3 Things: How Can I Get Her To Be Interested In More?

A gentleman asks, "How can I get this lady interested in more between us?"

He relates that the two of them have been flirting for months and he wants to move it past the flirting stage.

These conversations are always such an eye opener for me. I don't have the answers. If I did, I would not be a single woman at 43. I'm not one of those girls that flirts. The way my mother raised me, a woman should NEVER use her femininity to manipulate someone. As such, I have always been uncomfortable doing the typical flirt thing that I see so many women do. I think of myself as a sweetheart, agreeable, accommodating. It is genuinely me even though someone that is so close to me said that it comes off as FAKE. I understand that she looks at the world in such a different way than I do and she is entitled to her opinion of me but I am NOT fake.

In any case, I have but three points to make when it comes to taking a friendship to something more, possibly something romantic.


#1 OPPORTUNITY
There will always be a window of opportunity for you to make a move. I cannot say that there are specific examples because every single situation is different. Even if you think you've been "friend zoned" an opportunity will arise and you have to be ready to take it. You have to be ready to move on it. This search for love and companionship can be rough but it doesn't have to be. In fact the ones that move smoothly like a river flowing to the sea are the ones that I have enjoyed the most.


#2 EFFORT and CONSISTENCY
This is, by far, the most important part of making a woman take notice of you. Make the effort to call her in the morning and throughout the day. Make the effort to show that you are into her. I love surprises! I had a boyfriend who used to surprise me all the time with flowers or he would show up at my job with a treat. Sometimes he'd show up at the house, unannounced, and he'd whisk me away for a meal somewhere. On my days off, he'd pick me up and take me to watch the sunset. He lived an hour and fifteen minutes away from me so doing all these things was no small feat. I ended up breaking his heart. I never did apologize to him but I suppose it would be pointless at this stage of life because this was over twenty years ago. Anyway, every woman appreciates effort and consistency!!


#3 SHE WANTS TO BE SEEN
Although it is very flattering to be physically desired, I would prefer to be "seen." To be really seen for who I am, for my heart, my soul, my intelligence. It is one of the most annoying things when a man approaches me leading with sex. After a night of clubbing, a friend of mine and I were at a diner. It had to be 4 in the morning. We get up to leave and pay our bill. There are a few people ahead of us and a few behind us. I was wearing a mini-dress with my legs all the way out there. This guy looked about the same age as me mid-40's, maybe early 50's. He kept staring at me. Smiling. Winking. It was kind of annoying even though he was very attractive. I'm continuing to talk to my friend and we're laughing. When we get to the cashier, we pay, and we're about to walk out. The guy that was smiling at me stops me before I walk out the door. He grabs my arm and whispers, "All I been imagining since I saw you walk in is your legs wrapped around my face." I was so irritated. I looked him dead in his eyes and said, "Other girls might think that's cute. Not me though. You coming at me all sideways." Then I walked away. Anyway, a real woman wants to be admired for her heart and soul, her intelligence, not her physical features. Again, it's flattering to be desired that way and it's important to express that she is beautiful but DO NOT express it in a sexual way. You're welcome!

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FOLLOW ME

Dear Soldier, Welcome Home! Love, Me

I complain so often about the government and the powers-that-be but I am truly grateful to have been born under the premise of freedom. The other night I was able to welcome my "sister" (she's actually my cousin but we are truly sisters in every sense of the word) back home from Iraq. Though we differ greatly on U.S. policy and the big picture of it all, we are endeared! She spent the last year in Iraq and I was able to send her snail-mail letters throughout her deployment. She didn't have much time to respond except in lengthy emails. I didn't mind at all as I considered it a privilege to be able to support her, long distance. A few days later, we welcomed her husband home. It was an awesome experience. I'm glad we were able to be there.

I absolutely love having someone to write real letters to. There's just nothing like pretty Hallmark cards and beautiful stationery. I don't think many people in my generation still appreciate that kind of aesthetic. I remember when Husband served in Iraq, I wrote him every single day. Husband went to Iraq as part of a rear detachment. In other words, the unit he was sent to had already been in Iraq for a couple of months. He said that when he arrived at the unit, he was already overflowing with letters from me. People in his unit that didn't know him were wondering who SGT WILLIAMS was because he had received so many letters.

I have an entire binder of my letters to him. In fact, he has a few letters that he didn't open just because there were so many of them. In the fast pace of today's world, there is no cooling off period or waiting time. It's like society has become a hustle and bustle of "i-want-it-now" people. I catch myself being the same way also and I have to remind myself that nothing is ever that urgent. Well, at least the acquisition of "stuff" is not urgent.

I just think that there is so much to be said about correspondence. In one of my favorite movies, Sex and the City: The Movie (Widescreen Edition) Kerry, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, mentions to Mr. Bigg about all the great love letters written by men. She's wondering what he would say, if he ever wrote a letter to her.

When husband was in Iraq, he sent me the sweetest letters. We had only been married a month when he got shipped out to the big sandbox in the Middle East. The timeline of our relationship goes like this...
April 2003, we meet.
June 2003, he gets orders to be stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas and leaves Hawai'i.
August 2003, we rendezvous in Alabama and "break up" for good.
September 2003, he proposes. I reject.
November 2003, we marry in Illinois.
December 2003, he's off to Iraq.
It's pretty amazing to see the progression of our relationship. Here we are, nearly 7 years into our marriage. The growth that has occurred as a couple and as individuals is astounding. I thank the Heavens for giving us the strength to see it through.

Anyway, as I was saying -- his letters were so sweet. We barely knew each other. The depth of our love now blows away the 'high school crush' status we had when we first got married. I remember when I attended his welcome home ceremony upon his return from Iraq, I was so excited to see him. I remember seeing him walk in. I had the biggest smile on my face and fluttering butterflies in my belly. I still feel like that when I look at my husband... sometimes. LOL

At the house I had spelled out "I <3 You" on the floor with Hershey Kisses and a sign on the door that said... "Now that I've kissed the ground that you walk on...etc. etc." It opened up to our bed all made up and a little basket of "stuff". It was cute. I'm grateful for all that time apart. It was an experience. Reuniting was magical and all the insecurity of being apart for so long had dissipated.

The time apart seemed to have endeared us to each other. He knew that I loved him... loved him enough to write him every single day. Every couple of weeks I'd send him a goody box also. I don't think anyone else wrote him, no one from his family even dropped him a line. Sad. For Valentines I sent him a candy-gram. (I have a picture of it somewhere but I'm too lazy to dig it out.) Husband's superior wanted to meet me because he had never ever seen a candy-gram and was intrigued by my creativity. LOL... this stuff is so common around home base. At the end of the day though, I was just glad to have my husband home, all in one piece.

Soul Mates?

What is a soul mate?

The term is used so loosely that the original beauty of the concept is lost.

Out of billions and billions of people, how can JUST ONE man complete me? What are the odds of running into that person? Is our coincidental meeting destined in the stars? Was it written before time that I'd love just one man? Well, I'm not here to answer these questions... those were just rhetorical.

All through my first marriage, I believed desperately that he was THE ONE. He was that ONE MAN that could complete me. I believed, past tense, that my first husband was my soul mate. The man that connected to me on every level. Is that what a soul mate is? A connection? If that defines the term then it is safe to assume that our soul mates could be of the same gender? I don't know.

My first marriage ended in divorce. That connection between he and I was lost the minute we signed those papers. My ideas on living with and loving my soul mate had vanished. Cuz if he truly was my soul mate, we would have made it through ANY storm. So I came to the conclusion that 1 - either he wasn't my soul mate or 2 - the concept DID NOT exist.

My ex has served his purpose in my life. He wasn't my soul mate. That's for sure. I guess I can chalk it up as a learning experience. It really was. The hurt he caused me occasionally creeps up into my current relationship. I have to beat back all that hurt. Surely I cannot bring that baggage into what I have now. The man I love now should not be accountable for my hurt from the past.

L.A.W. makes me believe in soul mates cuz he just may be mine. Only after an eternity of being together can we really know if we were made for each other. I'm excited about our journey together cuz I believe in him as he believes in me. Thank you Lord for sending me my hero.