Friday, September 30, 2016

Banner Of Strength

Today I am hopeful again.

The sun is shining brilliantly outside and I feel a sense of wonder and peace with how my life is unfolding.

One thing I know for sure is that I can see so clearly, my star rising.

I see so clearly how the current events in my life are pushing me to my greatest good, to my highest potential, and I can only feel gratitude for what is. Even if this hard time is painful and lonely, I am unconditionally accepting its lessons.

There is so much love in my heart even with the extreme feelings of grief that I am experiencing. I know that LOVE will conquer all.

My loyalty is unwavering and has always been that way. Perhaps, I extend it to the most unworthiest of souls but it is a trait that I am proud to wear like a banner of strength.

He will look back one day and regret the relationship that he threw in the garbage. When he removes himself from his unsavory elements and questionable company, the gravity of his actions will bear on his soul.

As I look forward to the many avenues ahead of me, I am frightened by the vast possibilities but hopeful. He will never find a woman like me. Never! And my life will move on with the strength of a gushing waterfall toward peace and empowerment. I will remember the strength of my love for him to carry me through the lonely days ahead.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Chasm of Sorrow

Today is hard.
Today I am sad.

I was hopeful yesterday but today, today I am hopeless.

I love so deeply and so loyally that when betrayal arrives at my door, I feel broken.

I wish I could crawl back into bed, put a sheet over my head, and make the world go away. I wish I could sleep peacefully without the worries of tomorrow pulsing in my brain. Yet I don't think it is worry that keeps me awake but a loss of the expectation of what I thought my life would be like.

Tomorrow has changed significantly.
Tomorrow is a blur.

I cry when I'm alone.
Mourning.
Grieving.
Wishing things could be different.

I feel numb in the waking hours.
Insistent that this is just a nightmare and that I will wake from its grip.

My heart is breaking and I can do nothing but feel it intensely.
I am falling so helplessly down a chasm of sorrow.
And all I want is to feel joy again.

Saturday, September 03, 2016

Quick "Vase Bouquet" Picture Tutorial

I had leftover flowers from a floral job I just did. This is what I do with the leftover flowers and foliage.


Thursday, August 11, 2016

He Is Not The Sun, You Are!


One of the yummy books I devoured this year is Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes... writer of the hit TV shows Greys Anatomy and Scandal. This is not a book review but I do have to give a shameless plug for The Year of Yes because it reminded me of one of the best episodes of Grey's Anatomy.

This post is not just for Grey's fans because I am not a die hard fan. I have not finished the series and I don't know if I ever will. Who has the time to sit through more and more of Meredith and McDreamy? I could watch Chandra Bailey do her thing as Dr. Bailey. Her character was so well written and was the one that most resonated with me. Anyway, Meredith Gray is the main character of the show. She has a hot steamy romance with Dr. Shepard, played by Patrick Dempsey. Meredith Gray's best friend is Christina Yang played by Sandra Oh.

Christina Yang is one of those girls whose mind is complete and straight logic. Anything moving away from that is utterly out of her comfort zone. She is the analytical voice always in Meredith's ear prodding her out of her emotional cravings to be needed by Dr. Shepard. In this classic Grey's episode, Christina is leaving for her dream job in Europe. They are writing her character off the show. Christina and Meredith go through this whole series of goodbyes with Christina mostly wanting to stay, to halt the inevitable GOODBYE. In typical Christina fashion, she gives the most endearing advice that gives Meredith the boost she needs to make hard decisions. Christina calmly quips, "Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy but he is not the sun. YOU ARE!"
 
Every woman needs just the right words to put everything into perspective. This episode, every time I hear those words, "HE IS NOT THE SUN... YOU ARE," reminds me that my desires and ambitions are important. I remember to put me first before everyone else so that my sanity and my peace of mind are intact. How can I be of value to anyone if I am not charged up? I am the SUN! The world does revolve around me. I am a powerful woman who is worthy of all the good things in life.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Lessons From A Mother's Love

My mother would have been 68 earth years on June 5, 2016. She left this existence on 30 June 2011. I can't believe it's been almost five years. When I think on the time I had with her on this planet, I would say that my biggest regret is that I did not learn all that I could from her. She was the smartest woman I will ever know, who would "tell it like it is" and still had the biggest heart.

I find that one of the traits I have learned from her is to be brutally honest. I wasn't always that way. In fact, people used to walk all over me and take advantage of my kindness. As a young girl and on up to being an adult, I thought that being accommodating of everyone was an admirable trait. Being well-liked because I was accommodating would certainly earn me loyal friends.... but it didn't and it really doesn't. It took a long time to learn the lesson. Prior to my 40th birthday last year, the epiphany of being "too accommodating" came to an end. Specific experiences led to me penning my 40 Year Old Manifesto. I choose my own happiness above any notion of loyalty to insignificant people. I wish my mother could see this blossoming of me. She would tell me, "I told you so." And I would retort with utter disgust because she 'knows it all'.

When I think of her, I tear up just thinking of the missed lessons I should have had with her. I miss her clear wisdom and absolute distinction between right and wrong. She had a well-developed and accurate moral compass and I wish I was born with that... sometimes. I say "sometimes" because I am far too curious to limit myself to stay within the bounds that are imposed upon me by my culture and my religious upbringing. Yet, I am so very grateful for my mother's staunch perseverance in raising me to strive for holiness and purity. I have had to temper that with my wild, anarchist tendencies and am quite pleased with my unique morality. My endeavor is to see God in people, not because we are of the same culture or have the same religion but because God's light is in each of us.

I credit my mother for fostering my curious nature but also applying restraint for my safety. In many of my dark days, I could feel my mother's prayers to God. I remember a particular time when I lived in New Mexico. I had experienced a traumatic event in Hawai'i and escaped to New Mexico. I also left the island following a man I wanted to love forever. I was sitting in my apartment. It was the middle of the afternoon and a feeling of my mother's love washed over me. It was so overwhelming, so strong, and so urgent, and I could feel her arms around me. I wish I could tell her now that I felt her that day in a really moving way. These were the days before calling cards and long-distance calls were $0.25 cents a minute and up, depending on the city so I was not able to make a call to her. I will never forget that incredible rush.

I was such a wild child. Sorry, Mom! I know she was extremely worried about me. I remember one evening being in my apartment in New Mexico. It was early evening but being that it was winter, it was already dark. I heard a knock at the door. Two men dressed in white shirts and ties from the local L.D.S. ward had been sent by my mother. I look back now and think of how concerned she was about me, how worried she was for my safety, and I dare anyone to doubt her unconditional love for me. There is no parallel to a Mother's Love!

She would have been 68 this year. I have to believe that she peeks in on me from time to time and that she still prays for me and petitions the Gods for my safety. I know she sends wonderful people into my life to push and prod me to be a better me. When I meet her again, I will praise her angelic presence in my life and beg her forgiveness for my limited understanding of A Mother's Love.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Jeffrey Osborne LIVE - Check!

It all started back in May. I did a google search for "hawaii R&B". Blue Note Hawaii came up with its calendar of exciting artists. I missed Chaka Khan in June. Jody Watley & Shalamar is coming up in August. Incognito in September. I am so excited about this Blue Note venue and the representation of REAL live music. Real instruments. Real voices. Real talent.

This past weekend I checked an item off my bucket list.

I saw Jeffrey Osborne, live, here in Honolulu. **swooning**

I was just a toddler when Love Ballad was released but that song is the reason I fell in love with Jeffrey Osborne. I only discovered it after hearing all of Mr. Osborne's hits in the 80's. I am sure you are familiar with some of them.

"On the wings of love, up and above the clouds, the only way to fly, is on the wings of love..."

"You should be mine. Anything you want. You got to fortify my love to fortify me. Can you woo woo woo? Can you woo woo woo?...."

His voice is so silky and it has a distinct, unique quality that I just absolutely love.

Hubby and I attended the 9pm show. Jeffrey Osborne's scaled down band hopped on stage at 9pm and did a great jazz intro featuring the best trumpet soloist I have ever heard. He is fabulous. By 9:10, Jeffrey Osborne hopped on stage and went non-stop until 10:45'ish. He is such a funny guy.

The highlight of the evening was when he sang the famous LTD song, Love Ballad. In one of my unfinished novels, The Adventures of Slim Williams, I feature this song. I just absolutely love it. It makes me feel so in love and so ready to be loved. To hear it live by the man himself is just a priceless experience for me. To share it with my husband was a beautiful thing. I am so grateful that we were able to attend this show. It was worth every penny. Premiere seating was $75 a pop.

 


QUICK REVIEW of BLUE NOTE HAWAII 

LOCATION: 2nd Floor of the Outrigger Waikiki Beach Resort (above Duke's Waikiki)

PARKING: Ugghhh - about two blocks away at the Outrigger East. Walking the two blocks in heels is not fun. I should have brought my crocks to walk back to the car in. I would have paid to valet but that was full.

RESERVATIONS: There are three tiers of pricing that determines seating. The bar area is the cheapest but does not have guaranteed seating and you could possibly end up standing all night. If you want to dance all night, I guess that would be a great option. The loge area is about the same distance from the bar as the stage is however you have guaranteed seating in a booth or table. The final tier is the premiere seating, which is right in front of the stage. It is a very intimate setting and I absolutely love it! We selected the premiere seating and we had a great view of the stage.

Seating is open but if you're a couple, you will end up sharing the table. Most of the tables and booths are for four people. We lucked out because a really nice couple sat with us. Her name is Dee. I can't remember her husband's name.

AMBIANCE: The room is bathed in blue light even with the house lights on. It is very clean and super romantic. The tables and booths have cute little votive candles. One downer is how hot it was in there. Maybe they need some overhead fans or a better a/c system.

SERVICE: The hostess actually selected our table. I asked her to take us to the best seat and that is exactly what she did. Our Server was very attentive and professional. Plates and glasses were cleared quickly.

FOOD & DRINK:
$16 for an Italian sausage cut in half, grilled and served with red and green pepper in a tomato sauce - this dish was overpriced, in my opinion.
$14 for caprese salad - this was actually very delicious and, for the size of it, well worth the $14. It was served with a scoop of a balsamic sorbet of some sort. It was the color of wasabi so when I tasted it, I was expecting for it to be spicy. It was a frozen presentation.
Drinks were quite expensive also. Based on the drink menu, it was $10 and up.

SUMMARY:
I will definitely be back. Blue Note Hawaii is a beautiful venue. They have been hosting excellent artists.