NeenaLove Epiphanies: Moana Movie

I am on a flight headed home to Hawai'i but this journey home is different.

I will be 42 in exactly one month. I have blogged continuously in recent months that this is not exactly what 42 is supposed to look like for me. And I have made crucial decisions in recent days and weeks that will move me in an entirely different direction. If there is any time that I should reinvent myself, now is the time.

Interestingly enough, I am watching Disney's Moana cartoon. When I saw this movie in the theatre, I cried my eyes out. There are so many similarities to my life in this movie. In typical Pacific Island cultures, a single woman remains home until she is married off. Well, I am the survivor of two failed marriages and my father is now worried about my well-being, about me being "taken care of," and his concern for my safety. I get it. I get that a parent wants to keep their child safe and far, far away from unnecessary risk and danger. However, I have been on my own for a very long time and am fully capable of caring for my temporal needs. I appreciate that I have such a concerned father and my brothers are ALWAYS, ALWAYS looking out for me. I feel so "spoiled" by them.

Though I can care for my temporal needs, I often find myself so needy for emotional support. A very special person has consistently stepped up, offering his time and his ears and priceless counsel on my broken heart. My closest friends have also been so pivotal in my healing. Whether it was offering a welcome distraction with a late night trip to the bar, buying me an airplane ticket to get off the rock, sitting next to me and crying like she was getting divorced too, temporarily elevating the mood with a lil something, or just giving positive vibes -- I am so grateful for my dearest friends and family. I should be so lucky, so blessed, to be loved by so many people.

There's a part in the movie where her father forbids her from going beyond the reef. And yet Moana is constantly called by the horizon. Her inner voice beckons her to follow the call to go beyond the reef and yet she must balance that voice with her obedience to her father and cultural traditions. I feel that right now - I love that I have such a good relationship with my father and I know he only wants the best for me but there is something far greater calling me to rise to my highest potential. And it requires me to sacrifice the things that I love right now to move toward my life goals. And I see my biggest dreams as so tangible and so within my reach if I just make these sacrifices right now. If I want something different from my life then I have to take different actions. Now. Now is the time to reinvent myself! Also, at the end of the day I need to carve out a life for myself independent of my life with my father and my brothers.

Another thing that I absolutely adore is Moana's relationship with her grandmother. Her grandmother can see Moana's potential so clear and is the right support system to allow Moana to have enough confidence in herself to pursue her dream. Gramma sings to Moana:
You may hear a voice inside 
And if the voice starts to whisper 
To follow the farthest star 
Moana, that voice inside is who you are
I always want to see everyone I come in contact with as God sees them. And I support everyone's most positive ambitions. As I hear a voice whispering, no, shouting at me to change direction in my life, I am going to listen to it. It is who I am and what I was born to do. I can see my star rising. It is so extraordinarily clear.

Day 03 : My Parents

I feel like I talk about my parents all the time so if you've heard this story before -- I apologize in advance.

I'm home in Hawai'i mostly to put my mind at ease about the health condition of my mother. That is our relationship today -- me, the caregiver for my mother. Though she still gets around well enough, she is nowhere near how she used to be just five years ago. She's still around after five strokes, kicking cancer, a broken knee, and now she battles diabetes. I can't call it, why she's still around with all the health problems she suffers from, except maybe she has just an unbelievable will to live. I have resolved to not question what the cosmic forces have prepared for me. I know there are countless lessons to be learned by serving my mother. I have always known, as a daughter of a Samoan woman, that it was/is my duty to care for her as she ages. I watched her do it with her mother and her grandmother. Both women lived in our home. I'm so lucky to have known them.

My mother is quite the dancer. Her taualuga was a sight to behold.

Mom is 'afakasi' - half cast - Samoan/Swedish... what a combination.

My mother is from the village of Vaitoloa in Western Samoa. She left there as soon as she graduated from school. I believe she graduated from Pesega. She has never been back since. All she's talked about in the last couple of years is returning to Samoa... for good. I hear such great longing in her voice and wish I could take her back there not only to see the joy in her face but also to connect with the precious soil that she will always call home. I wish I could feel the breeze on my face, as she did when she was a little girl, while riding bareback on her horse. I wish I could be as daring as she, eating fruit bats and grubs, swinging from trees into the stream, and eating sea urchins fresh from the ocean.

My mother at the plantation where she loves to be... even now. Her knife in her arm, ready to siva!

My mother was the eldest girl of 17 siblings. My grandmother was widowed after child number 16. She bore two more after the passing of my grandfather. My grandmother, without any real options, was forced to take on work for American Mormon missionaries. This left my mother in charge of the entire brood. I can't imagine the gravity and the weight of having to care for all those children. This has shaped and formed her and consequently has influenced me as well. She truly is the embodiment of a scripture in the Old Testament:

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

-Proverbs 31: 10, 27-29

My father. I don't quite know how my father learned to be a father because he did not grow up with his father. My grandfather died as a young man, leaving my grandmother with seven children to raise. Alone. I am in such awe of the great man he is. His tenderness and mercy upon me, as the former "Black Sheep" of the family, amazes me. My love for my father, rather the love my father has for me is probably best expressed in his actions.

My father with the Ukulele... way before I was even a glimmer in his eyes. He is Hawaiian/Chinese.

My father served in the Air Force during the Vietnam War.

I remember as a very little girl, I always wanted to hang out with my cousins. I'd pretend that I was a big girl and could sleep over my grandmothers house with all my cousins and not get homesick. Mom and Dad would leave me there thinking that all was well. Then, one by one, as the cousins drifted off to sleep, there I was alone and suddenly VERY homesick. My father at home, 30 minutes away, would turn around and come back for me whether it was midnight or three in the morning. That has always stayed with me. Even now, I think how tender his love for me must be. I equate that to the love of a Heavenly Father/ God. If he's anything like my mortal father then I am indeed in deep admiration and gratitude for the abundance of love in my life.

My father is an avid Martial Artist. He is very accomplished in Gojyu Karate. In his late 30's he took on Kung Fu. He has mastered them all.

My father and I. He is the greatest dad!

19 years old... in the midst of my rebellion from the values I was raised with. I remember being stuck in Waikiki. Drunk with drunk friends. My car broken down. Broke. No money. Nowhere to go. No way to return home. There weren't any buses running at 2am. One phone call home was all it took. My father was on the scene within an hour. I look back on that and think how terribly selfish I was then. I can't even imagine what my parents thought of me then. I have a perfect rememberance of how terrible I was. Yet my father... and my mother... never gave up on me. Sometimes I still identify with being the 'black sheep'. I'm still very radical in my thinking yet my father's love radiates energy like the sun. I am so blessed! So very lucky to have wonderful parents.

* * * * *
This post was very difficult for me to write. I have been in tears just realizing how much love they have for me. My feelings are so tender for my parents. It seems that our roles are changing as I take on the task of being the caregiver in their home. They are still going strong, still very much in love. I have such great examples of what marriage is and should be. I am humbled that they picked me to be their child in this life. Grateful that this bond, this relationship will last through eternity. I love you mom and dad!

Reflecting on the Abundance in the Universe

REFLECTIVE MOOD MUSIC



I love the quiet of early morning, when all is still in the world. It's just me, this laptop, reflective music, and more gratitude affirmations than I could ever repeat. Yes! This morning I am so grateful for all the good things that come into my life. I am so fortunate, so blessed, so filled with a sense of purpose. With this mood, I cannot completely express what I feel and I'm reduced to quoting someone else. So, click play on the video and let the music put you in some kind of mood. Please don't ask me what she's singing about because I have no idea. However, the music is hauntingly beautiful and makes me homesick for somewhere beyond this world.

While the music is playing, read the following selections from various portions of a book that I really enjoy, written by an author that MOVES me.

Intention is endlessly abundant. There's no scarcity in the universal invisible world of Spirit. The cosmos itself is without end. How could there be an end to the universe? What would be at the end? A wall? So how thick is the wall? And what's on the other side of it? As you contemplate connecting to intention, know in your heart that any attitude you have that reflects a scarcity consciousness will hold you back. A reminder here is in order. You must match intention's attributes with your own in order to capitalize on those powers in your life.

Abundance is what God's kingdom is about. Imagine God thinking, I can't produce any more oxygen today, I'm just too tired; this universe is big enough already, I think I'll erect that wall and bring this expansion thing to a halt. Impossible! You emerged from a consciousness that was and is unlimited. So what's to prevent you from rejoining that limitless awareness in your mind and holding on to these pictures regardless of what goes before you? What prevents you is the conditioning you've been exposed to during your life, which you can change today - in the next few minutes if you so desire.

...It's all about having an inner picture of abundance, thinking in unlimited ways, being open to the guidance that intention provides when you're in a state of rapport with it -- and then being in a state of ecstatic gratitude and awe for how this whole thing works. Every time I see a coin on the street, I stop, pick it up, put it into my pocket, and say out loud, "Thank you, God, for this symbol of abundance that keeps flowing into my life." Never once have I asked, "Why only a penny, God? You know I need a lot more than that."

...If your expectations for yourself center on being normal, just getting along, fitting in, and being an ordinary person, you'll resonate to ordinary frequencies, and you'll attract more of normal and ordinary into your life. Furthermore, your impact on others as potential allies in co-creating your intentions will also revolve around ordinary. The power of intention occurs when you're synchronized with the all-creating universal force, which is anything but ordinary. This is the power that's responsible for all of creation.

Like I said, I am very grateful and very humbled today. Go ahead and purchase the book, Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer. Open your mind to a more inclusive God than the one that's wrapped around dogma. Blog about your reaction to the book. His words always makes me reflect on all the things that I need to change and points out all the things that are right in my world. Peace and love!

Fasting... Magical!

All has settled in my world. Husband and I are definitely moving on but not to Vegas as I had originally desired. We're headed back to the beautiful South... Alabama, to be exact.

We've been battling about the topic of moving for the past month. Husband says the economic opportunity on the continent is bigger and better than this island rock could offer. He wants to be closer to his family and his children. I can dig his reasoning and logic. At first I didn't support it at all. Why uproot everything we've built, in the middle of America's worst economic depression in decades, without an established job waiting for us on the other end? It just didn't make sense to me. The old me, the me that was spontaneous, would jump at the opportunity of heading into the unknown.

The other day, I found myself fasting. Fasting for direction, fasting to gain my own comfort to make this move, fasting for strength to support my husbands decision. Toward the end of my fast, I had indeed become submissive to that spirit from the Most High. The direction I needed to go in became crystal clear. Thus, the change from Vegas to sweet home Alabama. I was a mess just a week or two ago (see two previous entries). Now, I feel free and I whole-heartedly support his decision and the direction he is taking us in. Only God/ Goddess knows how that works and how they put such a clear directive in me. My most humble gratitude to the Creator!


Though I'll miss my beautiful surroundings, at work, at home and everywhere I go on this island, I'm actually excited about this move. (Enjoy a couple pics I took with my camera phone, on my way to work.) Most of the time, it takes my breath away when I look at all the natural wonders. I contemplate my existence in this world and how truly blessed I am to be here, in this moment, enjoying the Creators artistry. I know, in Alabama, I have more beauty to enjoy. You should see some of the pics I took at Madea's house in Camden, Alabama over Christmas break. They are OUTSTANDING!


I thank the Creator for the magic of his universe and my place in it. He/She speaks to me clearly and feels like a warm blanket being wrapped around me.

* * * * * * * *
Alabama Photo Credit

The Secret Life of Bee's and the Ramblings That Were In My Head

The Secret Life of Bees... I just got through watching the movie. I attempted reading the book several years ago but was thoroughly uninterested in the way the story was moving. I wonder if the movie is how the author intended the story to be portrayed.

In the media, there is an archetype and/or stereotype given to American Black women, pre-civil rights era. It is termed the "mammy" archetype. (FYI: According to wikipedia, "mammy" is now a slur.) The characters in the movie that portray these archetypes are Queen Latifah as well as Jennifer Hudson. They both mother a little Caucasian girl who is in search of someone to love her.

I don't necessarily object to the implied relationship between the little white girl, played by Dakota Fanning, and the "mammy's" because the story is probably a product of the time period. It astonishes me though that the same story is perpetuated throughout American Culture, in several American-made movies. White "savior" saves the brown people from themselves, as though we are helpless without them. I think of movies like The Last of the Dogmen starring Tom Berenger. He saves an ancient tribe from the outside world. Dances With Wolves - Kevin Costner gets absorbed by a native american tribe. The absence of multi-ethnic characters in the media of yester-year is staggering.

How a society views themself is shaped by the stories that are told. A hundred years from now, maybe two or three hundred years from now, what will our posterity say about us? That "grasshopper", from the Kung-Fu dramatic series of the 1970's, could only be played by a white male (David Carradine)? The role was written for Bruce Lee but he was too Chinese. Is that the story America will leave for it's posterity? That the founding fathers of the United States purported to believe that "All men were created equal", yet every single one of the people involved with the American Revolution owned slaves. Are these the only stories that can be told to America?

In traditional Polynesian cultures, we enjoy oral history. Western philosophy requires things to be written before it is considered a valid entry into it's history. However, Polynesians didn't need the documentation for proof. Our proof is in the stories that are handed down from generation to generation, in our genealogy that is carefully, painstakingly preserved in chant.

Children of Hawai'i grew up with stories of Maui, the demi-God who pulled the islands from the ocean so that we could live and flourish; who stopped the sun from progressing too quickly across the sky. My favorite, above all, are the tales of Pele the Fire Goddess. Though her lava flows destroy everything in its path, the lava creates more land and brings balance to the landscape. Her beauty, her shape-shifting, her jealousy, her love; they make her utterly human. Yet, her ability to create land make her a goddess. These are the stories I want to tell my children one day; that they are part of a beautiful, ancient heritage. That they must have strong, self-assured knowledge of who they are because of where they come from. That they will define themselves and identify wholely with the richness of their birthright.

Stories like the Secret Life of Bees will never fall on the ears of my children. And if they did, I will tell them more of the heritage from which they came. Even if the world would call Polynesians savages, my children will know the stories of our ancestors through me and they can determine who the real savages are. Me and my house will never bend to the whims of popular media. I decide my identity, not based on what "they" think of me but of what I think of myself.

NeenaLove drops the mic

**...Bees Photo Credit
**Grasshopper Photo Credit
**Maui Photo Credit
**Pele Photo Credit

Words of Encouragement

If you haven't done it yet, do it now! Forgive yourself for all the crazy things you think you've done and let it go.

If there is regret in your soul, let it go. Let it go now! We are each on a path that is uniquely our own. No one else can live it. No one else can overcome and move forward as you do under the circumstances that you find yourself in. This is your life. Each choice you make is yours to make and only yours. You will live the consequences and you will reap the blessings. This journey is yours alone to decide to be great or just average.

Your potential for greatness is unlimited. The opportunities to learn, grow, and serve the world are as numerous as the sands of the sea. Every day, every person you come in contact with is sent especially to you for some great purpose. This life, this world is not an accident; not some random act of nature but an exact expression of God's greatness. You, me, and everyone in the world was carved in his image and have all of eternity to grow into the divine heritage from which we came. Remember that forever is in every moment.

Greatness does not necessarily mean you need to be approved of by the world. Greatness does not come in large displays of integrity, but in the silent moments when no one is looking. Greatness begins by living a courageous life, by doing good things, by being kind and compassionate, by keeping committments and promises; by making and keeping sacred covenants with God and self. Greatness is, at its core, a continuous expression of gratitude to the living Creator.

If there is love inside your heart, give it away every day! The only real and enduring peace comes from believing in love and giving it away at every opportunity. Many times in life, we expect to be on the receiving end of love and yet give nothing to the universe to deserve it. Love yourself. Love everything around you. This, above all, is the greatest gift you could give to a supreme creator -- to love all of his creations as he would!

Remember that inside of you is a goddess in embryo. And that goddess is made of compassion and unconditional love NOT judgement. She embraces you with every heartache you experience. So stop living so much in your head and allow the goddess inside of you to love you back to perfection.

HIS Eyes Are On Me

I am so humbled!

I am humbled by the love God has for me. Folks, I wish I could share the things that are transpiring in my life right now.... but they are far too sacred to share and wayyy too close to my heart to have it posted on this page.

I did want to share, however, that I am just one person... and in this great big universe, HIS EYES are on me.

HE means to grant EVERY righteous desire of my heart... and I am humbled by HIS great love for me.

His name shall endure for ever: his name shall be continued as long as the sun: and men shall be blessed in him: all nations shall call him blessed.

Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things.

And blessed be his glorious name for ever: and let the whole earth be filled with his glory; Amen, and Amen.

Psalms 72:17-19

Small Specks In a Larger Universe

Lately, all we've been doing is fighting.

Serious! All week long, all we did last week was fight. We'd wake up and be at each others throats in the morning. We'd ignore each other all afternoon. By late evening, when we're laying down to bed, we're at it all over again and on until after midnight. By Saturday, we were teetering on the edge of madness and the tension unleashed itself. Our HUGE fight ended in him leaving with his friend and me taking off in the car. The fight sent me straight to 7-11 to pick up a pack of smokes. Now, I haven't had a smoke since June and I broke the streak on Saturday... but this is a new week and I've forgiven myself for that moment of weekness.

What could we possibly be fighting about? Well, we're both so busy analyzing all the "money" options we have in front of us, that we've forgotten to take care of each others hearts, each others spirits. Not even an hour after our big fight on Saturday, husband called me to apologize. I was floored because USUALLY I'm the first to "submit". Everything was all better in an instant. Our yelling match had revealed MANY truths that we both needed to hear.

Husband relies solely on me for money moves. Most of the time it's such a heavy burden because the thought of money doesn't stir me in the least bit.... yet I've been blessed with a good brain to be able to analyze information. The only language he's been speaking in the past couple of months is BUSINESS, BUSINESS, BUSINESS. Yet I am so much more than that! That is the TRUTH that I needed him to hear.

I needed him to feed my spirit, feed my heart and tend to my emotions and physical affections. He heard me. He apologized.

That knock down argument is probably why I find myself at such a crossroad. I've been granted so much free time that I don't know what to do with. Should I get a job? Should I go back to school? Should I pursue my "magazine"? **shrugs**

Well anyway... husband and I have been really communicating lately. He UNDERSTANDS completely what I've been saying about learning to balance every area of our life.

I asked him, "When was the last time we did something really nice?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you bought me flowers?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you spoke with God?" He had no answer.

So on Monday I went out and bought him some scriptures... embossed with his name. This... so that he can feed his spirit, right alongside me. Our souls can mingle as we reflect on things of an eternal nature... to remind us that we are but small pieces of intelligence in a much larger picture. Have yall seen Men In Black II? At the end, when Jay opens the locker and he realizes that his universe is a small speck to an even larger universe... that's EXACTLY what I mean.

The truth is, when we seek for higher understanding, higher learning, we gain an eternal perspective that is priceless. So even as I rant and rave about the evil that is so rampant on planet earth, I do find peace in acknowledging God's hand in my life. Ultimately, we are just small specks in God's large universe. Can you dig it?