I started this blog challenge in September so I have failed miserably because here we are in January and I am still attempting to finish this challenge. What can I say about this month?
The only thing I associate January with is my first marriage. Today, January 4th, marked the day I married my ex. That all ended in 2003 -- his choice. I'm glad it all happened. What a wonderful journey my life has been so far even with all the heartache. I have learned so much from all of it.
I remember when I was getting ready to get married the first time. The night before the wedding, my maid of honor (Tasi Fiso), the best man, and me and the groom took off to Wal-Mart at like 1 in the morning. We laughed and laughed and pretended like we didn't have to be up early. **sigh** I think we watched the sun rise and made our way back to Hau'ula. Why was I in such a rush to be married? I don't know.
Then came the wedding. It was scheduled for 3pm. At about 10am that morning it started raining cats and dogs. Uncle Cy Bridges married us and I remember him saying something to the effect that rain signified abundance. Well, the rain kept on until well after the ceremony. The reception was at BYU Ballroom @ 5pm. I don't remember what I ate but the groom and I had been drinking so it didn't really matter... we were feeling good. The entertainment was tooooo much fun. The Fonoimoana's put on a great show.
What I have to say about weddings is that they are so over rated... hindsight, of course. This particular wedding was such a waste. If I could do it over, I would have gone with an intimate ceremony. Small wedding.
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Unravelling: Where Culture's Clash
Today is my sixth wedding anniversary. Last year, I made a little slide show in honor of the event. This year I'm not feeling as full of love and sentiment as I usually am. My moods are a funny thing. On the surface, the fire of my love cannot be questioned yet at the core of me is a desire to please myself. Me and only me rather than the marriage relationship.
At times I feel like my life is lived for other people. To maintain this eternal pair, my marriage, have my husband and I given up portions of ourselves? (Of course we have.) I think of the loyalty I feel toward my parents and how serving them til my dying day is so much a part of my culture and a part of who I was raised to be. Yet the eternal pairing, my marriage, stands in direct conflict with that portion of my culture. My husband, father of two children with two different mothers (neither of them me), has matured to the point where he wants to be totally involved with the children's lives. Yet I haven't come to terms with the implications of the relationships and the roles I am suddenly asked to take on. Taking on the "step-mother" role, am I sacrificing my loyalty to my parents? Can I be of service to both my parents and my marriage/ family?
Perhaps, this is the biggest conflict of having had to move to the continent. As I dissect the landscape of my mind and the roles I am required to take on, I find that my two worlds are colliding. My role as a Polynesian daughter versus my role as an American wife and "step-mother". **sigh** I am having a tough time reconciling myself and finding the balance that serves my desire to be of relevance to my parents and (at the same time) to my husband.
Moving to the continent has put a serious strain on how I view my husband and our marriage. I feel as if my desires have been placed on the back burner so that he can play "daddy". Yet I knew that this was the lot I was choosing when we married six years ago. When I married, I knew that I was (almost) forsaking my family for my husband. I just didn't know that it would be at the cost of giving up very important portions of who I am. My desire to NOT be on the continent, at times, is greater than my desire to be in love.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly. He has grown in so many ways. I've watched him mature considerably. Yet I wonder sometimes if this is the point in our lives to which we needed to escort each other to and at which point we begin growing apart. **sigh** The differing cultures causes such a strain.
Happy Sixth Anniversary -- may the Creator find it necessary for us to remain together for all our days. Create in me a desire to hold on to this precious marriage contract. Make this last FOREVER! This is just me purging some of this negative vibrations inside of me. Tomorrow will be better since I let this out into the atmosphere. I love my husband! I really do!
At times I feel like my life is lived for other people. To maintain this eternal pair, my marriage, have my husband and I given up portions of ourselves? (Of course we have.) I think of the loyalty I feel toward my parents and how serving them til my dying day is so much a part of my culture and a part of who I was raised to be. Yet the eternal pairing, my marriage, stands in direct conflict with that portion of my culture. My husband, father of two children with two different mothers (neither of them me), has matured to the point where he wants to be totally involved with the children's lives. Yet I haven't come to terms with the implications of the relationships and the roles I am suddenly asked to take on. Taking on the "step-mother" role, am I sacrificing my loyalty to my parents? Can I be of service to both my parents and my marriage/ family?
Perhaps, this is the biggest conflict of having had to move to the continent. As I dissect the landscape of my mind and the roles I am required to take on, I find that my two worlds are colliding. My role as a Polynesian daughter versus my role as an American wife and "step-mother". **sigh** I am having a tough time reconciling myself and finding the balance that serves my desire to be of relevance to my parents and (at the same time) to my husband.
Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly. He has grown in so many ways. I've watched him mature considerably. Yet I wonder sometimes if this is the point in our lives to which we needed to escort each other to and at which point we begin growing apart. **sigh** The differing cultures causes such a strain.
Happy Sixth Anniversary -- may the Creator find it necessary for us to remain together for all our days. Create in me a desire to hold on to this precious marriage contract. Make this last FOREVER! This is just me purging some of this negative vibrations inside of me. Tomorrow will be better since I let this out into the atmosphere. I love my husband! I really do!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Random Thoughts
It's one of those days that I just can't think of ANYTHING to focus on. So here I iz with some random thoughts.
Why does the song Who Knows by musiq STILL give me butterflies in my belly? I'm listening to it right now and it just whisks me away.... to me and my baby's FIRST ANNIVERSARY
Speaking of anniversary... husband and I celebrate our second year of wedded bliss on Monday. We act like two teenagers falling in love. He still surprises me with special stuff... the last thing he got me was the FIRST SEASON of Lost. **blushing, if I could**
LOST... **sigh** ...did yall catch the newest episode? What was MOST surprising about the episode for you? I was not a fan of the show, even though they film ENTIRELY on the island I happen to live on, until husband got me the set. I almost returned the dang DVD set thinking I coulda bought a couple of seasons of Sex & The City. LOL... glad I didn't!
I caught a different bus home from work today... and there was a whole bunch of folks I knew on there. We laughed the WHOLE way home. I swore I was gonna sleep on the way home.
As I write this, with musiq in my ears and husband snoring in the background, I'm giggling like a school girl at the excitement I still feel when I look at husband. mmm mmm mmm... I swear I just wanna eat him up everytime I see him. Especially when we've been seperated by work... when we get home together... we just talk and talk like we've haven't seen each other in weeks.
Friday is a holiday... so I get to stay home. I promised my mama that I'd help her with some kinda fundraiser for my brothers school... so imma be doin' that with my holiday. My high school alma mater ALSO has a football game that night. I hope I can get to that.... but then again... they're putting it on TV. **shrugs** We'll see.
Random fact: Jack Johnson... the singer guy... see a cover of one of his CD's to the left... he's my classmate. We graduated from the same high school.... same year... the whole thing. His voice is ABSOLUTELY beautiful.
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