Goodbye Dear Friend

I heard some heartbreaking news this morning. A death of a dear friend from my high school and college years. It has me feeling some kind of way. Though I don't have all the details, the word is that he died of a heart attack. News spreads like wildfire with social media. Death from heart attacks are so sudden. You can't prepare to let go like you do with a cancer patient or any other terminal illness. With sudden deaths, you just have to let go.

We had two nicknames for each other. The first one was Blue Zebra because it was a club on Restaurant Row in Honolulu. I was with him the first time he went. There was a whole bunch of us that went together. He was fresh off a 2-year LDS mission and so brand new to the club scene. Me? I had been using my cousin's ID to get into clubs since I had turned 17. Anyway, as we walked into the club, I wanted to go to the bar side to drink. He was like, "Can you just stay here and dance?" I rolled my eyes at him and told him that there were all our other friends that he could dance with. He seemed content with that answer and I made my way to the bar. After that night, we called each other Blue Zebra. He said I was too much and I told him that he hadn't seen anything yet.

The second nickname we called each other was french fry.  And people would ask the question, "Why do we call each other French Fry?" and I would relate this story. It all started in our Macro Economics course in College. The teacher asked for a product so that we could break down all the costs associated with it. Of course, I picked french fry because it WAS and still is one of my favorite foods. Especially the crinkle cut fries. Anyway. he couldn't stop laughing at my answer -- FRENCH FRY. We spent the rest of the class listening to the teacher break down the french fry from potato spuds to distribution to McDonalds and other fast food chains. We always laughed about it when we saw each other. No one ever thought this story was particularly funny or that the french fry was funny. Who cares though? We thought it was funny.

Life is too short to be anything but happy. We get caught up in all the little details of life instead of living in the moment and in the here and now. Death has a way of reminding me about the things that really truly matter. I don't know what tomorrow brings but I will not be a prisoner of my fears. Some of my closest friends have the harshest judgments on my life and how I choose to move about in the world. And I will not be a prisoner of their judgments anymore. I will not fear the unknown or the mysteriousness of my future. There is no more time to live in fear. For right now, there is only LIFE. LIFE and LOVE. Sweet love.

I bid farewell to a dear friend. I can't believe he left in this way but I honor his light and his life. The world is a little dimmer but we will move forward and remember to hold our loved ones a little closer.

======

FOLLOW ME

Original Poem: I Want

I want you to know me
The real me
The me that no one else sees
And when I reveal the dark
and the light
I want to be sure that it will not frighten you
to know me so intimately

I want you to see me naked
Without the facade that I wear for the world
To see my scars
To see my brokenness
and still want to love me in spite of them

I want you to hear my voice
The silent whisper that no one knows
To hear my song
To hear the melody of my pain
and crave the sound of my joy

I want you to feel the intensity of my emotions
And the fire that burns inside me
Can you feel my longing to love and be loved
To taste my tears
My fears
and still want to hold me closer and erase my pain

I want you to know me like you've known me forever
To dance with my joy
To stay in step with my rhythm
To move endlessly through time
and space
together

I want you to fall in love with my soul
To see beauty inside me
And want forever
to be by my side
That's what I want

SB1: Hawaii Marriage Equality Act of 2013

The Same Sex Marriage debate has reached the shores of O'ahu. Governor Abercrombie has called a special session to hear public testimony on SB 1, the "Hawai'i Marriage Equality Act of 2013". The first public hearing is this evening. The news is reporting that over a thousand people have signed up to bear testimony. As I write, I hear testimony is still being given, six hours later. I have thought about the issue for quite some time. The Democratic agenda has definitely pushed the issue since the military's policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" came tumbling down. Last Labor Day, a friend of mine and her girlfriend did their paperwork to cement their relationship with a civil union. Now, marriage is on the table for homosexual relationships.

A family member brought up the issue yesterday to hear what my opinion is. Given that I was raised with a staunch Christian background, the natural assumption is that I would be anti-same-sex marriage but I don't think I fit into that category. Over the last week or two, I have witnessed my small circle of friends on FB post about the topic. The anti-same-sexers have been quoting scripture and talking about God's wrath and asking, "Whose on the Lord's side?" While the other camp(ers) have been spouting Civil Law, Federal Law, and all types of mandates and acts. Who is right? How do you pick a side? Do we even have to pick a side? I don't know the answer to any of these questions but each of us, as citizens in the U.S., are tasked with figuring out our own opinions. This post attempts to explore my own thinking about same sex marriage that started when a family member asked me, "Where do you stand on this issue?"

The other day I seen sign-wavers on the side of the road in La'ie. The sign said: SAY NO TO SAME-SEX MARRIAGE. The other sign (pictured above) said: KEEP THE FAMILY, FAMILY. I can't help but think of the Civil Rights movement in the 1960's, headed by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Would I have been on the policeman's side, spraying down innocent people who were asserting their rights as human beings?


As I spoke with my family member about this, I told her that I was neutral about the subject. I did not have a strong opinion either way. I asked her to tell me why she felt the way she did.

Her main points as to why she is AGAINST Same Sex Marriage:

1. The LGBT agenda is pushing to have this movement included in the history books thus forcing the public to include it in curriculum as part of "social studies". 
2. Children need both a mother and a father in the home.
3. Same-Sex Marriage changes society.

I can understand her point of view. Her view is driven by her religious doctrine and the concept of an ideal society. Strong ideals are not flaws. People with strong convictions should voice their concerns from either side of the argument. I was surprised that she did not talk about the religious philosophy behind the anti-gay movement.

My responses to her main points are telling of my neutrality.

Item #1
The LGBT movement is very strong. They are changing how our society thinks of homosexuals. If teaching about this movement in social studies is an issue for people against SSM then they have the option of sending their children to private schools or home-schooling their children. This is a tough issue because every child has the right to a free public education. Every parent must scrutinize the curriculum of their child, if this is important to them and judge for themselves where they want their children to go. I was listening to the radio and the newscaster said that this last year's graduating seniors scored the lowest EVER in the history of public education in the U.S. Maybe it's time to home school your child.

Item #2
I don't quite agree with the argument that every child needs both a mother and father in the home or that the mother/father presence somehow prevents dysfunction(?). If both parents are constructive parents then having both parents in the home could be a good thing. However, people cannot stipulate that this is the best and only way to raise children. Does having a mother and father in the home GUARANTEE a non-dysfunctional child? Absolutely not. So I offer my opinion that prohibiting people from being able to marry or raise children based on their gender identity and marital status, homosexual or heterosexual, is kind of ridiculous.

Item #3
SSM changes society. This is a true statement. I cannot refute it. SSM will definitely change society and it could be in a good way. Acceptance and tolerance are worthy characteristics of a healthy society - it begets love and kindness. The opposite is non-acceptance and intolerance - it begets hate and violence. What are people really teaching their children? That God doesn't love ALL his creations? We fall down a very slippery slope when we think it through, logically.

In terms of legality -- I think it's a slam dunk that the bill will pass in favor of legalizing SSM. Homosexual people pay taxes as do Heterosexuals, which means they should have full protection and equal rights under the law.

Some people are arguing that the people of Hawai'i have voted and decided that marriage is between a man and a woman. However, DOMA was struck down and SB1 explains it. Thus, the natural reaction to the unconstitutional DOMA is to get rid of laws that are similar to DOMA. A portion of the citizens here in Hawai'i have been campaigning to LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE. I think this is weird because the U.S. government was not set up as a democracy but as a republic. (Say the Pledge of Allegiance in your mind or out loud. "…and to the ____________ for which it stands….") When I think of democracy and majority rules, I think of a lynch mob choosing to hang a person for not agreeing with their ideals. So - I prefer that constituents let their representatives know how they feel about certain issues and let them weigh out the decision. This is the importance of getting involved in local government so that your representatives can hear your opinion.And of course you want the best person in office so that your opinion is met with agreeable ears. You have to be your own lobbyist in the same fashion that big corporations lobby in their interests. (Think of the monster corporation Monsanto. They have their hand in EVERY aspect of government both local, national, and international. Now that's scary!!!)

For religious zealots -- I find some of their behavior absolutely unnerving. I lived in Kansas ten years ago and whenever I went to the mall in Topeka I had to pass the Westboro Baptist Church to get there. I was always so bewildered that a church that espoused characteristics of Christ would treat another human being in that manner. Westboro's website: http://www.godhatesfags.com/ . Can you believe that? Their web address is telling. Their approach is bordering on a federal hate crime. Bringing that closer to home, people campaigning and picketing against allowing another human being the right to marry who they love is a crime against humanity. People love who they love. 

Finally, If you're afraid that a homosexual person will influence your children in an ungodly way then you DO NOT have enough faith in how you are raising them. You are operating out of fear rather than love. People could/should teach their children that love and compassion for all living things is more important than your fear that your child will be corrupted. **heavy sigh**

Why can't we all love each other unconditionally? Isn't that what Jesus taught? Why do we have to qualify each other and judge each other when none of us have ever walked in someone else's shoes?

Today, right now, my neutrality ends and I choose inclusion over exclusion.
I choose to build bridges over drawing lines.
I choose tolerance over intolerance.
I choose love over hate.
I choose people over policy.
I choose love over fear!

The Story Teller

My life is consumed by stories. There are stories in my head and all around me.
Stories on TV.
Stories in the movies.
Stories in the CD player on my way to work.
Stories in my iPod.
There is a story always around me. Fiction. Non-fiction. Mostly non-fiction but the non-fiction-every-day-activity is what produces the fiction.
I must write them all down.

The other day I watched Oprah interview Ayana Mathis, author of The Twelve Tribes of Hattie. I was struck by Ayana's clear confidence in stating that she was BORN to write.

Could I say the same of myself? I approach this writing with trepidation.
Fear of failure.
Fear of not succeeding.
Fear of offending someone I love by the things I may write.
Fear of success.
What am I so afraid of?

In the story of my life, I only see myself as the story teller.
The teller of stories
The orator that brings to life the imagination of those without dreams

Fly Above Your Fear

On Tyler Perry's twitter feed a couple of days ago he wrote, "Fly above your fear," and posted this video:

Throughout the video, Tyler gives bits of advice. One that sits heavily on my mind is this:

Seek to understand what you're afraid of.

As of today, I have three fears that continually pop up in my life. I'm sure there are more but the two that press heavily upon my mind and causes a significant amount of stress are as follows.

FEAR #1:

The fear of others' expectations of me... especially my family and close friends. So often I feel constrained by the expectations of others. I don't think of myself as being a prude but I feel like I have become that. 

In terms of my cultural and religious upbringing -- there's more judging going on than loving and people respond more to LOVE than they do to JUDGEMENT. Religion is centered on judgement, isn't it? Maybe it's just the brand of religion that I was raised in that causes so much conflict inside of me. I don't think God is EXCLUSIVELY for ((insert religious conviction here)). My God would be and/or is a God that includes all of his creations. Gay, White, Black, Hawaiian, Samoan, Chinese, etc. etc. There are no qualifications to attain God's love or is there? And if there is, why?

FEAR #2:

The fear of leaving my family... I think this may be more about control rather than leaving. I don't know. Inside my head, I feel like I'm the one that holds it all together; but that can't be true. The house dynamics right now consists of my father and my 15-year old brother and me and my husband. My husband and I have to move closer to my husband's children in Colorado. I don't wanna leave **sigh** but it looks like I have to to preserve my marriage. My desires of being right here, in this beautiful place, the only place I have ever or will ever want to be.... is out the window to preserve my marriage.


My mother passed away just over a year ago. Leaving my father with a 15-year old kind of scares me. Leaving him to pay his own bills scares me also but I suppose I can continue to do that when I leave. Everything is online nowadays. So why am I afraid to leave?


Finally FEAR #3
Am I losing WHO I AM? For me, living in Hawai'i has been my only ideal location for the rest of my life. Perfect weather all year round is so desirable but it's so much deeper than that. My bond and connection with this land is deeper than perfect weather. I feel like I'm abandoning my battle against capitalism and the restoration of native rights.  Am I less Hawaiian for moving away from these islands? Am I less of a loyal daughter by leaving? 


I identify with the following labels:
Daughter
Sister
Wife
Hawaiian
Samoan


I started out in this world as a daughter, sister, a Hawaiian, a Samoan. Am I abandoning all of that by tending to my "wifely" duties? Leaving these islands with my husband, does it make me less of the other labels and only a wife? This has been my battle for many months. How do I balance all the labels? How do I continue to be who I authentically think I am? Is reinvention absolutely necessary?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

So here I am today. Scared as heck to FLY ABOVE MY FEAR but finding that this is the only way to live my life. I pray that I will be able to FLY.

Personal Mastery

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned what I am majoring in at the American Public University.... I am into my junior year there and am nearly complete with a BA in Philosophy. I love it! Especially now that my courses have left behind Western Philosophy and we are heading into Asian Philosophy.

Today in my course readings I came upon the following passage:

How can I be certain of victory? 

I can only be without fear.

This is such a profound statement. To think, it was penned in the 4th Century BCE (before the common era) by Mengzi or as Westerners know him -- Mencius. Perhaps some are pondering why this is such a profound statement. In the passages that preceded this statement, they are discussing courage. Courage is the opposite of fear. Would you agree? If courage is the exact opposite of fear then we should all be able to think up a time when we have overcome fear. We pushed right through the fear and did whatever it was that was unbelievably fearful.

A couple of years ago, I attended a seminar called Personal Mastery put on by the team at Klemmer & Associates. I can honestly say that it was the hardest thing I have ever done. There were several outcomes from that workshop that have probably changed the direction of my life most of which had to do with communication. I can't even begin to explain each and every gem that I picked up at the seminar. The gems didn't come all it once. In fact, as the years roll by I make more and more epiphanies from the experience I gained at the Klemmer workshop.

So what was so hard about the seminar?

It pushed me in a different direction than the one that my parents placed me on. We are all a product of our environment. The skills I learned in Personal Mastery helped me see my life for what it is, to see each and every person on life's journey as they are, to see that no circumstance is fixed. I can choose what I do with the circumstances. The hard part came in the purging portions of the seminar. I carried a whole lotta junk on my shoulders and I learned how to deal with the different circumstances in my life. I can't go into detail only because I can't narrow it down to one thing. It was just well worth the time and money I invested in it.

They'll be here in Hawai'i soon. The Klemmer series of workshops begin with a Champion's Workshop. It's basically a sales pitch for the next seminar. And all the seminars are well worth the money. The next one is happening on March 28th. If you're in the Honolulu area, you should check it out. Conquer the fear!

http://www.klemmer.com/workshops/honolulu-hi

Infused With Fear or Brand New Eyes

My previous post was about doing a "media fast" as suggested by one of my favorite websites -- Daily OM. That means that you skip watching TV, movies, skip the daily newspaper, turn off the cell phone, step away from the internet, etc. for a period time. It could be one day then maybe the following week would be two days, the next week would be three days, until you can successfully move about life without NEEDING the internet. I am totally guilty of needing the internet. I stepped away from browsing Facebook significantly. I just don't feel the draw to it anymore however I am still quite attached to my blog, this blog. I also have a fondness for my World of Warcraft game. I am amazed at how much time I spend on WoW. I have also walked away from my Blackberry. I'm tired of being totally accessible to everyone at anytime. Irritating. Misplacing the phone contributed to our gentle break-up.

Anyway, the point of this post is to tie my last two posts together and why stepping away from the media is important to how I formed my opinion about TSA as a whole. Of course this post is entirely philosophical in nature.

Let us imagine a child that grows up in a bubble. Let us call him Emile. (Bonus points if you recognize who or what Emile is.) Emile, having grown up in a bubble with two instructors -- his own curiosity and a tutor -- is given an airplane ticket to Hawai'i. Let's pretend that the bubble is located in Seattle, Washington (site of my recent TSA incident).

Emile is not aware of the existence of television, the internet, newspapers, or any other media outlet. He is fed a healthy dose of religious texts, from the Upanishads, the Holy Bible, to the K'oran, and the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and is allowed to interpret the information as he sees fit. Emile is allowed to explore every avenue that his natural curiosity leads him to. If, for instance, he reads about Jesus Christ in the Bible and would like further texts that mention him, he may request from the tutor any text that is similar to or mentions Jesus Christ. He has lived his entire life in this manner having access to any topic that piques his interest.

Let us imagine he approaches the Seattle-Tacoma airport. He is in awe of the highways and the automobiles that, up until this point, were non-existent to him. Perhaps he had read about highway systems in books about the Roman Empire or the Silk Road throughout Asia but actually seeing the road system exceeded his imagination.

Upon Emile's arrival at the Sea-Tac Airport, he checks his bag along with the tutor and makes haste to the security checkpoint, the TSA. This is a critical juncture. This, for me, is the most important part to this mini-parable. TSA screening is something that Emile has not experienced before. If you and I looked at the situation with new eyes, having no clue what the screening is about, what would it appear to be?

• Emile's possessions are inspected and sent through a machine for further investigation.

• Emile is required to remove his shoes, his belt, and all metal objects on his person.

• Emile must empty his pockets.

Emile is reminded of the United State Constitution -- Amendment #4 -- the one about illegal search and seizure. Sure, he had emerged from a bubble but in the bubble, he had studied the Constitution in depth and was well-versed of the philosophical beliefs that influenced the Constitution; people like John Locke, Hume, of course Rousseau, and Imanuel Kant, amongst others. Emile thought, "Are we still in the United States?"

As Emile makes his way through the security check point, the tutor explains to him the reasoning for the invasion of privacy.

"Emile, the United States government implemented this security check point because they fear that terrorists will climb aboard a plane with explosives."

It is this exact piece of information/ story that Emile (all of us) must accept to justify the "search and seizure".

So I ask you, the general public:
Who is telling the story? Who tells us the story that would make us accept any information under the guise of public safety?

Though none of us live in a bubble, who creates your reality?

If I tell you that people in Hawai'i are cannibals, would that change your behavior or desire to come to Hawai'i?

If the government implements a National Threat Advisory, does that make you feel safer? Or does one have to accept the "story" that is told about terrorism. Remember the movie by M. Night Shyamalan, The Village? If you have not seen the movie and would like to see it, fair warning, SPOILER ALERT. A group of psychologists get together and create this 19th century village in the middle of nowhere. They are known as The Council of Elders. The Villagers and the creatures in the forest maintain a pact that keeps the villagers away from the forest and the creatures away from the village. All the young people tell stories about a world beyond the village. Whenever the young people begin to get riled up about going beyond the borders of the village, some kind of omen shows up in the village and the Council of Elders change the flags around the village from red to yellow or vice versa to signify that an attack from the woods is imminent. Very, very similar to our National Threat Advisory. In one explosive scene, the creatures actually do emerge from the forest and frightens the entire town into their cellars. Eventually, the story unravels and what is discovered is that the Council of Elders (the Village's government) is also the creatures from the forest.

Why would the government be the solution and the problem?
What benefits are associated with being both?
For me, there can only be one reason and that is:

CONTROL!

I don't know where this quote is from but I think of it often whenever I feel like my God-given rights are being stripped from me.

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.

This is all food for thought. The media and the government tell us a story. We accept it because of some terrible tragedy. But what if, just as The Village, the government is the problem and the solution? What if we looked at the TSA with new eyes like Emile and reject the "story" the media tells us?

Who manufactures your reality? <---Click the link and read the article. Trust me, if they're doing it in China then it has already successfully been done in the U.S. For some, fear is a great motivator. For me, fear is the absence of love. In the New Testament of the Holy Bible, one of my most favorite scriptures reads:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love, and of a sound mind.
~2 Timothy 1:7

Just remember we choose to either be "infused with fear" or seeing the world as Emile, with "brand new eyes".

Daily OM: Evaluating Media

The following is from Daily OM. I am reposting it here because it is a great reminder to me that I/WE/YOU create the world in which we live in. What we put in our mind manifests itself.



* * * * * * * * * *

Evaluating Media
Fresh Mind

It is up to us to seek out media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains energy and hope.

There is a lot of information available to us at this time in history, more than ever before, and it travels fast. We are able to learn in the blink of an eye about something that happened halfway around the world, and it’s natural for us to want to know what’s going on. However, it’s also fair to say that we don’t want to become so caught up in one way of looking at events that we lose perspective. Often, the news comes to us in a very fear-oriented format, and when too many of us get caught up in fear, the balance of the whole is disrupted. It helps to remember that we have a much greater and more positive impact on the world when we maintain our inner sense of peace and joy.

We are aware enough to know when we are eating something that is not good for us, because we don’t feel well after we’ve eaten it. In the same way, we can determine for ourselves whether the sources in which our information comes are ultimately healthful. News can be presented in a way that inspires us to take positive action to help the world, or it can be presented in a way that leaves us feeling powerless and sad. It is up to us to seek out and support media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains our energy and our hope.

For a time, it may even be of benefit to commit to a media fast, in which we stop taking information in for a time to give ourselves a rest. When we return to the task of taking in and processing the information all around us, we will come to it with a fresh mind. This will enable us to really notice how we are affected by what we hear and see, and to make conscious choices about the sources of information that we allow into our lives.

FB Thread: Congresswoman Shooting

HUSBANDS FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE:

condolences to the congresswoman that was shot, but the reality is that people are getting fed up with the government and the unseen erosions of our freedoms and dignity as Americans by this very government. Deep down, I believe we all can see the honesty in that.

1st RESPONSE

some may be able to see honesty in that, (husband's name removed), but at no time should someone pick up a gun and shoot an elected official over it. that's not democracy; that's bullying.

2nd RESPONSE

Very upset right now...

3rd RESPONSE

People of all views have the right to be upset over so many things, but no one has the right to handle things by shooting others over political issues. If a majority felt like this guy, she would have lost the election. I haven't liked a ...lot of politics since 9/11, but I never wanted to shoot anyone. I did want to challenge a former representative to compare our military records when he said people who didn't support invading Iraq were unpatriotic and hated America, but I think he must not have gotten my email because no one responded.

MY RESPONSE

americans have been lulled into an apathetic coma OR a frenzied fear. both instances are very dangerous. democracy is not exactly my cup o' tea because it's very "lynch party'ish" -- majority rules and that is not necessarily the best thing, in my opinion.

ideally, a citizen should NEVER feel helpless in the face of increasing legislation and laws. the last i checked none of these new laws, including the patriot act, has reduced crime. go figure -- with the privatization of the jail systems, government and corporations NEED criminals/product for their industry to survive. anyway -- i'm afraid that these types of instances will increase until the government realllllly hears the people. the american revolution was NOT violence-free.

REVOLUTION!! BRING ON THE WILD, WILD WEST!! citizens should be as armed as the criminals are.

Wikileaks, Love Revolution, Hawai'i Media

Wikileaks is now available HERE!

I watched Video: Collateral Murder and was not surprised at the arrogance exhibited by U.S. Soldiers in Iraq. Though I have many soldier friends and soldier family members, I have NEVER supported this war. I will NEVER support senseless violence, ever!

Imagine if a foreign army came to our shore and drove around on our streets in their tanks, their military helicopters, armed soldiers on the streets, shake down of men congregated together, shake down of religious sanctuaries, you get the picture! Imagine that.

Revolution! 

In this world, love is the REVOLUTION!

Don't believe what you see and hear on the network news. This country has not had an independent media in a very long time. I tend to tune into the Public Access stations for information. Our small little state, here in Hawai'i, has the largest set of Public Access stations behind New York City. That is quite a feat for our small state and we should preserve this special privilege.

Anyway.......

Within the past year or two, Hawai'i consolidated its news sources. Of course, this was strategically executed and positioned during an economic downturn thus blaming the economy for "mergers". The Honolulu Advertiser and The Star Bulletin were separate newspapers but have been consolidated.

KITV - Hawai'is ABC affiliate is owned and operated by Hearst-Argyle, an organization that operates in 25+ markets throughout the country. Cities like Sacramento, CA - Pittsburgh - Kansas City - and a host of other cities. 

Three different stations KHNL (NBC Affiliate), KGMB (CBS Affiliate), and KFVE are owned by Raycom Media Inc, an organization that operates in 35 markets throughout the country.

I discuss these issues with anyone who is bold enough to ask my opinion. I say BOLD only because I am quite fixed on some of my opinions and have a wealth of information that feeds my opinion. However, I am still quite open to new information.

Consolidation of the media in alignment with other cities is a subtle tool for mind control. For me it's not that subtle but for most people the television is a harmless appliance. I think that the consolidation and mergers of the media force feeds all viewers, on a mass/ national scale, the same information. It slowly conditions all viewers how to think based on what is televised. Eventually, nothing will shock, nothing will surprise, and Americans will continue to be lulled into an apathetic coma or a frenzied fear. We're already there. 

So what do we do about it?

Day 15: My Dreams

I am an avid reader of all things that push my very human mind beyond its current boundaries. We are all victims of our circumstances. We're raised by people who have never parented before -- our parents -- and they are limited by the way their parents raised them and on and on and on. What was absent from my childhood is my parents insistence on dreaming big. I don't blame them for my current position in life because I know they are limited in their scope of the universe. My reading material tends to lean toward things like The Secret, The Richest Man in Babylon, The Power of Intention, and that sort of books. In the bookstore's these types of books are sorted under the self-help category. The world of POSSIBILITY inspires me and pushes me to dream without inhibition.

However.... My dreams...

• I am afraid to speak of them for fear of never seeing them come to pass.
• I am afraid to tell people for fear that people will find my dreams ABSURD.
• Afraid of the process
• Afraid to succeed?

Realizing how "afraid" I am reminds me of the following passage from the Holy Bible: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

What I dream of most, strictly confining myself to my earthly existence, is....

• a house -- with at least an acre of land to farm; I would like a water feature on the property -- could be a pool and spa or a koi pond or a natural waterfall... I love the sound of water! I would like a basketball/ volleyball/ tennis court type thing on the property. My house would have a full-service work out room so I can stop having to pay for 24-hour fitness. I would need a very large craft room. Husband would probably like a "man-cave" and be totally content. I would also like a commercial kitchen. It could be in an entirely different building on the property but I do want a commercial kitchen.
• I want to be a business owner -- Fear of failure governs even TRYING this. The whole business thing I expressed earlier FELLLLLLL ALLLL THE WAY THROUGH but I am not at all deterred. I willllll DO THIS!
• I want to be a published novelist. Period.
• I want to own several properties
• I dream of making a difference in my community.... possibly in the WORLD!
• I dream of...... being a mother to several children.

...if it be my destiny, i welcome all my dreams into my world...

The Goings On

I know folks have been wondering what's been goin' on with me. I can be an avid blogger. I enjoy writing as a means of purging myself of unnecessary baggage.... but lately, I've just been Missing in Action.

There is so much going on in my world that it's hard to put my finger on JUST ONE THING that has kept me away from my blog. As I analyze things in my mind, I find that I categorize things into what I need and what I want.

A couple of weeks ago, husband and I endeavored on actually writing down our goals. I've learned in the "seminar circuit" that writing down our goals separates them from just wishing it. This was actually a difficult exercise for me. I didn't complete it. It's like I'm afraid to dream further than what I've already dreamed up for myself. I'm afraid to write it down. Afraid to put it on paper because then I must hold myself to it. **sigh**

I have changed so much in the past year that it is hard to imagine the way I was last year. Husband and I have placed ourselves on such an exciting journey. We had a deep discussion the other night about where our lives are headed. It can be said that the path we're on is less traveled. It can be said that the path is dangerous. Yet, I hear the rumblings in my spirit to STOP BEING average.

In our discussion about this exciting new world, I told husband that I have the courage to continue on. Come what may, I will stand firm in my beliefs. So while folks claim to pledge allegiance to their hero's, I think we're all missing the point. Allegiance to our hero's means FOLLOWING them on their path... and that path is usually LESS TRAVELLED, fraught with danger yet unbelievably FULFILLING.

Very few of us ever do what we were born to do. We allow ourselves to be shaped by what our parents and teachers want for us. Or we allow the media to manipulate us. But all of us have a purpose that is greater than we can imagine for ourselves. I believe we must follow that nagging in our gut to take the road less travelled instead of allowing the government and the school system beat us into submission.

Remember that passion we had as teenagers... to CHANGE.THE.WORLD. Why aren't we changing the world? Why hasn't the world changed? Because what we fear is alienation. We fear retribution. We are afraid of going against the grain. We don't want to go to jail. All these things have LITTLE to do with our own moral compass. Yet it is that compass that should direct us... not FEAR.

The highest power that I will EVER have to answer to is the Creator. The evil regime that runs this country today does not scare me. My direction is clear and I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid of what will be said of me. It is of NO consequence.