Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Song For You

1. Song that makes you dance, no matter what:
As by Stevie Wonder

2. Song you'd use to tell someone you love them:
Out On A Limb performed by Teena Marie

3. Song that has made you sit down and analyze the lyrics:
Redemption Song ...Bob Marley...

4. Song you like that a two-year old would like:
The Circle of Life from the Lion King

5. Song that gives you an energy boost:
Shackles performed by Mary Mary

6. A song you and your grandparents would like:
September ... Earth Wind and Fire

7. Song you really liked when you were in high school that you still like now:
Remember the Time performed by Michael Jackson. The video is off the chains as well!!

8. A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life:
By Your Side performed by Sade... the tone of the song is so sad and it would be played in the movie of my life during the time I was getting divorced from my ex-husband.

9. Peppy song that would start the opening credits in the movie of your life:
The Glow... it's a song from one of my favorite 80's movies... The Last Dragon. LOL...

10. A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess you liked:
Easy... Nessun Dorma as performed by Luciano Pavoratti

11. Song you think should have been playing when you were born:
Close To You ...yes... the one by The Carpenter's. The lyrics do it for me!

12. Favorite duet artists:
Donny Hathaway and Roberta Flack

13. A favorite song you completely disagree with:
Me So Horny from 2LIVE Crew... such a raunchy song but I like the beat and the hook... if only the lyrics were different. I feel like it almost has NO artistic merit.

14. Song that you like despite the fact that your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it:
I Don't Give a 'F' ...Lil John

15. Smoothe song for relaxing:
Wey You ...Chante Moore from the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack... the whole thing is good for relaxing.

16. A song you would send to someone you can't stand:


17. Favorite political track:
War Bob Marley... you could actually pick from any number of Bob Marley songs and find the best political commentary through music.

18. Favorite track from a band considered a "super group":
Loves Holiday from Earth Wind and Fire

19. A song that makes you reminisce about good times with a family member:
It's Not Easy from South African reggae artist Lucky Dube -- reminds me of my cousin Jason who passed in 1996.

20. Favorite song from a soundtrack:
Home from The Wiz... that is just the BEST!!

21. Your favorite song RIGHT now:
Isn't She Lovely from Stevie Wonder

**********YOUR TURN!*************

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Anomaly in the Matrix

I've been feeling so bogged down by my inability to CREATE or to use my innovativeness to really make changes in my work place. I've been feeling so stifled at work and am halted at complete boredom. I've been contemplating making a change. Two months ago, I started school but had to quickly withdraw because something came up. Now I'm back at square one, in a funk, not being able to express my creativity fully. That is no ones fault but my own. With that being said, what is it that I would rather be doing?

Sustenance must come from somewhere. However, if I follow my heart and do what I'd really like to do, I'd probably be studying art or music somewhere or writing my first novel or childrens book. I love photography and looking at beautiful things. I've never really thought of myself as an artist although I'm quite artsy... I sketch well, write poetry secretly, would love to study ceramics. There are so many things I would rather be doing than being in the office, working for someone. Really, I should follow my passion and do EVERYTHING that I love.

When people do what they LOVE doing, they build a wonderful life for themselves. I think about farming and gardening, both of which I thoroughly enjoy doing. I'd rather be producing food than being in the office. Although, I do feel a small sense of fulfillment at the J-O-B, it would not and could not compare to doing things that I absolutely LOVE. So more changes are coming for me. Isn't that what life is about?

Funny side note which pulls all my previous thoughts together, hopefully. Last night husband and I went on a double-date with my cousin and her fiance. We went and watched the new Tyler Perry movie (it was a total soap opera). Going out on a week night to the movies is really out of the ordinary for husband and I. As we were driving home I told him, "Wow. Movies on a weeknight. We have caused quite an anomaly in the Matrix."

So... hopefully, I can create more anomaly's in the Matrix in the future. I never want my daily actions to be routine or predictable.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Guitar Strumming




Bought myself a guitar on Saturday. No more GUITAR HERO -- I'm trying to do it in REAL TIME now!!! Woo hooo!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Beautiful Disaster



This is all I got today... in a funk! Don't care too much for her singing but the lyrics.... the lyrics always gets me a little misty.

And today... I'm not feeling at my best.


**************************

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take


Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster


He’s beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Power of Intention

My father bought me this boook last week and I've been reading slowly... trying to soak in the new knowledge. Trying to turn it into wisdom. I'm highly excited about many of the things I have already read.

What the author, Wayne W. Dyer, shares is some of the truths he's picked up along life's journey on how to co-create your world. I think the book is great. Some people may have to build up to reading something as heavy yet simple as the power of intention. I do have to say that this book is easier reading than A New Earth -- the book Oprah has been touting for a couple months. This book is far less complicated than A New Earth yet stresses the same principles. Essentially, both books are talking about the same universal laws. My opinion is that The Power of Intention is easier to assimilate into your everyday life.

One of the passages I stumbled upon yesterday is as follows and I quote directly from the book:
If you become what you think about, and what you think about is getting what you want, then you'll stay in a state of wanting. So, the answer to how to get what you want is to reframe the question to: How do I go about getting what I intend to create?

Magnificent!

Lately I've been highly unsatisfied with my job/career. If it were up to me, I'd probably be doing something artsy -- sculpting, photography, creative writing -- something along those lines. I wouldn't be working as a Buyer/Supervisor in a distribution center. You get where I'm going with that?

Why am I not doing what I'd rather be doing? Why am I not filling my life with things that I love?

Fear of the unknown is what keeps me right in place, succumbing to the monotony of the rat race to support myself and my family. Life is so predictable in the rat race versus the unpredictability of seeking out my own creative endeavors to sustain me.

I long to know what the Creator would have me give to the world. What great work must I do to complete my task on the planet?

One of my most favorite scriptures in the Old Testament is Psalms 46:10 which reads, Be still and know that I am God. In my effort to find out what I am and why I was placed on this planet, I must first BE STILL and listen for the Creators voice to guide me along. I will put my hand in HIS and let him gently lead me.

All this from a single passage in a book? Yup! I dare you to read the book!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Am I On To Something?

On Monday I did something I haven't done in awhile. I went to the doctor and had some blood drawn to determine my cholestorol levels and glucose levels. I got the results back today. At first, I was alarmed because the nurse I spoke with wanted to set up an appointment immediately to follow-up with the results. That had me a little jittery. I scheduled the appointment and left it that.

I spoke to my husband a couple of hours later and he insisted that I get the results over the phone. It took another hour before the doctor called back. I suppose it was lunch time. **rolling eyes** She read the results to me over the phone. I was FLOORED! All my numbers were quite low in comparison to what I was expecting. I'm overweight and I don't eat as healthy as I should. I was thinking my cholestorol would be through the roof. Thankfully everything was great.

Perhaps husband and I are onto something with our daily workouts. I've lost a 1/4 inch of "stuff" on my body, here and there. Husband and I have kinda sworn off the scale in favor of taking our body measurements weekly. I'm pretty sure our workouts are what is bringing my body to a healthy place. Now if we could just control our insatiable appetites for everything that tastes good.

Have any of you tried Weig.ht Watc.hers? The work outs have become a habit, now I need something or someone to teach me proper portions and what kinds of foods to eat. Any feedback would be lovely!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Beauty and the Beast

When I was a junior in high school, our class performed Beauty and the Beast. We sang it as well as put motions to it for our high school's annual Songfest. It was a hit! The song will always be special to me as well as the movie. It reminds me so much of simpler times.

At that point in my life, I had never been kissed which means I still hadn't done the "do". My grades were stellar. I was popular. I was an all-state athlete (shot put and discus). I did alright with my parents. Life was great! No worries at all. Come to think of it, my childhood was absolutely wonderful.

Anyway, there were four leaders chosen to lead our class in songfest. Two gentlemen, two ladies. I was selected to be one of them. My partner was my junior year crush. Of course, at the time I thought it was love. He was on the offensive line for the football team. Big and strong and such a gentleman. We were great friends and that is one of the first inklings that I knew that the man I share my life with would have to be my best friend and be BIG and STRONG. (My husband fits the bill.)

He and I were partners and we had to do this dance and at the same time sing Beauty and the Beast and also lead our class. I was absolutely thrilled that he was my partner, that we were in such a public arena. This was like the 2nd or 3rd big event that he and I were paired together in a huge public event.

The first time was at the homecoming football game. And it went a little something like this: At the end of the homecoming game, I was standing with all my girls waiting for the football team to exit the field. He was taking his time coming off the field as he greeted all his "fans" and his family members. I stood at the back so I could get at him AFTER everyone had congratulated him. It was amazing. As his fans parted, he saw me, put one arm out and pointed at me then proceeded to sing,

"Just to be close to you, GIRL. Just for a moment. Just for an hour...."

Without question I was melting. It was a teen girls fantasy come true. For some strange reason, that had become our song, Just to Be Close to You by the Commodores. It's so funny to think about it now. We were so young. Everything that happened after he sang to me was kind of a blur... including the homecoming dance. We danced together almost the entire evening. I remember the extreme butterflies in my belly and how every feeling was so brand new!

The second time we were paired together was the Winterball. Winterball is usually Ladies Choice so of course I had to ask him. I wore red. We looked absolutely stunning together. We really did. I felt like silk being on his arm as we entered our high school winterball. Our pictures came out gorgeous and I loved handing it out right after the ball.

Then, there we were at the songfest partnered up as Beauty and the Beast. The memories attached to that song are wonderful. They bring back such sweet memories of my first "ALMOST-BOYFRIEND". Our relationship / friendship wasn't marred with anger or hatred or even heartbreak. With the momentum of all the things we had done together, you would have thought that we'd end up going to the prom together, falling in love and pursuing a relationship. It didn't quite end that way.

Junior prom, he asked someone else. His friend asked me and that was that. I'm kinda glad I went with his friend because that was one of the best dates I have ever had! Ahhh but that's another story. Isn't it funny how songs can just bring a slew of memories into the mind?

What's your song and where does it take you?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Prudeness

I've been really busy at work. I haven't been able to write as often as I would like. I have at least a dozen posts that I'm working on but nothing finished enough to publish.

With my exercise regiment that husband and I have been working on, I have uncovered many of my own little personality quirks that I'm not very fond of. Maybe it's the purging of my physical body manifesting also in my soul. I honestly think that's what it is and I'm very glad that I'm young enough to make all the adjustments so that my life is harmony. Our bodies, when reaching crisis level, will set off timers. They manifest in heart attacks, strokes, cancer, diabetes and any of the diseases you can think of. Disease is an imbalance in some area of our life. Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual. Putting all of that in alignment is what makes us WHOLE again. And well -- I need to be whole and live in a harmonious way, full of love and compassion.

One of the personality quirks I uncovered about myself is that I have become such a prude. I get up on my soap box anytime something offends my moral beliefs and argue about it until someone declares me winner or walks away. The me in the old days used to let things just roll off me. I've gotten to the point where I have NO sense of humor and that's not happiness, harmonious or joyous.

The other evening, I watched comic view on BET or the new one... can't remember what its called. Anyway that evening the show featured Finesse Mitchell. I laughed so hard. I haven't laughed like that in so long and it felt so good. After some snooping on google, I found out he used to be on Saturday Night Live. Wow! Didn't know it. So shout out to Finesse for putting a giggle in belly and lettin' my feel-good endorphins run wild.

I want to be the old me who had a big laugh and a glorious sense of humor and wouldn't let nothing under my skin. Now I'm such a prude and have to find that balance before I make myself sick. So I have a request -- tell me something funny in the comment section. It can be a joke, a picture, a website with something funny on it. Make me laugh!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Continuation of my Sentimental Mood

I was in A Sentimental Mood the other day. I talked about an acquaintance that passed at the tender age of 37. Today was his memorial services. It was a beautiful service replete with flowers and music and wonderful memorials by his father, his wife, his eldest son, his best friend... I mean folks had so many nice things to say about him. I too have ONLY nice things to say about him and I just knew him in passing.

Anyway, the service had me thinking about so many things. From -- having a plan in place should I pass at an early age to wondering what people will say of me when I pass. One particular quality popped into my head that I would most like to be remembered for.

I would like it to be said of me that I was ADVENTUROUS... that I did everything I wanted to. I think that was the case in my younger years, fresh outta high school. Once, out of the blue, I purchased a one-way ticket to Oakland, California... had only $300 in my pocket and set out for some great adventure. From Oakland, I got on a Greyhound with a very best friend of mine and we took to the wild west. Landed in Los Angeles for a bit and went on to New Mexico where we parted ways. It was such an adventure! I have much more yet to do....

Sky diving
Para-sailing
Hiking in Tibet
Studying Buddhism at a Buddhist Monastery
Going on an Aboriginal Walkabout
Kayaking in the Arctic
Hiking the Great Wall of China
Visit Machu Pichu
Visit India to learn Hindi traditions and beliefs


I remember once, being so cold in St Louis, Missouri, I got in my car and drove 25 hours to Key West, Florida. It was an unbelievable journey. I traveled with my best friend which made the journey so much fun. We had a blast! It is a journey I will never forget. Don't worry folks, we went in February when it was NOT hurricane season.

Adventure is me getting on public transportation into the city without a way to return home.... then finding my way home after three days of partying.

Adventure is me driving cross country... SFO to Georgia.

Adventure is me phoning my mother that I got married on a whim. Fate tells me it was destined cause we are still together 5 years later.

Adventure is me, on this earth, at this time, so incredibly at peace with the destiny of my soul.

Let it be said that I lived an Adventurous life; that I lived a full and complete life; that I lived BIG and loved BIG.

* * * * * * *

Great Wall photo credit
Tibet photo credit

Monday, September 08, 2008

No Plan B

He cried in her lap and she felt an unbelievable desire to hold him closer, to stroke his head, to kiss his sorrows away. She wanted to know him, to know the things that hurt him so deeply and yet there was a great barrier between them; even after six years of marriage.

What demon haunted him today that drove his tearful eyes into her lap, I wondered. It seemed that all of their marriage was spent battling his demons and she patiently waited in the wings for her chance to be the center of his attention. Her eyes were full of compassion, full of love for this man that would never love her back in the same manner. Her heart belonged to him but his would never belong to her no matter what she did.

I look at her and know that she loved him with complete abandon with the hope that one day he'd love her back. I cry when I think about the love she freely gave him. If I could just have an ounce of that 'first love, ride or die love'.

As the tears rolled down his cheeks, the only words he could say to her were, "I'm not happy."

Without malice, without taking offense, she asked, "What am I doing wrong?"

He stammers, "It's not you. It's me. I'm just not happy and I can't keep taking you along for the ride."

My heart sinks into my stomach when I think of her experiencing her first real heart break. I know that all she wanted was to hold him close, to continue to love him even if he didn't want her anymore, to try and love him into happiness. But she knew that the glazed over look in his eyes meant that his mind was somewhere else.

He continued, "I have to do this. I have to leave."

She replied, "Where does that leave me?"

He was breaking her heart. She had no defense. She had nowhere to turn, no plan B. The love she gave was supposed to last and he was supposed to stay FOREVER.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Saturday Mumblings

Husband is in college. He is an African American man at a small, private university, located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Guess what? He's such a novelty! Don't get me wrong, my husband is gorgeous. He's muscle-bound, personable, helpful, friendly and such a freaken GENTLEMAN. However, he may just be a novelty to all these Polynesian women.

All the wonderful qualities I see in him, I know other women can see them to. Sometimes I love it because it reminds me of what a special man he is. Other times, I'm irritated that other women even look at him in that manner. I trust that he's not giving these little girls any hope for a future.

During lunch on Friday, husband starts talking about this girl that walks up to him and asks him if he's African American. He jokes with her and tells her he's Fijian. She is embarrassed, then he laughs and tells her that he is African American and he's from Alabama, blah, blah, blah. I'm sitting there listening to him tell me this story and am a little confused. Why is he telling me the story about a girl flirting with him and him possibly flirting back?

Maybe it's my idea of an old school quality of being a good wifey... that of NEVER even giving a man the idea that I'm even interested in him. I probably would not ever have a semi-flirtatious conversation with a single man and I expect my husband to be on the same good behavior.... but we are two different creatures with two different communication styles. I'm very conservative in my interaction with men. I draw a CLEAR, Bold line between myself and any man. I expect the same of him.

Anyway, I think about these lil college girls going back to their lil girlfriends talking about my husband the way I used to talk about him when we were dating and it makes me sick to my stomach. Hmm... why is that? He's worthy of admiration but he's MARRIED, MARRIED, MARRIED. LOL...

Oh well -- sounds like I need to pump up my self-esteem if I'm worried about these lil college girls messin' with my husband who has to be at least 9 or 10 years older than them. Nah... I'm not worried. I trust my husband. I trust my heart. I'm glad other women see what I see. That tells me I'm not crazy. If you knew our story and how we met and what we've been through... you would have thought I was crazy. LOL... Life is good. My heart is safe.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Pre Writing the Weekend

I'm so glad its the weekend. For some reason, even though we had the Labor Day holiday, this week seemed to drag on and on.

I've been so busy all week long. I'm ready to relax into the weekend. Maybe I'll go hang at the beach on Saturday morning. It would be really nice to take a nice walk on the beach. The sand makes my feet so nice and soft. Then I can finish off with a nice swim in the ocean. The swim almost always cleanses my sinuses and gives me a nice, deep brown, natural tint on my skin. Gotta love that!!

I'm in desperate need of a spa day. I would love to go to the nearest spa, Turtle Bay, and get a nice massage and an exfoliant scrub or something. The papaya enzyme body polish sounds absolutely delicious.

I would like to finish off Saturday by going to dinner somewhere nice. Not too upscale. Maybe something like Bubba Gumps. Husband has been wanting to go there and so have I. (All this name dropping you'd think I was getting paid for it.)

Ahh... but I think all of that is just a dream. Husband has other plans in mind which I already agreed to so I can't renege now. I think we're spending our weekend at the Waikele Outlet Mall. Husband wanted something specific from out that way. Me... I think I need some new running shoes and there's a Sports Authority out there.

Husband and I have been so consistent with our workout regiment. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday -- we do a walk/jog of three miles. Tuesday, Thursday -- husband pumps iron and I do Tae-Bo. Sunday is a day of rest and we FULLY indulge! So that's what my weekend is looking like. What's on your plate this weekend?

Holla!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

In a Sentimental Mood

**Photo courtesy of Sellsius Real Estate Blog

Life is so short.

Yesterday I was informed that an acquaintance passed away on Monday evening. I was rocked by the 'messenger' that brought the news. She said her reason for calling me was to tell me that so-and-so had passed away. 38 years of age with wife and kids. He seemed the picture of health yet died of a heart attack. She wanted to warn people that she knew and loved about the risks of not taking care of the body. So-and-so was playing softball on Labor Day and dropped dead at third base. Here one day, gone one night.

The news had me a little sentimental at the thought of being in the same position. Immediately I wanted to hold my husband a little closer, to tell him how much I loved him. To tell him what a wonderful husband he is. To tell him how the thought of life without him makes me miserable. To tell him that the prospect of forever with him gives me comfort. I too, like the messenger that brought the news, wanted to call the people closest to me.

Our life is a reflection of the ever changing seasons. Some of us will be taken in the "summer" of our life, having never known what it is like to grow old. 38 years seems a short time to be on this planet. 38 seems like a time when I'd be at the height of my "bestness".

I look at my father, who still works full time at the age of 65; whose hair has not completely grayed; who still looks the picture of health; whose skin is still vibrant and wrinkle-free and I think to myself that I want to age gracefully as he does. My mother, who has suffered 3 major strokes, is still walking on her own. She is able to talk and maintain without assistance. Her mind doesn't seem to have lost any of its vigor. And I think to myself that I want to be as strong as she is.

Mostly though, today I want to live in this moment. To live for today and not fret over what happened yesterday or harp on what could be tomorrow. I want it to be said of me that I lived a full life, surrounded by people I loved and that I lived each moment fully! I thank the Creator for my life, for each breath that I take as a mere mortal, for every second that I get to spend with the love of my life. I'm grateful for the wonderful family that I was born into that has given me such a great foundation to build upon. Today, in this moment, I live for love.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

What I Had to Work With

So this is what I had to work with on Labor Day.... and I knew exactly what to do. LOL... Spend a wonderful day at the beach. It was sooooooo BEAUTIFUL. There's just something about the ocean that makes it so cleansing.







I hope you had an enjoyable day as well. We didn't cook out, although we should have. It would have been nice to just have spent the whole day at the beach... EATING and SWIMMING and CHATTING and BONDING. It was soooo nice!! We opted for lunch/dinner at this Chinese restaurant called Pah Ke's, after the beach. The food was yummy in my tummy! Serious! What's great is that the food is made-to-order. No big pot of chicken just simmering all day or whatever entrees are available. They DO NOT use any MSG in their cooking. That's good for my heart. The food is just bursting with flavor. Each entree has its own distinct taste.

Finished off the day watching Traitor, starring Don Cheadle. I'll save the commentary for a later blog.