I Hope You Dance

There is a song performed by Leann Womack titled I Hope You Dance. The lyrics are beautiful, poetic, and imparts feel-good vibrations all the way around.... except for one line. It says, "Never settle for the path of least resistance." I think the song is flawed because of that one line. It should have said something like, "Don't give up even though it's hard," "Be persistent."

Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
I made the move out to South Carolina because it is and has been the path of least resistance. There have been so many events that are seemingly unrelated yet in my mind they have sequentially pointed me in one direction. That direction is for me to make this move to South Carolina.

Don't let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
No one ever falls in love thinking that it will end. I have always walked in the direction of love with fierce enthusiasm and the best intentions and ever so optimistic that this time it will be forever. It's not a secret that I have tucked away two romances. I cherish both of them and their presence and season in my life for different reasons. And now I stand in my own truth, my middle-aged self, that I must live for me and only me; that I must dream for me and walk in that dream. I cannot live to be a wife or to be a daughter, a sister, or aunt though I cherish all of those titles and the responsibilities that come with them.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
Today, I walk in my truth and in my happiness - happiness that has alluded me for a very long time. My divorce from my ex-husband has opened me up to all the possibilities of my life. There is so much power in discovering who I am and standing confidently in my authenticity. I no longer worry about what people say or think of the big dreams that I have or even of the seemingly small decisions that I make. Traveling this road alone has been tough. I counted so much on my ex to be my cheerleader and to support my crazy ideas. Most of the time, if my desires did not fit his, he would shoot them down and not support it. So now that I don't have him in my world, I realize that he was not my cheerleader and he is no longer stopping me from doing the thing I want to do the most. I am free to move about as I see fit.

May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I am beginning to let the "real me" emerge as I abandon old belief systems in favor of my own crafted version of the meaning of life. My search for happiness is now a path of happiness. I choose to be in a state of happiness no matter what the circumstances of my life are. I am not searching. I am not waiting for happiness to happen. Everything happening around me cannot disrupt the happiness I feel right now and in every single moment. Even when I'm shedding tears of sadness, the tears are just a means to let go of sad emotions and to make room for joy.

I hope you dance.
I hope I dance.
I am choosing to never sit out on experiencing life ever again. I will allow my own sense of morality to guide me and not inhibit me from participating in the great dance of life. There should never be guilt or shame around someone choosing to be exactly who they feel they are inside. Judgement over someone that has a different lifestyle than your own is antiquated and fosters a sense of exclusivity rather than inclusion. And right now, I am all about giving love to anyone I come in contact with. That is the best way I can serve the world by spreading love.

I hope you dance!

...When One Is Born From the Last...

The way it was told to me goes like this:

Quick Review - King Drac saves the kingdom but wifey dies, but she gives him all her blood to save their son. She tells him she will see him in her next life. 800 years later they run into each other and she is drawn to him and he to her.

With that great review, I had to make some time to watch Dracula Untold. I was not expecting a love story at all but it was indeed a love story mixed with great action scenes and computer graphics. 

There was one particular scene that made me tear up. Prince Vlad is experiencing angst over his decision to be a vampire to save his people and defeat the Turks. He must send his wife away to the monks while he remains behind to finish the Turks. His beautiful wife tells him, remember our vows?

Why think separately of 

this life and the next

when one is born 

from the last

The words of the poem - so easy and beautiful. A google search reveals that that poem is a verse in Love and Death by Rumi. Prince Vlad and his wife embrace, they kiss as they part ways. Prince Vlad heading into battle to single-handedly defeat the Turk army with his supernatural, vampiric powers. His Princess leaving with their child to flee from the chaos. Their passion for each other was so real on the screen. I felt like I was peeking in on a private moment between a real couple rather than two actors. There was a sense of urgency that was almost tangible.

My niece recently played the starring role in her school's rendition of AIDA. I was so moved by her performance. I am so proud of how talented and smart my nieces and nephews are and that's not a biased opinion. They really are so smart and so respectful and so talented. I am so grateful that they have such good parents to guide them on this life journey.

The short story line behind AIDA is kind of similar to how Dracula Untold was explained to me -- it's about a romance that spans several lifetimes. Aida is enslaved by an Egyptian general. He gives Aida as a gift to his fiancee, the Pharoah's daughter. However, the attraction between the general and Aida grows and they become lovers right under the nose of the Pharoah's daughter. When their love affair is discovered, the Pharoah's daughter sentences them to death and the mercy she gives them is that they may be entombed together. The closing scene shows the general and Aida being entombed. Immediately after, the same two characters that played Aida and the general appear on stage in different clothing, from a different era, looking at the tomb of the two lovers. They look at each other as if there is something familiar between them and thus another love affair, in another lifetime begins again.

This brings me back to the significance of the poem:

Why think separately of this life and the next when one is born from the last?

I want to think that the relationships I have here and in this world were born from the last... not just the romantic ones but all of the friendships and familial ties! I think of a particular instance when my #3 niece was just learning to talk. She was probably two or three and we were having this very intense discussion about something. I can't recall. She turned to me and said, "Remember Aunty? It happened when I was bigger than you." Without skipping a beat, I asked her what we looked like and she went on and on about it and then suddenly stopped and changed the subject. I could not get her back to revisiting the lifetime when she was bigger than me. Since that moment, this niece of mine has a special place in my heart because of her remembrance of our lifetime before.

With the demise of both of my marriages, I feel like maybe there might be something wrong with me. That somehow, the way I deal with things in a relationship is not conducive to fostering longevity. So if I did indeed know both of my husbands from a previous lifetime and we repeat these same relationships then I suppose I am not learning a thing. There is something I am doing that causes the failure of the relationship even though I have a great desire to be loved and to give love completely and through all generations of time. I love to be in love. I want these love affairs to move in sync from lifetime to lifetime.

I am reminded of Erykah Badu's song, Next Lifetime. She talks about how she's in a relationship, maybe a marriage, but felt a strong attraction to another man. She is resigned to the fact that nothing can come of their mutual attraction to each other. Instead, she tells him that she'll see him NEXT LIFETIME. I can say, emphatically, that I have never allowed myself to be attracted to another man while I was married. I pride myself on my stubborn loyalty to both men that I was married to. When I say "I Do," I really mean it. I may not be the best girlfriend but I am a damn loyal wife.

Now that my world has opened up again, I am allowing myself to feel attraction again. I am opening up my energy field to the men around me. While I was married, I closed that part of me off to anyone. My love energy was not available to anyone but my husband. I'm sad that he allowed himself to be attracted to other women and rather be single and free. I have been thinking of him so often in the past couple of days. I hope he is well. I hope he is happy. I've always wanted that for him even if it's without me. I wish him happiness and joy. Though I miss him so much, it's more because I just spent the last thirteen years sharing the same space with him. The man he has become in the last year is definitely not the one that I married so he can continue on in his evolution / devolution. One day, maybe in my/our next lifetime, we will get it right and we both can heal the parts of us that are hurting. I suppose the same could be said of the other man I loved so completely (my first husband). **heavy sigh**

#iStillBelieveInLove