Sunday, June 19, 2005

Happy Fathers Day... A Tribute

A short but powerful tribute to my father.

In the King James Version of the Holy Bible... Isaiah 54:13... It reads:
And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children

Where there is much turmoil... my fathers home is STILL a peaceful place. He has taught myself and my siblings ALL things of the Lord and our Savior. For this reason, though I may struggle daily, there is MUCH peace in my soul because of the MANY lessons he has gifted me.

So today, Dad... Happy Fathers Day!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Seven Wonders

Okay folks... I was watching this special about the seven wonders of the ancient world. Well... I got to thinking. Got to reading. And came up with my own batch of seven wonders... right along with the ancient stuff! Symbolic like a mugg... LOL.

1. The Pyramids of Giza is the oldest wonder. It is admired for its many secret chambers and passageways; for its height and size; for its accuracy. Its construction is impressive but the mystery behind it even more fantastic!

So what could I possibly have in common with this? What can equate to the first wonder of the world? On my own scale, my family is MY pyramid! The construction of our family is near PERFECT. Each member of my family, immediate and extended, represent the many secret chambers and passageways... all beneath the surface... yet all a part of this fantastic construction. Each block OR each family member, including my husband, contributes to this beautiful pyramid.

2. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon... imagine a huge man-made mountain, constructed of many terraces of green foliage and flowers, surrounded by water in the middle of the desert. Near what is currently Baghdad, Iraq once stood the hanging gardens of Babylon. It is said that King Nebuchadnezzar built the huge monument to cheer up his wife, Amyitis. She was from a lush, tropical mecca and he resided in the desert. So he built this huge mountain of greenery to help her get through her homesickness.

For me, the significance of this wonder of the world is the "gesture" of love made by Nebuchadnezzar. I have not limited myself to experiencing JUST ONE great love in my life. I have had MANY great loves... and of those loves... the greatest "gesture" happened in a hotel room... as I lay crying in horror at the fact that the man who raped me had been acquitted. The monument of strength rendered by one of the GREAT LOVES of my life still amazes me today. At my weakest moment, he comforted me. He held me up and didn't let me drown in self pity. He pushed me forward and allowed me to dream beyond my capacity at that moment. His "gesture" of stalwart strength, of supreme understanding, of genuine affection will NEVER be forgotten.

3. The Statue of Zeus at Olympia found fame because of its splendor. He was 12 meters tall and carved out of ivory. He was seated on a cedarwood throne, inlaid with gold and ivory and ebony and precious stones. Bottom line with this ancient wonder is that its beauty, majesty and splendor captured the admiration of the ancient world.

So this should be easy, right? I mean, how hard is it to find something that is physically beautiful? MY third wonder, based on BEAUTY alone is my home state of Hawai'i. The mountains, the ocean, the greenery EVERYWHERE, the people... it is TRULY a wonderful combination. It is BEAUTIFUL here! Though I can see myself leaving here in a few years and moving to the south pacific somewhere... the majesty and splendor of Hawai'i will always be MY THIRD WONDER!

4. The Temple of Artemis would have truly been a site to behold. Imagine a structure slightly larger than a football field, sixty feet high, surrounded by steps, a large courtyard... COMPLETELY made of marble. Nothing similar to it for miles and miles. Why was it so important in the old world? Aside from its beauty, some say the number of times it was destroyed and rebuilt makes it amazing. Some say its importance is due to the refuge it provided for the troubled. Others saw it as a wonderful way to pay homage to the goddess, Artemis.

Whatever the reasons may be. The value in this WONDER is in how many times it was destroyed then rebuilt. MY fourth wonder is my own ability to RISE ABOVE disappointments. Folks have torn me down but the Lord has truly given me the quality, the strength to be able to build myself back up. Whether my heart was broken, or I was violated through rape, or I was betrayed... whatever it may have been... I was blessed with the ability to rise above it all.

5. The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus entombed King Mausolus. His queen spared no expense when building the tomb. Queen Artemisia was also his sister. The term "mausoleum" is used in reference to any tomb GRAND in nature... King "Mausolus"... because of this display that was built on the kings behalf.

MY FIFTH wonder... thanks to this mausoleum... is to honor the dead! I honor both of my grandmothers. They were both widowed at a young age. My mothers mom had 17 children at the time of my grandfathers death. And then managed to have a couple more. She had to raise all of those children without the help of her husband. I admire that and I honor her! My fathers mother had 7 at the time of her husbands death. So... to these strong women that have come before me... I construct my own mausoleum for you... with my WORDS!

6. The Colossus of Rhodes was 110 feet tall... roughly the same height as the Statue of Liberty. The Rhodians built the statue to pay tribute to their patron God, Helios.

I wondered what all the "ado" was about with the Colossus. It came to me - in its day and age, the Colossus was ahead of its time. That's right folks. The man power and strength and engineering of the entire process HAD to be difficult without all the modern technology we enjoy today. And THAT is MY SIXTH wonder. Technology! If you're reading this here blog... more than likely, you love the internet as much as I do. I love computers, digital cameras, digital cell phones. Everything! Thanks to technology, the world is getting smaller. We are able to communicate and go places QUICKER than ever before!

7. The Pharos of Alexandria was a lighthouse. Legend has it that the mirror used in this lighthouse could reflect light that could be seen over hundreds of meters out. It was a marble structure over 40 stories high!

It's significance for me... can be found in the hymn, Brightly Beams Our Fathers Mercy OR The Lower Lights. Check out the background story HERE. But basically... what it comes down to is that MY CREATOR is the lighthouse. He is the guide back into the safety of the harbor, figuratively speaking. And we should all be the "lower lights" that burn to illuminate the shoreline and ultimately guide the ships to safety. God plays a major role in my life. For the foundation my parents set up for me... I am eternally grateful!

And... that's a wrap FOLKS! What are your SEVEN WONDERS?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

I'm Your Pusher!

Okay folks... I been thinking about this for a couple weeks now and I'm still trying to make sense of it. Pull up a chair... stay awhile... and help me think this through .

Does society CREATE problems to become the solutions?

Let's take a look at ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder... or something like that). When did this "disorder" appear? As soon as the medical circles talked about it, along came RITALIN.

Prior to this so called "disorder", a hyper child was nothing out of the norm. There were NO drugs to deal with the disorder and all the world was fine. Ritalin enters the scene, doctors prescribe it, now we have drug addicted children.
"Today there are more children taking Ritalin and amphetamine from doctors than from the illegal pushers. Does a drug become "safe" simply because it is prescribed by a doctor? Does "pushing" drugs on children become legitimate simply because it is done by drug manufacturers?" ~~Peter R. Breggin, MD
Folks, I'd really like you to take a look at this site.

Thinking through the whole ADHD story, I have one conclusion: the pharmaceutical company has created the problem to become the solution. FACT: Amphetamines can be prescribed by a doctor. Any other use is illegal. When has it ever been OKAY to give a child crystal meth or speed or acid? Include ritalin on that list since it is ALSO an amphetamine. The only difference is... crystal meth, speed, acid are distributed by your local drug dealer and ritalin... your local family doctor. Yes folks... there is NO DIFFERENCE.

Look out now... Adult Attention Deficit Disorder is out there as well. Read through the symptoms. If you experience 10 or more symptoms then you probably have adult ADD. **cracking up** If this is TRULY the case then EVERYONE suffers from the disorder. Wait, I just forgot what I was about to write. Blame my Adult A-D-D!

You know what comes next. You have been diagnosed. Instead of waiting for the doctor to prescribe some amphetamines to you... see your neighborhood pusher. I'm sure he'd be MORE THAN HAPPY to provide for you whatever your needs call for. You don't have to wait to see the doctor. Nope. Your pusher will have it for you ON DEMAND. No more calling in that prescription to the pharmacy and waiting 24 hours. I'm telling you... your pusher will be at that corner waiting JUST FOR YOU!

It's a success! The drug companies are a success! They have successfully marketed their product by creating the problem then becoming the solution.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Went On A Date Today...

Okay... so husband and I went on a date today. **giggles** At least I thought of it in that manner. I don't know if he was thinking along the same lines. LOL. It was actually a double date. A friend of mine, Summer and her husband, Fred were out and about and called us to meet up with them. I'm so grateful for REALLY good friends.

So our lunch date began at Assagio's Ristorante Italiano... Atmosphere was nice. Lunch traffic was almost gone. No overpowering smells like most mid-price restaurants. You couldn't hear ANYTHING going on in the kitchen. It was nice. It's been years since I've eaten there. I had this chicken dish that I couldn't pronounce. It was yummy. The chicken was sauteed with anchovies and chili peppers and served with fettucine and a tomato sauce.

Conversation ranged from the upcoming Soprano's season... Adriana? Dead or Alive?... to conspiracy on what REALLY happened with a family that have suffered numerous deaths, back to back to back in our little neighborhood. LOL. I really enjoyed myself.

We headed to a movie about an hour after lunch. We watched "Cinderella Man". Everybody seemed to have enjoyed it. I guess it was good. But you kinda ALREADY know what's gonna happen. You know it's a boxing movie. You know, according to the title, it's going to be victory for an underdog. So you know how it ends before the movie even begins. All in all though, it was worth my time and my money.... it was a matinee.... so I didn't pay full price. LOL...

So now here I am blogging... cuz well... that's just how it goes. I end my day sitting at this computer either reading blogs, writing in my blog OR playing spider solitaire. I have yet to master the 4-suit level.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Prototype

I was over at Danja's Blog. And it seems like LOVE IS IN THE AIR. I love it! We all deserve a piece of happiness... some, more than others. Anyway, she had in her daily deliberation part of the lyrics from the Outkast song, Prototype. Prior to reading her blog, I had seen the video and began thinking about ALL the relationships that I've had.

Who is my prototype? What man had EVERYTHING? The truth is... the honest answer is... that NO MAN had or has EVERYTHING. So let's take a look at my relationship past and see what qualities are worthy of being added to MY prototype male.

High School Sweetie: M.O.
He wasn't like my high school sweetheart, really. Basically, he was a really good friend that I happened to be attracted to and could maybe... kiss. LOL... yeah... he was special probably cuz things were so innocent between he and I. So what did I love about him? His prototype quality... just selecting one... OBEDIENCE! He was so obedient to his parents. Serious!!! I admired that MOST because that was something that I really WAS NOT. If my parents said, "Don't Touch!"... I'd be the first to touch it. High School Sweetie... was the exact opposite. So why do I admire obedience? Well.... because I'd like to learn to be more like that. Though I love to blaze my own trails, I could stand a little more obedience.

G. Shanks
**big smile** This man was like my EXTREME physical opposite but our interests were so similar. The man had to be like 5'4"... I'm 5'5". He was all of 140lbs... at the time I was 180lbs. He was dark as night... I'm a bit yella. Physically, we were just the ODD couple. But we made BEAUTIFUL music together. He was a musician from Florida. He loved the whole band scene -- think Drumline. We'd be at my folks' home, sitting at their piano... and sang and PLAY. His prototype quality... HOW WE CONNECTED THROUGH MUSIC. That has to be a quality in the perfect man. Definitely a prototype quality!!

D. Parker
The mid-west brutha outta Chicago. He was like... sunshine on a cloudy day. He was beautiful. Reminded me of the late Tupac Shakur. His prototype quality.... WE DREAMED TOGETHER! Dreaming together is so important to me. He was hopeful, excited, unafraid of life ahead. It's rare to find someone that has the same kind of belief in the good things....even though we had both experienced much disappointment and hurt. We dreamed insatiably. We were also exhibitionists... the rush of being intimate in a public setting was soooooooooo EXCITING!! (lol... had to throw that in there.) I still only have good memories of him. Our quick relationship is something I will take with me well on into old age. He is the inspiration behind a poem I wrote entitled "Butterflies in my Belly". Maybe one day I will share it on here.

S. Dunn
He is The Man With The Red Turtleneck Sweater. I think I outlined him pretty well in that post. His prototype quality... HE WASN'T AFRAID TO FOLLOW WHERE HIS HEART LED HIM. Honestly, I knew when we first spoke and he was trying to lay down the law (you have to read the other post to get what I'm saying...) that he was doing it to protect his heart. I knew he was a sweetheart. I knew he wanted to be in love EVEN though he tried to keep me at a distance. **smiling**

My Que! He became "main man" towards the ending of my Thomas Series. He was much more than that. Some of his significance is included in this post. Anyway... if you don't want to go thru reading all of that... just know that he was special and saw me through some VERY hard times in my life. He has also been my BIGGEST heartache. His prototype quality... HIS MIND, HIS INTELLIGENCE. He was a voracious reader... like myself. He was the first man that I had ever met who loved to read as much as I did and that I happened to be attracted to. It was either... OR... never one in the same. Our conversations... whew... I tell you... we could solve world issues within a two-hour drive. We could heal the world with all our thoughts on humanity. He was a progressive thinker.

So the current run-down on the "prototype" man, according to ME...

So say something in the comment section... or better yet... let's see some blogs outlining past relationships that showed inklings of a prototype. Let's see it. **wink and a smile** I understand if yall current relationships WOULD NOT, COULD NOT allow you to write about exes... but I hope they don't mind.

I disqualified my husband from this little exercise.... cuz really... HE IS "THE ONE". He is the fruition of all these things. He is the tangible evidence that a "prototype" exists. But above all, he holds my heart and I love him DEARLY.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Thomas and I: The Conclusion | Part VI

So here it is, the final episode. Part V outlined the betrayal that occured. My friends' sold me out. Bottom line... they thought I was doing dirt so they sided with Thomas.

Upon completion of the betrayal, I threw in the towel. I could NOT successfully cheat without intervention from my "girls". Every move I made outside of the relationship was being TOLD to Thomas. Whether it was getting my nails done or going to the doctor, Thomas KNEW instantly. So of course, continuing to hide rendezvous man was pointless. I decided to end things with Thomas.

I'd love to tell you that it went down like a fairy tale and we walked away from the relationship better people. Ha! But it didn't quite go down like that. We were sinking faster than the Titanic and going down just as ugly. I was a cheat, turned into a liar and was just not happy with the person I had become. All that ugliness was apparent.

When I broke it off with Thomas things got even more interesting. Remember now, he had left his wife and family to be with me.... thinking we'd live 'happily ever after'. He had no wife, didn't have custody of his children, child support to pay now that they were separated. The army was kicking him out for defrauding the government. (The apartment he and I stayed together was for Thomas and his wife... not me. Fraud!) So now he had no job. He was in Hawai'i with no family. Nothing. He was house-hopping and I didn't wanna have anything to do with him. Terrible, terrible me.

The more I write this, the more terrible I feel for all the rotten things I've done to that man. Ultimately, he is the one that made the decisions that took him down this dark path... but damn, I didn't help one bit. I can see why men think we're evil. For that, I apologize! To every man that has had to deal with a woman like this, I am truly sorry. If it's any consolation -- I realize all the evil things I did to that man and I swear never to do it again.

So anyway I went on my merry way. Rendezvous man became the center of my world and I left Thomas in the dust or so I thought. Thomas started showing up at my job. I was working as a cashier in the grocery store, not even a mile from the University I was going to. He would stand at my register and try to plead his case and WHY he needed me. That was soooo bad for business to have him there. So he'd go sit in his car and just wait 'til I got off work.... hoping I'd speak with him then. **rolling my eyes** He'd sleep in his car outside my house. That first couple of weeks after the break up, he'd send me dozens of long stemmed red roses. He'd show up at my mama's house and go to church with them. This is allll after we broke up.

He called the 'girls' to find out where I'd be so he could be there at the same time. When they didn't know, he'd tell them he was going to kill himself... so they'd spill the beans about where I'd be. He'd call BooBoo at all hours of the morning, wanting to talk and wanting to know HOW to get me back. He had lost his mind. I remember when he got his FINAL decree of divorce, he came running to me to show me and tell me that we could get married. Okay... he SOOOO did not get it that I had broke up with him.

Yes! Thomas turned into a stalker.

One of the girls that sold me out showed him where rendezvous man lived... knowing I'd be there. One evening, some dude shows up at rendezvous mans apartment asking for me. I have NO IDEA who this cat is. We speak and I follow him downstairs where Thomas is waiting. I know he's reached ROCK bottom. Rendezvous man tells me that if I leave with Thomas that I should call my mama and tell her that I'm leaving with this lunatic. Things was REALLY heated. Rendezvous man felt disrespected.Thomas  felt justified. As for me... I was tryna please everybody. I got myself into this. I needed to negotiate my way out of it.

I tell Thomas that we're done. There's nothing to save. Don't bother. Move on! He's not taking that as LAW. He starts yelling obscenities, at the top of his lungs, to rendezvous man. Talkin about...

"you stole my woman..." curse curse curse
"you aint all that..." curse curse curse
"i will kick your ass..." curse curse curse

Rendezvous man comes downstairs. They start BOXING. Is this fa real? Rendezvous man steals a left, right, left. Thomas gets a jab in then rendezvous man swings big. The punch stuns Thomas and he blanks out for a couple seconds... when he comes to, he reaches in his pocket and brandishes a box cutter. The intense fight comes to a climax when Thomas stabs my rendezvous man... who was now my main man. I release a shrill scream, worthy of a horror film, and begin running. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I didn't want to be near either ex-man OR main-man.

That really was THE END for me.... well, not really. As soon as the stabbing took place, I moved away from Hawaii. When I returned a year later, I ran into Thomas. He had slept with that 'certain girl' I spoke about in Part I. He had slept with this other girl I knew that I had gone to high school with and they were supposedly "together". Yet he still tried to hook up with me. He took me out and we hung out. I even spent the night at his house. LOL... I am sooo terrible. Though I didn't sleep with him... as in, have sex with him... I was teasing him like crazy. We made out like when we first met and that was the extent of that. I was sooo addicted to the power I had over him. **sigh**

So what had I learned? I learned that lying and cheating ruins lives. It took all of that to learn such a valuable lesson. His marriage was shot... and that is irreplaceable. I am such a big advocate for building stronger families. I am that way, aside from my upbringing, BECAUSE of what I've been through; because of what I've caused. How I 'did' HIM weighs heavy on my mind. I'd really like to tell him sorry. I'd really like to apologize. I just wanna tell him that it wasn't him.

Really... I'm sorry Thomas!

Friday, June 03, 2005

Past Couple of Days

Okay... here's a little list of 10 things I've done in the past couple of days.

1. Husband and I went and watched a matinee showing of Crash. I absolutely LOVED it. The soundtrack sounds like something I'd buy as well. The movie is an accurate portrayal of LIFE in Los Angeles! America truly does breed current society.

2. My little brother graduated from the sixth grade. He's so cute. When he first came to our home as a foster child, he was only three months old. He doesn't know anyone BUT us. He was attached to my hip when he first came to us. I can't believe he's 11 now... fixin' to go to middle school. I feel like he is my child.

3. Husband and I have written a ton of letters to our senators and house reps regarding the Patriot Act -- we hate it. The National ID Act -- we hate that too. We are passionate about protecting our privacy.

4. I've written out a presentation about financial planning based on idea's from Robert Kiyosaki's, Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I'm kinda excited about that. If folks understood how money works... they wouldn't be slaves to it. They'd be empowered to make things happen for themselves.

5. Husband and I are getting restless at home. Though we make a wonderful living NOT having to work -- we're bored. We're thinking of getting jobs. **sigh** Do I want to do that?

6. I tried purchasing the movie Panther from Suncoast. They had me all hyped cuz I special ordered it... then they called this week to tell me that the movie was outta print. I was bummed. So I went to get my money back but got the movie, Pretty In Pink instead. LOL... I love 80's movies.

7. I lost the software to upload pics from my digital camera to my PC. That has me irritated cuz I just bought a wire for it. Now I have to find a card reader that reads smart media memory sticks.... instead of being able to upload it directly from the camera. I called Olympus and they said the software isn't compatible with Windows XP anyway. **sigh** Imma probably head to Circuit City.

8. The neighbors are re-roofing their home. Why does it take them 4 days to do something that should only take about 6 hours? My cousins came and did our roof... they are roofers, by profession... they only took a half day to do the same job. I say they're getting cheated next door. LOL

9. Okay... how 'bout this? The same neighbor that's redoing the roof... he's a convicted sex offender against minors. I plugged in my zipcode on the updated Hawaii site. His name and face and what he was convicted of popped up. I am astonished! Is that some crazy mess or what?

10. Went to the waterpark today. Who'd have thought that on an island surrounded by ocean, we'd have a waterpark? It was my first time going and I had a blast.