Vacation Wonderland and Sad Realities

I have been traveling since 14 June. I left Honolulu, Hawai'i and made my way to Baltimore, Maryland first. I hung out with my bestie in her hood, with her family, and spent a bunch of time with her son who is fighting cancer right now. It broke my heart to witness some of the struggles that he is going through and at the same time, I marvel at the strength with which he perseveres. I pray he will be able to fight this fight and triumph over this ugly plague.

On Thursday, 22 June, I made my way down to Blythewood, South Carolina where my cousin just bought a home and is moving in. I am here to help her unpack her things but more than that, I'm here to listen to her tell me what she thinks about what's going on with me. She always tells me that her life changed when I gave her a couple of bits of advice that she took to heart. I find that so funny that I can give advice on someone else's problems but can't seem to solve my own. I guess that's just the way it is. There is absolutely no doubt that she is my "soft spot" to land. And there is no doubt that I feel like I am hitting rock bottom right now and need a soft spot to land. My rock bottom does not seem too bad when I step back and look at the big picture but it feels like crap and I just wish I could be done with all this hard stuff.

South Carolina is beautiful. My "real" camera was lost in a car accident that I was involved in a couple of months ago. Thank God that my cell phone takes pretty good pictures. Some of these older, historic towns have so much character. I love how green it is here and the acres and acres of trees all around. Some areas have beautiful rolling hills and corn fields. I love the slow, slow pace in the small towns. The heat and humidity is right up my alley. The only thing missing for me is the ocean. The coast has the ocean but it doesn't quite look like the Pacific. I don't think I will ever find a place on this planet as beautiful as my island home.

Last night I was listening to someone sing a cover of Whitney Houston's song, "I Have Nothing." I don't know why that song just rocks me every time I hear it. This whole break-up/divorce from my ex is just so overwhelming. I seek for "band-aids" in the form of men or a man to soothe my aching heart, to validate me, to make me feel needed and wanted. And the strange thing is that I know that I need to piece myself back together and not rely on any outside forces to make my heart feel better. I must gather the strength and courage to stand alone through this until I am completely at peace with the circumstances of my life. I want to throw myself into my writing with fierce passion and spread my wings and fly above my pain. I feel so broken inside that the only thing that I really can do to make it all better is take care of me.

So often, I break down and shed tears just thinking of the life I had before all of this. I miss him so much and yet I'm so mad at him for putting me in this predicament. For giving up on us. For leaving me so lost in love and so broken. I pretend that life is good and that I'm moving toward a beautiful life but this part right now, this transition thing happening, it hurts like hell. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and I'm faced with the madd reality that I am alone in this world. I miss his companionship. I miss his scent. I miss his beautiful smile. I miss his strong arms holding me tight. I wish him well today and every day and hope that he finds his happiness.

Operation: Vacation Alabama: Day 02

Today was uninteresting.

I went to bed late last evening. Woke up early. Waited two hours for husband to wake up. We finally got out of the house at 10am. Headed to Starbucks to get some caffeine in the system. It's my way of dealing with the jetlag.

Husband and I packed really light for this trip... so light, in fact, that I only packed one t-shirt with the express purpose of buying new ones here. That led me to Target where I hit the clearance rack and came away with a bunch of tshirts for $3 each. Can't beat that!

We closed out the day at the local Middle School football game. I am a big football fan... especially in small towns. I love hearing the bands battle each other, the way the cheerleaders scream at the top of their lungs for their school, the way the parents  of the players coach from the sidelines. I love it all. It reminds me so much of my own high school experience with football games. It's so nostalgic. Even now, as I sit here and write this post, I am anticipating my alma mater's football game this evening that will be streamed live on oc16.tv @1230am central time. Yes... I am really sitting here waiting to watch Kahuku High School versus Farrington High... true rivals for decades.

It was a very beautiful day today. It was hot. The skies were blue... the only thing missing was a cool breeze. The silence of the country is very "centering." As we drove around Madison County today, I admired all the cotton fields. Some fields are fully mature while others are green and still developing. I didn't have my camera handy but I will tomorrow as I travel about. When husband and I lived here back in 2009, the simple cotton plant had me intrigued. I dedicated an entire post to it.

My in-laws home is bordered by a patch of trees. In the day, it is dead silent. At night, a strange thing occurs and suddenly that patch of trees turns into a cacophony of sound. Husband says it's crickets. Me? I don't quite know what all the noise is. As we took a late night drive to find some midnight munchies, we discussed what things must have been like during the era of slavery. I am completely obsessed with that portion of American history. My heart feels heavy when I think of it and maybe that's part of the reason I couldn't be here in the south for very long. It's like the souls of the deceased and murdered slaves call to me. The sorrow of those times haunts me. So our midnight munchy mission had us discussing how lonely it must have been for runaway slaves. They had NOWHERE to turn. There were no safe havens for them and EVERYONE was an enemy. The loud cacophony of insect noises added to the fear and loneliness of runaway slaves. We see movies like Django and feel triumph that Django escaped and triumphed but is that really an accurate depiction of that era? Hardly.

Oh, Alabama -- what have ye in store for me tomorrow?

A Southern Holiday : Day 01

Husband and I made it to Alabama, all perky and bright eyed. I'm so excited to be here. I don't know if it's because I've been suffering from a slight case of island fever or if I needed to take a real vacation. The last time I went on vacation was this past July for a Family Reunion. That wasn't a real vacation at all because I worked my tail off. Needless to say, I'm glad to be here with my in-laws lounging in the lap of luxury. I don't have to be anywhere or see anyone. I can just relax, unwind, and maybe even get some writing done. I've been working on a novel. I wrote the prologue for it and am hoping to lay down chapter 1 one while I'm here.

I've always said that my dream job is to be a writer. Specifically, a published writer. I'm moving in that direction and allowing the story to come out of me. I'm not sure how other authors and creative writers write their stories, whether they sit in front of the computer and just start writing or whether they meticulously plan each character or series of events in their story. Me, I'm approaching this project as though the story itself lives inside me and I'm allowing it to come out. Does that make sense or sound spooky? **shrugs** All I know is that I have been in a writers funk for the past couple of years and have finally crawled out of it. I required a muse before and now the story is just unfolding on its own. Funny how it all works out.

So my southern holiday, day 01, here in Huntsville, Alabama is my opportunity to allow the story inside of me to be told. Perhaps I will email a copy of my prologue to you for a serious review on what works for you, as a reader, and what doesn't. I really want honest truth so if you're game, leave me an email address to forward the material to you. If I don't chicken out... I'll send it. LOL.

It took 9-hours or so of straight flying time from Honolulu International Airport to Atlanta-Hartsfield (?). We chose this route, even though it cost $1200 per ticket because we didn't want too many lay overs with the possibility of flight cancellation due to inclement weather. Routing through Denver would have been half price but we opted to fly directly to Atlanta. Just thinking of all the flight cancellations across the midwest makes me happy I chose this route! Lay over was nearly 3 hours in Atlanta then a short 40 minute flight to Huntsville. The in-laws were waiting at the gate with a video camera. They all look so good! I'm so glad to be here with them. My little niece, Olivia is just absolutely adorable. We headed to Cracker Barrel in Madison for breakfast, on the way back to the house. I had a country fried steak, biscuits and gravy, grits, hash brown casserole, and some sweet tea. It was all so delicious!

When we finally made it to the house, I showered up then took a three hour nap. It was much needed. Husband and I conked out. What woke me is the aroma of food, wafting in from the kitchen. My father-in-law made a dish called Low Country Boil. He had all the regular fixings in it: Shrimp, Sausage, Corn, Potatoes, Carrots, and he added some hard boiled eggs and some chicken wings. My, my, my... it was exactly what I wanted! This is why I love it here! The food is always so good and I rarely have to lift a finger to get it. **smiling**

I wonder what's in store for tomorrow!