Wednesday, April 25, 2007

BP Fling : The 1st Episode

Forgive me as I reminisce on a past fling... nothing more, nothing less.... just a fling!

I met him on BlackPlanet.

On my BlackPlanet page, I blogged into the atmosphere my vehemence and disdain for my ex-husband and how he just WALKED OUTTA my life... again! (That's a story I told before.) Though it wasn't really vehemence or disdain, it was definitely not one of my more positive entries.

I received several "LOSE THE ZERO" responses to the passion-filled entry but the one note that caught my attention was the exact opposite. Mystery Man, what I'll call him in this post, forced me to look at how I contributed to the problems between my ex and I instead of blaming it all on my ex.

From that response fueled MANY, lengthy "notes" back and forth over a period of a month. One day -- as we passed notes -- we decided that we should just get on the phone and have an ACTUAL conversation. That first conversation happened while doing some volunteer work. Anyway, Mystery Man and I have these phone conversations about our likes and dislikes and we joke and laugh and laugh and laugh. This goes on for days. He calls me -- whenever -- and doesn't bother to give me a phone number.

I figure he must be married because he doesn't give up a phone number. He assures me that he's not married. I take him at face value. That's all I can do. Then I think: Great! Not having his phone number leaves me WITHOUT the burden of having to call him. It also releases me from trying to phone-stalk him. LOL. The whole MYSTERY of who he is KEEPS me interested. I wondered when he'd call. I wondered what he looked like in REAL LIFE. The pic on his BP page was HOT, HOT, HOT. I was diggin' him and I really wanted to see him in person to see if the chemistry is there.

After months of carrying on, on the phone, he decides he's ready to come see me. He picks a night that I have to work late. Usually, I'd leave work by 3pm. That day, I started at 3pm and I'd probably leave the office by 11 that evening. The great thing was that I was going to be in the office all by my lonesome so I tell him he can SWING BY. He lived a couple blocks from my job. The anticipation of meeting him had built up over the past months of notes and phone calls that I almost cancelled the meeting, afraid that I'd be disappointed.

I'm sure this is playing out like many of your own BP flings or Internet hook-ups.... ain't it funny how much we all have in common. LOL...

He calls. I answer. He's waiting in the MAIN LOBBY. I walk down to the LOBBY to let him in. I open the door -- and there he is -- all 5 feet 5 inches of him! LOL -- now... I barely graze 5 feet 5... but DAMN!!! Why did he have to be that short???? That was my first impression of him -- he was short! The next thing I noticed was how he was dressed. He was all done up like he was going to a job interview or something AND he smelled great! Brownie points for that! There was nothing awkward between us. The chemistry was "on" FULL BLAST....

...to be continued...
...2nd Episode...

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Difference Is...

Husband and I are doing a sort of "renewal" of our vows kinda thing, this coming weekend. It's so much deeper than that but in this forum, that's all I'm willing to give. So on Saturday, we went to Celebrity Tuxedo to rent him a nice tuxedo. I think he's gonna look sharp! I'll post pics later.

My dress is being sewn - bridal satin and green organza. I hope it will look gorgeous on me. **winks** Red is my favorite color but my mama said that I better not wear red... so I settled for my second favorite color... GREEN. It's actually a sage green and it will overlay the white satin. GORGEOUS!!!

My life is so beautiful now... like MAGICAL. I was diggin' in some of my old journals from the former marriage. I can't believe how far I've come as a woman and how I FINALLY see my own self-worth to want more from a relationship. Like clockwork -- when I raised that proverbial "bar", my HUSBAND stepped up to it.

When you raise that "bar", you are telling anyone you let in your world that there are certain deal-breakers; things that you will ABSOLUTELY NOT compromise. If you require total fidelity -- don't compromise that because you think it would be easier to have an open relationship therefore rationalizing that "cheating" DID NOT occur. It requires too much emotion and a portion of your heart and mind will NEVER really trust the other person. DEAL BREAKER!

I wish you could read what my life was like just a couple of years ago.... by going through my journals and sneaking a peek into my past. I love where I am today. I love the man who shares my world. He is THE ONE.


So, the difference in what I had before and what I have now has nothing to do with who I'm with. I'm different TODAY. I expect more and demand more, in turn the people that couldn't keep up with that have exited my life... and the one's that could are still here! The difference is ME!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Shut It Off!

Still in OKLAHOMA... my roomie is watching FoxNews... Bill O'Reilly. Uggghhh... gag me!

I make it a point to AVOID the spin and outright lies spewed by ALL major news networks. Bill O'Reilly being at the top of my list of newscasters/spin-meisters to avoid!!!! He's talking about the Virginia Tech shootings. He's calling a bunch a people EVIL. Frankly, I think Bill O'Reilly is a whore for the corporations that own him.

The media is taking this way outta control and is using this as a distraction from the dropping dollar, the war in Iraq, the pending war in Iran, a government that is falling apart... you get the picture.

I think the shootings are absolutely horrific. However, there's something funny about this whole thing but I just won't state it in a public forum. Anyway, why do we feed into the hype?

What would happen if we all just shut off our TV's right now and stopped listening to the BOOBS ON THE TUBE?
  • I would like to suggest that stress levels would drop.

  • Our focus would be more on our communities and mending our broken families.

  • We would think clearer and be able to form our own opinions based on our instinct rather than the spin on mainstream media.

  • Our direction for our families would change from being media-driven to being driven by the need to be close.


  • The list could go on and on. You can think of better things to do than watching the BOOBS ON THE TUBE.

    Tuesday, April 17, 2007

    Oklahoma Conference Progresses...

    As you know... I'm in OKLAHOMA at a software training conference. Throughout today's training sessions I zoned out and caught up on my snail-mail-pen-pal-writing. So don't ask me what happened today! LOL... That isn't all true cause I did actually tune in for the last workshop.

    What I know is that I love my husband dearly. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. (With my ex, that statement DID NOT apply. But I digress...) Husband and I are like peas in a pod. He covenants FOREVER and I feel safe; confident that OUR love will be everlasting. I'm so blessed!

    Getting used to the 5 hour difference was easy as 1-2-3. Jetlag is NOT a thing to me. I adjusted real quick-like. The weather here is wet and rainy. Anybody that knows me knows that I love the rain! Even with the wet weather my hair is FLAWLESS. The low humidity sucks all the frizz out.

    The Virginia Tech murders has me thinkin' on constitutional rights. There's something fishy about the strange events. Now there's so much talk of gun control. So I have to repeat my logic: "Do more laws mean less criminals?" It seems the more laws they put on the books -- the more criminals we lock up -- yet the same crimes continue to occur. The crime rate appears to rise and really -- more laws DO NOT make less criminals. Written by the hand of God, Moses gave us the Ten Commandments. Oh that we could live by them therefore never having to bump into government.

    So here I am in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm enjoying my mini vacation... kinda. LOL...

    What yall been up to?

    Monday, April 16, 2007

    Finally Made It...

    I finally made it to Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm here for software training. I left on the red-eye out of Honolulu, Hawai'i on Sunday evening. Arrived in San Francisco Monday morning for a two hour layover. Connected to Atlanta, Georgia. Two hour layover. And now I'm finally in the hotel... relaxing and still on Hawaiian time. Did you notice what was wrong with my flight itinerary? Yes... I flew over Tulsa and went all the way to Atlanta only to make my way back. **sigh**

    Oh well -- here I am!

    I miss my honey but I won't be here long. I fly out on Friday morning and get into Honolulu at 2pm. Gotta love that. It's like I'm stealing some time or something. LOL...

    While I'm away -- husband is visiting with his son. I'm sad that I couldn't be there but that was the luck of the draw. This was the only time his son could visit.

    I was bummed that I was in Georgia and didn't get to see any of my family. The layover was way too short for me to even enjoy a visit with them. It's okay though cuz I'll probably be back in Atlanta in August.

    Good night and good evening folks! I'll sign in tomorrow.

    Thursday, April 12, 2007

    It's A Wonderful Life

    I have no energy to write.

    I've been so busy. I haven't been able to keep in touch with my snail mail pen pals, much less keep up with my blog. I miss bein' in all a yall business and expanding my mind by reading your perspectives.

    I'm gearing up for a 4-day trip to Oklahoma. Any of yall in Tulsa? I'll be there from Monday to Thursday for a conference. I'll probably blog from there -- in fact, I'll probably find MORE TIME there than I do here at home.

    My "green thumb" keeps me real busy and I love it. My tomatoes don't need much attention at all. In fact, I have to cut them back three times a week. My beans are suffering from some kinda mite. My father had some organic pesticide on hand which I'm able to use even up until the day of harvest. I love organic stuff!! So I've been watching my beans. Even with all those mites, my beans keep fighting and keep producing for me. I have some tapioca sprouting in a bucket. My pineapples are looking great. The lemon tree does its own thing. I don't even have to water or fertalize it. My garlic started peeking out from under the soil. The lettuce seedlings are breaking through as well. The gardens crowning glory is the Taro Lo'i. It looks great. We planted 2 1/2 dozen plants. It looks great and the fruit from it will last a long while!

    That's my life... lately.

    What have you been up to?

    Saturday, April 07, 2007

    Saturday Love!

    I attended a funeral today. I didn't know the woman personally but was asked to participate in a few musical numbers for the service. I was soooo MOVED by the entire service. I cried my eyes out today.

    The story of the womans life is incredibly tragic yet TRIUMPHANT. She passed to the next world giving life to her 7th child. Her friends, her father, her siblings, and finally HER HUSBAND were pillars of strength. Just think -- that man must raise seven children without his wife. His reflections on HOW he met his wife and HOW he knew she was THE ONE had the entire congregration in stitches; in tears.

    I sat there at the funeral service, listening to all the speakers and had to reflect on my husband and how he TRANSFORMS my world everyday. He is so wonderful. We have the MOST stimulating conversations about race, religion, politics, 9-11, alphabet soup agencies... LOL...

    I have so much aspirations for him, for us. He allows me into his world like that... in a way I have never experienced before. I can PLAN my life, our life, like we will be together forever -- cuz WE WILL. I never have to wonder where his head is at because at the heart of our relationship is his deep committment to US and I am so grateful for that.

    Though I spent my Saturday morning at such a morbid function of our human behaviour -- I was reminded of the love of my life. Today, he's my SATURDAY LOVE!!

    Monday, April 02, 2007

    Hungry For Knowledge

    Lately, I've been feeling HUNGRY for knowledge. I don't know if any of you have ever felt like that. I feel famished for NEW things to read. I read one or two books a week. Most of it -- non-fiction. Every now and again, I get a novel in but I haven't read anything that has moved me lately.

    I need to stop reading books or watching movies that ALREADY CONFIRM what I believe. Rather, I should be reading things that challenge the capacity of my mind.

    I'm super stimulated by all things metaphysical. I have always been that way since I was a child. On both sides of the family -- there were several women that practiced metaphysical theories which include healing, channeling, and even black magic. I would really like to develop the ability to aide in healing.

    I feel like I have so little time to learn everything I want to learn. My mother and father are aging and I'm so desperate to know what they know. Both of my parents were taught some of the healing practices that my mothers mother knew and I need to learn that.

    So tell me. Are you hungry for knowledge? What do you want to learn?

    Sunday, April 01, 2007

    I Wish I Wasn't...

    Here's a lil exercise for the readers of this blog: Open your iTunes or YahooLaunch and pull up Heather Headley, "I Wish I Wasn't In Love With You". Have that song playing in the background while you read this entry. For some reason, when I feel a lil blue -- I play that song and just write. The following is what came up.....

    You just ran across my mind today. I'm wondering if you're okay. We've always had this unbelievable psychic connection. I wonder if its because of how much we used to love each other. Sure, we've gone on with our lives... and I'm doing VERY well, really! But every now and again I get a little curious. My love for you was/is unconditional and the depths went far beyond sexual.

    I wonder if she loves you with complete abandon the way I used to. Should I even be wondering these things? I tried so hard for way too long. I don't think they make women like me anymore. I see women give up their marriages for far less than we did. They just walk away -- kinda like how you walked out on me -- TWICE!

    I don't regret one minute of what we had.
    The longing.
    The waiting.
    The loving.
    The patience.
    The pain.
    The heartache.
    The lustful thoughts of feeling you between my thighs.
    The constant yearning in the pit of my stomach -- FOR YOU.
    The wondering -- where you've been; who you've been with; did you love me; were you ever coming back;
    The struggles.
    The missing you.
    The pain of you not needing me the way I needed you.
    Wanting.Only.You.
    Making love.
    I don't regret one minute of what went on between us for 6 years.

    I don't wanna go back to the day before we met and erase anything.
    We met.
    I fell in love.
    I waited and waited for you to want me.
    We married.
    We fought.
    We loved.
    You left.
    Two years later we were divorced.

    And when we did divorce -- I felt so free. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders. You answered my wondering mind.
    You.
    Didn't.
    Love.
    Me.
    and I just had to deal with it.

    I wonder what you're up to. You and I were there for each other for a reason and a season. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less. Forgive me for intruding. I just wanted to tell you....

    Goodbye heartache!