Monday, August 27, 2012

Super Soul Sunday & Other Ramblings

I was not a fan of the Oprah show when it was on regular network TV but I am definitely a fan of Oprah Winfrey (the person). Now that she has her own network, I am a fanatic about her Super Soul Sunday and her Master Classes. The things she brings forward is so needed in the world and it's different from religion, free from dogma and the condemnation of judgement. God is not judgement and spirituality is far deeper than religion.

I have always been very conflicted in terms of my religious upbringing and the alignment of my authentic self. Where some absolutely dismiss God because of their religious confusion, I choose to embrace God in the way that I interpret HIM/HER and no one or nothing should ever interpret or explain God to you. A person must come to their own conclusions or their own knowing about God and not rely on another for interpretation.

One of the flaws that religious zealots have is that they are so judgmental and then they project this onto their definition of God. I'm judgmental so that means God is judgmental. I have favorites on the playground so that means God does too. I don't like Gay people so that means God doesn't like them either. Is that really how it works? For me, I want to believe in a God that loves me flaws and all; that the eternal-ness of my soul is what he loves and not the flaws of my flesh. This places me at odds with the God that was explained to me at church and I'm okay with breaking from the pack. **sigh** But why do I have to? It boggles my mind.

Anyway, one of my absolute favorite segments of Super Soul Sunday is Soul Pancake.Tell me that this little video does NOT make you smile.

This next video makes me remember how easy it used to be to make friends. As we age, we just forget how to be outside of ourselves. **sigh** I HEART SOUL PANCAKE. Thank you Rainn Wilson and crew for being such creative geniuses.

You can find all of the SoulPancake segments on OWN's YouTube page. If you're feeling down, it's a great place to get a pick-me-up. When the condemnation of Religion's Gods has you feeling down... visit SoulPancake and get nourished.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Buried in a Phone/Book

Sorry for my absence... my head has been LITERALLY buried in a book (phone).

I don't know what took me so long but I have fallen truly, madly, deeply in love with KINDLE. I have always loved reading but the thought of carrying around a book used to make me cringe and it still does. Also, the logistics of reading in bed before drifting off to sleep requires a light source, which is just too cumbersome. Those clip-on lights are handy but makes the book even heavier than it already is.

Enter my Samsung Cell Phone... I think I have the very outdated Galaxy S phone. I downloaded the Kindle App and have just fallen in love with reading again. I have put down so many books in the past month. The latest read was completed yesterday is Beautiful Ruins. I'm still digesting the book. I'm in that funny space between liking it and feeling like it was an utter waste of time. I'm not sure yet.

So pardon me if I have become such a book/phone-worm... I just can't get enough of the library at my fingertips.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Longing For Authentic

So conflicted
Too much going on
Dying to be the REAL ME
Not the one that's chosen for me

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Birthday Reflections

I celebrated my 37th birthday yesterday. This year has been a year of changes. So last birthday was the first one I spent without my mother. I miss her dearly and can't believe it's been more than a year since she's been gone. Wow. Time flies!

My day began at the fitness center, putting in my 40-minute workout. I weighed myself in and lost 3.5 lbs since Wednesday. Amazing! A recent health scare is begging attention. My extra pounds is causing all kind of havoc in my body. The biggest concern: Type 2 Diabetes. Consequently, Type 2 Diabetes contributes to my issues with fertility. I visited an infertility specialist at the end of July and she confirmed my suspicions. My ovaries suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. So -- all my extensive rants over the years about losing weight MUST happen here and now. I want to increase the quality of my life as I age.

After the fitness center, husband and I had lunch at Ruby Tuesdays -- who can pass up the salad bar and the marvelous pumpernickel croutons? I ordered the petite sirloin with steamed broccoli and mashed cauliflower. That was the first time I had mashed cauliflower and I thoroughly enjoyed. It's low on the carb scale. That is my goal: to reduce my intake of carbs. I've been doing a lot of reading on reducing carbs in my diet. This does not mean that I will increase my protein calories. In fact, I  am going to limit my protein also. 75% of my plate will be veggies; a salad, a steamed veggie + a protein, preferably fish, chicken, or turkey. It's so time to make changes!

After lunch, we were just in time to catch the matinee showing of Total Recall. I loved it! I just love how the creative team behind the movie imagined the future. The gadgets made me slightly nauseous because of the implications of that type of technology in the modern era. There was this cylinder that gets shot into the room. Attached to the cylinder are like 40 mini cameras that disperse once the cylinder lodges into an object. The 40 cameras spray into the room in every direction, lodges itself in whatever is around and starts sending a signal back to whoever shot the cylinder. Spooky but so imaginative and useful in military arts. The movie also presents a cell phone that is inserted beneath the skin in the palm of your hand. So weird! You can put your hand up to a glass and it projects an image of whoever it is you are talking to. Wow!

The action was great also. The chase scenes and the gun scenes were fantastic. On top of that is the psycho manipulation stuff. What's real and what is "recall"?

I loved seeing two of the Underworld actors show up in the movie: Kate Beckinsale (villain) and Bill Nighy (he actually played a hero in this movie rather than the villain).

Overall, I really enjoyed it. Science Fiction is still one of my favorite genres. It has to be good though. Some of the stuff on SyFy is way too cheesy.


I ended off my day with a barbecue at home. My brother, sis-in-law, and cuzzy Mahea made all kinds of delicious stuff for the grill. Awesome, I tell ya! We watched the Womens 100m final. Boy was that a race!

This year I hope to be the healthiest I have ever been. I hope to write my first novel and publish it (self-publish if I have to). This year I want financial freedom -- debt free by next years birthday, God-willing!

Happy 37th Birthday to Me!

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Fly Above Your Fear

On Tyler Perry's twitter feed a couple of days ago he wrote, "Fly above your fear," and posted this video:

Throughout the video, Tyler gives bits of advice. One that sits heavily on my mind is this:
Seek to understand what you're afraid of.

As of today, I have three fears that continually pop up in my life. I'm sure there are more but the two that press heavily upon my mind and causes a significant amount of stress are as follows.

FEAR #1:
The fear of others' expectations of me... especially my family and close friends. So often I feel constrained by the expectations of others. I don't think of myself as being a prude but I feel like I have become that. 

In terms of my cultural and religious upbringing -- there's more judging going on than loving and people respond more to LOVE than they do to JUDGEMENT. Religion is centered on judgement, isn't it? Maybe it's just the brand of religion that I was raised in that causes so much conflict inside of me. I don't think God is EXCLUSIVELY for ((insert religious conviction here)). My God would be and/or is a God that includes all of his creations. Gay, White, Black, Hawaiian, Samoan, Chinese, etc. etc. There are no qualifications to attain God's love or is there? And if there is, why?

FEAR #2:
The fear of leaving my family... I think this may be more about control rather than leaving. I don't know. Inside my head, I feel like I'm the one that holds it all together; but that can't be true. The house dynamics right now consists of my father and my 15-year old brother and me and my husband. My husband and I have to move closer to my husband's children in Colorado. I don't wanna leave **sigh** but it looks like I have to to preserve my marriage. My desires of being right here, in this beautiful place, the only place I have ever or will ever want to be.... is out the window to preserve my marriage.

My mother passed away just over a year ago. Leaving my father with a 15-year old kind of scares me. Leaving him to pay his own bills scares me also but I suppose I can continue to do that when I leave. Everything is online nowadays. So why am I afraid to leave?

Finally FEAR #3
Am I losing WHO I AM? For me, living in Hawai'i has been my only ideal location for the rest of my life. Perfect weather all year round is so desirable but it's so much deeper than that. My bond and connection with this land is deeper than perfect weather. I feel like I'm abandoning my battle against capitalism and the restoration of native rights.  Am I less Hawaiian for moving away from these islands? Am I less of a loyal daughter by leaving? 

I identify with the following labels:

I started out in this world as a daughter, sister, a Hawaiian, a Samoan. Am I abandoning all of that by tending to my "wifely" duties? Leaving these islands with my husband, does it make me less of the other labels and only a wife? This has been my battle for many months. How do I balance all the labels? How do I continue to be who I authentically think I am? Is reinvention absolutely necessary?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

So here I am today. Scared as heck to FLY ABOVE MY FEAR but finding that this is the only way to live my life. I pray that I will be able to FLY.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

I Surrender

The big change I was talking about in THIS POST has reared its ugly head. While there are far too many intricate details to discuss concerning the BIG CHANGE, I have to say that my heart is being tugged in every direction.

How does one tap into the unconditional love of the Creator?
How do I indulge in the "knowing"?
How do I make the best decision for myself and for my marriage?

With such daunting questions, I set about searching for answers and a solution to finding the answers. I stumbled upon A HAPPIER YOU. I quote directly from the article:

1. Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.

2. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. 

3. See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought.
4. Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time - a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago - yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment. (emphasis added)

5. Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.

6. People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened and should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
7. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
8. Equating the physical body with "I", the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes - while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.

9. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.

10. If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.
 This article reminds me to be in the PRESENT MOMENT always; not looking back at what was and how I could have changed things but being right here, right now. It's not about creating a doom-and-gloom future that I will self-fulfill but about really truly being in this moment, right here and now. **sigh**

The coming months are going to be full of changes. Though I am having a hard time processing it, I know it is my burden to carry as well as mine to LET GO. A beautiful word crossed my path the other day: SURRENDER. I am going to surrender my ego trip to embrace the unknown, to embrace whatever the universe has in store. I know that whatever is just beyond the horizon is what's best for me and mine. I cannot control the past nor can I control the future. All I have is right here and right now and I surrender!