Video Podcast Episode 10: Push Away From The Harbor

Video Podcast #10: Extending Beyond Your Boundaries

I briefly mention the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho in today's video. It is a short read and very thought-provoking. The book is a work of fiction and the story serves as a parable. The message will only be received by those who are ready to receive it. The summary of the book on the back cover of the paperback version of the book describes it best. I hope it's enough to tempt you to read it. I think the book is about a 3 to 4 hour read. Put in the time and feed your mind and your imagination.

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Back Cover of THE ALCHEMIST by Paulo Coelho

"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation."

Paulo Coelho's enchanting novel has inspired a devoted following around the world. This story, dazzling in its simplicity and wisdom, is about an Andalusian shepherd boy named Santiago who travels from his homeland in Spain to the Egyptian desert in search of a treasure buried in the Pyramids. Along the way he meets a Gypsy woman, a man who calls himself king, and an Alchemist, all of whom point Santiago in the direction of his quest. No one knows what the treasure is, or if Santiago will be able to surmount the obstacles along the way. But what starts out as a journey to find worldly goods turns into a meditation on the treasures found within. Lush, evocative, and deeply humane, the story of Santiago is an eternal testament to the transforming power of our dreams and the importance of listening to our hearts.

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FOLLOW ME

Writing is Art

Navigating the self-publishing world has been an adventure. I am pushing myself beyond my known boundaries. The feeling is exhilarating and scary. I have not thought, not once, of failure and I am grateful that I am gifted with such a fierce optimism. That optimism has gotten me through some very rough patches and I know that it will carry me through the rest of my life.

People have asked me why I don't submit my manuscript to a publishing house. Here are my reasons:

1. TIME - I am not sure that they will move on it quick enough for me. They are looking for "trending" stories that are highly marketable. I think I am a great story-teller but I don't want to sit and wait for them to decide. I set a deadline for myself and I want to keep that deadline.

2. EDITING - Though I would appreciate feedback, I don't want my voice to be drowned out by an editor that wants my story to be "more marketable." The idea behind my writing is not just to sell books but to have my words and the stories make an impact on the reader.

3. CREATIVE FREEDOM - I have a clear vision of how I want the cover to be and how I want the text to be formatted.

I have not eliminated the possibility of pitching this manuscript to a publishing house. A dear friend of mine whose resume is quite impressive as a cultural expert (she was a consultant on Disney's Moana) has already put me in touch with Little Island Press located in Auckland, NZ. I don't want to wait though. I want to push this first novel into the print world. There are so many more that are coming after it.

People think that writing is cheap. And it is. It doesn't cost a thing for me to put my ideas on paper or here on the world wide web. But to bring it all to life costs money. Think of an artist that has sketched or has sculpted or has took beautiful photos. How do they bring it forward? They need the materials and then they need all the fluff to present their final product. Fluff = frames, columns and stands, printing costs, marketing -- it all costs money to present the end product to the world. And though sales and future commissions on their creative works might be a byproduct, that will not be realized for weeks or even months, sometimes years. Vincent Van Gogh probably had no clue the "value" of his work while he was alive.

I think of my writing just as an artist thinks of his or her pieces. I place my heart and soul into the things that I write and when I present it to the world, I make no apologies for the story that I tell. The best stories will change you, will push you to think of things differently.

So as I continue to weigh my options for bringing my first novel to life, self-publishing is still my chosen avenue. It is expensive -- from copyrighting the material to the actual publishing and the  marketing. I thank the people who have contributed to this first endeavor - donors who gave without hesitation. And though it is not enough yet, I am extremely grateful and humbled by their generosity.

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I Wanna Tell Our Story

The story I want to tell here and in my coming video podcasts will probably be the collective story of all of humanity.

Ups.
Down.
Sadness.
Joy.
Discovery.
Struggle.
Triumph.
Grief.
Happiness.
Fear.
Love.
Sweet Love.

We all share similar experiences. Our cultural traditions, our familial relationships, our upbringing, our religious and political affiliations uniquely colors our experiences so that we handle them differently. But at the core of the human condition, we share the same search for happiness and how to connect to the world outside of our experience.

Whenever I meet someone, I like to hear their story. Most people have a spiel already created in their mind. It's their go-to summary of who they are. Mine always starts with who my parents are. In Hawai'i, and probably in all Pacific Island groups, we search for our connection so that we can relate to each other and that starts with, "Who's your family and where are you from?" The theory of six degrees of separation is all too true in Polynesia. No matter where I find myself in the world, I will always know someone who knows someone who knows someone and we connect.

I am a Pacific Islander. My mother is Samoan/Swedish from Vaitoloa, Western Samoa and my father is Hawaiian/Chinese from Kaneohe, O'ahu, Hawai'i.

I reside in South Carolina right now. I moved here in November 2017, just over a year after a very seamless and quick divorce. My ex and I were together for 13 years before we called it quits. That certainly colors my life right now. That event has surely changed me and forces me to look at my life with new awareness. And I am here to tell that story; to talk about the lows and the triumphs of overcoming grief. Sometimes I wake up in tears. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Maybe it's loneliness and not knowing why my marriage fell apart and maybe it is the uncertainty of moving forward without my best friend. I truly considered my ex my best friend. The way we bounced ideas off each other and laughed and had good times. The way we worked so well as a team. The way we held each other up. These are things I think of when I miss him. I miss that connection. I miss that feeling of knowing that when I go home at night, someone is waiting for me. No matter how hard family and friends try to fill that void, it is not the same thing.

Here I am at the midpoint of my life forced to reinvent who I am. In the year from when my ex and I split to the moment I left the islands, I did a whole lot of soul searching. I continually analyzed the condition of my life. In my mind, I asked the following questions:
What will make me happy again?
How can I live my best life?
How can I change the circumstances of my life so that everything I do is intentional and not a reaction to outside forces?

So here we are. I am going to tell that story!

Adding Dimension to NeenaLove, Inc.

It's time for a change.

It's time for me to catch up to this wave of podcasting that has taken over the online community.

I will always be a writer. 

I will continue to communicate and convey my thoughts and feelings BEST in written format on this blog, in my journal, and it my written manuscripts.

However, it is time to include VLOGGING/Podcasting to my repertoire. 

I actually make this transition with excitement as I love cameras (maybe I can upgrade soon). And I love the sound of my voice. I have a deep, rich voice that sometimes gets mistaken for a man's voice. I remember pulling up at McDonalds once and the woman on the receiving end kept calling me "Sir." At first, I was annoyed but now I'm just used to it. Trust and Believe, I am ALL woman. 

I hope you will tune in to my vlog.

I have selected Wednesday as my regular release date every week.

It is very difficult for me to select just one topic because I am interested and curious about so many things. To nail down a topic and pick just one would be a tragedy in the making. So I am going to treat this like a really good conversation with my BFF and when she's in town, she will make an appearance on the vlog.

Most of the pivotal decisions in my life have happened after a great conversation with people in my inner circle. There's my father who has always dispensed the best advice and usually did it with very few words. Even though he can talk on and on about a variety of subjects, when it comes to causing a paradigm shift in my heart, he only need say a few words and I "get it." There's my older brother. He, too, is a man of very few words. And the words he chooses are always very impactful, just as my father. There's my baby brother who, consequently, is also a man of very few words. His age (he is so young) coupled with his millenial outlook on life always flips the script on me and I always sit back and laugh at his wisdom. There's my sister-in-law. She is like the definition of "plan ahead" and I always cherish her view on things because it's so different from my own. I am the 'fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants' girl. Spontaneous to a fault. I think of all of them as I start this journey into vlogging. 

I have dipped and dabbed, a little, with vlogging. Making videos is such a chore as it requires so much planning. Let's not talk about all the "bloopers" that also happen when filming one single video. I laugh at the many "takes" that I have to do to get it just right. I have not scripted any of the videos that I have made so far. I have a general idea of what I want to say then I go with it. When I look at the videos on my YouTube page that I have made so far, I cringe at the lighting. Almost all the videos look like I have bags under my eyes - thanks to the shadows and the contours on my face that cause the shadows. But I am who I am regardless of what I look like. Also - maybe I can get sophisticated lighting the deeper I get into this vlogging world.   

One thing that I absolutely love is hearing the stories of older people. For instance, every morning when I leave for work, there's an older gentleman that walks around the complex. When I run into him, he is sweaty and looks as if he's been walking for quite some time. This morning, I stopped him and told him that I should get into walking too. He looked so thrilled that I said more than, "Good Morning," as I normally do when I see him. While we're standing there having a conversation, his legs are still going as he is walking in place. 

"How old you think I am," he asks me. 

I take a good look at him and I guess 60 years old. He fires back, "Try again. Higher."

65?

He is shaking his head vigorously.

"Higher!"

I step back. No way you're 70?

"I turned 80 two weeks ago." He has a light patois. Jamaican, maybe?

What the hell? The man looks good and maybe it's because he's bald and clean-shaven that there's no graying to behold but his eyebrows are jet black. His skin has some wear on it but no deep wrinkles at all. I am speechless. That is hard to do - to cause me to be speechless. I stand there with my mouth agape as he talks about his habit of walking and his wife's habit of walking. He runs down his daily routine. Exercise. Cool down. Shower. Eat a bowl of cereal. Relax. 

"But," he says, "I just started working again."

Before retiring, he drove a van for special needs children and he has picked it up again.

I smile and tell him that work keeps him  young. Just like my dad who still works at 75 years old. And his job is a physically vigorous job. My father is a landscaper.

Anyway, I wish I had snapped a picture with that gentleman this morning. But trust and believe, I am going to interview him, in the future, for my VLOG. I will let him tell me again what the secrets are for living a long, healthy life.

So here's to VLOGGING/PODCASTING! I will always write but now I'm adding another component to NeenaLove, Inc. Stay tuned!

Kahuku High School 25th Reunion - Class of 93

On my social media accounts, I have been mentioning that I am going to Las Vegas soon. It's my 25th High School Class Reunion. I went to Kahuku High School, a little school on the north shore of O'ahu. I love my hood and my classmates. We really are a tight bunch. Seeing everyone on Facebook, I'd say that we all pretty much look the same - just a little older and a little wiser. When did we get so old? I am just ready to chill and DO NOTHING or EVERYTHING. Hang out. Turn up. Shop. Sleep in. Stay up late. Gamble. Spa pampering. Catch a few shows. Sip margaritas by the pool.

I don't know the last time I went to Vegas without a "chaperone". Meaning -- no parents, no husband, no boyfriend. It's just me and my bestie and all the classmates that will be there. I don't expect to go to all of the planned activities but I will try to make the ones I can. I suppose this is my Girl's Trip for this year.

Last year I went to San Jose, California where a bunch of us girls converged and partied and hung out. We were actually there for a wedding. We partied until it was time to get on the plane. Whewww... Dancing til 2'ish then breakfast at Matrix Casino to end the night had me almost missing my flight. Thankfully, I did make it just by the skin of my teeth. I expect to have the same adventures this time around.

I feel like I had my core group of friends in high school but that I was friendly with everyone. I hate the idea of cliques. I was a nerd meaning I attended the GT classes in intermediate and then AP classes when I got to high school. No one would have guessed that of me, I bet. I was an athlete. I played volleyball my freshman year in high school then moved to a private league for the rest of high school. I was on the Track & Field team and went to States all three years. My senior year, I was the State shot-put champion. So funny to think of it now. I so did not want to be at that track meet in Maui because our May Day program was happening at the same time back on O'ahu and I was missing it. For some strange reason, I was a football statistician for the Varsity squad, my senior year. I guess that's why I'm still so comfortable being on the football field on game nights. I was involved in everything. Student government, student activities, yearbook co-editor, blah blah blah... and I cherished my years at Kahuku High School. I don't know how many people can say that about high school. And I know there were some people that did not have a good experience and I can only hope that I did not contribute to their bad experiences. Some of my closest friends I have known since we were in diapers and I am still in touch and close with my friends from high school.

And even though many of us (my classmates) did not hang out regularly in high school, I bet we have so much more in common now. 25 years of life experiences is a whole lot of learning and growing and hopefully finding peace and love in our hearts. I know I have been through so many changes and the one thing that I am so certain of today is that I love people, unconditionally and without judgement -- at least I try to. And I know that it's possible to love humanity unconditionally because I love myself unconditionally. I don't need anyone to approve of who I am or who I am becoming because I accept myself in my totality, flaws and all.

So my wish for my classmates, as we converge on Sin City, is that we remain healthy and full of love. That our trials will turn to triumphs all the time! That our hearts will be soft in a world that wants us to be hard. That we remember our friendships from the past and create new bonds for the future. Hugs and sunshine kisses everyone!!!

Buyer's Remorse

My last post I briefly mentioned that I was buying a house. Since I made the offer and it was accepted, I have felt nothing but STRESS. Feeling stress is NOT what I need in my life. And it occurred to me, just now, that the STRESS is an indicator that I don't agree with this purchase and that I should NOT move forward with purchasing a home.

As soon as I turned that over in my head and came to a conclusion, I called my Popps to get his take on the situation. I explained to him the stress I feel about purchasing this home. With a very matter-of-fact attitude he said, "Get rid of the stress." With that response, I felt good about the decision I made and I have stopped moving forward with buying a home here in South Carolina. It's just too soon. My father was actually very thrilled that I had changed my mind of buying a home in South Carolina. I know he is hopeful that I will return to the islands soon or at least closer to the west coast. I cannot. Not just yet. I have so much to do! And I just love the South. I have always loved the South in comparison to anything out west.

The confusion I felt after making the offer on the home really threw me. Isn't that what every one wants? The ability and the opportunity to purchase a home. I suppose under different circumstances, I do want that. But right here and right now is not that time. Part of my apprehension with buying a home here is that it locks me in and I am committed to this place. I don't even know if I am staying here in this place. I know how to live conventionally. That's what I just escaped from. I don't want a life of convention and conformity to the rat race of a job and bills. I am still relatively young. I feel young. I have NO OBLIGATIONS right now. None. This is a moment in my life, ripe with opportunity. To change the outcome of my life, I have to make different decisions and take risks that I have previously shied away from.

My dissatisfaction with my job is a recent development. I am very under-utilized for the amount of skill and talent I have. I am not modest in that area. I know exactly how good I am at what I do. So I am looking for growth, more money, but more than that, I want to make my biggest dreams come true. A part of me is grateful for the small work load I have because it does afford me a lot of time to pursue other things. However, while I'm making the dream happen I need to make more money. That means that I am actively looking for a better paying job. So... UNIVERSE... put it in my lap. I will wait.

I'm REALLY Moving to South Carolina

It's really real.
I am really moving.

I don't know where this road is going to lead but I can say with certainty that NOTHING has unfolded this easily before my eyes. NOTHING. The events and circumstances that lead me to South Carolina can only be defined as a fated road; the path of least resistance pushing me in a clear direction where there is no denial of where it is I need to be. I cannot explain how or why I have moved with such swiftness. My visit in January followed by my visit in June and here I am in October making the move with a job already in place and a "hellafied" support system like no other!

I am extremely grateful for all the moving parts that is making this transition so easy. From my friends and family here in Hawai'i that have put up with me for the last year to my cousins in South Carolina, "my soft spot to land," and all the friends and family from California to Utah to Texas and to Maryland that have dealt with my bouts of sadness and erratic behavior. They are the true MVP's in my world. I don't know the wreck I must have looked like just a year ago but I sure don't feel like that today. And with the job offer I accepted in South Carolina and the adventure that awaits me there, life is only getting better and better. I untangle myself from anything that causes me sadness or causes me to second guess my self worth. Surely if you couldn't recognize my value in the past when it was all yours to have, why should I believe that you see it now?

Who would have ever thought that this island girl would fly away to such a foreign place. South Carolina. I think of it and a smile creeps across my face not just because of the memories that I have already made but because of the new experiences that await me. I feel like I am moving to live in a Nicholas Sparks novel (all of his love stories are set in the Carolinas). **cue romantic music** It excites me and fills me with wonder.

I am going toward living my wildest dream. I am speaking my future into existence. It is already a reality (inside my mind) - I am a published author telling the stories about love and about culture, about relationships romantic and familial. I am writing the memoir that every broken-hearted woman needs to read to see themselves in me and to find their own strength to overcome any sad reality.

Yes. I feel this pull to South Carolina and it represents freedom from my past. It represents me being my most authentic self. It represents new beginnings. I have craved this and longed for it, it seems, all of my life.

Here we go!

Zipline Review: CLIMBworks Keana Farms

I went ziplining with my nieces yesterday. In typical Leo fashion, I celebrate all season long. The party begins on July 22nd and ends August 22nd. So I have a couple more days of celebrating until Leo Season is officially over.

I had not planned on going ziplining. My sister-in-law had won two tickets to CLIMBworks at Keana Farms located in Kahuku, Hawai'i and she was sending her two oldest children to use the tickets. My oldest niece is leaving for college in just 12 short days. I am so crazy excited for her. This zipline thing was part of her "things to do" before leaving home. I decided to tag along. My father had given me some birthday money so I could afford to splurge on the $150 price tag (Kamaaina Rate).

EASE OF BOOKING:
I walked in there and asked if there was any availability for me. There was one more spot left and I snatched it right up. The worker behind the register was helpful and worked quickly to get me signed in and paid for. There is a 275 pound weight limit and they do actually weigh you before they take your money.

LOBBY AREA:
The lobby was clean and very nice. There are plenty of workers to assist guests with any needs.

GETTING GEARED UP:
Everything is provided for you. You just show up. The workers get you geared up and assist in making sure all the necessary safety precautions are taken. There aren't any lengthy safety videos or lectures. You go on your first zip right at the beginning where the guides give you some quick tips on being safe and having fun.

THE EXPERIENCE:
The tour is two and a half to three hours. After the first zip, you go up the mountain in an ATV. The views from the top are stunning. I think we did a total of 8 zips. One was as fast as 45 mph. The highest I believe was over 1,500 feet. It was an amazing experience! In between zips, you hike or climb or pull yourself up on a rope. It is quite invigorating.

OVERALL:
I had a great time. There is nothing negative that I can say about the entire experience. The guides were fabulous and friendly. They knew each of us by name after the first couple of zips. If there is one thing I wish I had done is take my camera/phone. I didn't take it with me on the hike because I thought I would have dropped it. All the videos in my short vid were taken with both of my niece's phones.

My Time to Jump

In the past few months I have talked incessantly about my rising star. I don't know what that's about but I feel it in my gut so strong and urgent. And I don't say it with arrogance or even confidence except that I feel it so strongly - a life calling me that is bigger than the here and now and bigger than I can currently imagine.

I suspect that all the pain I have experienced and all the joys have contributed to the me that I am right now. I do not look at my trail of broken hearts and severed relationships as anything but what it is - two people choosing different paths in life. I respect and honor the choices of the men that have left me. It is their authentic choice. Maybe at the end of my life I will understand the whys of their leaving me but today is not that day. I will always find love in the way that it always finds me. I know my value today and will not settle for less than a man that excites me and sets my world on fire. One that will support my every dream no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Someone that believes in me.

But beyond the wonder and magic of love, I am excited about the power I have to create the life I have always wanted to live. I can take the crazy risks that have always been nestled in my heart of hearts without fear of a less-than supportive mate. I know that the glue that holds me together today is my belief that I can do whatever my mind can conceive. And there is nothing holding me back except my own stubbornness to accept the path that is laid out before me. I still look back at my past wanting and wishing that things could be different instead of looking forward with my eyes single to the pursuit and completion of my goals. I can see so clearly the grandness of my life and the power within me to do what I once thought was impossible.

I still feel great love for my ex and yet understand with exactness that he does not feel love for me anymore. And though I continually mourn the end of that relationship and I occasionally cry myself to sleep just missing his presence in my life, I accept his choice to leave. I welcome the wonder of every tomorrow and marvel at my resilience to rise above the disappointment of that failed relationship. God knows my heart and the potential for which I strive to live up to.

I am here in Maryland and will drive down to South Carolina later this week. And before I flew out here last week, I had a minor meltdown at home. I found myself feeling like I was at rock bottom with all the things going on in my life. I was moving out of the house I was living in and had nowhere to go except back to my father's house. I have no car because my car had been wrecked in a car accident that I was involved in. If you had seen the condition of the car, you would marvel that I even survived.

Nothing is working for me on "my island" and I realized, as I sat sobbing at my predicament, that it is time for me to spread my wings and move away from Hawai'i. God knows I love my island home and my family there but if I am to accomplish anything of substance then I must leave and find my fortune wherever the road is taking me. Making that decision before I left lifted a burden off my shoulders. My older brother and my baby brother really pulled it together for me. My older brother co-signed my feelings about leaving the island and said everything I needed to hear to finally make the decision to leave. My baby brother paid my ticket to leave. Though I am not making the move immediately, the decision to do so was the hardest part. And now that I have made it, this vacation that I am on is that much sweeter. I look forward to every tomorrow!

Pondering. Journaling.

Since I split from my ex, the road ahead is shrouded in mystery and I feel like I can do ANYTHING and that NOTHING is holding me back from following my wildest curiosities. There are so many doors wide open for me. I feel like I can do anything. And yet, some of the people I am closest to are so critical of my decisions.

I feel like I want a change in my life. I want to get off the rock for a little bit and get my mind right. I am craving new adventures and to distance myself from everything that is going on in my here and now. At the same time, this could definitely be the best "rock bottom" story ever to be told. That's where I feel like I'm at -- Rock Bottom.

I can't wait to see my cousin in Maryland and my BFF who is also in Maryland. I really need to be with them and talk to them about my life. Lord knows I need some direction while I write these books. What I really want to do is lock myself up in a room and not come out until the novel is done. I can't very well do that here in Hawai'i because my phone doesn't stop ringing and well, circumstances will just NOT allow it right now. An artist needs complete silence and maybe some inspiration music but other than that - silence is the key to unlock the creativity in my mind.

Nothing is more important to me right now than changing my career path. Instead of doing what I do, which I'm pretty good at, I want to move toward living my dream. That means being a full-time writer. I don't get why some of the people that are closest to me cannot see my dream and support whatever path that takes me on. I am not leaving anyone behind just because I am moving toward my dream. At the end of my life, heck, at the end of this year, I don't want to have any regrets.

My father is stuck on the fact that I have a good job with great benefits. Me? I'm like, screw the benefits and the good job. What about the great big world out there that's waiting to be seen and experienced? What about the life that I have always dreamed of living? None of that can be achieved by staying in the same position. No one that ever achieved anything did it without opposition from their closest confidants. I suppose I will be the same. **sigh**

I am just so ready to live out loud and not be afraid of putting myself out there and taking this show in an entirely different direction. I don't mean to be disrespectful to my father. God bless him. He has been such a big part of my healing. And his advice and demeanor is always so steady but I think it's time for me to spread my wings and fly.

Oprah's Master Class: Morgan Freeman

Oprah's Master Class: Morgan Freeman

I love Morgan Freeman! I loved him before watching Oprah's Master Class. After watching Master Class, I love him even more.

His story is so inspiring.
About Never giving up.
About Courage.
About Providence.
"If you're not living on the edge then you're taking up a little too much space..."

This particular quote has reinvigorated me. Sometimes I get so sidetracked by my world's (read: the people around me) expectation of who I should be. My husband wants me to be a certain way. My family want me to be a certain way. My culture. My religious affiliation. All of these forces have a certain expectation of me of which I'm not certain is authentically me.

Living on the edge means taking more chances without fear of failure. Consciously, I have never been afraid of failure. Especially in recent years. However, people around me have more than enough fear for me. Where others see risk, I see opportunity and I long to move toward it. Though I have no fear of doing things, I do have fear of not pleasing those around me. Of course I want to meet and/or exceed my husband's expectations. Of course I want to be the kind of daughter/ sister/ aunt/etc. that everyone has become accustomed to. But can I really be all those things and still be the authentic me?

Which brings me to my next point. Perhaps I need a little more courage, not to brave the unknown but to stand for my authentic self.

I feel so suffocated by religion. In a universe of infinite creation and growth, how can there be only one way to the Creator? And then at the end of this lifetime, when I am rebirthed into another existence, will any of the dogmatic, religious, theological, doctrinal beliefs really matter? Can we not function in the universe and love each other, as human beings, without the weight of our differences? What if, in the horizon of new consciousness, we find out that God is in me and you and in every person on the planet? Why is it not enough to nurture that?

Let me move toward the edge and throw myself INTO LIVING COLOR rather than the dull existence of black and white print.

In the Master Class, Morgan Freeman closes with the following words:

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste
Knowing what peace there is in silence

and it goes on...
NO DOUBT THE UNIVERSE IS UNFOLDING AS IT SHOULD

Be at peace with yourself
You are as important as the stars

Providence is that unseen force that directs and moves our lives in the paths that we are destined to trod. Some call it God. I don't quite know what to make of it except that I have a strong impression that my destiny is unfolding as we speak, in the way that it should, without my prompting it or forcing it. I look forward to my purpose unfolding where I pray that I will be as free as a bird, untethered by the burden of dogma.

Be at peace with yourself
You are as important as the stars


Thank you Oprah and Morgan Freeman for inspiring me.

Submitting to the Light

This semester, I am taking PHIL 410. This course is part of my academic plan since I am a Philosophy major. The topic of the course is God and World. The text is really good. It's by Karen Armstrong entitled A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. This week is mid-terms. What I really enjoy about classes online is that there aren't any "exams". Instead of an examination - midterm or final - most online professors prefer a term paper. This is totally fine with me. I love that I get to write about topics that I actually enjoy. I don't really care for this particular professor. He comes off as a guy that wants to be right all the time rather than someone attempting to nurture the thought process. He is very condescending toward most of the students. It's irritating but totally off subject.

He dropped the term paper topic list today. I love every single topic on his list. How can I choose just one? Here are the topics:

-Jewish Groups at the time of Jesus and the Concept of the Messiah
-Jesus in Historical Context
-Gnostic Gospels
-Deism
-Contemporary Commentary on the Koran from a Feminist Perspective
-Christian Mysticism
-Concept of Sin
-Major Figures (select one from this list: http://www.theology.ie/theologs.htm)

What I love about Philosophy is how much I explore into the mindset of thinkers throughout the history of the modern WESTERN world and the advent of religion and the social structures that either support it or discard it. I have had several epiphanies over the course of my studies. I am nearly done and will graduate with a Bachelors of Arts Degree in Philosophy within the year. I don't really consider this an accomplishment because I have never liked the idea of college. Taking college courses and pursuing this degree was more a matter of accessing the funds that are made available to native Hawaiians through Kamehameha Schools.

I appreciate that many of the subjects I have explored throughout my studies have been topics that were outside of my experience. However, I don't think that a college degree is an indicator of how well a person can think. I say this because I have encountered many people (I work at a private university) who have difficulty utilizing their critical thinking skills. My social interactions with my family, friends, in my community, and even online have been colored with shallow/narrow conceptions of various topics. In an abundant universe with an infinite number of possibilities, I find it increasingly difficult to remain so fixed in my position on the topic of religion and philosophy, any topic. I am but a small speck in the large universe with very little understanding of infinity. I conclude that I couldn't possibly know everything. I cannot make declarations that will be fixed for eternity because, well, in a second that declaration could be overturned by new information.

I submit to the eternal search for light, love, knowledge, and truth. I do not search for these things to gain leverage over another. Rather, I search for these qualities only to understand, to feel compassion, to express kindness for all living entities in the universe. I want to share my light. I want my light to burn brighter.

Can you dig it?

BTW: the topic I selected is Christian Mysticism.

Planning China

 

I'm planning my first trip to Beijing. I don't know how long I've been talking about seeing and hiking The Great Wall of China but the opportunity has presented itself. I made a list of some of the "adventures" I have yet to do in a previous entry. Hiking the Great Wall was one of them. You can take para-sailing off the list because I took care of that in August.  The butterflies are already building. I am super excited!

Husband and I are thinking that we're going to spend two days there. Day one will be spent at Yaxiu Market. Thanks to my cousin, Jared, who went to Beijing earlier this month I know where the best shopping can be found. He told me to start in the basement of Yaxiu Market and buy some suitcases then work my way up and fill the suitcases. The Market boasts on-site tailor's to whip up an outfit and floors of bargains. Husband and I have set a budget of $300 to spend there. According to cousin, $150 went very, very far so we'll see what we can get for double that. This is our Christmas Shopping! I'm totally excited to be able to combine my Christmas Shopping with travel. **Smiles**

 

Day two will be total sight-seeing. We will hit The Great Wall in the early morning (even if the temps are super freezing, as it is now) then maybe The Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven, and Tian'anmen Square in the afternoon. I'm presuming that everything will be very quick since these attractions are all outdoor and it's FREEZING. I know how I get in the cold. CRANKY!!! I'm thinking I should go hunt down a pair of ugg boots to keep my toes warm. I got rid of all my winter gear when I left the mainland. Part of the reason for Day One being shopping is so that I can at least get a warm coat for the outdoor sightseeing. I'm not banking on them having boots in my size. Not in China! I think they would faint if they seen my feet. China is the nation that once practiced footbinding. Would these people even believe that I'm Chinese with my very large body frame and feet?!!! hahahahaha

Sidenote: In Alabama, my favorite Chinese restaurant is Tai, in the city of Madison. Tai is the surname of my great-grandfather on my father's side. He was pure Chinese and married my great-grandmother who was pure Hawaiian. The owner spoke to me after our meal and was impressed with the way I order my food, my selection of food, and how I eat with chopsticks. He said it is "very Chinese". I think about that interaction often. I requested that my rice be served in a rice bowl, separate. I asked for a steamed vegetable since it wasn't on the menu. The waiter asked the cook what could be done and they informed him that they would kindly oblige. When the meal was served. I had my bowl of rice, a generous helping of steamed/ stir-fry pak choi, and ginger chicken. On the mainland, it is assumed that everyone eats with a fork. The waiter almost fell over when I requested chopsticks. The owner -- dazzled by my chopstick skills. I tell this story only to illustrate what might have inadvertently been passed down through the generations. Maybe my "very Chinese" way of eating is genetic. **laughing**

December seems like the best time to travel because it is the off season in China. It will be bitter cold (hate it) but I know I'm coming home to the beautiful tropics so I think I can bear it for a couple of days. I'm thinking that we'll stay at the Marriott there. It's near downtown Beijing and the subway. I'm so excited.

I'm trying to avoid having to hire a private car and tour guide. My cousin said he hired one and it ran about $215. That seems like a small price for excellent services but husband and I are not "balling" like that yet so we're on a tight budget. Our day trip to San Francisco last week went just fine using public transportation. I'm assuming it will be fine in Beijing as well. The olympics was just there so I know they had to make everything user-friendly for speakers of all languages. I find comfort in that.

If you have travelled to Beijing, what are some tips I should keep in mind?

* * * * * * * * * *

Photo Credit

Quick Quote

There are only two doors in life:

The door marked

Security

and the door marked

FREEDOM

If you choose the door marked

SECURITY

You

Lose

BOTH

   

Project's Galore

Life has been so  busy lately. I've put off blogging in favor of doing all the other things I do.

There are several projects on the table right now.

Project #1: Acquiring/ Launching my first "real" business. I'm partnering with my dear cousin to acquire an established business in the area. I'm super excited. She is too. The only thing missing is the funds. I've been rejected a ton of times already because of the student loans on my credit report. I'm bummed but not at all dampered by it. I KNOW that someone out there wants to gift or loan me the money. Even a co-signer would work wonders. **sigh** This has been my mantra lately (from the book One Minute Millionaire) "Every resource I need is possessed by someone, somewhere, at this very moment." My add on: "Lead me to these individuals. The resources will fall into my lap."

I have been brainstorming all the ways we can acquire the needed cash to purchase the business. We've been tossing around the idea of borrowing money from our friends and family then paying 1% interest on it. Another idea is to acquire gold and sell it to a refinery. Gold is like $1300 per ounce. That is terrible inflation but good if I need cash now. Any ideas you have on how to acquire money for a business would be great. I tried going through OHA but it takes 6-8 months processing time. ugghhhh!!! A dear friend suggested we have a plate lunch sale to raise the necessary capital. I'm seriously thinking about it. I mean, it wouldn't hurt.

Project #2: My bachelor's degree. As much as I would love to say that I love school -- I really don't. I think the way education is set up now is just so backwards. More on that later because that topic really needs to be explained in greater detail. I will have earned a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy within a year. My estimated graduation is July 2011. Can you believe that? It took me two years to get this done. I can hardly believe it. I was thinking of continuing on to earn a Masters in Pacific Island Studies from the University of Hawai'i... I'm still thinking about it. What would be the benefits for continuing on when really, all I want to do is be a business owner and WRITE, WRITE, WRITE. If I could count on Kamehameha Schools to foot the entire bill for my education, I think I would probably do it. We'll see.

Project #3: The Danielson Family Reunion. Aigatupu and (Tasi) Gustav Danielson (my maternal grandparents) and all the posterity are converging on the island of O'ahu in July 2011. How did I get placed in this position again? My cousin Marie and I were in charge of the 2008 reunion. How are we charged with planning it again. I know the next one will not be conducted by me. I'm pooped and busy already.

Project #4: The Tai Hook Family Reunion. Lizzie and James Tai Hook (my paternal grandparents) and all their posterity are converging on the island of O'ahu in October 2011. Long story on how I was assigned this project. It was originally my idea but I had slated this for October 2010, which would have been this month. However, my aunt wanted to push it back to October 2011 for whatever reasons. I told her if we did that then I couldn't be in charge of it because I had so many other projects slated for 2011. Well, the other day I get an email from her saying that she would like me to take over again. ugghhh!! In any case. My irritation with her WILL NOT prevent me from doing this for my father. It will all work out EXACTLY as it should.


Well... that's been the "goings-on" in my world. I promise to get back to the blog challenge as soon as my life slows down again. The holidays are approaching also and I'm super excited.

Wishing all of you well. Hugs!

Birthday Review

Every year I seem to extend the birthday celebration beyond August 4th. I went through a phase where I didn't really want to spend time with anyone on my day. I just wanted to lounge and DO NOTHING or if I wanted to shop, I wanted to do it in peace and quiet. This year, that changed.

August 4th came so quickly. In an instant, I turned 35 years old. We had plans to go to Best Buy to pick up my birthday gift from the husband, a Nikon D5000. That didn't quite pan out as I had hoped. Husband felt the need to invite the Jehovah Witnesses in. Normally, this is not a problem at all for me. I enjoy a robust conversation about religion. This time around though, the women that came to the door did not come to share a message of hope, or love, or peace. They came to condemn me and my house for our belief system. I was very disappointed with that. The experience stayed with me for several days. Actually, it still comes to mind. I think of how limited their view is of the eternities. **sigh**

We went joy riding EVERYWHERE and ended up back home with plans of ending the day and evening at Dave and Busters, dinner at Buca Di Beppo's. That too didn't quite pan out as I had intended but I'm a firm believer that nothing is random. As we were readying to head out the door, I just had a funny feeling. I stalled for a good hour before we finally left the house. As we rounded the bend around Mokoli'i (Chinaman's Hat), going toward Kaneohe, the cars were beginning to back up. Indeed, just three cars ahead of us was a terrible accident. It was a brand new accident -- an accident I know I was spared from because I had stalled at home that extra hour. I was not disappointed at all to have to turn around and go home. Instantly, I thought of calling my cousin who works as a server at The Palm Terrace. I was glad to hang with my husband, my two sisters -- Michelle (and her boyfriend) and Marie.

So August 4th happened to be on a Wednesday. Saturday came along and my dear, sweet cousin Mahea took me and the fam parasailing. It was the most beautiful day ever and such a wonderful, wonderful experience!!

Super exciting day! The adrenalin was far too much for such a peaceful experience.

I'm not sure if the terror is apparent on my face. I was absolutely terrified but excited at the same time.

That's me in the air... flying high in the sky. 

Thank You Mahealani (the girl with the shaka) -- the most resourceful girl ever... especially when it comes to ocean activities.

So the birthday festivities did not end there. I got two pairs of earrings... gorgeous, gorgeous Polynesian jewelry using traditional materials in new ways. The end of the festivities were tickets for the husband and I to The Shaq All Star Comedy Show. The Hawai'i show was hosted by Charlie Murphy (Eddie Murphy's brother). First comic up was Aries Spears -- who was, by far, the funniest comedian of the night. I really thought I was going to pee in my pants. Second comic was Deray Davis. He took a little while to get into his groove but once he got going -- he was funny. The final comedian was D.L. Hughley and he sucked the big one! I am not a fan of D.L. and seeing him live CONFIRMED it. uggghhhh!!!

Husband and I after the show... so high from laughing so hard. It was like there was laughing gas in the room. Comedians were raunchy as heck but... laughing that hard felt so good!

These were the sponsors of the evening. Mr. and Mrs. Slack -- Thank you mucho!! These are the two that just got home from Iraq.... welcomed them home just a week or two before the show.

So finally, my birthday celebration has come to an end. I'm super excited about this 35th year. I'm ready for whatever is coming my way. Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful family, for my health and strength, for the abundance I enjoy, for true friends, for LOVE!

The Bus Ride

Penned in September 1996

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I sat watching a desert sunrise, reflecting on my life thus far, and absorbed my new surroundings. New Mexico, a barren desert, was a far cry from Hawai'is endless beaches and squawking mynah birds. The beauty of the rising sun entranced me and held me spellbound. It was new to see the sun rise from the earth: a horizon made of land. My sense were ablaze, excited with new sensations, and drowned by the unfamiliar existence.

I left Hawai'i in hopes of finding a different life and New Mexico seemed to fill all the criteria. I loved being in the New Mexico desert but getting there was the memorable part. It was my first bus ride alone. If anyone has ever been on a Greyhound but at Christmas time, you can relate to the chaos.

I think back to that Christmas season in 1994. It was an odd time to leave Hawai'i - my comfort zone, but I felt that if I didn't leave then, I would never leave. I arrived in San Francisco two weeks before Christmas, spent time with some friends, and moved on ahead. I had the choice of either flying to New Mexico on a two hour flight or riding a Greyhound bus for a day and a half. I opted for the bus ride.

Upon entering that crowded bus, I summoned all the courage I had in me to ask a lonely occupant, if the other half of his seat was vacant. It wasn't as hard as I had figured. I tried to get as comfortable as the seat would allow, after all, it was going to be a long trip. I recall sitting there in fascination. I wondered where she had been and where he had been. I wondered where he was going or where she was going. Each one of us had a story to tell.

Bubba was his name and he was an African-American gentleman on his way home after seventeen years away. He was seated across the aisle.

"I just want some home cookin' from mama's grill and I'll be the happiest man alive," he exclaimed.

And that is how we met. Through the hills and all along the California coast we talked. From Hayward to Los Angeles. This comprised six hours of conversation about absolutely nothing and everything. I enjoyed his company and was regretful about separating. He is a genuine character in the pages of my life.

The Pacific Ocean mocked me ans I talked with Bubba.

"Come and taste of my living waters one last time," she whispered.

"Feel the gentle sway of my waves. There is no ocean for you in New Mexico."

Over and over she called out. Her constant taunts aroused a feeling of homesickness in me and I wanted to turn back.

"You from Hawai'i? I saw you flipping tru' yo' book and I seen you' Hawai'i license." A man stood in front of me. Obviously his English was heavily accented with Hawaiian pidgin. I gleamed in response to his inquiry and his use of pidgin. When you're from Hawai'i and you're far from your island home and you meet someone else from Hawai'i, automatically there is a bond. There's that "localness". That spirit. We chatted for a while the he went back to his seat. Before he left, he patted my shoulder and said, "Aloha sista! You take care."

Throughout my journey I encountered diverse characters and people but none were so beautiful to me as the driver of the last leg of my tri. He reminded me of the grandfathers I never knew. His face wore years of hard work but his voice was that of a high school graduate with his entire life ahead of him. There was no conflict in his speech, just energy and youth. His sweet spirit spoke to my own and I felt comforted in his closeness. With a Spanish accent and a humble manner he pleaded with me, "love your family and do all that you can to make yor home a shelter from the storms." Nearly tearful, I shook his hand and gave him a kiss of fondest aloha and departed from him. The strong features of his face are etched in my mind and his sweet words are carved on my heart.

Faces and personalities; Characters and traits; I saw them all on the Greyhound bus. We all shared a common quality. We were running away from something and at the same time, we were all reaching for something else.

So there I sat, watching the sun set on the arid desert. I reflected on my life thus far and I remembered. New Mexico was worlds away from Hawai'i but I loved it. It was common now to see the sun drop into the earth; a horizon made of land. My senses were satisfied and my unfamiliarity became comfort.