I'm In Love With Another Man

My 16-year old niece shared this song with me over the Christmas Break. I'm In Love With Another Man performed by Jazmine Sullivan. Scroll down, I embedded the YouTube video at the bottom of this post. Maybe you can play it while you read this post.

I don't know if she understands the lyrics of the song but she had this on repeat (along with The Greatest Showman soundtrack) every day. Today, as I did my lunchtime walkabout around the State Capitol here in Columbia, South Carolina, the song came up on my playlist. As I listened to the lyrics and to the nuances of Jazmine's voice and the rising intensity of the song, I hoped that my niece identifies with that rather than the lyrics. Surely, she's much too limited in experience to understand the dilemma, right?!

As I made my way along the sidewalks of Downtown Columbia, I placed the song on REPEAT. I was immediately thrown back to the spring of 1994. My boyfriend at the time was a lovely man. Well, without divulging too much about myself in relation to him, we were in love even with all the obstacles that should have kept us apart. I thought I was in love. I thought what he and I had was love. Up until that point, what he and I had is what I would define as LOVE. Then one hot and sunny April day, while my boyfriend was away for work, I met someone else.

I wish I could say that I was a good girlfriend and turned away from the advances of the "someone else." But I didn't. I had a terrible headache the day I met someone else and I was grouchy, tired, probably dehydrated, and I just wanted to sleep. My friends that I was hanging with were in full-party-mode and the chances were slim of me finding somewhere to lay my head to rest and nurse my aching head.

If I could, could forget him
I would, please believe me
And I know that I should throw the towel in
But baby, it's not, not that easy
You treat me so much better than him
And if I were sane there'd be no competition

The song's lyrics set up a likely dilemma for a soap opera. Girl has a boyfriend. Girl falls in love with someone else. Someone else is not as nice as her boyfriend but she wants to break from her boyfriend anyway. My situation in 1994 is almost like that but not. I had a boyfriend and I meet someone else and fall in love with someone else. However, unlike the lyrics of the song, someone else treated me just as good, if not better than the boyfriend. So the position of the song doesn't quite fit with my situation but it reminded me of it nonetheless.

I wish I could say that my break from the boyfriend was drama free but it so wasn't. Someone Else stood by me through the many ups and downs that accompanied a relationship with me and the crazy break up with my boyfriend. I knew he was going to be someone special to me the minute I laid my eyes on him. We were driving past him and his friends. He was sitting on a car laughing. I will never forget that strange feeling I had when I saw him and this was before we even met formally. Like I said, I wish I were a better girlfriend and remained true to my man but that was not in the stars. Someone else stole me away. Well, I wouldn't say stole because I went with him willingly. Whole-heartedly.

It was just going to be a fling. That's what I had put into my mind. Boyfriend would never be the wiser. That is not how it turned out. When "someone else" and I met, there was a definite buzz between us. Electricity. Sparks. Flames. Hell, it was a fire even with the gnawing headache that I was nursing. After meeting that Sunday evening, flirting, we exchanged numbers then parted ways. There was no denying the attraction between us and I was curious where the sparks would lead.

MONDAY LUNCH TIME - He calls me. We make plans to meet up again. I was so impressed that he called when he said he would.... and the butterflies fluttered aimlessly through my belly.

MONDAY NIGHT - A few of my girls accompanied me to his apartment. After all, we just met and I wasn't comfortable going there by myself. His room mates were there also. And with all the people around us, both he and I just wanted to be alone. The animal attraction between us was sparking hotter than it was the night before. We were both being polite for all the other people there. If they weren't there, our lips would have locked a whole lot sooner. Instead, we kissed as I was attempting to leave with my girls and the rest is history.

I saw him the entire time that boyfriend was off on a work trip. I was instantly smitten by "the someone else" and I knew I could not return to my boyfriend. I tried. I really did. Someone else and I even agreed to continue seeing each other even after my boyfriend returned. I was not happy with boyfriend. Suddenly, he wasn't enough. I tried to pretend that nothing happened while boyfriend was away but I could not forget the way someone else made me feel, the endless conversations we had, how he loved my body, how I felt so safe, and there was just no way to deny that I had fallen madly, deeply in love with someone else.

Oh but when I'm with him, but when I'm with him
When I'm with him, ain't nothing else like it
I'm so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can't go on pretending
Cause I love him, I love him
And I'm so sorry, do you hear me?
I'm so sorry but I love that man
I love that man

In the end - it happened just like the song.

I'm in love with another man
And I'm so sorry, hey
But I love someone else

March Madness: Prom

My High School Alma Mater held their annual Junior/ Senior Prom this past weekend. I had a blast helping my baby boy get through it all. He was a nervous wreck throughout the entire week. This was his first and only formal event. When I was in high school I went to EVERYTHING. Every single banquet. Every single prom. Every single winter ball. I attended every single event with a different date so I had a lot of practice interacting with persons of the opposite sex. Anyway, here are some of the pics that I snapped.

Classic Looks

I love her dress. Classic. Elegant!

One of my favorite pictures of the day.

Flower. Flowers... my favorite ones too... Red and White Roses!

I didn't really like the LADY GAGA-esque look but to each his own. She rocked it.

Very nice.

Both of these boys... my babies! They grew up so fast. **sigh**

My baby boy and his date... very nice pic!

My other baby boy and his date.

Loved this dress. Very classy!

One of my favorite dresses of the evening!

Another favorite dress. All the beading and sequins was very nice!

The yellow dress was OUTSTANDING!

Another favorite dress!

I love their style!

Puanani blew me away with this dress. It is a hit!

This was the MOST original color dress of the evening. Very nice!

Courtship, Movies, and Me

I remember watching the movie Pretty Woman, starring Julia Roberts, when I was in high school. My friends and I fawned over the modern-day cinderella fairy tale where the prince elevates the lass out of her unfortunate condition. Julia Roberts, the small-town-girl turned prostitute, is Cinderella. Richard Gere, a financial tycoon, is the prince who happens to be an emotional retard. They are drawn together by a set of circumstances and the prince begins to court the girl.

Courting seems like a dead art nowadays. The 'build-up', the liking stage, the passing notes back and forth during class, the talking on the phone or the meetings in the library have all but faded away. Conveniently, it has all been replaced by instant messaging, MySpace, Facebook, and unlimited texts. I can't say that one way of courting is better than the other. Just different.

There's a scene in the movie where the prince sends the "ho" shopping so she can get better quality clothing to be able to accompany him to business events. Because his pockets are lined with cash, he is able to command the full attention of the staff in the boutique. What woman would not want an all-access pass to their favorite store and be waited on, hand and foot? Another memorable scene in the movie shows Julia Roberts in a red velvet gown. Richard Gere accompanies her to a limousine, heads to the airport to board a private jet, and they are whisked away to San Francisco to attend an opera. Does this ever happen in real life? Do movies like this shape our expectations of a prospective life partner?

As we age, the dreams of being whisked away from our present conditions become but a fading fascination. Over time we deal with men who grow up with a different reality. They don't grow up wanting to be Richard Gere, searching for a woman to sweep off their feet. If they do, what are the odds that "he" will end up on your doorstep? Many of the guys I grew up with were fixated on being an action hero, think David Banner whose temper turned him into the Incredible Hulk or Clark Kent whose ultra-shy persona gave way to Superman whenever the world was in crisis. There were the guys infatuated with becoming a Kung Fu superstar ala Bruce Lee or even Bruce Leroy (Taimak's character in The Last Dragon). Some even grew up thinking that Doughboy from Boyz N the Hood was a worthy role model, that Jake Heke in Once Were Warriors was the ideal husband. I surmise that the "heroes" in our lives play a big part in who will be. Though I love watching Pretty Woman, that's not the story I would write. My husband loves watching sci-fi but I know an alien won't pop out of his abdomen anytime soon. I will never marry Wolverine or scamper off to 7th Heaven with Bruce Leroy. Yet these are the images we see that show us what "courting" is like or even how relationships should progress.

In the final moments of Pretty Woman, Richard Gere rides up to Julia Roberts run-down apartment in his "chariot", a white limousine, drawing his modern-day sword, an umbrella, and climbs up the fire escape to collect his damsel. Que the music, roll the credits, and the movie is over. When exactly did he "court" her? When he paid for her services? After he took her on a shopping spree? After she escorted him to a business dinner or a social event at the polo field? When exactly did the courting happen? By the way, I happen to love the brown dress she wore to the polo field, coupled with that hat -- the outfit was a real class act for the bourgeouis country-club folk! In real life, when does the courting happen?

I think of some of the closest people in my life. I have an aunt who had a fairy tale wedding, complete with 8 bridesmaids and groomsmen. 15 years into the marriage and six children later, the husband has an affair and the marriage becomes irretrievably broken, yet they stay together for another eight years. They finally divorced last year and I just found out that he just married a woman with five children. Is that the going trend?

A woman very close to me is pregnant with her third child (all of them have the same father) and is still unmarried. Did she even understand the "courting" ritual or just the mating part? I know a woman who refuses to marry because marriage would make her ineligible for Section 8 housing. Is the modern romance more similar to Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns? Has courting digressed to sex and children first before marriage? Is marriage even an option anymore? I'm not sure if FDR foresaw the trend of young women choosing to be single to qualify for welfare when he made that a requirement to receive aid. If you were married, you became ineligible. Whatever the reason for the growing trend of broken marriages and single-parent homes, I suppose it gives me fuel to keep my marriage going, to be a part of the statistic for couples that stay together.

My husband and I are part of an eternal pair. Though our courtship wasn't exactly what fairytales are made of, we are committed to keeping our love alive. Sometimes it gets hard. We're approaching our sixth wedding anniversary this coming Saturday. Sometimes it's hard to be in love but I'm hanging on to preserve the eternal pair that we've become. My fairy tale will progress through eternity, God-willing.