Tweet: Female Image Defined By Rap

@MichaelEaly when you gon' let me holla
— Mrizzy. ✨ (@imMaryamm) June 30, 2013

I had to repost this tweet because when I read it, I could not stop laughing.

I hope MichaelEaly and Mrizzy are friends and Mrizzy is joking because if I were on the receiving end of that tweet -- IGNORE/BLOCK would be my next move.

This stupid tweet conversation caused me to consider the implications of her tweet: WHEN YOU GON' LET ME HOLLA?

First, men speak to women like this all the time (to their discredit). Is it now a woman's prerogative to behave in the same manner? There has to be a better way of communicating than to say WHEN YOU GON' LET ME HOLLA? Just a short generation ago lyrics of songs would go something like this:
Earth Angel, Earth Angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you
If only women still thought of themselves as angels. Would that change the way we, as women, view ourselves? If we are defining who we are by the lyrics in mainstream music then maybe we should demand better music and stop subscribing to the sexist, shallow, overly sexual-lized music that is being played over the airwaves.

In recent reviews that I've made after attending two night clubs, Zanzabar and Rumours, I pointed out how I think the music being played is absolutely ridiculous. Who wants to hear all the references to female genitalia or female dogs? I don't know what the appeal is. Given that the music is an obvious context for the modern young adult that indulges in that music, it's obvious why men and women behave the way they do. Let's look at the lyrics to 2chainz' Birthday Song:

2chainz
They ask me what I do and who I do it for
And how I come up with this shit up in the studio
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho
When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store
When I die, bury me inside the Louis store
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho
All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho

Kanye West
She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty
Scrr.. Scrr.. wrists moving, cooking, getting to it
I'm in the kitchen, yams everywhere
Just made a jug, I got bands everywhere
You the realest nigga breathing if I hold my breath
Referee, with the whistle, brrrrt, hold his tech
Extendo clip, extendo roll
When your girl leave me she need a hair salon
Hair weave killer going on a trapathon
See I done had more bombs than Pakistan
Dope bomb, dro bomb, and a pill bomb
See nigga, I'm balling, you in will call
When I did, bury me inside the jewelry store
When I die, bury me inside the Truey store
True to my religion, to everything I'm too different
So when I die, bury me next to two bitches

It was pretty difficult to get through reading that. Deciphering its meaning is just beyond me. I'm not sure why this music is appealing to young people. The beats and the constant whine of the "hook" of the song is probably a factor in hypnotizing young people into buying in. Add to that the degrading lyrics and we have modern "urban" culture. It certainly lends some insight to how women behave and dress in the club and that, in turn, influences how their relationships are fashioned.

This post started from a simple tweet I observed in tweet-dom and has evolved into whatever it has become. To conclude, there is only one thing I wish women would come to realize - we are not commodities. We dictate who and what we will tolerate. EVERYTHING in our world begins with our choices. I/You don't have to dress like a stripper to attract a man. In fact, doing so may attract more trouble than its worth. There is a definite place for lust and desire especially when selecting a life partner but it cannot be the ONLY thing that we use in determining if there is a match. When we say enough is enough, the whole world will bend to our desire.

Think on that and decide if you still "wanna holla'!

The Rant About An Abused Woman

Women make hard choices. We always do!

This post is going to come off as a man-hating post but I don't know if it's that. I just look around me at the women in my life, cousins, sisters, aunts, and friends. We make hard choices. We do hard things. We rarely operate from a position of power without fear of criticizing lips from the people closest to us or even people not so close to us. We are quick to aid others while our brothers, boyfriends, husbands, and male friends sit back and watch.

**name changed**
Farren lives with her boyfriend whom she met in high school. They have two children together. They have an abusive relationship. On several occasions she has called on me to help her escape her boyfriend. She comes over to our house for a couple of days but eventually she goes back to her abusive boyfriend. I am about to close that "revolving" door. Am I wrong? This last time when I went over to get her or provide some type of support to her, her boyfriend came out and barked at me, "What do you want?" He was very aggressive and when I told him to call Farren, he went back in and started in on her. He doesn't intimidate me at all. Not in the least! However, no person should communicate in that manner and my husband can't wait to bump into him and have a conversation about how he spoke to me that day.

I called the cops because I'm not going to physically fight with a man. Unthinkable. She shouldn't fight him either! What I didn't know is that the cops have been to their home to deal with this same situation on many occasions. The cops also said that the next incident would result in them calling Child Protective Services until Farren and boyfriend can handle their disputes. We took off without her daughters before the cops came to avoid the potential CPS intervention. All day long she went on and on about how he chokes her and spits on her and calls her whore and slut... in front of their children... and all I could think about is her complete and utter ignorance for continuing to stay in the relationship.

She was supposed to file a Temporary Restraining Order against him. She didn't do it.... just as I suspected. I am completely disappointed.

So either she returns to him or she stays here at the house. Either choice is ridiculous... she should go home to her parents... sort ish out, come to the realization that her man is a big baby, and move the "f" on!

I wonder why her man thinks he can behave in an abusive manner. Did his mother teach him to be that way by not stopping her husband from abusing her? Will Farren teach this same cycle to her two girls... that it's okay to remain with a man that disrespects and abuses her. **SMH**

Women are called on to make tough choices. We take care of our parents when our male peers(brothers) fade into the background. We worry about our siblings, sons and daughters, and nieces and nephews and bend over backward to push them to dream, to push them toward living honest lives. All of this we do because we are women, because we are hardwired to do the toughest things.

Guys kind of... CHECK OUT. If he's (whoever HE is) feeling down, the whole world must spin around his affliction. Farren seems to think that her man has a hard time not being able to keep a job because all the employers cut him out of future work. I wonder if Farren thinks about what she says before she says it. That is the lamest excuse I have heard in years. He was supposed to join the military but boyfriend said he was discouraged because the recruiter wasn't following up with him. Boyfriend had also heard that Obama was scaling back on military funding. Hmmm... he made a decision for his personal life based on a CNN headline. LAME, LAME, LAME!

 

**Photo Credit**

A Review of Sorts

The very large topic of the subjugation of women has laid heavy on my mind for two simple reasons. The first reason - I just finished reading the book by Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns. If you have plans of reading the book, stop reading this post now, as I may unravel details or the ending in a manner that might taint how you interpret the book.

A Thousand Splendid Suns, such a poetic title. So poetic, in fact, that at first glance I knew it wasn't a romance and that the title was satirical. It did, however, end up being about love. About unconditional, real love between friends and family. In relation to the subjugation of women, the story explicitly tells the tale of the Taliban and their treacherous domination over its citizens. To illustrate the topic, the book covers several forms of oppressive behavior. Physical and mental abuse, extreme poverty, near deification of natural-born sons rather than daughters, rape, murder, etc. The book was written beautifully, weaving in several historical events as well as places and classic Afghan literature.

The book left me heartbroken for Mariam, one of the key characters. In the closing chapters of the book, to defend herself and save the life of her fellow concubine, Laila, Mariam hits their abusive husband over the head until he dies. Mariam, wracked with guilt over her murderous act and wanting so very much to see that Laila's children live long lives and to see Laila be reunited with her true love, submits to the Taliban legal system. She gives herself as a sacrifice to allow the dreams of another to flourish. Triumphantly, she is put to death in the center of town, with a crowd both in awe and amazement at the courage that Mariam faced death with.


Reason #2 for this diatribe into the subjugation of women - I viewed the movie, Lilya 4-Ever. If you have plans of watching Lilya 4-Ever, stop reading this post now, as I will probably give away the entire movie here.

Lilya 4-Ever is a gem I found on Netflix. Sidebar: Netflix has a great selection of foreign films. I love love love foreign films because of the heavy topics they cover. The ones that I've selected, so far, have been gripping tales of the human condition. Anyway, Lilya 4-Ever is set in Estonia (once a part of the USSR). It is the tale of a 16-year old girl, Lilya, totally abandoned by her mother who up and moves to America. She is left to fend for herself and eventually turns to prostitution as a means of supporting herself and her little companion, Volodya - a boy abandoned by his parents. The graphic portrayal of how her life is lived, men penetrating her and grunting on top of her, broke my heart with the realization that this happens every day and has happened all throughout the history of the world.

Lilya falls prey to a handsome Russian, Sergei, who pretends to fall in love with her. He sends her to Sweden with the false promise of a better life and feigns to meet her there in two days time. With all her hopes and dreams for a better life fully intact and a newfound interest in living, Lilya leaves for Sweden. Overcome by despair and sadness because Lilya left him, Volodya ends his life. Sergei never shows and has sent Lilya directly into the hands of a small-time pimp. She is locked up in a single room and is only allowed to leave when the pimp has found her a "john". It seems she lives that way for weeks.

The apex comes when Volodya appears to Lilya as an angel and tells her that the door was left unlocked and she is free to go. She runs, without a clue on where to go, without a destination, utterly and totally WITHOUT hope. In the final moments of the film, Lilya climbs atop a highway over pass. Volodya is screaming at her not to do what he did -- to live life on her terms. Lilya, stuck in the violence called 'her life', jumps to her death.

The one unifying factor, in these two very extreme circumstances: THERE IS NO ESCAPE EXCEPT THROUGH DEATH. Bittersweet! Tragic! Triumphant, almost.

After experiencing the book then the movie, in succession, I realize how the world is in need of the healing powers of love. Women are charged with the task of being compassionate and forgiving and of teaching the world those special qualities. Though we are abused, though we are run into the ground with difficult choices, though we are subjected to burdensome loads; even through the drama of life, women will always triumph over the oppressor.


**Photo Credit for Thousand Splendid Suns
**Photo Credit for Lilya 4-Ever