being forever remembered in the pages that I write makes me immortal and I love that idea. I want that for everyone that reads this.
Here are three tips to get started on your journaling.

START SOMEWHERE
Many people attempt writing in a journal. You have probably wrote one or two entries and then gave up and that journal is left sitting, untouched. So if you still have that journal or that notebook or composition book, pull it out and let's start again. You have to start somewhere! So even if the last entry was made 5 years ago, start again.

USE PROMPTS
Remember in grade school and maybe even high school, the "slam" book or "slang" book? In the book, each page had a question. Each line on each page was reserved for the same person. For instance, page one would be, What is your full name? If you used line 12 to answer, you were line 12 on every page. Think of those questions and use it as the catalyst for your journaling. You can also google "writing prompts." There are tons of questions you can find on the internet to help move this journaling thing along.

START SIMPLE
The best tip, though, is to START SIMPLE. Don't overcomplicate things. If writing is not your thing then make lists. If you just want to sketch then do that. If you want to make collages then do that. The best journals are a mix of everything - writing, lists, art, cutouts and keepsakes. Just START!

The idea is to preserve a moment in time. Writing in a journal does just that. Let me know how it goes.

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FOLLOW ME







Monday, December 03, 2018

Writer's Prompt: 3 Things




The bold face print is the topic. What follows are the three answers. If you keep a journal, write it in your journal. If you blog, post it. If you don't do either, each topic is a great way to break the ice with new people you meet. There's nothing like having something prepared to talk about and ask when you're around people you've never met.

Three Names I Go By:
1. Babe -- I don't think my popps has ever used my given name. LOL
2. Neena / Neeroc -- Neena started out as Neeroc, which is my given name backwards. A friend shortened it to NEENA and the rest is history.
3. Reen -- shortened given name

Three Screen Names I Have:
1. NeenaLove
2. LoveNeenaLove -- as in the way I end a written letter...
Love,
NeenaLove
3. hula_heffa -- this was the yahoo days. I don't even know if that username still works.

Three Things I Like About Myself:
1. My heart -- my parents gifted me a generous heart by their example and how they love/d everybody
2. My brains -- sometimes my brain is a little too strong and it talks me out of doing really big and risky things that can work out;
3. My talents -- because my brain is so active and complex, I learn things relatively quickly. I am really gifted with my hands. I like to DIY anything and everything. Photography. Floral Arranging. Graphic Design. I will try anything once.

Three Things I DisLike About Myself:
1. Sometimes my self-confidence takes a beating when I fail at something. Then my friends and family build me up again.
2. I get distracted easily. I don't even have to explain that.
3. Either I OVERTHINK something or I do the exact opposite and go wherever the wind blows. The freespirit part... I love that about me. The overthinking... not so much!

Three Parts Of My Heritage:
1. Hawaiian
2. Samoan
3. LOVE, sweet Love

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. Growing old alone
2. Dying alone
3. Dying with my dreams still in me, unrealized.

Three Everyday Essentials:
1. Coffee
2. A shower in the morning and in the evening
3. Sad but true... social media

Three Things I'm Wearing Right Now:
1. A warm, tiger print robe
2. Socks
3. Underwear

Three Of My Favorite Artists at the Moment:
1. Kem -- so much of his music speaks to me; the lyrics and his unique voice
2. Raheem Devaughn -- his stuff just doesn't get old
3. Jaheim -- I still love all of his music all these years later

Three of my Favorite Songs at the Moment:
1. Promise to Love -- Kem
2. Ridiculous -- Raheem Devaughn
3. In My Hands -- Jaheim

Three New Things I Want to do in the Next Year:
1. Kick the 9-5 for entrepreneurship -- take the risk and make it happen!
2. Reduce personal debt
3. Finish my first and second novel

Three Things I Want in a Relationship:
1. True companionship -- have fun together, love hard, play hard
2. True partnership -- collaborate on building an empire
3. Quality Time -- more time together

Three Things I Can't Do:
1. Whisper -- anyone who knows me in real time knows this is the God's honest truth.
2. Make a good pie crust, yet
3. I never give up. I can't!

Three Hobbies:
1. Floral everything
2. DIY everything -- I used to love refinishing furniture
3. Graphic Design

Three Things I Wanna Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Drive two hours south for some Quality Time with my boo
2. Watch a really good Christmas movie -- one that I've never seen before
3. Splurge at Michael's -- a craft store -- so I can finish up my tree

Three Places I've Never Been to that I'd Like to Visit:
1. Thailand -- hopefully with my Popps. He has so much stories from his days during the Vietnam war. He was stationed there with the United States Air Force. It would be nice to go back there with him.
2. Samoa -- wish my mom was here so I could go there with her.
3. China -- again, with my Popps. Walk the Great Wall of China.

Three Things I Want to do Before I Die:
1. Be a millionaire
2. Make a difference in the world
3. Forgive and be forgiven


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FOLLOW ME



Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Love the One You're With



I have a dear friend that I cut ties with 13 months ago. I miss him immensely. Cutting off communication with him left a gaping hole in my life as I'm sure it did his as well. We would spend hours and hours on the phone talking about everything and nothing, talking about what we could have been if circumstances in our separate lives were different, talking about when we were young and spry, talking about sex and love and soul mates, marriage, companionship.

He crosses my mind often. Flashes of recent memories that we created will pop up in my head while I'm in the midst of doing something else. No doubt, our friendship/relationship will span several lifetimes and probably through eternity. We have always said that to each other - that we would find each other in every lifetime. This lifetime just wasn't the right one for us. Regardless of all of that, I miss him in the here and now.

THE ONE
Life circumstances bar us from continuing whatever it was we were doing.
What were we doing?
Talking?
Missing each other?
I wonder sometimes why we spend so much of our lives searching to love and be loved from everyone except the one that could actually be "the one." I know that this search for "the one" has governed my entire adult life. I read a meme on Facebook that said,
You will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find -
is they are not always with whom we spend our lives.
But nothing that is outside of your reach is worth trading in what you have right now. If you're bored in your relationship or just tired of the same ole grind, work through it. Overcome your feelings of disappointment and search for "the one" inside of you and then commit to making your relationship work. The old adage, "I can do bad all by myself," holds true but it can be such a lonely existence so don't give up on what you have in your life now.

HERE AND NOW
He said that he was coming for me in THIS lifetime and yet we are aging and I don't want to waste time waiting on things to be different or wishing for more ideal circumstances. So I have moved on. No waiting for the past to catch up with me. No waiting for future possibilities. I am living in the here and now. I have always imagined that I would grow old and die along side the love of my life. I never thought, for one minute, that I would be single at this age. Do I think of this friend that I thought was "the one"? Often! Do I wish things were different? Often! But I cannot let those feelings hold me back from being happy in the here and now. And even if the here and now gets a little lonely and I feel like I'm treading water all alone, I know that there is a purpose for this season in my life. I don't know what it is except that I have found so much strength in myself to be out here alone.

LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH
So whatever the circumstances of your life. If you are in a relationship, be committed. Love the one you're with. Remember all the things that brought you together and nurture it. Don't look for escape. Instead, find your peace in what you have and let go of the idea of "the one."

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FOLLOW ME



Wednesday, November 21, 2018

4th Thursday in November




I was absolutely EXHAUSTED from my drive up from South Carolina to Maryland. No time to do my regular video podcast. This is what I came up with. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Everybody Should Have a Divorce Party!



Two years ago I received my walking papers from my ex.

In an effort to boost my spirits and to push me to see the positive things about divorce, my dear friends threw me a Divorce Party. This was actually the third divorce party. The first one was with my cousins at Haleiwa Joes at Haiku Gardens in Kaneohe and then we moved the party to Ohana's in Temple Valley. That was a blast! The second one was in Maryland. So DP #3 (divorce party) started out on a catamaran off Waikiki Beach, right in front of Duke's Bar and Grill. We are regulars on the sunset sail. But this sunset sail was different.

LET GO
My heart was so broken. I could not imagine why my ex would throw away such a significant portion of our lives. Thoughts of him with other women invaded my mind. Thoughts of me being alone, growing old alone, dying alone caused weeks of sleepless nights. I was feeling unattractive and unwanted and all of it was driving me crazy. I had to let it all go. I had to let go of the expectations that I had assumed. I had to move forward and not turn back. So this sunset sail was big for me. It was a significant event where I had made up in my mind that I was going to let go of all of the coulda-woulda-shoulda of how my life was supposed to be.

SETTING SUN and RISING MOON
It was just me and my baby brother on that sunset sail with a bunch of strangers. Everyone else that was coming to DP #3 had missed the sail. I was kind of relieved that they didn't make it because I really needed the time to be in my thoughts, by myself, letting go. My brother cozied up with two girls that were checking him out. And I sat alone on the deck of the catamaran watching the sun set over the ocean horizon. The sun's eventual disappearance symbolized, for me, that a chapter of my life was ending. Simultaneously, I watched the full moon rising over Diamond Head. There couldn't have been a more perfect time to be on the catamaran seeing a chapter of my life end with the setting sun and to realize that a new era was beginning with the rising moon. And no matter how dim the light of the moon was against the darkness of night, it was still illuminating my world.

DIVORCE DECREE
I had received the final divorce decree on what would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. It was like a final slap in my face. DP #3 was the perfect solution for dealing with the conundrum that was my life. And why not? Why not have a divorce party? Why not celebrate everything that was right about me? Celebrate everything that I was freeing myself from. Celebrate the bright road ahead that meant I could do anything in the whole wide world. I could go anywhere. I could do anything without asking anyone for permission. And though I was so uncomfortable being alone again, I had no choice but to move forward.

WHAT DO I WANT?
Has it been roses and daisies since those DP's? Absolutely not. In fact, it has been tough. Suddenly, all I have to think about is me. All of my life has been spent worrying about everyone else's needs. Worried about my mother's harsh criticism. Worried about my husband and how to properly support him. Worried about my job and making sure that I was in line with the strict code of conduct. Worried about everything and everyone but me. And now, in my loneliness, I had to actually think about what I wanted out of life. So, the past two years have been about that. Who am I and what do I want? I see so clearly the life that I want, the abundance I want to enjoy, the love and romance that I want, and I'm ready for all of it. I will not wallow in self-pity thinking of all the ways my life is not what I want it to be. No. I am ready. Here I am, a butterfly emerging from my cocoon.

Ride with me as I ride this rising star. #NeenaLoveRises #iStillBelieveInLove




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