Thursday, September 29, 2005

What If?

What if I was twenty-something in the 60's?

People Get Ready is playing in the background

Where would I have been?

I'd have been in the crowd watching Martin Luther King, Jr. deliver his famous "I Have A Dream" speech.

I'd mourn the assassination of Malcolm X and praise the God that blessed us with him.

I'd have protested the Vietnam War... as many times as I could.

People Get Ready fades into Give Peace A Chance

Where would I have been?

I'd have been curled up in a bomb shelter somewhere preparing for nuclear chaos. I'd have witnessed the Cuban missile crisis.

I'd watch the country mourn the assassination of JFK then later his brothers' assassination.

I'd have been on the front lines of feminism. And witness the birth of the "pill".

Give Peace A Chance fades into Soul Man

Where would I have been?

I'd witness the rise and fall of The Black Panthers.

I'd see with my own eyes Thurgood Marshall sworn into the supreme court.

I'd watch a man walk on the moon... supposedly.

Soul Man fades into What's Goin On

Where would I have been?

Watching Stokely Carmichael and the Black Power movement emerge!

I'd cry tears of joy when Muhammad Ali rejects the draft.

Riots.
Fires.
Protests.
REVOLUTION!!!

I can't believe I missed all the turmoil and all the passion.

So tell me folks.... what else happened in the 60's that I missed? Where would you have been?

Monday, September 26, 2005

Angels & Demons : My Final Word

**Warning: If you've never read the book and plan on reading it... you might not want to read my final word.**

My final comment on this book: "Don't believe the HYPE!"

This novel is not something I'd usually be interested in. I know my first post about this book hinted at me enjoying the author's writing. I change my mind! However, he does have a few pages in there that are worth reading... no, never mind... the entire book was mumbo jumbo about catholocism and science, illuminati and wild chases around Rome and the Vatican. The only reason I kept at it was because I thought there'd be a wonderful payoff at the end. Don't believe the HYPE.

The story was simple yet complicated. Simple because you knew what HAD to happen to progress to the next event. Complicated because the author complicated the story with the event. Everything was predictable. And did I tell you that the MAJORITY of the book is based on a 24-hour period? That is ONE.LONG.RUN.ON.SENTENCE.

The main characters, Robert Langdon and Vittoria Vetra, are on a chase to prevent the murder of four key cardinals that are up for the papacy. The clues on this chase are found in classic art. Some of the connections the author made with the art were so far fetched and beyond belief. For me, part of reading a novel is imagining that the fiction is REALITY. That just didn't happen with any of the events. It was COMPLETELY unbelievable. One of the most absurd EVENTS happened to be one of the FINAL events in the book where the main character survives a free fall from a helicopter that was about three miles up. NO CHANCE.

I'm just really disappointed. Too many stories. Too many scandals. Too FAR FETCHED!

And the end! The end was soooo unworthy of the time I invested in reading. Sickening! I should have listened to myself and NOT bought the book.... borrow it, maybe! My final word... DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

HIS Eyes Are On Me

I am so humbled!

I am humbled by the love God has for me. Folks, I wish I could share the things that are transpiring in my life right now.... but they are far too sacred to share and wayyy too close to my heart to have it posted on this page.

I did want to share, however, that I am just one person... and in this great big universe, HIS EYES are on me.

HE means to grant EVERY righteous desire of my heart... and I am humbled by HIS great love for me.
His name shall endure for ever: his name shall be continued as long as the sun: and men shall be blessed in him: all nations shall call him blessed.

Blessed be the Lord God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things.

And blessed be his glorious name for ever: and let the whole earth be filled with his glory; Amen, and Amen.


Psalms 72:17-19

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Small Specks In a Larger Universe

Lately, all we've been doing is fighting.

Serious! All week long, all we did last week was fight. We'd wake up and be at each others throats in the morning. We'd ignore each other all afternoon. By late evening, when we're laying down to bed, we're at it all over again and on until after midnight. By Saturday, we were teetering on the edge of madness and the tension unleashed itself. Our HUGE fight ended in him leaving with his friend and me taking off in the car. The fight sent me straight to 7-11 to pick up a pack of smokes. Now, I haven't had a smoke since June and I broke the streak on Saturday... but this is a new week and I've forgiven myself for that moment of weekness.

What could we possibly be fighting about? Well, we're both so busy analyzing all the "money" options we have in front of us, that we've forgotten to take care of each others hearts, each others spirits. Not even an hour after our big fight on Saturday, husband called me to apologize. I was floored because USUALLY I'm the first to "submit". Everything was all better in an instant. Our yelling match had revealed MANY truths that we both needed to hear.

Husband relies solely on me for money moves. Most of the time it's such a heavy burden because the thought of money doesn't stir me in the least bit.... yet I've been blessed with a good brain to be able to analyze information. The only language he's been speaking in the past couple of months is BUSINESS, BUSINESS, BUSINESS. Yet I am so much more than that! That is the TRUTH that I needed him to hear.

I needed him to feed my spirit, feed my heart and tend to my emotions and physical affections. He heard me. He apologized.

That knock down argument is probably why I find myself at such a crossroad. I've been granted so much free time that I don't know what to do with. Should I get a job? Should I go back to school? Should I pursue my "magazine"? **shrugs**

Well anyway... husband and I have been really communicating lately. He UNDERSTANDS completely what I've been saying about learning to balance every area of our life.
I asked him, "When was the last time we did something really nice?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you bought me flowers?" He had no answer.

I asked him, "When was the last time you spoke with God?" He had no answer.
So on Monday I went out and bought him some scriptures... embossed with his name. This... so that he can feed his spirit, right alongside me. Our souls can mingle as we reflect on things of an eternal nature... to remind us that we are but small pieces of intelligence in a much larger picture. Have yall seen Men In Black II? At the end, when Jay opens the locker and he realizes that his universe is a small speck to an even larger universe... that's EXACTLY what I mean.

The truth is, when we seek for higher understanding, higher learning, we gain an eternal perspective that is priceless. So even as I rant and rave about the evil that is so rampant on planet earth, I do find peace in acknowledging God's hand in my life. Ultimately, we are just small specks in God's large universe. Can you dig it?

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Weekend

Thoughts I've been thinking...
Stuff I've been doing...

1. I watched, "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" on Friday night. I went with my cousin. She's been really wanting to watch the movie. I'm a big chicken (LOL) and I found myself shielding my eyes from any expected gore. Actually, there was no gore. What else? The sound effects really MADE the movie! The screams and the anticipation building sounds were SUCCESSFUL in making me jump.

2. I've been thinking about going back to school. Lately, I've been so bored sitting around the house doing nothing. School seems like a worthy place to be. I'm all about feeding my mind!

3. I've also been thinking about getting a job. Hopefully... something close to home. Staying home feels so UNPRODUCTIVE.

4. Saturday night, I spent some time with a friend of mine at the hospital. Her son had surgery on his hip. It was a quick procedure because he went home the next day. After that, we went to dinner with our husbands at a drive-in near the hospital.

5. I have a nasty cold or flu. I feel terrible. My throat is just UHHHH!!! So if I don't blog for the next couple of days, you'll know why!

6. Went to church VERY late on Sunday. But... I was there, feeding my spirit!

7. Lately, the only things I've been watching on TV is the stuff on public access. We have some REALLY good programs out here on public access. There's Democracy Now, Free Speech TV, Alex Jones specials and a host of other stuff. There was this dude on one night. It had to be at least 3am. He had dreads and a Carribean accent, talkin' about all the U.S. presidents that were going to hell. It was funny and he was actually spittin' knowledge.

8. The more I study and educate myself on "secret combinations"... the more I realize that that stuff is POISON. You can become totally consumed by its evils and I'm generally a happy person... optimistic about life.

9. My biggest dream has always been to be an editor of my very own magazine. It's still in the works. My brother in Michigan called me on Thursday and we discussed the possibilities... cuz the magazine happens to be his dream as well.

10. I'm wondering where my life will take me.

Friday, September 16, 2005

For A Mother That Will Never Know

His physical features are perfect! But you have stolen his mind.

I hate that there is no cure for his ailment and you're the ONLY one to blame.

Your selfishness robbed him of the ability to focus, to concentrate. That hurts him in school. They try to put him into mandatory special education. I continue to fight to keep him from it.

In grade school, the teachers and administration labeled him a trouble maker. Behavioral problems stemming from something you could have prevented. The psychologists suggested ritalin... no way in hell!

He's in the seventh grade now and is still struggling to catch up with his peers. Even now, we're still not sure what his learning style is and what works with his learning disabilities.

I lose patience so quickly, with him, but it's not really his fault, is it?

It's not his fault that he cannot reason efficiently. I blame you for that.

Though you birthed him, you will NEVER see the difficulties you have subjected him to. You will never sit with him long into the evening to help him with his vocabulary.... because he's still catching up. You will never have to explain to him a million times why he must look both ways before crossing the road. You are spared from watching him cry in frustration over failing a test because he 'just couldn't remember'. You will never have to experience the pain of watching him make poor decisions due to his inability to gauge danger.

On the flip side, you will NEVER see him progress. That blessing is granted to us.

You could have prevented this! When he sat in your womb, I wish you just left the drugs and alcohol alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was 18, my parents brought home a three month old baby boy. He was a foster child in our home. The woman that birthed him left the hospital WITHOUT her baby boy and never turned back. By age four, our family adopted him. In a few days, he'll be 12. It was meant for him to come into our home, there is no doubt about that. However, the effects his birth mother has on his life is astounding.

She turned tricks for a living. She did drugs. She drank lots and lots of alcohol. She has lived a destructive lifestyle and it continues to influence his life. It makes me sad that he must suffer through the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, yet happy that he has NEVER BEEN EXPOSED to her lifestyle. The effects are irreversible. There is NO WAY to gauge what she has stolen from him and at the same time, there's no way to determine just HOW MUCH he has blessed our lives.

I love you "baby boy"!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Hawaiian Mind

Ancient Hawaiian theory on the mind is that there are three levels.
  1. Subconscious or the LOW SELF
  2. Conscious or the MIDDLE SELF
  3. Superconscious or the HIGH SELF

Most of us operate strictly with our conscious mind. Some of us dabble with the subconscious or at least acknowledge its existence. Yet, very few of us have the capacity to accept that God has placed a part of THEM in us and we find this at the highest level.

The subconscious or the LOW SELF is very complex. The term LOW is in reference to being beneath the surface, not as level of importance. It records EVERYTHING. It is our MEMORY. This part of our existence is the TRUE director behind ALL our actions and emotions.

The conscious mind, our MIDDLE SELF is in relation to the senses. Sight, Sound, Scent, Taste, Touch, our ability to reason. This MIDDLE SELF is an energy body, whereas the low self is an etheric body, metaphysical OR a shadow.

The superconscious, our HIGH SELF is our connection to GOD. It is the link to divine heritage. It is the link to other high selves, our ancestors, infinite wisdom and intelligence.

Prayer and meditation help to GROW our higher selves. When we pray for insight or solutions to our day to day problems, we allow the God in us to work its magic. Folks may call this line of thinking, blasphemy. I think it's God's perfect order of things and an affirmation that I truly AM a child of God. A portion of HIM AND HER reside in me.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

$150 Off The Top

I bought a piano on September 3rd. Nothing big or fancy. I bought it at the bargain price of $1,000.00 for a studio model. It is gorgeous and it sounded absolutely heavenly. Past tense... sounded!

I had to let it go. A few days after having had the piano delivered, there were a couple of keys that was NOT QUITE sounding right. They weren't out of tune. That wasn't it. When I played, it sounded the same way a speaker sounds when its blown out. It was terrible. I called the man I bought the piano from twice to come and fix it. And everytime, after he'd do what he does, the piano sounded more terrible.

Fortunately, he did agree to take the piano back. Although he took $150 off the top, I still got the majority of my money back. I couldn't teach piano lessons with the way that piano sounded. I suppose I just have to buy a brand new piano or get a keyboard. Either one will pay itself off.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Fiction : Angels & Demons

I started reading Angels & Demons, by Dan Brown, the author of The DaVinci Code.

I bought the paperback version on Saturday at K-Mart. My sister-in-law highly recommended the book. She said she couldn't put it down and absolutely DID NOT want the book to end. Another friend of mine said the same thing. So, I have to investigate the hype.

Lately, all I've been reading is non-fiction. This novel is perfect for me to transition back to fiction. Plus, I want to read The DaVinci Code because I hear it's coming out in theatres soon.

So I'm on page 52, chapter 15. So far, it's been an "okay" read. There's been a murder. The corpse has been branded with "illuminati". The corpse happens to be a physicist at a super secure, secret hide-away of the worlds top physicists.

The story definitely piques my interest. More than likely, I'm interested because of the way he rights rather than the content. Does that make sense? I mean, he could be talking about 'how to make a pb&j sandwich' and I think I'd be into it.

So has anybody else read it?
What were your thoughts on it?

Monday, September 12, 2005

PURELY

Nothing stays pure.

We watch the rise in popularity of hip hop and know that her demise has been exploitaion. (Yes, Hip Hop is a she!)

We devour certain blogs because they are just.that.good... then lose interest once we realize that said blogger DID NOT write the entry just for you. It was written for the masses that are reading because the blog had been... exploited.

We marvel at musical masterpieces that we enjoy in some little known cafe.... and think, "Damn, the world needs to hear him play the piano and sing as he does." Then when they get that million dollar deal... they're exploited and we move right along... looking for that PURE sound, again.

Art and expression have been robbed by exploitation. But who wants to remain a starving artist? However, we often tell ourselves that we'd never sell out for money. We write because it is PURELY our thoughts! We rhyme and flow because it is PURELY our thoughts. We make beautiful music because it is PURELY our thoughts... and when the first opportunity for exposure comes along, we submit to it OR do we remain a starving artist?

We rationalize by saying that we want to express to the world, our thoughts. But if someone else is footing the bill for your creative expression then, ultimately, THEIR thoughts are YOUR thoughts. Am I wrong?

It's like finding a fresh water spring on your property, that is yours ALONE to enjoy... then someone coming along and selling rights to the water.... and now you get the money but you get zero satisfaction when it comes to enjoyment. SICKENING!!!

Rest in peace, purity! Exploitation has robbed, maimed and murdered you!

Friday, September 09, 2005

FOXTV: Reunion


I rarely watch TV. However, I do love a good story.

I used to be the BIGGEST fan of all the CSI shows until I started predicting the plot. I'm sure many of us do that. For me, that's my que to exit stage left. LOL... If I find myself watching the boob tube, you'll find me on the food network... duh! A big girl loves to watch food being prepared. I call it the boob tube cause that's all you see on TV nowadays... boobs, tits, breasts... whatever you wanna call it. Lord knows that a woman is so much more than that.

Sometimes I'll catch an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I also love the makeover shows on TLC. Trading Spaces, Clean Sweep, While You Were Out, What Not to Wear... you get the idea. Transformation is fun to watch.

This brings me to, what will hopefully be, my addiction for the fall TV lineup. REUNION!!!! The premiere was on Thursday and I missed it. Lucky for me, Fox had an encore showing this evening. So where do we begin? In case you didn't visit the website and have no intention of watching the show along with me, the blurb from the website states:
In 1986 they were the best of friends. By 2005 one will be murdered. All will be suspects.....The new show where every episode is another year. And every year reveals another step in solving the mystery of the murder between high school friends. The six characters age from 18 to 38 in the course of one television season.
I think the ENTIRE premise of the show is brilliant.

FOX has really stepped up their fall lineup. They have some really good shows. Last season... HOUSE was my Tuesday night addiction. I was hooked on North Shore for a minute but that show got cancelled. The absence of 'ethnicity' buggs me out but well, I can't really do anything about it UNTIL I actually own a broadcasting company. LOL... am I wrong? Even if I boycott the station, there are still millions of others that ARE watching it.

Back to this new show, REUNION. Has any other network tried this format? Most shows create the crime and solve it in one episode. Reunion has created JUST ONE crime and has written a whole seasons worth of shows to solve it. So we get to witness all these different stories with these six characters. Click for a RECAP.

I absolutely adore the character of WILL. He's the son of a landscaper and his best friend happens to be a REALLY rich kid. Will goes to jail for Craig for vehicular manslaughter.

The REALLY rich kid is Craig. He seems like he's a good enough kid but you just KNOW that he'll be as manipulative as his father is. Go figure.

Aaron is heading off to MIT and he is in love with the resident whore, Jenna. Aaron is a virgin but Jenna deflowers him before the episodes end.

Carla is in love with Aaron. Her mother died when she was 11 and she was very ANGRY. Her best friend is Samantha... who is Craig's girlfriend... but she's pregnant from WILL.

The writers did an EXCELLENT job of blasting us with six intriguing characters. Six friends, a thousand stories and the stories are happening in the relationships. I can't wait til next Thursday.

I rarely watch TV. However, I do love a good story.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings


I feel impressed to share how I've been feeling lately. I hope this will be my last and final entry about Katrina.

Katrina and the devastation it left behind can be looked at from so many angles. I've watched some of what is on the television. I've read blogs. I've read news articles. What is most lacking, for me, is the absence of HOPE. Part of my cynical eyes refuse to see the HOPE in any of the literature or media available because I KNOW the media profits off the devastation. The longer they prolong it, the longer they can sell those advertisements. So if you follow the money trail, you know that the "absence of HOPE" is paramount.

Yet there is HOPE. There can be happiness if we allow ourselves to see it. Imagine the brand newness of starting all over again. The loss of property and "stuff" is the least to be worried about. I understand that many lives have been lost and that is tragic, above all else. Lives cannot be replaced, stuff CAN!

I refuse to get sucked into the media's portrayal of despair, gloom and desperation. I am hopeful that folks will be able to persevere and flourish.



BTW: I hear that truckers strike was a rumour.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The Rumour Mill...

Word is... the truckers are gonna strike soon....
due to the rising gas prices.

Don't know how true it is...
but stocking up on food and general necessities
(i.e. toilet paper, soap, other luxuries)
might not be a bad idea.

Be prepared!!!
Don't wait for the government to provide for you... because, really, you can provide for yourself. New Orleans is a perfect example of why you should take things into your own hands.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Say What????

I don't know how long this link is gonna work... so check it out folks. Did he say what I think he said??? America!!!



Friday, September 02, 2005

Wake Up Call

Everyone has an angle, an opinion. Like an asshole, we all have one!

Everyone gives their spin on the state of the world.

Everyone has a "10-Second-Take" on current events.... and so do I!

I've been searching the blog world, voraciously reading the blogs that have analyzed Katrina and its significance. Folks have ideas on last Decembers tsunami in Indonesia and why or how it plays into the political and financial arena. Are they related to each other, aside from them being "natural" disasters? Are they even natural? A natural disaster is not so natural.

There is a connection! Everything is connected... just as ALL systems of the body are intricately connected, so are the current events that are playing out weaved together.

**WARNING: This is ALL my opinion culminated from reading and studying. It may cause skepticism but as I stated before, like an asshole - we all have an opinion. It may cause you to think that I am just plum outta my mind. Who cares? I don't!**

There are excellent book sources out there, most of which are out of print. However, the most recent book that is probably most helpful to bring you up to speed is Crossing The Rubicon by Michael C. Ruppert. I have actually met this man, took pictures and have spoken with him. It was a great experience. The book is an easy read even though it exceeds 600 hundred pages. I have never felt more empowered about the status of the world and how to better prepare for the worst.... that MUST COME TO PASS.

There is an intentional dumbing down going on around the country and its been in place for at least a century. Since government schools were implemented, curriculums have been manipulated and the product of schools, "employees", insure an endless supply of "human resources". That is an entirely different subject and deserves a post of its own... but it starts there... in school.

Today, I'd really like to look at the mass psychology that happens with the media because it is the most prevalent source of information in America. Why do I imply that the media, namely television, is the most prevalent source? Well, because no matter what economic position you're in, rich or poor, majority of homes in America have a television. Back to the mass psychology. A perfect example is the difference we've seen in how the media portrays people of color in regards to KATRINA and the looting going on. African Americans are "looting" while White people are "finding necessities". Well, that's what the media says.

Americans have been feeding into the media frenzy for decades now. How the media portrays people are intentional. Most folks take what is said on the television as gospel and never look further into what is being said. We KNOW that white people are right along side black people, looting and robbing. However, enter Ms. Molly and Mr. Folly whose only nourishment for the brain is TV. They believe it and feed into it. The side effect: Black people are looting for personal gain and white people are doing it to survive. So when, Ms. Molly or Mr. Folly come across a black person, the images they've seen on TV pop into their head. It's crazy.

So let's take this in another direction, completely separate of race. Failing to tell you what you need to know, omission, is the media's biggest profit. They control those of you that don't feed your brain with alternative theories and rely solely on the television. Everything the media portrays is SPIN. Everything I say is SPIN.... It is not just written to put my beliefs on display, it is written to evoke a certain emotion; to persuade you. The same is true for the media. I believe that if media were COMPLETELY unbiased, information would be disseminated as bullet points and headlines instead of essays and reports. All the added language is fluff and is part of the "intentional dumbing down". It is written solely to convince you to go in a given direction.

America tried and convicted Usama bin Laden without any facts, without a jury, without a court, without one shred of feasible evidence. The mass media's coverage of George Bush hypnotized an entire nation to go after Usama and al Qaeda. If that can be done to one man, imagine what the media can do to a class of people. An entire race of people.

Anyway, just days after 9/11, homeland security was implemented. I've touched on the comparisons between Hitler and Bush in regards to "the homeland". Right along side homeland security, the Patriot Act was voted in. Does the average American realize that the Patriot Act strips every single liberty guaranteed by the constitution of the United States? If you have seen the movie, Enemy of the State... that movie is VERY POSSIBLE, thanks to the Patriot Act. Freedom in America, what a concept!

I was caught in the rhetoric of September 11th. I was next to every American trying and convicting Usama based on George W. Bush's emotionally charged speeches. But more significantly, I was seduced by the media's portrayal of Usama and the media's coverage of "everything George". So folks, this is your wake up call! This is your call to action to feed your brain with something other than the television.

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!



Thursday, September 01, 2005

I AM Peaceful!

After I received my final decree of divorce from my ex-husband, I went out and got a tatoo right above my right ankle. The actual tatoo and my beautiful leg is pictured to your right. It is kanji for tranquility. I didn't plan it when I went to the tatoo shop. In fact, the visit to the tatoo shop wasn't planned either. It was all spontaneous. BooBoo and I just woke up one morning... we were both off of work... and agreed that it was a good day to get a tatoo. It was just 9am. None of the tatoo shops in the area were open yet... so we sat and contemplated what tatoo we'd get.

My life had changed in a matter of months. I was searching to find ME again. After giving so much of myself to my ex-husband, I realized that I had lost everything that distinguished me from him. I had become him. I knew what he'd say and how he'd react to certain things and his choices became my own. I was no longer an individual and I struggled to "remember" who I used to be.

I couldn't be the woman I was before I met my ex. I just had to be me.
"Hi. My name is Coreen and I'm addicted to love. I'm addicted to being needed by someone. Anyone. I'm divorced. No children. Excellent career. I feel very displaced, like I have nowhere to go and at the same time, I'm EXCITED about the freedom that has just been given back to me."
That is probably EXACTLY how I came off and it was all true. I knew that much about me.

When I finally arrived at the tatoo shop, I still hadn't decided what I was going to get. In fact, BooBoo was nearly done with hers and I was still walking around the shop looking at graphics. BTW: BooBoo got "SHUGA" tatoo'd on her left breast. My tatoo had to be significant. It had to mean something. It had to be a public display of the sum total of my being.

I sat down, thought about everything I had been through in the last couple of years and where life had taken me. I looked to my left and there it was....
TRANQUILITY: noun 1) a disposition free from stress and emotion 2) a state of peace and quiet
I realized that even with all the hurt I had experienced and continued to experience, I was okay. Peaceful, even. Tranquil! It made perfect sense to have that constant reminder tatoo'd on my body and the rest, as they say, is history. Everytime I look at the tatoo, it reminds me to be at peace and count my blessings.

Today, I proudly exclaim:

I AM PEACEFUL!!!