Two Relationship Questions

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FOLLOW ME

Marriage?

Has marriage become obsolete?

I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. We were discussing the nuptials of a couple who knew each other a few weeks before they decided to "take the plunge". Dear friend had the opinion that the couple just wanted to have sex and that is the reason they decided to marry. Due to personal commitment and religious belief, the couple had not consummated until after the marriage vows were taken. Dear friend thinks that marrying for sex is all wrong.

What is the purpose of marriage?

What are the reasons that leads a person/persons to marriage?

Is sex a good enough reason to marry? Why or why not?

What is a good reason to marry?

I think that any two people can have a successful marriage without having known each other very long. Two people must have the same commitment level, the same goals in terms of living a good life, and most of all the couple must be willing to make the marriage/relationship work. Love is not necessarily a component, in my opinion, in building a successful marriage. In fact, the love tends to come after many years.

Husband and I are creeping up on 8 years on Monday the 14th. I can honestly say that we are finally rounding the corner to where we step into semi-bliss. I only say "semi" because there's bound to be a couple of bumps in the road in our future. However, we have formed a cohesive bond that allows us to operate as a single entity yet maintain separate identities. We have grown together through these 8 years and I feel so blessed to have a strong and intelligent man to travel this life with. We are two peas in a pod.

The emotion that we think is love in the beginning stages of a relationship is more than likely just infatuation. We are enamored with the idea of being in love and of spending forever with our love interest. It prompts us to make commitments that we normally wouldn't under different circumstances. I've told the story at least a dozen times on this blog about how my husband and I met and married 7 months later. As I look back, I can't believe that we even waited that long.

I notice the current trend with adults is to discard marriage altogether. Has marriage lost its appeal? I have an aunt who is adamant about never marrying again. She's been single for a relatively long time. She doesn't like having to answer to someone or ask permission of someone; not that marriage requires it but it makes the relationship work better. I can see her point and should my husband and I not work or he pass before me, I probably will not ever marry again. I too would rather not have to "answer to" anyone.

So has the current young adult/ adult population outgrown the "institution" of marriage?

Why are gay people in such a hurry for something that hetero's are disregarding altogether?

If marriage is a spiritual and emotional commitment to another, why does one need the STATE to recognize it?

Dear friend of mine that started this whole conversation is still single. I'm curious as to why she's not in a hurry to marry. Many young people are not even flirting with the idea. I think I was looking to marry as soon as I left high school. I was searching for LOVE and someone to love me enough to marry me and commit his life to me. I just don't see that in young people today. No one is in a rush.

What is truly the status of marriage in modern America?

Lack of...

I have been feeling thoroughly uninspired lately. I am not quite sure how to keep creative juices flowing but it seems to allude me on occasion.

I'm interested to know what you do to get the creative juices flowing?

Just One Of Dem Dayz

I'm in one of those funky moods. Call it the PMS blues, maybe, or just plain irritation. Whatever! It's Saturday night. Homework due tomorrow and I'm just not in the mood to do anything. In my ears, Lady Soul by The Temptations. I'm tired but feeling like writing. Happy but feel like crying for no reason.

I remember going through these kinds of emotions back in high school -- feel like screaming but at who? I feel like taking a drive but where? I feel like eating a huge bowl of ice cream but should I? I feel like curling up and watching a really sad movie, a romantic tragedy. Food is calling me. That's for sure and that can only mean one thing.... a woman's monthly friend is here as fierce as it was last month. Yes. Today is just one of dem dayz.

Ladies: What are some of your remedies for the PMS blues?
Fellas: How do you deal with the crabbiness?

**sigh** Where's the closest GODIVA chocolatier?

Photo Credit

Any Gift Ideas?

It's that time of year again... when Cupid breaks out his bow and arrow. I have a Valentine this year -- the same one for the last 6 years -- my husband. I have the slightest clue as to what to buy my guy for Valentine's. Does he even want a present?

What do you buy a guy for Valentine's?

Who Is God?

"I want to have a lasting experience of God," I told him. "Sometimes I feel like I understand the divinity of this world, but then I lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears. I want to be with God all the time. But I don't want to be a monk, or totally give up worldly pleasures. I guess what I want to learn is how to live in this world and enjoy its delights, but also devote myself to God."

Ketut said he could answer my question with a picture. He showed me a sketch he'd drawn once during meditation. It was an androgynous human figure, standing up, hands clasped in prayer. But this figure had four legs, and no head. Where the head should have been, there was only a wild foliage of ferns and flowers. There was a small, smiling face drawn over the heart.

"To find the balance you want," Ketut sple through his translator, "this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God."

I love this passage from the book, Eat Pray Love. Many people pass through this life without having a true desire to know God. We get bogged down by our parent's view of God and take on their religious views without really asking ourselves the question: Who is God?

Early on in life, my mother took my older brother and I to church EVERY Sunday. I'm sure that many of you have had the same experience. My father joined us when he wasn't working and eventually when he did get Sunday's off all the time, he became a devoted attendee. For fear of severe punishment, I never asked my mother or father if God was at church but it was always in my mind. I don't remember my mother pointing Him/Her/God out to me or telling me where I could find him. So many of us travel through life never asking the question: Who is God?

My teenage years saw me leading the youth group at church and devoting an hour before school, every morning to the study of scripture. The culture of my religion had me on the right path to becoming a contributor to humanity. Yet, in the back of my mind and at the seat of my soul was the question: Who is God?

We are creatures of habit. Some of us never deviating from the path that our parents placed us on. Then there are some, born to break the ties from which they were born into. Jesus broke the Jewish mold from which he came and spread his gospel message and told the world that HE was sent from the Father, God. The Buddha departed from the beliefs that his father imposed on him. Rather than sitting in ignorance to the suffering of humanity, the Buddha yearned to ease the suffering of all nature. Muhammed, touted as the discoverer of Islam and the restorer of the true gospel of Adam, Abraham, Moses, Noah, etc., went into a cave to meditate and ask the question: Who is God? Joseph Smith, founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons), knelt in a grove of tree's and asked the question: Who is God?

There are many more spiritual guru's who have dared to ask the question: Who is God? There will be many more to come. And my job, your job, everyones job is to find God and get to know him. To have a "lasting experience of God". To put aside the "cultural" practices of religion and search for the meaning and the Source from which we all have come from.

**Photo Credit

Southern Holiday : Day 02

Day 02 started out really slow. When the whole house was finally up and moving around, it had to be after 10am. I had already showered and felt fresh and clean but sluggish... I'm assuming its the jetlag.

We started talkin' family history. Genealogy is a serious hobby of mine. I shared with my in-laws what I have been able to gather about their families so far. My in-laws seem impressed with the progress I've made. We had a long discussion about family stories. It seems that every generation loses something from the past thinking we have it figured out.

I remember my father telling me stories about his childhood and life without electricity. I find it almost unbelievable to hear them. I remember my mother telling me about outhouses (eeew!) and working to eat, as there were no grocery stores in Samoa. And I think to myself how so far removed am I from a life of physical struggle. Yet, I have a desire to know that hard life to feel and experience the contrast between my life here and now and the life of my parents 50 years ago.

In those 50 years, the clear and definite lines between good and evil have been blurred beyond recognition. The state of the family now includes "blending" and alternative lifestyles. And the world almost seems so screwed up, without a clear direction toward happiness. The gender roles have been squashed and I sometimes think that it hasn't been for the advancement of humanity. I think the Creator made us to carry out different roles and to have different characteristics based on gender.

The past 50 years since my mothers day and mine has seen much technological advancement but I wonder -- what have we advanced from? Has more computers meant a better standard of living or has it created an even wider gap between the rich and the poor? Has the combustible engine helped humanity in any way? We get to places a lot quicker yet have surrendered to oil dependence. We've stopped growing our own food and now have to wait to hear on the news if the produce we've consumed has been recalled. We have become so dependant on others for our basic necessities, from food to fuel, that if the grocery store closed its doors, America would starve. Can you imagine the people in the highly populated metro area's? **sigh**

My discussion with my in-laws prompted all these thoughts about their life, about my life, my parents lives and how much progress have we really made? And then, as if to spit upon all the ideals we had just spoke about, we carted ourselves off in a big, gas-guzzling SUV to a mall that's a hundred miles away, to shop for the commercial-driven Christmas presents that our family is waiting for. **sigh** Ironic, isn't it? We ate at Dave's BBQ in Franklin, Tennessee... not having to lift a finger to get fed. (Notice my plate, BEFORE and AFTER)


Don't get me wrong, I am truly grateful for what I have. The Creator has placed me here at this time, in this very special place, and I am humbled that he chose me to have so much abundance. Just imagine, you or I could have been born in much different circumstances. Yet the Creator has placed us right where we are.

Basic Questions that Bounce Around in my BRAIN

LEGISLATION / LAWS = Less Crime. True OR False?

Does new legislation mean that crime will go down?

I wonder how many laws and bills and acts have been introduced. How many are passed into law? How many are enforced? How many lives has it changed?

Has it benefited society to have MORE laws?

If we have more laws, do we have less criminals OR more criminals since there are more laws that can be broken?

Do police officers understand the basic rights afforded by the constitution? If the answer is 'No', can they protect my constitutional rights?

Do laws change human behavior? Does the death penalty discourage murderers? Are there punishments harsh enough?

If States are privatizing their jail systems, does that mean that the private jail industry is ENCOURAGING crime... just so they can stay in business? Is the BLACK Male their target "consumer"?

Do You Know Me?

Do you know me?

Do you know that the scar on my right knee is from playing football with my boy cousins? Or do you know that I'm lactose intolerant yet ice cream is my absolute favorite thing? Do you know that I love sunrises MORE than sunsets? And that I love the snow if I never have to drive in it?

Do you know that I love you? Do you know why you love me?

Do you know that I'm afraid of being betrayed? Not being able to trust you is my biggest fear. Please don't EVER betray that trust. Do you know I loved you the instant I laid eyes on you... the second time around? Do you know that if you fall asleep before I do, I stare at you from time to time and thank God for you?

Do you know that I believe in the goodness in your heart? I always have... even when we went through rough times. Does the thought of eternity scare you? Or can I count on seeing you around for a long while to come?

Do you know that I doubt you sometimes? Every now and again I question if you're really here for the long haul. But please don't doubt me. My love is genuine, strong, ever-lasting. And sometimes I'm afraid that you'll take it for granted and betray me in some form. Can you see me through it? Reassure me? And promise that our lives will continue to grow together?

Are you gonna be around?