Resolutions 2014: Journaling My Goals

It has been a while since I last blogged. It obviously has not been a priority for me even though I want it to be. I used to blog while at work during my down time. I work at a university so down time is right around mid-term. There's no hustle and bustle associated with that point in a semester. Right now is down time and I have too many ideas in my brain and no discipline to sit down and write. What I really hate is the interruptions. Since I inherited scheduling the use of my building, I get requests all day long and interruptions. I'm grateful though since it keeps me busy all the time.

I have several story board outlines for novels that are occurring in my brain but no real fruit from the story boards. I have a debate in my brain about handwriting it in a composition book versus typing it out in a MS Word document. Of course the latter seems much more practical but I find that I "over-edit" when I type. I try to create the perfect sentence and edit as I go along. Whereas, most successful authors suggest free writing and not editing until the entire story is complete. I read that Stephen King does the same. He is one of my favorite authors. The twists and turns he comes up with just boggles my mind. I also love Toni Morrison. There is debate around her style of writing being so complicated. I find her work to be very character-driven. I think I am that kind of writer. One of my most favorite books of all time is Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. The way she constructs characters really brings them to life.

I have crazy goals that I wrote down but nothing really pulling them all together. I started an investment class that I thoroughly enjoy. The only problem is that we started playing with a simulator platform that allows you to trade with fake money. What's wrong with that, right? Well, the problem is that all the simulations that I have done has been very, very profitable -- I wish it were real money. **sigh** I made a silent commitment to myself that I WILL NOT participate in these investments until I reach a more important goal: HEALTH. Yes, I have put the priority of losing weight above my desires to continue to grow my wealth. The logic that drives it: if I'm unhealthy, how can I enjoy my riches? Truly, the best gift I can give to myself is to be healthy.

There is no time like right here and right now to do all the things that I want. Instead of participating in sporadic, chaotic, scattered goals, I am prioritizing them and getting it all together. I can't do everything at once because I need to be "all in" for one project. So here it is in a very particular order.

1. HEALTH - release 50 pounds forever.
Why?
*To increase my quality of life now and forever.
*To feel better and have more energy
*To not rely on medication or medical intervention for chronic illness
*To look better
*To be able to shop ANYWHERE and not have to see if the store has a "plus-size" section
Deadline: August 4th, 2014 - ambitious, aye?
This pic of me was 10 years ago and about 30 pounds ago. If I can get to that by June, I think I will hit my 50# goal by my deadline.

2. INVEST - to get at least 20% returns on my discretionary income
Why?
*To actively be engaged in growing my income
*Personal satisfaction of having "money in the bank"
*To relieve the stress that comes from debt
*To prepare for retirement
Deadline: I give myself 3 months to make my first deposit into my TD-Ameritrade account. Once I put the money in, I'm sure I can yield at least 20% by the end of the year. I have a great mentor; one that I am very grateful for.

3. FARM BUSINESS PLAN
Why?
*I'm a doomsday prepper - healthy food is better than gold especially in a famine.
*To be able to eat from the yield of the earth, planted and harvested by my own hands
*To contribute to the earth by being a sustainable farmer
*To create a sustainable community
*To teach the next generation that food comes from the earth and not the super market
*Because I feel such love for the earth - we live in such a beautiful world
Deadline: I will give myself six months to complete and be in the beginning stages of implementation. I think I can do this!

4. COMPLETE ONE NOVEL
Why?
*It's been a dream for so long
*I want to write the book that I wanted to read when I was a pre teen
Deadline: March 1st, 2015 - that's almost an entire of year to complete this.

Well, I've just put my whole entire heart out there. I'm going to print this out and plan my life around achieving these goals. When I have achieved my goals you will hear me say that this aint luck baby -- this is hard work and dedication. I am planning my success!!

Here weeeeeeeeeee goooooooooo!

Vacation Ending, Numbness, and Inner Circles

I'm sad to say that my vacation has come to an end.

Husband and I have made it back to the island. I'm so glad to be back in my own space. We arrived from Atlanta on Friday afternoon and decided to cab it home. I was so happy when a limousine picked us up. It was a great, luxurious ride home. I love how husband and I work together. Even though the cab ride was expensive, I couldn't see calling someone from the North Shore to take husband and I to Mililani then they have to drive all the way home to the North Shore. On top of that, husband and I like the independence of not needing to call anyone. Sometimes it's just easier that way. Sterile. No strings attached.

I don't know when I got so sterile and so detached from the world. Well, not really detached from the world; more like cautious about who I let in my circle. I don't like to owe anyone any favors. It's so not who I used to be as a teenager. In fact, I used to bend over backwards for friends. I had a serious need to please. Now, I'm not so emotional. I have way outgrown the desire to be needed or wanted by everybody. The emotion of my youth have given way to logic and reasoning. Sometimes I think I am numb and yet I tear up when I watch Undercover Boss.

I love my inner circle. It is very small but it works for me. I seem to work best with my inner circle.... in my personal life and in my work. I trust very few people at work. The functions of my job are easy enough, challenging enough. No amount of work scares me at all, physical or mental. The biggest challenge are the personalities on the job. For the most part, I love the people I work with but some are really difficult to work with. Their emotion over really silly things are beyond me.

**sigh**

Well --  here's to a new work week for me.

Random Whining

Today's DAILY OM headline is Returning to Creative Dreams: Return and Reclaim. I wish I could republish what it said but you can just follow the link to do that.

DAILY OM is a bright light in my inbox. Because I subscribe to it, I get a wonderful message in my email everyday. It is never skewed by dogmatic belief. Rather, it gives off a message of light and love and about honoring self. I miss that about my former life. The world revolved around me... in the life I led before returning to religion. I so want that back.

Where does it say that we have to be so scheduled and bogged down by life events, or children, or familial ties? We have all been created to find happiness. Does happiness mean that I have to take on other people's problems/children? All my life I fell like I've had to care for other people's children. Sometimes I'm grateful for it but most times I feel so distant from the desire to have my own children.

My grandmother and great grandmother lived with us off and on until their passing. Our home is a very modest (humble) three bedrooms and two baths. It's tiny! Add to that me, my older brother, and both my parents. We're up to six people. Add to that another six children... my cousins whose mom was having a tough time and CPS took them. My parents decided to take them all in. When five of them left, my parents decided to continue on in foster care. **sigh** And thus begun my life, caring for children and my grandparents. Though I'm grateful for all the knowledge I have acquired, I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to take care of me and my husband. I miss US... just US. **sigh**

I know this is a major "whine-fest" but sometimes I deserve it. Before, my outlet was alcohol. Since I have put down the drink, I no longer have a stress reliever and I think of it often. I don't think of cigarettes though.... thankfully. I used to love Heineken. I would crack open a bottle and be set. If we were drinking hard liquor, Tequila was it for me. Tequila + Orange Juice + a dab of grenadine... and we're best friends. Now -- good ole H2O is my fave.

Where am I going with this post? No where! I'm just.... letting go of the negative emotions inside... concentrating on the GOOD that's around me and ahead of me. Big things must definitely be on the horizon!

Extreme....ly TIRED of CONSUMERISM

I just started tuning in to TLC's Extreme Couponing and Extreme Cheapskates. I am completely amazed by how much money people save by using coupons. Extreme Cheapskates shows people who go to "extremes" to save a buck.

Who would have thought that would be inspiring?

It is.

I'm totally inspired to reduce consumption even though I'm such a toy-junkie. I love electronic toys. In my case, that would be my Apple/Mac products, my Nikon D5000 that I'm thinking about selling to upgrade to a Canon camera. The software that goes with the camera and picture editing; the software for my computers. The xbox and Nintendo Wii. I have a lot of toys. Do I really need all those things? I don't think I'm going to be unloading any of my electronics yet but I'm going to stop acquiring them. I don't need an iPhone. I don't need a new iMac. I don't need a new Macbook Pro. I'm dying to have a new camera but I don't need it.

I have a slew of books that I could get rid of. Should I? If there's anything that I drag around with me all the time, it's my books and my journals. **sigh**

I'm just tired of CONSUMING......

* * * * * * * * * *


Photo Credit

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I miss you so much. I hate that I never have the time to sit down and talk about the stuff that goes on in my world.

I promise I will make time for you beginning in April. School will finally be over in April and I will have received my Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I can hardly believe that I am finally done with school. It's one of those things that was on my bucket list and since I had access to funds to supplement my schooling due to my Hawaiian ancestry, I figured, "why not"?

I promise to make you over... after April.

I promise to write more and think less.

I wish oh how I wish there weren't student loans attached to the Bachelor of Arts degree but such is life. If I could, I would have probably prolonged the schooling just to delay having to pay the loans back but I am just so sick of school. This has to be the biggest scam in the history of the United States next to the Internal Revenue Service and insurance.

**heavy sigh**

I'm so close to being done that I can actually see light at the end of the tunnel. At the same time, I'm so burnt out.

Arguing about Aristotle and Rousseau, Communism vs. Capitalism... all of it just has me in a complete tizzy.

See you soon.

Sincerely,

NeenaLove

Regulating Discrimanators

Lesbian couple files discrimination lawsuit against Hawaii business

This article appeared in my news feed on my Facebook page. I'm not a CNN or FOXnews person. However, I subscribe to the local news because I find some of it interesting. I don't normally watch the news.

The linked article above states that a lesbian couple is suing the owner of a Bed&Breakfast here on the island. The owner refused service to the lesbian couple. I know this type of discrimination reminds people of the tumultuous Jim Crow era in the United States just a few decades ago. There are obvious differences!

I am somewhat sympathetic to the homosexual movement. If they want legal rights under man made laws, I think they should have it. In this case, I don't know what the lesbian couple is attempting to do. What is the outcome they are seeking? This is what I hear from their lawsuit (excuse the sarcasm):

LESB: "Let me in your establishment."
OWNER: "No. You're gay. I don't want you here."

Angry lesbian contacts her attorney.
LESB: "That place won't let me in. I want them to let me in. NOW!"
ATTORNEY: "Ok. I can help you."

Lesbian contacts the media, under the direction of the attorney.
LESB: "We're suing XYZ Bed&Breakfast because they won't let me in."
NEWS: "Oooh... news for Hawai'i residents. Thanks for the heads up. We'll watch what happens in court."

What are the legal precedences that have been set around the country for similar cases?
**shrugs**

Can the owner include in his or her contract or lease or check-in document that they refuse service to Gays and Lesbians?

If I recall, there are signs at several establishments that read:
"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

Looking at my sarcastic dialog above, if we replaced LESB with DRUNKGUY or PERSON.TRAVELING.WITH.PETS, would this be a lawsuit?

If a non-Mormon were at the footsteps of the Mormon Temple and were refused entry, should the non-Mormon sue for entry?

Country Clubs are "exclusive" groups, should I sue?

I don't understand why the law would impose itself upon a private establishment. If I were a business and refused service to someone based on my personal preferences, why is that NOT okay? Should someone disregard their personal values and adopt the social norms?

At what point can a person or establishment have an opinion without fear of government interference?

Just thinking out loud.

Lifted

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Today I had a session with a Theta Healer. My aunt has been trained in energy healing and I always look forward to seeing her to feel of her good vibes. She always seems to "adjust" me in just the right way to bring me back to life. It's like she lifts all my burdens and raises my hope level. I am so glad that she spent that time with me today. I am so blessed!

Our family just laid my mother to rest on July 29th, 2011. It was such a beautiful send off. I am so happy that it was relatively drama-free and that all 8 of my mother's 9 siblings that are still alive were able to meet in the same place in peace and harmony. All the events surrounding my mother's send-off were so beautiful, spiritual, and truly a manifestation that she is alive somewhere beyond this dimension. For that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful that I will meet with her again someday in the eternities. I feel peace.

As I begin to purge my negative energy I am replacing it with all the goodness my mother was able to put into the world through her actions. I choose happiness and joy for this life and for all the people I love... unconditionally!

Netflix Viewing: Greek

Over the weekend I had plans to watch the new Pirates of the Caribbean. I had to rethink that because I didn't really want to be packed into a theater on opening night when I could watch it during a matinee and have the theater almost all to myself. So this past weekend I opted for Netflix Viewing. I took in 9 episodes of the show GREEK.

It is based on the Greek system in colleges and universities across America. I never quite understood the Greek phenomena aside from the magic of a step-show. My ex-husband was part of a fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, and he was branded on his arm. It looked painful but I suppose it was something important to him for him to allow someone to brand him. I mean no disrespect when I critique his choice. It is what it is.

I thought it interesting that at our (me and the ex) wedding reception a guy recognized the actions and behavior of my then-husband as Que-doggish. He was a guest of a friend of mine. I had not met him previously so did not know that he too was a Que-dogg. They had a conversation that seemed to include all the "signals" of their organization. I don't know what the draw is for Greek organizations. My bloodlines, at least in the last 200 years or so as far as I know, do not lead back to Greece. So, what makes one desire to "pledge" to the fraternity/ sorority?

The television show Greek is a one-hour teenage drama. It seems to promote drinking and promiscuity while trying to maintain academic excellence (not). Odd, considering that the show airs on ABC Family. Is that what is considered family values now? The world is so confused as to what, exactly, constitutes family values. No one can agree. No philosophy is all-encompassing of the different types of social behaviors that are in the world. **sigh**

As I watch the show, I'm intrigued by the characters. They all appear to be versions of people that I know in real-life. Does art imitate life or vice-versa? What is good entertainment nowadays? There's tons of kissing and allusions to sex. Is this indicative of the normal college experience? Husband is not interested at all in the show. He was irritated that the only black male on the show happens to be the gay one. Is this a true sampling of society at large? **shrugs** What I do know is that I am probably going to finish off the series because I'm 9-episodes into all the characters.

Travel Where?

Husband and I are supposed to be taking a trip over Memorial Day weekend. We are unsure where to go. I originally suggested New York City. Husband doesn't want to spend money on a hotel so we have to travel to a place where we can crash at someone's house. I'm thinking that we may head out to Baltimore to visit a dear friend of mine and maybe catch the train out to New York City. I'm up in the air. In June or July we may head to Europe. Italy or Paris -- we'll see. My cousin said she wants to do Thailand for her birthday. Sounds fun! I heard it's quite inexpensive to hang out there so that is an option in the future.

I need a break... that's for sure! Everything has been piling up on me -- all my extracurricular activities. My husband, ever patient, puts up with how much I love to be out and about. School, volunteer work in the community, church obligations... I'm pooped! The month of July is off limits for anything to do with the stuff I just mentioned. I'm going to relax!!

My 36th birthday is quick approaching in August. I haven't decided what I want to do. Last year was a blast. Parasailing, my brand new Nikon D5000, comedy show... I had a blast. Life is quickly moving past me. I can't believe how fast time seems to progress. What have I done? What have I accomplished?

Day 13: This Week

I am so behind on this BLOG CHALLENGE.... so this particular topic is PERFECT since I haven't been on here.

A new light has entered the world -- my eldest brother and his wife had their #5 child on Sunday. So I have been pretty busy helping out with the other four kids. Baby Benson had a few complications but all is well with my sister in law. He suffered from meconium aspiration syndrome. It's a disorder that occurs when a child inhales fecal matter that has leaked into the womb. He was born on Sunday and should be home by Friday or Saturday. I'm just grateful that all will be well with the baby.

I can't even describe the feeling I had when I first laid eyes on him. I suppose I feel this way everytime I am in the presence of a newborn. I am still in complete awe. The morning that he was born, no one was able to hold him. He was in the nursery, hooked up to the oxygen machine, all alone. My heart was so tender as I looked on him. After being in the womb for 9 months, he was suddenly without the companionship of his mother's heartbeat and I felt for him... so all alone.

My sister in law is such an example to me. Everything is natural. She doesn't do the epidural and passes on any kind of pain meds. She has noticed that her babies come out fully alert when she is drug-free. Her first two children were so groggy when they came out of the womb. She swore off the drugs after that and noticed a remarkable improvement in their temperament after birth. I can't wait til its my turn.

My brothers #4... she is so cute. She asks me all the time, "Do you have a baby in your stomach?" I always tell her, "NO. Not yet. Can you ask Heavenly Father to help me out?" She's so cute. Twice, when we had this same discussion, she bowed her head and closed her eyes and said, "Heavenly Father, can you help aunty to get a baby." Oh my precious nieces and nephews. I am the luckiest aunty in the world!

More good news -- I am so close to being co-owner in a smoothie shop! I can't wait! I'm so excited. Also I have a job interview for a temp position at the University that I used to work for. I'm glad that it is a temp position because after I become co-owner in the shop, I am going to really build that business!

Yesterday, I met with the Student Activities Coordinator at my high school Alma Mater. He requested my services with the Homecoming Cheer Fest so... I put together an itinerary for him lastnight. I love being involved. This is the ME that I used to be. The ME that I feel most comfortable being and I'm glad that I can commit to things now without worrying that husband will want to leave the island. :-) HUGE SMILE!

Random JULY Ramblings

My camera has been missing for the last two weeks. I'm totally bummed but at the same time, this might mean that I can get a "real" camera; a DSLR camera. I've always been interested in photography. It is the one hobby that brings me extreme pleasure. I have a great 'eye' for composition and with proper development, I can really get started on putting my hobby to work.

Right now, I'm stuck using my camera phone but hopefully soon, I'll be able to upgrade what was. A dear friend of mine is suggesting we take this photography workshop and find out what kind of camera to buy. I'm pretty excited! Maybe some of you will want to come to the workshop also. That is, those of you that are in the Honolulu area or have access to the Honolulu area.

Here are a few of my other "goings-on" with me:
1. I quit my job after two days. Long story, short... the professionalism was lacking.

2. My husband quit his GS position and traded it for employment with a MAJOR airlines. I'm super duper excited because that means I can fly anywhere that this airlines flies -- FOR FREE!!! The world is truly gonna GET IT! We've been talking about travelling for so long. I'm glad the time has finally arrived for us to make it to distant places.

3. My hanai sister has been visiting from Tacoma, Washington. (Hanai, in the culture of Hawai'i, is an act of love. It is a form of adoption or fostering of children into a family.) She has plans of moving here. She's been applying for jobs everywhere. She popped up, out of the blue. I woke up one morning to a text from her asking to be picked up from the airport. That girl is as crazy as me. LOL

4. Finally -- I'm sooooo close to being co-owner of a smoothie shop. I pray that my dream of being a business owner comes true!

Quick Update

Christmas Update

The Christmas rush is coming to a close for me. All the packages have been sent off and the Christmas cards are in the mail. I truly do enjoy this time of the year as it allows me to reconnect with dear friends that I rarely speak to throughout the year. I was able to send off two packages off to Iraq.

One for my dear cousin. I sent them baked goods. I hope it keeps until they're able to indulge. It didn't come out as good as I had hoped. Now I know not to do it in bulk. Something was off about the recipe I had used.

I also sent off a nice size package to my family in Hawai'i. The only thing missing in Hawai'i will be me and the husband. This is the second year in a row that I'm not there. **heavy sigh** I'm just glad that I was able to get a gift for everyone. The little ones got two. The teenager's got $20 each. When I give money, this is how I usually do it. In case you wanted to try something creative next time you give money.

Relationship Update

I haven't worked for nearly four months now. Husband and I have been living off of savings. The Creator has truly blessed us to allow us to just "be". Through all the drama of the past couple of months with the big move from paradise to Alabama, USA, the husband and I have finally come up with a common goal to work towards. I'm grateful that we have placed the drama aside! It really was taking a toll on our marriage. We've discussed splitting on many occasions. Finding something to work towards, together, has made all the difference. Also, our commitment to the marriage coupled with our deep belief in a loving Heavenly Father, has pulled us through. We are FINALLY on the same proverbial page.

Homesick Update

I ache for Hawai'i and for my family on a daily basis, yet I know there is a master plan for me. Being away from Hawai'i is part of that plan. God-willing, when I return to the islands of my birth, I will be more able to help lift my people. The other day, I skyped with my nieces and nephew. As soon as the video was up and running on both sides, I could see my oldest niece crying. She is as tender-hearted and sensitive as I am. The second niece and my nephew were making funny faces and singing to me. It was so great to see them yet it aches my heart to be so far from them and not be able to wrap my arms around them and give big hugs and kisses. I am so amazed at the capacity of love I have for them. They are, indeed, what allows me to believe in the future... they allow me to believe that unconditional love is totally possible. There is nothing they could do to make me love them any less.

Random Things In My Brain

I have been thoroughly uninspired lately. It's possibly because I've been so busy with school. I started on my undergrad degree... AGAIN! It's on my bucket list and I finally have the time to do it. I'm jobless out here in Alabama so I have so much time on my hands. I am enjoying the "no-responsibility" vibe.

The whole idea was for me to work on my novel. That's another task on my bucket list. I really do have a novel in the works. My closest family and friends have gotten their hands on the first couple of pages and I've gotten good responses so far. What I really need is someone that will tear it apart and tell me what really sucks about it or what characters need re-working. It's so close to my heart that I don't really trust just anybody reading it. I need to know that the person critiquing it is sincere. **sigh**

I just finished my first 10-page research paper. The class is History 223, History of the Native American. I forgot just how interesting research papers can be, especially if it's covering a topic that I enjoy. The title I selected - "Solving the Indian Problem: The Institutional Genocide of the Native American". I think that if the classes continue to be as fulfilling and as quick as the last couple of courses I've been taking, all will be just fine. By next February, I will have 30 credits under my belt. I intend to increase my semester load to 18, maybe 20 credits.

Since I'm done with my paper, I'll have more free time to do some real creative writing here and on my novel.

Laterz!!

Early Morning Thoughts

I'm sleepless this early morning. I don't know what it is about the quiet of midnight that beckons me so often to stay up beyond a decent hour. Perhaps it is the quiet. No telephone ringing. The television is in the off position. No noisy neighbors. It's just me and this beautiful computer that sit alone in the dark of night.

The world is absolutely still this evening. I can't even hear the crickets. The moon is just a sliver and the stars are hiding in the blackness. I wonder just how many universes and planets and people like me are in the infinity. What does infinity look like? And if God is up there somewhere in all that infinity, could he really know my deepest desires? I am just one in all of the infiniteness of the universe. Could it be that God is in me?

In the quiet of this early morn, I look out into the blackness of space and wonder what lies beyond the stars. In the perfect grandeur of the universe, there are no mistakes. I am where I am supposed to be. You, reading this, are where you're supposed to be. When I wake in the morning, I will go to work and follow the same patterns of the previous Monday's and I will be where I'm supposed to be. What is to become of me on Tuesday? May I live in each moment. Have a GREAT week!

Drive-By Post

Wow... it's been a few days since I had time to post anything.

I've been quite busy with my move from the North Shore of O'ahu to Central O'ahu. Husband, myself and my brother got almost everything moved in on Thursday, last week. We rented a U-Haul and slammed everything into it. It took us just under an hour to unload everything. I'm so grateful for my brother being there to help my husband. Although I'm quite a strong young lady, they did all the heavy lifting. Yayy for big favors!

Saturday was spent cleaning up our old apartment. I'm so grateful to the carpet cleaning guy... A-1 Spotless Cleaning... we got turned around at Sunset, trying to go south. Due to an accident, we had to head back north and go all the way around the island to get to our destination. Those who know how it works on Kamehameha Hwy can probably TOTALLY understand! Either case, the accident set our timeline back by 2 hours and the carpet guy waited for us! On top of the normal fee of $75 I tipped him a dubb. Yayy for big favors!

Sunday was spent unpacking, placing things where they needed to be, hanging clothes on hangers and lounging! The evening time, husband and I went to watch our nieces sing. They are 9 and 7 and they sing so beautifully. It was so grand.

And well, that's what I've been up to! I'll be catching up soon.

Random Ramblings

I have no direction today. No serious thoughts or playful memories to share. All I have in front of me is a blank screen that beckons me to write something. Anything!

My day's have been swallowed up by trips to Mililani, searching for an apartment to move to. We have discharged moving to the continental U.S. for right now. That decision might creep up on us in the future but for right now, we're settling in Mililani for the next couple of months.

My night's are spent reading. I'm trying to get through Eat Pray Love. I'm a third of the way through. The book reads like a diary of thoughts; like a blog! She references sensuality to many of her experiences in Italy. Sometimes it's overwhelming. I look forward to her experience in the ashram. Maybe that will bring some spiritual epiphany's for the author or maybe even for me.

I would love to sit at the foot of a Buddhist monk and study for a couple of months. What an experience that would be. I don't know the logistics of how that would work. However, Husband and I have been looking for work abroad. We have also considered the Peace Corp. That might assist with my desire to study the Buddha or to experience an ashram.

Well, whatever great thing is in store for husband and I... we're ready!

25 Things (from my FaceBook)

1. I am currently suffering from INSOMNIA... it's 133am and I'm still up.

2. I would like to visit the Great Wall of China soon and do some genealogy while I'm in China. All the people that I meet, straight from China, have a hard time believing that I'm Chinese. Why is that? hahahahahaha

3. I have driven from Oakland, California to Hinesville, Georgia... and it was a ride to remember!

4. I have driven from St Louis, Missouri to Key West, Florida... it took us 25 hours of straight driving!

5. I feel like I am a nomad -- would love to bounce from place to place and never have to settle anywhere. Every couple of years, I get up and go... somewhere. My life is in constant need of change.

6. My most favorite thing to do is read and write. I am compelled to be the storyteller for my family and the family history expert.

7. Life is too short to be unhappy!

8. I enjoy "date night" with my husband. We always have a good time.

9. I am seriously ADDICTED to Nintendo Wii!

10. I love to hear live bands... especially live R&B bands. They used to have one that played at Aron's (Atop the Ala Moana hotel) on Saturday nights but they've replaced it with a DJ. Boring!

11. I have been to Europe. The next time I go, I would like to spend a whole month in Italy. The food is sooooo delicioso!!! The cathedral's are so beautiful. The architecture, breathtaking! 7 days in Rome. 7 days in Venice. 7 days in Florence. 7 days in Milan. Even then, the trip would be too short!

12. I can barely stand this 60 degree weather we've been having lately. Even though I've endured colder.

13. I miss my friends from high school dearly! I miss how we all used to hang out EVERY SINGLE day at school. Is that stupid? lol

14. I am in desperate need of a massage. Do you know of anyone that I can go to?

15. I wish there was a Roller Skating rink around here. I LOVE to roller skate... especially to disco music! Sometimes I'm a Bee Gee's junkie!

16. I would love to see Erykah Badu perform live. If you have seen her perform, can you tell me all about it?

17. One of my favorite books is called Shark Dialogues. The story is set in Hawai'i. One of the main, female characters is a Hawaiian activist. She totally rocks and I can so identify with that character!

18. I would like to buy a beach truck real soon. I used to have a beach truck and I miss having the convenience of having a truck.

19. I have become very interested in guided meditations. It is so soothing and such a stress-reliever!

20. I love to watch Judge Judy, Judge Mathis, and The People's Court. I DVR every episode then watch it during dinner.

21. One of my favorite movies of all time is Braveheart, starring Mel Gibson. I love the soundtrack to that movie!

22. I bought a new camera and carry it around everyday, just waiting for a Kodak moment! I dropped my old camera in the ocean on MLK Day but it's okay because I've been meaning to upgrade!

23. I think I would like to buy a home within the next year. Hopefully it will be here in Hawai'i. We'll see where the Lord places us!

24. I would love to have a house, set on an acre of land with my own fish pond of edible fish. I would like a piece of the acre to have lots of trees... maybe a banana patch, a mango tree, an ulu tree, and an avocado tree. I would like to have a water feature of some sort so that I can always hear running water.

25. I am utterly, 100% in love with my husband. He keeps me centered and always on the straight & narrow!

I've been under the weather the past couple of days. I have a terrible head cold. Let it be gone by tomorrow. Also, stress from having to make grown-up decisions has me thoroughly pre-occupied and very uninspired. Thus, having zero energy to put together a coherent piece.

I took out my sketchbook this evening, listened to beautiful music, and waited to feel the magic of creation. Nothing. I put the pencil to the paper and all I could muster was a few figures, random faces at different angles, and what I am calling a lion with a full mane. Have I lost my muse? I'm so hungry to create!

I didn't realize how much energy it takes for me to write my novel. I have the whole story in my head. I even have all the different characters thought up. All I have to do is put it to paper. I debate inside my head whether I should handwrite the entire novel or type it out on the ole laptop. I think there's a great connection to the source of creativity when it's being handwritten. My personal diary is a reflection of the creativity that happens when I handwrite. **sigh**

Husband and I purchased a really nice camera this past weekend. 10 megapixels, 18x zoom. After I took beautiful pictures at the beach on MLK Day, I was running toward the shore and dropped my reliable Sony camera into the salt water. So it definitely needed to be replaced. I've been meaning to upgrade anyway so it works out perfect. I'm glad I was able to rescue the memory card, at least. The camera has such awesome features. I took pictures of the flowers and ferns at my mothers house. The amount of detail is AMAZING!

Well, hopefully I'll have more energy to put together a meaningful piece tomorrow.

Back to Reality : Random Ramblings

Well my Southern Holiday is over! I'm happy to be home mostly because of the moisture in the air. Serious! I thought Alabama was as humid as it is in Hawai'i -- which would mean that my nose wouldn't bleed every day and my skin wouldn't be so dry... but I was wrong. Maybe it's because in the continental U.S. people spend so much time indoors where there is zero humidity. That's probably it! I'm just glad to have this moisture back in the air.

I have dreaded coming back to work. Aside from the pay, I actually enjoy my job. However, I just been feeling like I am outgrowing this position and there's no room to grow or increase my pay. I am definitely craving change. I've started applying to different jobs and planning to make a move out of the community I currently live in. It's time to go back to the central part of the island. Of all the places I've lived on this island, that would be my favorite part. Husband and I have set a target date to be out of our current living situation by the end of June. But who knows where the Lord will place us? I am so open to the journey!

Lately, my dreams have been very enlightening... almost spooky at how it answers my deepest questions!

This is the beginning of 2009 and I have the same goals as I did last year:
1. Release 50 pounds FOREVER!
2. Bare a child/ren!
I'm determined to make at least #1 happen since my cousin asked me to be her Matron of Honor in her July wedding! #2 is entirely up to the Lord. I'm ready. I'm willing. It's up to Him to allow me the opportunity to be a mother.

It's back to reality for me... after such a relaxing vacation in Alabama!

Hauoli Makahiki Hou

Isn't this pic beautiful? There's a seal that ALWAYS basks in the sun on this beach.... and it happens to be like a quarter mile from the crib. LOL...

Hauoli Makahiki Hou...that means Happy New Year in Hawaiian. This is how you pronounce it...
HOW-OH-LEE
MA-KA-HEE-KEE
HOE

Thanks ShellyP for pulling me outta my slump! LOL...

Let's see, where do I begin?... I been so busy with the Holidays and a host of other things that I haven't been able to LURK around the blog world. I so enjoy that.

2005 was quite an experience for my immediate and extended family. Early in the year, husband and I went to Cancun. That experience has changed our lives for the better. We continue to step further and further towards the path we want to be on. I'm happy to say we're skipping along it now.

The summer of 2005 was a serious period of transition for husband and I. We BOTH kicked cigarettes and alcohol in June. However, we did backslide on Independence Day but only for that day then we were back at abstinence. That was kinda tough but its not so bad anymore. In fact, I can't imagine picking up a cigarette now. Also during Summer 2005, I cut ties with some of the influences in my life that seemed to lead me down dark paths. I returned to church, started playing piano and organ again and even started singing in the choir again as well. It's amazing what sobriety has done for me.

The fall of 2005 saw the tragic passing of my cousin, Tiara. REST IN PEACE. She was only 23 and left behind three children. In that same week, my Uncle Bill passed in Tennessee. He had returned to his home from my cousins funeral and died the VERY next day. It was tragic. So while my mother was away attending BOTH funerals, I was at home holding the fort down with my two younger brothers.

The end of 2005 brought another death. My aunt passed. She had a stroke a couple of years back and had suffered 'til her death. I think she held on for so long because her family was just falling apart. Her oldest child and her youngest were both in attendance. The eldest dressed in orange, the youngest dressed in green, both shackled and attended by state prison guards. My heart couldn't even be happy to see them because I knew that it'd be the last time I'd see them. **heavy sigh**

After all that change and transition, heartache and pain, I know that 2006 is the year for my family. I can just feel it in my bones and I'm very excited.