Goodbye Dear Friend

I heard some heartbreaking news this morning. A death of a dear friend from my high school and college years. It has me feeling some kind of way. Though I don't have all the details, the word is that he died of a heart attack. News spreads like wildfire with social media. Death from heart attacks are so sudden. You can't prepare to let go like you do with a cancer patient or any other terminal illness. With sudden deaths, you just have to let go.

We had two nicknames for each other. The first one was Blue Zebra because it was a club on Restaurant Row in Honolulu. I was with him the first time he went. There was a whole bunch of us that went together. He was fresh off a 2-year LDS mission and so brand new to the club scene. Me? I had been using my cousin's ID to get into clubs since I had turned 17. Anyway, as we walked into the club, I wanted to go to the bar side to drink. He was like, "Can you just stay here and dance?" I rolled my eyes at him and told him that there were all our other friends that he could dance with. He seemed content with that answer and I made my way to the bar. After that night, we called each other Blue Zebra. He said I was too much and I told him that he hadn't seen anything yet.

The second nickname we called each other was french fry.  And people would ask the question, "Why do we call each other French Fry?" and I would relate this story. It all started in our Macro Economics course in College. The teacher asked for a product so that we could break down all the costs associated with it. Of course, I picked french fry because it WAS and still is one of my favorite foods. Especially the crinkle cut fries. Anyway. he couldn't stop laughing at my answer -- FRENCH FRY. We spent the rest of the class listening to the teacher break down the french fry from potato spuds to distribution to McDonalds and other fast food chains. We always laughed about it when we saw each other. No one ever thought this story was particularly funny or that the french fry was funny. Who cares though? We thought it was funny.

Life is too short to be anything but happy. We get caught up in all the little details of life instead of living in the moment and in the here and now. Death has a way of reminding me about the things that really truly matter. I don't know what tomorrow brings but I will not be a prisoner of my fears. Some of my closest friends have the harshest judgments on my life and how I choose to move about in the world. And I will not be a prisoner of their judgments anymore. I will not fear the unknown or the mysteriousness of my future. There is no more time to live in fear. For right now, there is only LIFE. LIFE and LOVE. Sweet love.

I bid farewell to a dear friend. I can't believe he left in this way but I honor his light and his life. The world is a little dimmer but we will move forward and remember to hold our loved ones a little closer.

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FOLLOW ME

A Tribute for Baby Casen: Tyrayl's Song

A dear friend of mine, Neta, lost her son today. He was born a month or two ago with Spina Bifida. Baby Casen donned his angel wings today and I wanted to post this in his honor.

I wrote the lyrics to this song back in 1991 and another dear friend of mine, Omi, put it to music.  I wrote it when another dear friend, Jenika, lost her son a month after his birth. In 1991, we were just juniors in high school when Jenika bore her first child. We were all there in the hospital when Baby Tyrayl took his last breath. It was very peaceful.... but still so very sad. Hearing the news today that Neta lost Baby Casen made me think of Baby Tyrayl. (A group of us sang this at his memorial service.)

I love my friends. I'm grateful for all of them in my life. Though I don't have children of my own and I could probably never understand a mother's love, I ache and hurt for my friends who have lost a child. **Sending love to Neta in Pensacola, Florida**

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Tyrayl's Song

Mom and Dad, will you remember me?
Mom and Dad, will you still be mine?
Although my time on earth on is done
I will still love you and always will

Mom and Dad, will I see you again?
Mom and Dad, will I feel your touch?
Please be strong until the end
I will wait for you, til we meet again

Chorus:
Dear Father, hear my plea (hear my plea)
Please bless my mom and dad
Give them strength to understand
This is our Savior's plan

Bridge:
Firm and strong, I will be someday
For you to love and hold I pray
I will always live in your memory
So just close your eyes and I'll be there
(Repeat Chorus)

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Rest In Eternal Love Baby Casen!

My Roller Skates

Quick Note: I dare you to click and watch ALL the links. The songs take me WAYYYY back. It just might take you back too!

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When I was five years old, I received the prettiest pair of skates for my birthday. It was white and it had butteflies on the exterior, right where the ankle bone is. (Similar to the picture except the wheels were purple and there were pink and purple butterflies.) I remember my father taking me way out to Ala Moana Shopping Center to get them. Back then, the journey to Ala Moana took about an hour. And for a five year old, that means FOREVER!

I was so proud of those skates. I would roll down the hill right outside the house. At my birhtday party, I rolled around on my skates through out the entire party. You just couldn't sit me down. When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, I did them in my lil skates! (Look at me with my favorite pink top, big cheeks, and all that hair!) My parents carport is maybe 16'x20' and you couldn't tell me that it wasn't my own roller rink. I couldn't wait to join my older cousins at the real roller rink.

The big kids went to Great America. That was the name of the roller rink! It was located in Kaneohe, behind what is currently Windward Mall. I was so proud to have my own pair of skates to take. I don't even remember getting out of the car. All I recall is approaching the entrance with my parents. The music was blaring and it sounded so good. Circa 1980, the world was making its way out of the disco era but still playing it loud and proud. I think that's when I fell for the Bee Gee's. Sing with me...

...Oh say you'll always be my baby
We can make it shine,
We can take forever
Just a minute at a time

More than a woman, more than a woman to me
More than a woman, more than a woman to me...

The dimly lit rink/ dance floor was bathed in red, orange, green, and blue lights. The disco ball in the middle of the floor took my breath away with its sparkling mirrors. Even now as I think back on it, I'm awash in emotions; feeling those brand new emotions that come with new experiences.

The teenagers skated around in pairs and it looked liked they were disco-ing. It looked like so much fun. I looked forward to growing up and learning to skate like they did and pairing off with a really handsome guy that could MOVE. I anxiously put on my skates, laced them up, and stood against the bannister. I was good at skating, could keep my balance, was really quick on my feet yet I felt so intimidated with so many skaters around.

As soon as More Than A Woman faded. The DJ comes over the speakers and anounces the evenings first contest. It was a race! The distinct bass line of Another One Bites the Dust hits the eardrums, and the crowd goes wild! Of course, that was the first time I had heard the song but it made quite an impression on me as I associate that song specifically to Great America. I don't think I won the contest that night. It didn't even matter. I was taking the whole, new experience in.

As I look back on that first experience at the roller rink, it is a great reminder of my innocense. I once was a young girl, without a worry in the world. EVERYTHING was BRAND NEW! The rink closed soon after my one and only experience there. I think they turned the place into an old warehouse or storage facility. Every time I drive past it, I look at the corrugated tin roof that is still atop the building, and remember the ME that didn't have to make so many grown-up decisions.

In my perfect world, I run a roller rink. I serve as the DJ and owner. My doors are open to young and old, alike, helping them find their innocense again. Suddenly, will play a couple times throughout the evening. (The song is a fave from the wonderful 80's. Thank the movie XANADU.) I cry everytime I hear Suddenly. It reminds me of how exciting life used to be and can still be.

Have you been roller skating?





**Skates Photo Credit

School Daze

School Daze is a movie in my very TINY DVD collection. I'm not really a movie buff. I enjoy movies, to an extent.... but this post has NOTHING to do with the movie, School Daze but has EVERYTHING to do with my school daze(days).

I rarely look at what lifes lessons have taught me... really! I think, perhaps, that's what perpetuates my hopefulness in humanity. Which brings me to this post. What have I learned from social situations during my school days? The following are "rules" I've acquired....


1. Really GOOD friends will always be GOOD friends -- I still enjoy friendships that started way back in pre-school. Isn't that amazing? Some of my really good friends I've known since I could walk. And there are those that I met in 7th grade that are still a part of my life today. College buddies... hmmm... well... some of them are still around. Of course I've had to let some of these people go their own way and detach myself from their toxic ways... but it doesn't erase any memories we've created together.

2. People, in general, are always looking for the next best thing -- My school days had me deciding what weekend plans I would follow through on OR selecting a prom date... but always, in the back of my head, I was willing to skip out on set plans for the "next best thing". Adults that are always holding out for something better got their start during those school days. My folks didn't really let me skip out on things I committed myself to and I'm grateful because... I'm IN anything, come what may.

3. Rumors spread like wildfire, while the good stuff just simmers -- Sad but true, rumors speak to the most base parts of our human condition. Why is it easier to believe the negative stuff? There are a dozen stories I could tell about rumors that ran around back in high school... but I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY knows what I'm talking about.

4. Stupid boys more than likely grow out of it -- LOL... Back in high school, I went out with this dude.... to the prom. He was a star defensive lineman on the Football team... and I just thought he was a cutie. Well, sometimes he was a jerk. Stupid boy! Two years after we graduated from high school, he sent a letter to my mothers house. I don't know how he got my address. Basically, he apologized for being a jerk and also thanked me for all the good times and the memories. I was floored. He grew out of that immaturity that I was so sure he'd never do. LOL

5. Insecurities continue on UNLESS you get rid of them -- We all agree that adolescence is tough. I mean, during my school days I was insecure about EVERYTHING. I doubted myself all the time. Over the years... I've let go of all the self-doubt and rebuilt the person I am. Serious. I am sooooo not the woman I was 15 years ago... and I'm grateful. My opinion of self is above all else.

Okay... those were five neat little rules I've learned during my School Daze(days). What are some things you've learned?

The Friends That NEVER Change

I am very grateful for the friends in my life that NEVER change. It's amazing when you can be seperated from certain people for months or even years at a time and the friendship picks up right where it left off. For those friends in my life who serve that purpose... you are loved!

There are certain things that help to perpetuate that kind of relationship. One of those things is sharing the same basic foundational ideals. For instance, if you were raised in the same church... your ideas on religion are probably the same or moving in the same direction. Or it could be that you share the same heritage or the same nationalities and that allows for very similar upbringing. This is important because well, can you see Beavis and Butthead at your family reunion? They'd probably be the laughing stock at mine but would more than likely ALWAYS stick out like a sore thumb. This is not based on race but more on the differing value systems.

The friendship relies heavily on TRUST. The reason friendships can remain the same, though years may seperate you, is because the trust has NEVER been compromised. This is essential! I can't imagine catching up with just anyone about my first marriage and its demise or my second marriage and how he really fits. Some friends from way back when just wouldn't understand.... and if I ran into them I'd probably really not go into detail for fear they might blabber to any and everyone else. TRUST!

Another similarity between the "friends that NEVER change" is their non-judgement of my life. They observe and they tell me what they think but NEVER tell me to change my evil ways. They accept me as I am, flawed as it may be, and understand that I move to the beat of my own drum. That has always been important to me.

Finally, the "friends that NEVER change" are honest with me. They know went to serve me a whole lotta humble pie and when to just let me BE. They balance me. They check me. They ground me and keep me level-headed. I appreciate that above all else. No matter how much pride I might have they will let me know when to put a lid on it. At the other end of the spectrum, I could be at my weakest with them and still count on them being there tomorrow.

So to my "friends that NEVER change"... I love you guys! Unconditionally. To the one that gets me stoned on occasion... you TRULY are the shit! LOL. To the mother of 3 and a 1/2... you WILL always be the one that understands my struggle. To the ones that get me drunk on occasion... you guys make me smile.

But to my best friend, the one thats there when I'm crying in pain because of an ear infection; the one that can't stand to see me in pain; the one that sees me in the morning and isn't afraid of seeing me again; the one that shares my bed EVERY evening -- you don't know how much YOUR time means to me. The greatest gift you have given me is time... YOUR time. That you share your world with me makes me smile everyday. So to you, I dedicate my sappy love... that affectionate stuff that you can't live without! **giggling**


**lifting champagne glass**

"To Friends That Never Change!"

Memory Lane... Summer 1987

Sometimes, I lay back and get to thinking about the places I've been and the people I've known. It would be an amazing thing if I never had to give up any of them. I miss MANY and wish for MANY... people and places are tough acts to follow. I'm content with my life... content with where I am... but a little piece of me is always off remembering the past. Is it wrong? **heavy sigh** Feel like takin' a ride with me down memory lane?

Summer 1987 was amazing. Everything was soooo exciting and brand new. I was discovering BOYS as more than friends on the recess playground. I was building friendships -- lifetime friendships! And I know I was driving my folks crazy... steady trying to claim my independence and pushing the limits.


So what could I have possibly learned from a silly crush, right? Nothing... really. But it was there that I began to realize and dream up the woman I wanted to be. Granted, over time, the woman I want to be is never the same. I am and probably will always be a WORK IN PROGRESS. I knew I wanted to be a "proper" young lady... whatever that means nowadays. I wanted to be cultured and well-rounded. Intelligent. Funny... and a girl worth knowing. Dependable. Honest. Fearless. The list goes on and on. I want to be EVERY WOMAN. Chaka Khan hit it on the money. "I'm every woman, it's all in me..."

At that same camping trip -- me and my Mish-ie (RIP) cemented our friendship. I mean, she held it down for me that summer. She taught me so many things about the human condition. I didn't know it at the time but as I look back, she taught me HOW TO REALLY LIVE. That was her truest and most enduring gift to me... to NEVER hold myself back. To live COMPLETELY, barring nothing. I miss that girl. She left this world on February 10th, 2001. God rest her soul. Cancer stole her from me.

Anyway, that same summer we went to Girls Camp and she mooned the security so they would send her home cuz she wanted to go to the fair. LOL... And she went to the fair and was bored az hell cuz the rest of us was still at Girls Camp. She was just the funniest girl I have ever known. We snuck cigarettes on the beach, acting grown. Stayed up late talking about the next school year and dreaming about boys. We talked about the girls that WEREN'T virgins and what it would be like to get nekkit for a boy. We wrestled on the beach with the boys we knew.... the same boys that turned into prom dates in later years and first loves... ooh lawd... some of those boys turned into the fathers of our children. LOL. We played stupid games like truth or dare... which we still play today. We played spoons and murder... held hands with boys cuz it was the next best thing!

All of this is packed into one summer... three short months. LOL. While all of this is going on, I'm driving my parents crazy. Absolutely batty. LOL... I swear I didn't mean to. My folks didn't care too much for my selection in friends but they trusted that they'd taught me enough to make intelligent decisions. They fought my friendship with my Mish-ie all through my life. LOL... ironic that her life was soooo short. When Summer of 1987 ended, it was back to the business of learning. I went back to school and continued to be on the principals list... that was short-lived... but we'll explore that a little later. Summer '87 continues to be THE most memorable... almost like a coming of age... kinda.