TBT: 1994 July 11th

TBT= Throw Back Thursday

PREFACE: This is a look into my written diaries from nearly two decades ago. Most of it is straight from my diary. I may have omitted a thing or two, changed a name or two, corrected grammar, added a hyperlink here and there (for context, of course) etc. etc. The general theme of who I was all those years ago are IN TACT.

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Monday
July 11th, 1994

Aroha?! Nothin' much goin' on. Spent the morning talking to Cliff to register for school and all-a-dat. Reema told me that Ui C. told her that NetaJane and them said that Dave is her man. Oh well?! It ain't no thang. At least not to me. :-)  I haven't heard from Shane all day. Ain't that somethin'?! I am just waitin' on his call. I be callin' his work but that phone is BUSY!! I was bonding with Reema this morning while we waited for Cliff to finish his placement test. Me and her are kinda the same. She's just starting at a  younger age. I have absolutely nothing to say. Nothing to write. Shane said he got some things to tell me and that he'll write me and have it to me by the end of the week... which is Sunday. I'm tellin' you I'm gonna miss him. He asked me if I'm gonna visit him at his new duty station. I said "Hell yeah"... He is like all that I need. He was taught so well. I want my kids to learn the things that he learned. He has much knowledge. Much wisdom. He is all of that to tme. Whatever he does in life, I support him. I just wish I could hold onto someone like him. He's so responsible in every way. He's just IT. I wish I could explain to you how I feel about him. I wish I could explain to myself. Every relationship I've had so far... the love and friendship faded. The magic just died. It'll start out REALLY strong and slowly the feelings will DIE. I don't know what's wrong, I just don't want the same thing to happen with Shane. But fo' realz, I don't wanna lose Shane but come November... he's gone! He expounds much wisdom. I know it seems raw but I really like him a lot. You'll never know. It seems childish, the way I feel like I don't wanna let him go but it's REAL. I'll get over him one day. I just gotta prepare for the heartache. I think the things is that I haven't been able to make him MY man. Ya know?! Imagine if I stopped seeing him when Dave asked me to?! I don't even wanna think about how I'd be. It's like we've known each other FOREVER. There was never a beginning to our friendship, and there'll never be an end. That's how tight I feel we are. Oh well, I'm just depressing myself. So maybe I should talk about something other than Shane.

Umm... what is there? I don't know. We went to Blockbuster and we just got back. Me and Cliff was just singin' in the back of the truck. It was funny. Soo Funkdafied. I really don't have anything more to say. I mean, I could go on and on about how Shane makes me feel but really?!*@# I think about him all the time & when we're on the phone, I think about him laying in bed... jus' chillin'... waitin' on me! He's a sweetie and yet he's still honest. I don't know how to explain what I mean. On Saturday, he and I just spent that LAZY day in bed. I wish we could have done things but we didn't cause I had just gotten on my period. He's an intelligetn man who shares the same interests with me. Without even noticing, he has become an important part of my life. I just wish that we'll never stop seeing each other. But I can't possibly believe that someone like him could ever love me or still continue to want to see me. I just think he's a special guy. He is absolutely wonderful. I'm almost afraid to say that I love him, when deep down inside I must feel something strong. Really strong. I just don't wanna get rejected by him. I don't wanna confess a feeling to him and be told that he doesn't feel the same.