Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I feel so blessed that you are a part of my life. There have been times that we've drifted apart but we always find our way back to each other and pick up wherever we left off. We can sit for hours talking about everything and nothing. I cherish that type of conversation but more than that, I love that you know parts of my history that I don't even have to explain. And because you have seen me repeat the same mistakes over and over, you know when to push me and when to just step back and let me go through it. I think of the times that I have fallen apart with you, crying the ugly cry on your couch. It speaks to your character and your ability to receive me without judging the dumb things that I have done. I never let people see me weak the way that you have seen me and I appreciate that you can see my flaws and call me on them while still being supportive and encouraging. I love that you can see goodness in me because sometimes I need a little reminder that I am kinda smart, and I am kinda talented, and I am kinda beautiful, and I am kinda worthy of goodness. Everyone should have the type of friendship/sisterhood that we enjoy. I can't imagine not having it.

We rang in the New Year together this year and vowed that we would make this year the best yet. I am not disappointed. We did Vegas in March. When I moved into my own place, you and Skeet drove down Memorial Day weekend to "warm" my house up. You filled my linen closet with sheets and comforters and towels and I can't even begin to say how much that meant to me. You threw me the best birthday weekend. The party was non-stop even with your wife and mommy duties. And here we are turning up on your birthday/Labor Day weekend. You always had the best birthday parties when we were back home. Oh my goodness the good times we had in Waialua. The gallons and gallons of jungle juice. The extremely large cooler of every drink imaginable. The food! The music! Good times, I tell ya. A lifetime of it. And there's still more to be had.


WHAT I ADMIRE ABOUT YOU

• I love your sense of style. Our shopping trips are the best! And we are always exchanging clothes. I'm happy that the red dress that I love so much looks wayyyy better on you than it does me. Sad to see it go but happy that it fits you like a glove. And I love that we both love to work the thrift stores. I can't imagine buying regular priced items when we can get EVERYTHING we want at a thrift store.
• I love how giving you are. I can say, "Ooh I love that," and you will take it off the shelf or off a hanger and give it to me.
• I love to watch you "work" a room. You have a way with people that makes them feel welcomed and appreciated - not all the time... but most of the time.  
• I love how you are very clear about your expectations of people in your life. There are no gray areas and you remain 100% YOU no matter who is standing in front of you. That realness, that genuineness, that authenticity is hard to come by and I am learning to be my most authentic by watching you be you.
• I love the way you mother your children. Both of your sons are respectful, intelligent, and kind souls.
• I love how much I feel at home with your family and your husband's family. It's like I'm already family. The fact that I am comfortable calling your mother-in-law, "Mom," says a lot about how you made them aware of my significance in your world. Best friends do that kinda shit.  
• I love how you always know what to say to build me up. On really rough days when I'm sad or lonely, you know the exact time to call and the exact words to say. You will pull examples from our past to let me know that I've overcome hardship before.

WHAT I WISH FOR YOU

• ...That HEALTH and WELLNESS will attend you and yours
• ...That you will always experience LOVE in your relationships
• ...That you will be fulfilled by LIFE's challenges and triumphs
• ...That you will find richness and ABUNDANCE in the coming days and years
• ...That you will CELEBRATE you all throughout your life

But most of all, my wish for you is that your dreams are filled with happiness and that you will find joy in every waking moment.

Happy 43rd Birthday, Best Friend! I cannot think of a single place that I would rather be than here in Maryland, celebrating your special day with you and yours.

Alofa Tele,


NeenaLove


P.S. This letter is about a week late but better late than never. I actually started writing it before I drove up to your house with the intention of finishing it while I was there. With all our turn-up and turn-down going on, I didn't have time. Charge it to my inability to plan out my time properly. No surprise there. Haha

Someone Waiting Home

I traveled to Las Vegas recently with my best friend. We have both had a rough couple of years with separate life trials. A Girl's Trip seemed an appropriate way to, sort of, decompress. She just went through 18 months of dealing with her young son having cancer. Thankfully, he is in remission. Me, of course, I am dealing with the divorce from my husband of thirteen years. Aside from the wonderful activities we engaged in, from shopping and gambling to attending world-class shows, much of our time was spent talking through our pent up emotions. The really deep discussions always ended up with both of us sobbing our eyes out. And actually the joyous conversations, where we celebrated our small triumphs, also ended in tears - of happiness of course.

At the end of our trip, as we made our way to separate gates, I thought to myself that she's overflowing with love (after a much needed getaway) and she gets to go home to a family that's anticipating her arrival. For a quick second I felt sorry for myself as I had no one waiting at home for me. There was no one to pick me up from the airport. There was no one that was missing me and waiting for me to come home. At the end of my journey was an empty bed and no one to share all the fun experiences I had in Vegas. There are perks to being single and being completely free to operate without permission from another person, however the perks are sometimes unfulfilling. I hope that when I do find someone who loves me the same way that I love, that he will never stifle my desire to be free.

My ex and I was texting the other day and he asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said, "YES." I was surprised at how emotional I became with our conversation. He said he was not seeing anyone and reminded me how he always used to say that if we didn't work out that he would be done with relationships. And we did always say that. I said I would never marry again if we ever split NEVER thinking that we would ever split. I thought he was my forever. I didn't have a Plan B. I don't have a Plan B. I'm figuring it out every single day.

ME: I never wanted to be alone in life. I don't like being alone.
HIM: I just do
ME: To each his own. It's rough trying to get to know someone new. I'm too old for this.
HIM: Yea that's why I don't.
ME: I like being a wife.
HIM: You about to get married?
ME: No. Hell no. I'm just saying I like being a wife.

And there, that last statement explains it all.

I do like being a wife. The clearly defined roles in a relationship from the past are changing or have changed. Most modern women shy away from the domestic duties that come with relationships. I enjoy it. Serving my home is how I show my love. My love is big, It's generous. It's loyal. And I only want to share that with one person. I don't want to spread myself out even though that seems to be the trend of the dating world. In return, however, I want the same big love and loyalty and genuine affection.

As I boarded the plane in Las Vegas with the final destination being Charlotte, North Carolina, the only thing I could think of is the empty home waiting for me. And this season that I'm in, unmarried and childless, I suppose is my time to chase and achieve every single dream I have ever dreamed. There is nothing holding me back except myself. I resolved, on that flight, to not sit in self-pity because my home is empty. I resolved to fill it with all my hopes and all my dreams and with pure, self-love. I vowed to use this time, use the pain of a broken heart to push me into a life bigger than I can currently imagine for myself. My home is full of love because my heart is full of love and though my heart is a little banged up right now, I still BELIEVE in love! And why do I still believe in and search for love even after experiencing so much heart ache? In all the ways a person loves and seeks love, what is the thing that makes the pursuit of it all worthwhile?

Home. I want HIM to feel like home.

Homage to the Sisterhood

If there is anything that I have learned over the past 20 months, it is the unbelievable amount of support I have. I am extremely humbled and so grateful for the many souls that continue to push me, support me, and encourage me. The past 20 months has truly been difficult; full of so much change and discovery, a myriad of emotions, tears, grief, triumph, fear, and love. Sweet Love. And with all of the ups and the downs, I feel so alive. I feel like I am living at the edge of my previously well-defined limits and pushing, ever pushing my known boundaries. This move to South Carolina, at first, was so scary. I was terrified and yet I felt so excited and invigorated. I still feel so invigorated by being here.

There is so much that I have discovered about myself. I fight against the old me that says, "I can't." In reality, I am discovering that, "I Can and I Will..." I will live my biggest dream. The path ahead is unknown except that I will do whatever it takes to publish, to extend my entrepreneurship beyond its current limitations, and move ever so quickly into prosperity. Breaking through my limitations is difficult only that I have known one way for all of my life. I saw my parents do it and I do it now - the comfort of a job with salary and benefits. I feel myself falling into that comfortable, familiar place where everything is predictable and I swore that I would never be that girl again. I don't want to fall into the hum drum of predictability. And going to a 9 to 5, I feel so underutilized. I know how many talents and gifts I have been blessed with and it is wasting away at a regular job because this regular job requires so little of me. It is NOT challenging. **sigh**

I need constant reminders from people holding me accountable. My closest friends/family are ON ME about the goals and things I said I would achieve. And when they check me and I give a million excuses for why I haven't done what I said I would do I am reminded to get back on the wagon and write and put into action all of my grand plans.

I just want to say how grateful I am for the women and men that push me and prod me into productivity. I want to say thank you to the ladies (and my brothers) that lets me cry it out until my vision is clear. And surely they must be tired of my swollen eyes full of tears, snot running down my face, ugly cry and yet they still listen. I want to say thank you to my popps who never judges me and allows me to blossom in my own way. He really gets me and he is always there when I need him. ALWAYS! I am ever grateful for the husbands of the wives who are my closest friends. Surely, those women would not be able to support me in ALLLL of my times of need without the willingness of their husbands. So even though the title of the blog is an Homage to the Sisterhood, I know that there are men behind the scenes that support me too.

I am learning to trust my own voice. I commit to trusting the power in my thoughts and in my words. Though I value the words of those closest to me, ultimately, I am the one that must follow my authentic path. I see so clearly my rising star. I welcome it. I am happy to accept the responsibility that comes with all my gifts and talents.

Bestie Trip : Vegas Edition

This past weekend I went to Vegas with the bestie. We had both talked about doing a girls trip for a long time and it just happened to be our 25th High School Reunion. So we went and had a blast. Thank you to her hubby for agreeing to this trip.

One of the things that makes her my bestie is that I NEVER have to hide my true feelings from her, no matter what is going on in my life. I am NEVER afraid to speak my truth with her. She never judges, never makes me feel bad for wanting what I want even if it makes NO SENSE to her. And the funny thing is that most times, she can see through my facade when I'm trying to "fake it" and usually calls me on it after entertaining me for awhile. I feel no shame if I begin to sob my eyes out because 100% of the time, she's sobbing her eyes out with me.

Every time we get together we do a little bit of everything. We do some partying, pampering at the spa, we've added gambling to our fun-things-to-do (even before this trip), watch some really good shows, movies, shopping, eating. We even snuck in a visit to a psychic (so random) and a stop at REVOLT Tattoo -- all the while catching up on our lives. And the catching up part is where we let go of all our frustrations and try to make sense of the things happening in our lives, separately.

I cherish the catching-up-part. Especially during this trip. I spoke my truth and I feel so good that I actually admitted it to myself and told my best friend. It's nobody's business what my deepest desire is and when I spoke the words to her - she had the biggest smile and tears of joy that I finally came clean about it. (There is one other person I told but he and I have not spoken since last October.) After unburdening myself from "my truth," I felt different. It was like my mind changed in an instant and I believe that my deepest desire will happen for me.

The first night we arrived, we opened up our bags. We both had bought outfits for each other. She says that the stuff I buy her is wayyy too short and I tell her the stuff she buys for me is too tight or sexy. But it's what we do. We played dress up with all our new outfits before we went out to meet up with our classmates at a Korean Karaoke Bar. Oh my goodness, SoJu is my new drink - peach flavored.

If I talked about everything we did, each day would have its own post. We packed a lot of things into our short weekend. Something we started doing as we left the hotel is take a picture in the full length mirror. I share the pictures below. We always have a good time when we're together. Next girl's trip... NYC?

Green Love Giveaway: Day 4 Winner

This is the winning picture that won the $40 Amazon Card. There are a couple of reasons that I selected this picture. The green is in the background -- the coconut leaf and also the man's shirt. All the dancers in the pic are near and dear to me but ESPECIALLY the chubby cutie with the glasses. I will never ever forget that girl. She left us on February 11th, 2001 - transitioned from this planet to the great somewhere out there in the wide universe. I talk about her throughout the blog but THIS POST is one of my favorites.

There will never be, in this life, another friend like Michele (pronounced ME-SHA-LAY). You know in the Lion King when Simba runs away and meets Pumba and Timon? They regale Simba with Hakuna Ma Tata. No Worries! Our problem-free philosophy. That was Mish. Nothing bothered her and if it did, she held it deep inside and it manifested with cracking the funniest jokes and being the life of the party. I miss her. Wish she were around. Not only was she funny but she loved everybody and was NEVER mean. 

To my dear sis that posted the pic - thank you for reminding me of enduring friendship through the years. Love you!

Valentines Giveaway: Final Challenge

This is the final challenge.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into the drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate!! 

I draw a winner of the $100 Amazon Gift Card on Valentines Day.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 

Challenge #6: Share a picture of what you love to do ONLY ON SUNDAY's. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #7: First Celebrity Crush. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #7

It's Day #7 of my Valentines Giveaway Challenge.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate!!

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 

Challenge #6: Share a picture of what you love to do ONLY ON SUNDAY's. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #6

I can't believe it's DAY 6 ... Challenge #6 of my Valentines Giveaway.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #5

Wow -- late challenge... but here we go anyway.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #4

Good Morning World. Here is Challenge #4!! 4 more days of challenges. Valentines Day - I will draw a winner for the $100 Amazon Gift Card.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove