Thursday, December 22, 2011

Cookie Corner Answer: Inmate Love

Prison is not exactly the place I'd like to go searching for a mate. I know every situation is different. I know of women, family members, who have or had relationships with inmates. I have never thought of breaching anyone's privacy by actually asking the people that I know why they have relationships with men behind bars. Even though I'm super nosey and extremely inquisitive about things that I don't understand, I just haven't found a good enough reason to ask.

Looking at why people even want to be in relationships is where my opinion stems from. Why do people search for mates?

I remember when my ex and I got separated, I agreed to it under the premise that he was returning home to help his mother out and that he'd be back to be my husband. Throughout our separation, I longed so much for companionship. I longed for his physical presence and for attention that I felt I deserved.

So this brings me to my question about relationships with inmates. The inmate has to sell a really intense story to the civilian for him or her to even be interested in trying it. There has to be some hot romance coming through via letters. Though I have to admit, the letters are probably hot and steamy as well as laden with heavy romance, letters DO NOT make a relationship and I'm a letter person.

My ex and I exchanged letters for a couple years before we finally married. Then when we separated, once again, I assaulted him with all kinds of letters and cards. (Secret: I still have all the letters. I've been meaning to take it to work and run it through my huge shredder... but I think there might be a book in those cards and envelopes.) I swooned over the letters he wrote me before we married. The words on a page always made me feel good about the distance and the time that separated us. It made me believe in something that didn't really exist except as it did in my mind.

Is it impossible to have a long and lasting and joyful marriage between an inmate and civilian? No. Nothing is impossible.

Is it likely that the marriage or relationship will last? **shrugs**

What I do know is that long distance relationships, no matter the reason, do not work all that well. I think of all the time I wasted waiting for my ex to come to his senses. When he finally did, it meant divorce, and I'm okay with that except that I wasted the prime years of my life waiting for HIM.

* * * * * * * * * *

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Cookie Corner Question

What makes a woman want a man that's in prison?
Things that make me go HMMMM.....???

My opinion later.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Regulating Discrimanators

Lesbian couple files discrimination lawsuit against Hawaii business

This article appeared in my news feed on my Facebook page. I'm not a CNN or FOXnews person. However, I subscribe to the local news because I find some of it interesting. I don't normally watch the news.

The linked article above states that a lesbian couple is suing the owner of a Bed&Breakfast here on the island. The owner refused service to the lesbian couple. I know this type of discrimination reminds people of the tumultuous Jim Crow era in the United States just a few decades ago. There are obvious differences!

I am somewhat sympathetic to the homosexual movement. If they want legal rights under man made laws, I think they should have it. In this case, I don't know what the lesbian couple is attempting to do. What is the outcome they are seeking? This is what I hear from their lawsuit (excuse the sarcasm):
LESB: "Let me in your establishment."
OWNER: "No. You're gay. I don't want you here."

Angry lesbian contacts her attorney.
LESB: "That place won't let me in. I want them to let me in. NOW!"
ATTORNEY: "Ok. I can help you."

Lesbian contacts the media, under the direction of the attorney.
LESB: "We're suing XYZ Bed&Breakfast because they won't let me in."
NEWS: "Oooh... news for Hawai'i residents. Thanks for the heads up. We'll watch what happens in court."
What are the legal precedences that have been set around the country for similar cases?

Can the owner include in his or her contract or lease or check-in document that they refuse service to Gays and Lesbians?

If I recall, there are signs at several establishments that read:
"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

Looking at my sarcastic dialog above, if we replaced LESB with DRUNKGUY or PERSON.TRAVELING.WITH.PETS, would this be a lawsuit?

If a non-Mormon were at the footsteps of the Mormon Temple and were refused entry, should the non-Mormon sue for entry?

Country Clubs are "exclusive" groups, should I sue?

I don't understand why the law would impose itself upon a private establishment. If I were a business and refused service to someone based on my personal preferences, why is that NOT okay? Should someone disregard their personal values and adopt the social norms?

At what point can a person or establishment have an opinion without fear of government interference?

Just thinking out loud.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Life Lessons Remembered

Random Facebook quote that I LOVE:

When people walk away from you...

Let them go...

Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people.

It just means that their part in your story is over.

I often think of my ex-husband when I see quotes like this. I know it sounds funny but I knew he was only going to be in my life for a short season. Most of our relationship was spent apart even before we were married. There's that little voice in your mind that whispers truth. In that whisper I have known/knew what the fate of our relationship would be. Today and even then, I was okay with it.

I have to admit that I learned so much from him about myself. The two biggest lessons....

1. What I had to learn quick is that his opinion of me (he walked away) should not determine my own opinion of self. After he left... all I could say was WOW to the new me. I think I dropped like 60 pounds in a matter of months. I regained half of it back but it was fun while it lasted.

2. I can do hard things. That was a big lesson! Divorce is difficult especially when all you want to do is LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. CRAZY LOVE. I got through it. Yeah, I can do hard stuff!

So even though he left me high and dry and divorced me, (See the story here and here and all throughout this blog. The topic is absolutely redundant.) my life has moved on in an awesome direction. Even though I tear up when I read my posts about the divorce and remember the heart ache in each and every goodbye, I also remember that I made it through. Our story together is complete however the lessons learned linger on.

I'm not sure if he ever thinks of me. I have no ill feelings toward him. In a way, I still have love for him; the way a student has love for a special teacher. I am grateful for his presence in my existence. The divorce pushed me beyond what I thought possible.

In gratitude, I bow to the lessons I have learned.

Never to be again....

Wednesday, December 07, 2011


I remember hearing a podcast of Oprah interviewing Wayne Dyer. For those who are not aware of who Wayne Dyer is, I encourage you to look into reading one of his books. He has several dozen out. Maybe even YouTube him or start with the free podcast of the interview I referenced above.

In the interview, Wayne explains how he followed the wisdom of the Tao for an entire year. I thought it was very engaging. SIDE NOTE: my most favorite book that he wrote is The Power of Intention. It was wayyy deep to where I had to digest the book, one chapter at a time. Like, a chapter per week.

For the purposes of this post, I focus in on something Wayne Dyer said is the first principle in the Tao. In attempting to explain God, the Tao says that once it is labelled or given a name, it ceases to be God. Over time, that simple thought has shown up in my life many times.

Does humanity need to label everything?

Once we label ourselves, we tend to take on that persona.
"I'm gay."
"I'm heterosexual."
"I'm Jewish."
"I'm Muslim."
"I'm Mormon."
"I'm Black."
"I'm Polynesian."
"I'm Chinese."
"I'm Atheist."
"I'm Republican."
"I'm a stay-at-home Mom."
"I'm homeless."
"I'm unemployed."
...and on and on we label ourselves.

Along with the labels come the pre-conceived and pre-determined roles that society has developed through the mainstream media.

Authentically, stereotypes are not who we are. We are not LABELS. We are a part of the consciousness in the universe or as I prefer to say, we are a part of God.

I am not the labels that may have been placed on me by an observer.
I am not a sinner nor am I saint.
I am not obese nor am I too thin.
I am not a victim nor am I a bully.
I am not diseased.
I am not mean.
I am not angry.
I am not possessive.
I am not hurt.
I am not evil.
I am not a label.

I AM that I AM.