Thursday, February 22, 2018

Black Panther: A Brief Hawaiian History Lesson and Such



This is a movie review but not really. This is my reaction to Black Panther, the Marvel Comic movie that was just released in theaters. I'm sure you have read all the reviews by prominent journalists and you've watched all the trailers and all the interviews of the cast, the production crew, and the creative staff. But this right here is MY reaction to the movie as a Pacific Island woman.

I think the movie is fantastic whether or not the cast and crew was all-Black or not. I know this has been a source of pride for the African-American community. And they should feel proud and see the possibility in it. There are no limits but the ones that we place on ourselves. The true treasure and the beauty of good story-telling is that the story applies to all people, across all cultures, and socio-economic statuses. The entertainment value can be had across the board. I am not a huge Marvel Comic fan. I don't know all the stories of all the super heroes. I couldn't tell you that Black Panther marries Storm or any of that without someone else telling me. And I don't usually enjoy super-hero-comic-book movies. My ex can testify to the fact that I actually fall asleep in movies like this. However, what piqued my interest in this movie is the fact that the superhero character was not-White.

When I was a little girl, there wasn't anyone that looked like me on T.V. (There still aren't many that look like me but at least there's the Rock, Dwayne Johnson representing the Samoan community. My mother is Samoan and my father is Hawaiian.) I remember being so excited about seeing Tisha Campbell on Rags to Riches. Around the same time, The Cosby Show came on the scene, A Different World, and a slew of other shows that featured not-White people. I say this only to make the point that I was looking for representation in the media. I was looking for something that I could identify with, people that looked more like me, whose experience was similar to mine.

The victory of this movie is that it embeds in the rising generation of not-White people, especially African-Americans, a sense of pride and identity. I remember my ex-husband doing a DNA test from ancestryDOTcom. He being a Black man from Alabama, the difficulty of tracing his roots back to Africa through a paper trail was next to impossible. The DNA test was the best bet to figure out where, exactly, in Africa he is most likely from. The results came back with Cameroon and Benin. The elation he felt just knowing that he had a history outside of American culture was very exciting and I felt joy for his discovery. For me, I had many cultural practices handed down to me by both my mother and father. Rich traditions that I will carry with me until the day I die.


I was born in 1975 at a point in Hawaiian history where the mother-tongue was almost eliminated from the consciousness of Hawaiian people. Although English is the common language used in Hawai'i, it is NOT the language of the aboriginal people of Hawai'i, rather English is the language of the colonizer (United States). The late 70's and early 80's saw a renaissance of Hawaiian culture, the language was revived, navigation of the ocean was revived, cultural protocol and practices were revived, and pride in being a Hawaiian found new life. My father's generation was the first to assimilate into the American way of life. They were not taught the mother-tongue even though it was still spoken at home amongst the older folks. My father says that they were discouraged from learning it as they would need to learn English to be able to operate in America. He swells with pride when he sees his grandchildren speak the mother-tongue today as it reminds him of his childhood. 

The Hawaiian monarchy and Queen Lili'uokalani (lee-lee-ooh-o-ka-lawn-ee) was overthrown by the children of American Christian missionaries in 1893 with the full support of the U.S. Navy. The prominence and wealth of the children of these American Christian missionaries was had on the backs of laborers imported from China, Japan, and the Philipines because the local population (Hawaiian people) were unwilling to work the sugar cane fields. During The American Civil War, the North would import sugar from Hawai'i to cut off economic support to the South. It was a perfect opportunity for those Christian missionaries to profit off the War. This is the reason there is a large population of Asians in Hawai'i and the intermarriage between all the different races has diluted the Hawaiian blood quantum severely. By 1900 Hawai'i was annexed as a territory of the United States and in 1959 (my father was a Senior in High School) Hawai'i became the 50th State. 

In Black Panther we see a kingdom hidden from the world at the precipice of change. It's ability to shield itself from the outside world is probably the reason it was able to exist for millenia WITHOUT outside interference of their way of life. I point out the scene where T'Challa must release his panther powers and rightfully defend his claim to the throne. Their perfect utopic society is admirable steeped in protocol valued more for its tradition rather than necessity. 

I love the way this movie brings forward the strength of the feminine. In Wakanda, the throne is defended by an all-female army. The most poised, loyal, and fierce female warriors are charged with guarding the royal family and protecting the borders of the land. We rarely see this type of archetype in American movies. Most women are portrayed in the media a certain way. It is refreshing that the writers and directors saw fit to give women a powerful presence. 

On the flip side, what are the effects of the shifting gender roles? Recently, the U.S. military repealed regulations that barred women from serving in infantry positions. Women can now join an infantry unit and fight on the front lines in a conflict. Another comic-book-turned-movie, Wonder Woman, also portrayed female warriors. 

We live in an age where the clearly defined roles once assigned based on the sex of a person are being obliterated. What does that mean? It means that there are no clear gender roles anymore. One cannot assume anything about anyone based on their "chosen" gender. For instance, in the past the role of a man in a marriage was to be the provider and the protector. We see that going away as women are now career-oriented and make up a large portion of the workforce. In many cases, Women/Wives are now the breadwinners and some men are now "house husbands."  And now same-sex couples can enter into marriage, there can be no assigned roles based on sex. 

I cannot imagine what the world will look like in five or ten years when the clear gender lines have completely gone away. Generation X, my generation, ushered in this new era of blurred gender roles. We put the first women into the work force and our generation pushed women into College and University en mass. As women become educated and empowered, the gender lines have to go away. It is a natural cause and effect. Where will the millenials take this? Only time will tell.


Saturday, February 17, 2018

Hashtag Perfect Man



I still believe in love. That has been my hashtag as of late. Since the split from my husband back in
September 2016, I had to separate myself from the anguish and pain of lost love and remember that I have value even if he doesn't recognize it right now. And yes, I still believe in love even more now than I did when I was married. I have to.

I believe in the fairy tale. It's not like the Cinderella story where some fabulous Prince comes to sweep me off my feet. Although I would love it if one did, really what I see so clearly in my mind's eye is an around-the-way guy. He would be similar to my father. A jack-of-all-trades.

He's a family man that loves hanging out with my family as much as his own. If he has children, he's a good father that is close to his children and fosters a good relationship with his children's mother(s). It shows maturity when there's healthy co-parenting.

Of course he is tall, dark, and handsome. When I say dark, I really mean DARK.
Like Idris Elba DARK.
Like Djimon Hounsou DARK.
Like Mahershala Ali DARK.

My round-the-way-guy will be handy around the house. I can call my brothers and several cousins to come and fix my garbage disposal but if my man can do it, that would be wonderful. I am pretty sure I could figure it out or find a tutorial on YouTube but can't I just assign that to him?

This guy absolutely CANNOT damper my sense of freedom. I love to travel. I love to hang with my friends on girl trips. I am so trustworthy that me cheating should not even cross his mind when I am on one of my excursions. And if he is suspect it is an indication of where his mind is at and what he is capable of and not a reflection on me. One thing I am, without question, is LOYAL.

He will have charisma. When he walks into a room, he fills it with his presence without saying a single, solitary word.

He will have ambition. His dreams are bigger than life and he is in hot pursuit of them. And if his ambitions are not that big then he will step aside and support all of mine. I have enough big dreams to fill a couple of lifetimes.

He is athletic, loves sports, and is an outdoors man. He is high energy and enjoys physical activity. Although, on occasion, I like to lounge around and watch TV (very rare), most times I rather be out and about doing things outside. I love the ocean. I love the mountains. I really do love long walks and they don't have to be on the beach. I love camping, hiking, and skin diving, snorkeling. I love gardening and growing my own food. I would love it if a man could work the soil right next to me or be in the water with me.

I am a girl that is wild about new experiences. But the perfect man doesn't have to be wild about it with me, he just can't inhibit me or prevent me from exploring. He must trust me enough to NEVER damper my curiosity.

I have a B.A. in Philosophy. I studied the driving factors behind HOW people think. What type of lifestyle does one pursue to live the happiest life? God, sex, religion, politics have all types of "isms" to answer that single, solitary question - How do I live my happiest life? With that being said, I crave a really good conversation - one that pushes the boundaries of my mind. And my mind has a very large surface area of possible topics and ideas. I don't have an ABSOLUTE opinion on everything. Meaning, I am open to suggestions on almost every topic.

I don't need him to be a genius. In fact, there is something to be said about a man who is simple in his day-to-day routine. For a complex thinker like myself, sometimes a laid-back man is exactly what I need. In a conversation I had with my father recently, I was telling him how fast my mind goes thinking about opportunities and wanting to move on them, about wanting a partner that can think as quickly as I do. My father, the humble man that he is, simply said, "Do you ever think about how intimidating you are? I don't know many people that can keep up with your mind." I was so shocked that everything that came out of his mouth after that comment is lost on me. I'm not the most brilliant woman in the world so I certainly did not think that I intimidate people with my mind. I say this only to remind myself that I don't need a complex thinker just someone that is willing to chime in. In fact, the simplicity of a man's mind actually gives me a different spin on my complexity.

Here I am dreaming up the "perfect man," I think I covered the physical clear enough but vague enough to keep me open to possibilities. I think my mental requirements are the same - clear enough but vague enough. Here are my emotional requirements. And it's very simple - I just want a man to take care of my heart. A man that adores me and wants to see me succeed. He pushes me and challenges me but at the end of day will smother me with affection and tenderness and an occasional bouquet of flowers with sweet love notes to remind me of all the reasons he loves me. I feel like I have such a tough exterior and I move through each day pretending to be a boss. I want a man that can reign that in without dominating me but definitely being the head of the household.

Maybe he's out there. I'm sure he is. I will not search high and low for him. I will just sit back and let him find me. #iStillBelieveInLove

Thursday, February 15, 2018

WINNER! $100 Amazon Giveaway

Thank you everyone that participated on Instagram and on Facebook. This is the first promotional I have done and it is certainly not my last. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot as well. Keep reading and watching.

St. Patrick's day is coming up -- another fave -- because it's alllll GREEN. Green is my color, next to my Kahuku/49er/CrimsonTide Red. I will be doing another promo in March.




Congratulations to our winner Shanna Padgett! 
She left the most beautiful shout out. 


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

#iStillBelieveInLove - Valentine's Warm Fuzzy

It's love season. Valentine's is my 2nd favorite day AFTER my birthday. I think I have been so numb for so long that I am rediscovering how to FEEL again. I used to be so moved by romantic gestures when I was young then my heart got broken... twice. I think I've been living in a fog since my first divorce. And now... now I'm ready to feel joy again. #iStillBelieveInLove

When I work on a fiction piece, I try to think of the most over-the-top display of romance and write it into a situation. This proposal right here would qualify as an over-the-top display of romance but this is not fiction and that man is a real man. **insert heart eyes emoji** #iStillBelieveInLove

What makes it over the top for me is not the amount of money he spent. No. His monologue, that speech he gave, is like WOW. I don't know very many men that can articulate their true feelings like that or maybe I just hang around the wrong ones. I love to analyze and dissect everything and get to the meat of things especially when a man claims that he loves me. I need to know the whens and the whys. I need to know if there was something in particular, some small moment when I took his breath away. Not only does this man give this woman that, he tells her what he's going to bring to the table. His devotion. He wants to be the provider. He wants to show her sons how to love a woman.

I wish this were the norm - that a man can see beyond himself and want to be in a woman's life, come what may.
I wish this were the norm - that a man wants to be the provider, the protector.
I wish I weren't surprised by his eloquence.
I wish his ability to express himself was the norm across the masses.
I applaud the woman or man that raised this young man. What a gem.

When my ex-husband and I got married, a month later he was deployed to Iraq with the U.S. Army. I wrote him every single day and sent him care packages every two weeks. But what was so beautiful was the love letters that he sent me. I go back and read those and wish for that love we had back then. It is the stuff that dreams are made of. The romance, his proclamation of undying love for me still makes me swoon even though we're not together anymore. He would always end his letters "Your Husband Forever and a Day." Remember those butterflies? Remember what undying love felt like? If we could have carried that love we had back then all the way into today, that would be so powerful.

Happy Love Day everybody. It's my second most favorite day of the year. Love everyone that is still in your life. You deserve to be happy today and everyday. #iStillBelieveInLove


Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Final Challenge

This is the final challenge.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into the drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate!! 

I draw a winner of the $100 Amazon Gift Card on Valentines Day.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 

Challenge #6: Share a picture of what you love to do ONLY ON SUNDAY's. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #7: First Celebrity Crush. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove




Monday, February 12, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #7

It's Day #7 of my Valentines Giveaway Challenge.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate!!

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 

Challenge #6: Share a picture of what you love to do ONLY ON SUNDAY's. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove





Sunday, February 11, 2018

Strawberry Letter: 8 Feb 2018 Episode


Thursday, February 8, 2018 episode  of Strawberry Letter on The Steve Harvey Morning Radio Show was "I Think My Mom is a Side Piece."



A woman writes in saying that her mother has been in a relationship for 10 years with a man and has never met his children in all those years. The man has attended family functions with the woman's mother and is very generous with gifts for the family but he has never taken her to meet his children. The woman who writes in seems to think that her mother is having an affair with a married man. Steve Harvey and the rest of the panel agrees with the woman's assessment.

Tommy the show co-host asks, "What does the children have to do with their relationship?"

The woman who wrote in says that her mother gets upset when she brings up the obvious issue -- that the man is married and mama is just a side piece. However, the woman's mother and that man have been carrying on in this way for ten years. The assumption is that mom is "settling" for less than what she deserves. The moral and upright thing to do is to leave the married man alone. Of course that's the simple answer but that isn't the path that the mom has selected. She is obviously enjoying whatever it is that she has with her beau.

Since I have found myself single at the ripe age of 42 years, I can almost relate to what the mom is doing in that she is having a convenient relationship that serves her needs. She gets all the benefits of "having" a man without the commitment of marriage. She's not worried about the domestic duties that come within a marriage relationship. She's not rushing home to cook for her family, not cleaning up after a grown man, not doing laundry, not asking for permission to do things, not having to share her money, etc. Aside from him being a married man, I can see nothing wrong with this arrangement.

Having been married for all of my adult life, I have become very jaded with the idea of marriage. I put in so much work, so much of my heart into two failed marriages. I feel ALL THE WAY done with marriage. Don't get me wrong though, I love being in love but I don't have to be married to be in love. Prior to getting married, first husband and I had a very long courtship. From the time we met to when we got married was just about three years. We separated after four years then divorced two years later. He was my first love. After signing divorce papers, I met my second husband. From the time he and I met to the time we got married was just over seven months. Just shy of 13 years, he woke up one morning and told me he wanted a divorce. I explain this only to say that there is no magic formula. The length of courtship is not an indicator of a successful marriage. I also explain this to say that a marriage is a partnership that requires two dedicated people, committed to making it work through the ups and downs. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is the tough part. 

Steve's conclusion is that the mom will NEVER meet Mr. Right while she's dating Mr. Wrong. I can certainly understand that. I cannot say when or why I fall for a certain type of man. I just always follow my heart and my feelings and see it through to wherever it might go. My closest friends chime in that I fall for "project men" implying that I like a man that's a little rough around the edges. They need a little work to, according to them, become worthy of me. I can't call it. I love who I love. Certainly physical attraction is always the first thing that draws me in and that is probably the only common trait across my love interests.

I don't normally listen to The Big DM on my commute to work but a dear friend texted me and said I  need to listen in. She felt that there were some common themes with Strawberry Letter and my current love interest. Certainly, whatever he and I have is a little complicated and yet at the heart of it are two people that care about each other. I cannot say why he likes me but I can certainly gush about how I feel about him. And at the end of the day, we are two people with various life experiences. Why the stars saw fit for us to be together at this moment in time is yet to be determined. I see him, with all his complications, and I still choose to be in it. I know what I'm signing up for by being with him and today, I still choose to feel the way I feel about him. My life is much simpler and perhaps that is part of his attraction to me. I can't call it. People observing our relationship think he's all wrong for me. He is the Mr. Wrong preventing me from meeting Mr. Right, as Steve Harvey put it.

But what does Mr. Right look like for me? When I spoke to my father about my current love interest, his only question to me was, "Is he nice to you?" Emphatically, he is very nice to me and I get butterflies in my belly when I think of him. There is no pain associated with him; no broken hearts to speak of. When we're together we laugh without any pretense and truly enjoy each other's company. I have longed to feel that happiness for a long time. The simplicity of my father's question made it very simple for me to decide to continue on in spite of the complications of a relationship with my love interest because he is nice to me and he makes me smile. I feel like a teenager all over again - the raging hormones and the puppy love feeling even though we have progressed beyond that phase, I still feel it and I want to hold on to that feeling for as long as I can.


Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #6

I can't believe it's DAY 6 ... Challenge #6 of my Valentines Giveaway.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #5: Share a picture of your favorite love movie. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove 




Saturday, February 10, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #5

Wow -- late challenge... but here we go anyway.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered into a drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card -- every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove

Challenge #4: Take a picture of your friends. Use the hashtag 4everFriends and tag me @loveneenalove



Friday, February 09, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #4

Good Morning World. Here is Challenge #4!! 4 more days of challenges. Valentines Day - I will draw a winner for the $100 Amazon Gift Card.

Participate on my Facebook page and on Instagram. Join the conversation and your name gets entered every time you participate.

Previous Challenges:

Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #3: Take a picture of your favorite outfit. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @LoveNeenaLove



Thursday, February 08, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #3

Valentines Giveaway - Challenge #3

Participate on my facebook page and get another entry into the drawing for a $100 Amazon Card

Previous challenges:
Challenge #1: Take a picture of something you love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove

Challenge #2: Take a picture of your first love. Use the hashtag iStillBelieveInLove and tag me @loveneenalove





Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #2

Valentines Giveaway - Challenge #2!!
Everyday leading up to Valentines, I will be posting a challenge. Participation gets your name entered into the drawing for a $100 Amazon Gift Card/Credit.


Birthdays and Valentines


There are two days of the year that I celebrate and dote on myself. First is my birthday and second is Valentine's Day. It works out perfect because the two events are six months apart. So I treat myself and make time for me at least twice a year. Now that I'm single - I treat myself way more than twice a year. My next "treat" will be buying a house.... all.by.myself. It scares me but at the same time, I should have BEEN done it a long time ago. I remember when I was separated from my first husband, my mother begging me to buy a house. If I had known then what I know now, I would have listened to her. She was so wise! Miss you mom!!

While most people celebrate their birth DAY. I celebrate for all of the Leo Zodiac season -- July 22nd to August 22nd. I take an entire month to celebrate me. Of course there are tons of people who are also in celebration with me because a lot of what I do is orchestrated by my family and friends. I am so grateful to be surrounded by so much love and such a strong support system. I cannot express enough gratitude for all the people in my life.

I turned 42 last August. One of the highlights of Leo Season was ziplining at Keana Farms. The exhilaration of flying through the air with just some rope and pulleys preventing me from falling to my death was an amazing experience. And to share the experience with my two oldest nieces just brought me so much happiness. I told myself when I was in my 20's that when I turned 40 I would go skydiving. That didn't happen because my husband at the time (now my ex) said that it was an unnecessary risk. Now that I have the freedom to choose my destiny, I just might put skydiving back on my bucket list.




Valentine's Day is coming up. I just the love the idea of celebrating love and romance. You can do a google search and see that it has a sordid past but all I care about is how I celebrate now. The way people say there's a special feeling in the air during Christmas - that's how I feel about Valentines. I love walking into stores and seeing all the reds and pinks, the hearts and the chocolates, the lace and the satin, and the flowers. Oh my goodness I love seeing the flowers. One can never go wrong by sending me flowers.

Maybe the chic flicks have done me in where I just might have an unrealistic expectation of romance. I think it's healthy to dream and fantasize about being swept off my feet by a handsome, kind, and generous man. It keeps the visual in my mind of what I want in a partner. It is not a secret that my heart has been broken before. Heck, everyone's heart has been broken before but I do not let it stop me from seeking out love again. I am not a bitter woman and I am beginning to think that my trail of broken hearts are actually helping to break me wide open, forcing me to fulfill my potential.

This Valentines I want what I want every Valentines:
***A handwritten love letter where he writes his truest feelings about me - why he loves me and specific examples of what he loves most about me. I don't think men know the power of "specific examples". Every woman wants to hear the whens and the whys. I thrive on it. My first love told me, "When I looked in your eyes, there was nothing fake there. You didn't shake my gaze and I could see inside you." We always had a special connection and some days I really miss it. Even though he ended up breaking my heart, I know that if we were to have a go at it a second time, it just might be the right time. But that is not in cards as he is very married.

***Red Roses delivered to my office - I don't know why this makes me happy but it does. Receiving flowers at my office from anyone is such a thrill. I am not a materialistic person at all so the lavish gifts of jewelry is nice but I rather have something that took some thought, which is why I love handwritten letters. And the roses? Well, I just love red roses. The deep red is so gorgeous to me and it just screams LOVE.

In high school there used to be "candy-grams" during Valentines. I never got one but I loved the anticipation and wondering if someone would send me one. I still get that feeling leading up to Valentines, wondering if someone is going to send me something, hoping that the one I am thinking of is going to be thinking of me too. When Valentines Day arrives and the day is almost over and I have received nothing, I don't fret. I go out and treat myself to something nice - maybe a shopping trip for a new outfit or some new shoes. I might take in a movie or hit the spa. There is no time to be sad over things out of my control. So even if I don't have a Valentine this year, I will still treat myself to something nice - the day AFTER Valentines when everything is half off.

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Valentines Giveaway: Challenge #1

As promised... more details for my Valentines Giveaway!! Here we go!!!




Bonus: Share this post and tag me @loveneenalove

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Friday, February 02, 2018

I'm In Love With Another Man


My 16-year old niece shared this song with me over the Christmas Break. I'm In Love With Another Man performed by Jazmine Sullivan. Scroll down, I embedded the YouTube video at the bottom of this post. Maybe you can play it while you read this post.

I don't know if she understands the lyrics of the song but she had this on repeat (along with The Greatest Showman soundtrack) every day. Today, as I did my lunchtime walkabout around the State Capitol here in Columbia, South Carolina, the song came up on my playlist. As I listened to the lyrics and to the nuances of Jazmine's voice and the rising intensity of the song, I hoped that my niece identifies with that rather than the lyrics. Surely, she's much too limited in experience to understand the dilemma, right?!

As I made my way along the sidewalks of Downtown Columbia, I placed the song on REPEAT. I was immediately thrown back to the spring of 1994. My boyfriend at the time was a lovely man. Well, without divulging too much about myself in relation to him, we were in love even with all the obstacles that should have kept us apart. I thought I was in love. I thought what he and I had was love. Up until that point, what he and I had is what I would define as LOVE. Then one hot and sunny April day, while my boyfriend was away for work, I met someone else.

I wish I could say that I was a good girlfriend and turned away from the advances of the "someone else." But I didn't. I had a terrible headache the day I met someone else and I was grouchy, tired, probably dehydrated, and I just wanted to sleep. My friends that I was hanging with were in full-party-mode and the chances were slim of me finding somewhere to lay my head to rest and nurse my aching head.

If I could, could forget him
I would, please believe me
And I know that I should throw the towel in
But baby, it's not, not that easy
You treat me so much better than him
And if I were sane there'd be no competition

The song's lyrics set up a likely dilemma for a soap opera. Girl has a boyfriend. Girl falls in love with someone else. Someone else is not as nice as her boyfriend but she wants to break from her boyfriend anyway. My situation in 1994 is almost like that but not. I had a boyfriend and I meet someone else and fall in love with someone else. However, unlike the lyrics of the song, someone else treated me just as good, if not better than the boyfriend. So the position of the song doesn't quite fit with my situation but it reminded me of it nonetheless.

I wish I could say that my break from the boyfriend was drama free but it so wasn't. Someone Else stood by me through the many ups and downs that accompanied a relationship with me and the crazy break up with my boyfriend. I knew he was going to be someone special to me the minute I laid my eyes on him. We were driving past him and his friends. He was sitting on a car laughing. I will never forget that strange feeling I had when I saw him and this was before we even met formally. Like I said, I wish I were a better girlfriend and remained true to my man but that was not in the stars. Someone else stole me away. Well, I wouldn't say stole because I went with him willingly. Whole-heartedly.

It was just going to be a fling. That's what I had put into my mind. Boyfriend would never be the wiser. That is not how it turned out. When "someone else" and I met, there was a definite buzz between us. Electricity. Sparks. Flames. Hell, it was a fire even with the gnawing headache that I was nursing. After meeting that Sunday evening, flirting, we exchanged numbers then parted ways. There was no denying the attraction between us and I was curious where the sparks would lead.

MONDAY LUNCH TIME - He calls me. We make plans to meet up again. I was so impressed that he called when he said he would.... and the butterflies fluttered aimlessly through my belly.

MONDAY NIGHT - A few of my girls accompanied me to his apartment. After all, we just met and I wasn't comfortable going there by myself. His room mates were there also. And with all the people around us, both he and I just wanted to be alone. The animal attraction between us was sparking hotter than it was the night before. We were both being polite for all the other people there. If they weren't there, our lips would have locked a whole lot sooner. Instead, we kissed as I was attempting to leave with my girls and the rest is history.

I saw him the entire time that boyfriend was off on a work trip. I was instantly smitten by "the someone else" and I knew I could not return to my boyfriend. I tried. I really did. Someone else and I even agreed to continue seeing each other even after my boyfriend returned. I was not happy with boyfriend. Suddenly, he wasn't enough. I tried to pretend that nothing happened while boyfriend was away but I could not forget the way someone else made me feel, the endless conversations we had, how he loved my body, how I felt so safe, and there was just no way to deny that I had fallen madly, deeply in love with someone else.

Oh but when I'm with him, but when I'm with him
When I'm with him, ain't nothing else like it
I'm so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can't go on pretending
Cause I love him, I love him
And I'm so sorry, do you hear me?
I'm so sorry but I love that man
I love that man

In the end - it happened just like the song.

I'm in love with another man
And I'm so sorry, hey
But I love someone else