Just One Of Them Dayz

This PMS thing just drains the heck out of me. I don't know how we, as women, do this all of our adult lives. It seems to get worse as I approach menopause or maybe I'm menopausing? I don't know. It's just so taxing and draining from the crazy food cravings to the cramps, the headaches, and the damn mood swings. Sorry for whoever has had to deal with me today. I have not been a happy camper.

Monica's 90's R and B anthem, Just One Of Them Days, rings truer now than it did back then for me. The older I get, the worse it seems to get. And then once the "event" arrives all the mood swings are gone and the stupid headaches and food cravings just magically disappear. The cramps will still be there though.

Some days I'm not sorry but today I am. I have been a little mean and grouchy and just plain moody. If I could, I would crawl into a cave for the next week until this "storm" passes. I feel restless but really I need to just chill this weekend and stay in bed all day long, write, watch some good movies, and just kick back.

A certain someone was heavy on my mind this morning. I like to think that I was on his mind also but I don't know if we still have that connection or if he thinks I'm a flake. I don't know but I am good where I'm at and don't need to complicate my life by reaching out. 

Thanksgiving Weekend I hung out with my two "nieces" from back home, Penina and Pu. They are both in college near me and I was so happy to have them. We're in the store getting snacks for our pending movie night and I am grabbing oreos and ice cream and chocolate cupcakes. Of course, it's obvious that the food cravings are taking over and we have a good laugh about it. While we're riding in the car Pu asks me if I heard the song, Time of the Month by Swiss. We find the song on Amazon Music Unlimited and I just about die laughing at the lyrics. The catchy reggae-esque chorus repeats:
It's the time of the month
When my baby goes crazy
Out of her mind
And she's telling me she hates me
I give her a little time
Cause in a few days she'll be fine

I guess it's a universal experience for straight men who deal with us crabby women at that time of the month. I did go ape this morning and I apologized for it. All should be well, right? Nope... I don't feel better and I just want to disappear for a week. Ugghhh... My boss is going to be out of the office until next Wednesday. Can't I just escape to Baltimore or Dallas for the week? Oh well -- it is what it is.

I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Random Whining

Today's DAILY OM headline is Returning to Creative Dreams: Return and Reclaim. I wish I could republish what it said but you can just follow the link to do that.

DAILY OM is a bright light in my inbox. Because I subscribe to it, I get a wonderful message in my email everyday. It is never skewed by dogmatic belief. Rather, it gives off a message of light and love and about honoring self. I miss that about my former life. The world revolved around me... in the life I led before returning to religion. I so want that back.

Where does it say that we have to be so scheduled and bogged down by life events, or children, or familial ties? We have all been created to find happiness. Does happiness mean that I have to take on other people's problems/children? All my life I fell like I've had to care for other people's children. Sometimes I'm grateful for it but most times I feel so distant from the desire to have my own children.

My grandmother and great grandmother lived with us off and on until their passing. Our home is a very modest (humble) three bedrooms and two baths. It's tiny! Add to that me, my older brother, and both my parents. We're up to six people. Add to that another six children... my cousins whose mom was having a tough time and CPS took them. My parents decided to take them all in. When five of them left, my parents decided to continue on in foster care. **sigh** And thus begun my life, caring for children and my grandparents. Though I'm grateful for all the knowledge I have acquired, I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to take care of me and my husband. I miss US... just US. **sigh**

I know this is a major "whine-fest" but sometimes I deserve it. Before, my outlet was alcohol. Since I have put down the drink, I no longer have a stress reliever and I think of it often. I don't think of cigarettes though.... thankfully. I used to love Heineken. I would crack open a bottle and be set. If we were drinking hard liquor, Tequila was it for me. Tequila + Orange Juice + a dab of grenadine... and we're best friends. Now -- good ole H2O is my fave.

Where am I going with this post? No where! I'm just.... letting go of the negative emotions inside... concentrating on the GOOD that's around me and ahead of me. Big things must definitely be on the horizon!