Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Hau'ula Sunrises

These pictures are from my own collection... taken on the same day, within a few minutes of each other. No alterations were made to the pictures. This is EXACTLY what the colors were like that morning. For those familiar with the Hau'ula area, this was taken at the intersection of Kukuna Road and Kamehameha Hwy. I believe I was sitting at the bus stop headed in the Kaneohe direction when I took these pics.

God's world is so beautiful. I'm convinced he painted this scene just for me to appreciate as deeply as I do. If ever one has to wonder their purpose, one need only look at the world around them and find the beauty that is EVERYWHERE. The world around us is a mirror of what is inside our soul. We are products of a divine, intelligent creator who made us in his image! The world, a wonderous design of perfection! I'm so grateful for this earth that we live on.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Soul-Mate-Ness Of It All

Cue these songs:
I Remember, performed by Keyshia Cole.
Never Too Far, performed by Mariah Carey
Run To You, performed by Whitney Houston

* * * * * * * * * * *

I can tell its that "time of the month" when everything makes me feel so... so... so melancholy! When its that time, I pull out my old journals especially the ones that talk about my biggest heartbreak... the breakup of my first marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am glad it happened just as it happened else I wouldn't have ever experienced my forever love.... my husband now!

In eastern traditions, it is believed that one person will experience many different soul mates. A soul mate is someone that comes into your life to help you blossom into your greatest potential. How that blossoming occurs is not always the romantic ideal of love and happiness. With that said, in my heavyhearted, blue-sy, pensive emotional state, I revisit a certain soul mate.

The relationship was full of so much turmoil. It was at two extreme ends. At one end, was love and great passion. At the exact opposite end lived hate and turmoil. Thinking about it, even now, makes me tear up and turns my stomach upside down like I'm riding a roller coaster. There's just something about experiencing lost love that hurts so completely. One is never quite right after losing their FIRST-REAL-Grown-Up-LOVE.

I can't quite put my finger on what pulled me through. I remember the morning immediately after getting dumped by the man that I had nearly worshipped for nine years, I volunteered at a Women's Shelter to forget my troubles. The news that he wanted divorce came as a surprise because I wanted to believe that he wanted to do right by me. And yet, at the same time, I experienced his track record of leaving when things got hard, so it couldn't have been too much of a surprise.

So how does this all relate to the soul mate issue? Well, he closed the door on me. He easily penned the words, "The End" on the book about him and I. Though I had invested my whole heart into the relationship, he risked nothing! My ability to love with complete abandon was stripped from me as he had managed to mangle my heart into such a wretched picture. And the soul-mate-ness of it all is that I had to push through the pain, push through living my life to love him, and into the freedom of independence.

And I'm grateful!

I'm still standing. I'm so much stronger now than I have ever been in my life. The soul-mate-ness of it all is that I had to experience all of it to blossom into the woman I am today. I give so much credit to my husband now and my family for bringing me back into the light. In the re-discovery of me, since the days of my divorce, I am so empowered to do and be whatever I want.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


I am coming up on the final pages of EAT PRAY LOVE and am almost sad that it is coming to an end. The book follows the travels of the author in search of meaning in her life. Though there are many things I didn't particularly care for in her story, I did enjoy how she writes and the thought processes she has. I also loved the different personalities on her journey.

It starts with the author calling out to God, a call she had never done before. Her call comes at a time when she is thoroughly discontent with her marriage and searching for relevance. I find myself waiting for the author to help me see why she is so displeased with the state of the marriage. She never explains it except that he wants children and she doesn't. What you will find, as you continue the read is how self-centered the author is and you almost desire a better reason for the author to send her life into upheaval with the extra marital affair and divorce.

The characters that she introduces in the different parts of her journey is what is most endearing! Richard from Texas becomes the voice of conscience in the authors head. The plumber/poet from New Zealand gave the author wonderful advice on INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM. Ketut Liyer is the absent-minded shaman/healer. These sets of different characters makes this read like a novel and pulled me closer into the story.

This book is a memoir so, naturally, it documents the many different epiphanies the author has. I find myself having the epiphanies with her. I loved that the most in the book! It has the possibility of reading like a self-help book, without being condescending because the author "goes there" with you! I also enjoyed the different discoveries on culture, history and practice that she inserted into the pages.

Overall, I thought the book was an alright read. I am saddened that the book must end because I have become so attached to the journey! However, the book does leave a sour taste in my mouth because the author was paid PRIOR to her travels. It's like an extended magazine article, complete with a story line that must be followed. Travel memoirs usually get a book deal AFTER they've traveled and experienced the journey.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I have NOT been suffering from an inability to come up with things to blog about. I have, however, been very busy moving from Hau'ula to Mililani. We get the keys to our new apartment on Monday. I'm so excited to make the move. My neighbors on the makai side of us right now are absolutely, 100%, the most inconsiderate people I have ever lived near. Lastnight, they partied into the wee hours of the morning, even after the cops payed them a visit. The last I looked at the clock, it was 1am and they were still in all-out party mode! That has been one motivating factor that prodded husband and I to move from our current living situation.

This past Monday, I successfully completed the Great Aloha Run. It was quite a feat to get across the finish line. The last two miles of the 8.1 race was the most challenging of the entire race. I'm amazed that I even finished. My legs ached all over and my spirit was just weak from the physical challenge. There's something humbling that happens when your body is challenged to its limits. Even today, every leg muscle aches. I am super grateful to be of sound mind and body to have endured it.

I did take pictures at the event but it wasn't with my digital camera. I didn't feel like lugging my new camera around with me. I purchased one of those Fuji disposables. As soon as I send it out to be developed and get it back, I will post some shots. I can't wait 'til the pics taken by MarathonFoto come out.

Well, I'm out sick today. My head feels like it's going to explode. My throat is hurting so bad. All I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep but I'm headed to the doctors soon. I just want some pain pills to get me through whatever sickness I'm suffering from. See you in the next post!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Sermon

Today in church, I had the pleasure of hearing from a great man that I looked up to when I was younger. He is not much older than I am and is still the picture of youthfulness. In his brief monologue, he spoke of his trials as a young man. In particular he spoke about his parents spliting up when he was 12 and by the age of 17, they had finally divorced. He was so angry with the predicament he found his family in. Were it not for his youth leaders and the Bishop, he would have fell along the wayside. He told two separate stories to illustrate the importance of ministering even to those who seem to share the same faith. Both stories, I would do no justice in retelling.

Toward the end of his discourse, he spoke directly to the youth. His message came from the Old Testament of the King James version of The Holy Bible, in the Book of 2 Kings 6:16-17
16 And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.

17 And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.

I was thoroughly inspired by his message. This passage of scripture spoke to the very heart of me and reminded me of the heritage from which I come. I am a daughter of the Most High, born to this mortality to experience joy, sorrow, happiness, pain, and to take on the temptations of life. Yet, "they that be with us are MORE than they that be with them"! In other words, there are more helping me along my journey than there are to hinder my progress.

Reading the passage, inspires me to continue on my path of enlightenment; to seek knowledge in all places and from all religious creeds. To be confident in the Lord that he can open my eyes and teach me all things that point me toward the light!

**Photo Credit

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Comfortable Complacency

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Husband and I were driving south along Kamehameha Highway, at a comfortable cruising speed of 38mph. At the Waikane Valley Road bus stop, there were several men dressed in camouflage fatigues, rifles in ready position, posted on the side of the road. One man paced the expanse of the highway with his rifle in the ready position while three others stood with rifles drawn. There was a large camouflaged truck that, according to my husband, appeared to be a Marine Truck.

Fear instantly gripped my heart, as I ran down a few worst-case scenarios regarding martial law and the need for the U.S. Federal Government/ Military to take over the State highway. Waiahole, a rural area of O'ahu, is far from an urban war zone, is not a disaster area, and is not currently being threatened by foreign powers... unless, of course, Water-Rights Activists are the new terrorists. In which case, there are many in Waiahole. And if they are the new terrorist, when does the average citizen with an opinion that is anti-big-federal-government (such as myself), become a terrorist?

In my utter disgust in what I witnessed, armed military men, I immediately called 911 to report what I witnessed.

"911. Police, Ambulance, or Fire?" the operator spoke.

"Police please," I replied.

"Your call is very important. You will be routed to the next available operator."
"Your call is very important. You will be routed to the next available operator."
"Your call is very important. You will be routed to the next available operator."
and on and on, the recording played.

"Emergency. How can I help you?" said the operator.

"Yes. I'm driving through Waiahole. Directly across the poi factory, there are men with guns, dressed in camouflage."

"Guns? Hand guns or rifles?"

"Rifles. There are several of them with their weapons brandished. One man is pacing back and forth. The others are standing with their weapons."

"Is it SWAT?" the operator responds.

"No. They're dressed in camouflage."

"Do they look like Army men?" the operator asks.

I quip, "Possibly."

"I will forward this information to my supervisor and we will check into it. Thank you for calling," then she hangs up.

I wonder, at what point does a normal citizen become engaged in the process of keeping the "people" free. It seems that the average citizen has become so thoroughly indoctrinated with the pro-government message that has been crammed into our mushy brains via public schooling that we forget about the basic right to freedom. We are, as children of a master creator, entitled to the free will to move about the world without intervention from outside forces. In a perfect world, that would be the ideal. However, we do not live in a perfect world. Thus, government was created to secure our common law rights. As Thomas Jefferson simply put it,
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed."

The government derives its powers from the governed. We, the people, are a mightier force than the government if we are united in the same cause of preserving liberty. Each of us have the responsibility of becoming fully educated on what we are entitled to. Yet, Americans have fallen into a "comfortable complacency" which is a nicer way of saying IGNORANT! United, with a common goal, we are far greater than those that rule us.

Yes, the Hip Hop generation is powerful. Tupac fans were united in our admiration for the late, great rapper and his influential, lyrical wisdom. So powerful was Tupac's message that before being ousted from her seat in the House of Representatives, Cynthia McKinney began crafting a bill for the government to release the files on Tupac Shakur. This is the same Cynthia McKinney that was the Green party nominee for President of the United States. The government recognized Tupac's ability to move the crowd and that is a threat to the powers that be. On the flip, it is evident that the power of the people could overcome tyranny. All we need is a unifier. Tupac was THAT!

After I witnessed the "martial-law-like" incident, I continued on into downtown to handle some personal business. On the streets, as we walked the pavement, husband and I ran into a young man with a shirt that read: HAWAIIAN INSURGENT. I wish I took a picture of it. I should have turned back and chased him down. I feel the message he announced on his shirt. The occupation of Hawai'i, as well as the occupation of Iraq have similarities. The casualty of war=the host culture of the land. That is altogether a blog for another day. However, I see a generation of young people wanting the injustices to stop. Whether it's the hip hop heads or young Hawaiians, we are totally empowered to bring about change in a morally decaying world. We are endowed by our Creator, our God, to preserve and pursue liberty at all costs.

Let's do this!

**Map Credit

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Smelt Like Heaven

It smelt like heaven when I got on the elevator after work. I don't know who rode in it before me but his scent made me want to stop on every floor just to stay in the elevator a little longer. I'm not sure what the odor reminded me of. It was definitely masculine. It wasn't flowery fresh like laundry detergent OR spring-ish like dryer sheets so I deducted that it must be cologne. And whoever he was left it behind for me to take in.

I hit "L" to make my way to the lobby. As the doors closed, I am engulfed in this masculine scent. Memories of a lost love rush back. The scent in the elevator brought his face to mind because it was definitely a scent he'd wear.

I remember the silly way he got my attention the night we met. He was spraying water in my hair as he ironed his uniform. My head was aching probably from dehydration. I was irritated and did not want to be bothered yet he kept spraying my hair with the water.

I remember the first time we kissed and the first time he touched my body.

I recall the way he looked in his beige suit on our wedding day.

My mind rushes back to INTENSE conversations, solving world issues in the car getting from point A to point B.

I remember his romantic gestures - him drawing a bath for me and washing me from head to toe has got to be one of our best memories. Him surprising me by coming home early from a trip. Us slow dancing in the living room. A heart-shaped chocolate chip cookie on our first Valentine's Day together. I believe he also bought me a pendant.

All of these memories flood my mind with just a single scent. He and I are/were electric. Even now, I feel a very clear and distinct draw to him even though I am very much married to someone else. I will never understand how or why that is. I just know that I will always remember how special we were together.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Who Am I?

This blog is a collection of my thoughts and memories of events in my life. On occasion I post pictures of myself and my husband or friends. When I first started my blog, I would post the pics then quickly take them down after a week or so, just to maintain anonymity. I've since restored most of the pictures.

My previous post had me contemplating moving to private mode. I reviewing whether I should revert back to anonymity, remove the pictures and posts that point to ME being the author of this blog or remain, as I always have been, an open book. The decision is quite a doozie!

I have suddenly become aware of how wide open I have made myself. I spill my deepest thoughts into the pages of my blog, almost as real as the thoughts I pour into my written journal. My life, past and present, are revealed in every line I scatter on these pages. At times, I confess my deepest heartaches, from the demise of my first marriage to my inability to successfully conceive and bare a child.

I also tell the story of how the love of my life entered my world. How he picked up all the pieces of my broken life and allowed me to glimpse into eternity. I reminisce often about past encounters. I dip and dab in the creation of fictitious characters and story lines. I change my position on several political topics, yet am constant on the need to fully rectify the plight of the ancestral people of Hawai'i.

It is obvious that my blog does not have a specific topic. It does not have a target audience except maybe for those who can relate to what I have experienced throughout my short lifetime. I feel so vulnerable to outside criticism of how my life has unfolded. And yet, this is me! This is who I was/am/will-be. I feel so fortunate that after all of my experiences, I find myself back at the foot of the Creator, hungry for spiritual enlightenment.

I have come to really appreciate my love of writing and how relaxing it is for me. The way I choose to express myself and find the exact word to convey my emotions is a challenge that I am always up for. And above all, this is who I am, and I have decided to remain an open book.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Going Private

Contemplating going private.

Place your email address in the comment section if you want to be invited.

Projected date to go private: Valentines Day, 2/14.

If I'm still here after Valentines... then I decided NOT to go private.


A Work of Fiction: Chapter 1, The Yellow Rose

AUTHOR'S COMMENTARY: This could be the beginning of a contemporary romance novel. I don't know where I'm going with it. I wrote it several months ago and it has been sitting in my draft section all these months. I'm tempted to leave it as is just because I don't know what to add to it. The beginning is just as any other beginning of a romance novel, is what I'm thinking. **heavy sigh** Oh well... it's rated pg but read at your own risk!

* * * * * * * * * * *,

When I saw him, I didn't think much of him. He wasn't drop-dead-beautiful nor was he hard on the eyes. He was an average looking guy. At first sight, I noticed the flash on his ears - diamond studs, left and right. Shiny, bald head. Gold herringbone chain. The look was so 90's! I giggled and turned away because surely he knew I was laughing at him. He approached me anyway.

He asked, "Is this seat taken?"

I shook my head, "No."

He turns the chair around so the back is facing forward and he seats himself on the chair.

"How are you enjoying your evening?"

We're in a club. The music is loud. We're seated near the dance floor. This isn't the best place to have a conversation and it seemed like he was headed in that direction.

Loudly I respond, "What did you say? I can't hear you." I shake my head and cup my ear to add a touch of sign language. Of course, I heard what he said but I just wasn't feeling any real chemistry between he and I. Bottom line, I just wasn't interested.

He smiles and quickly asks, "Can I have your number?"

I'm perplexed. I didn't exactly give him a warm welcome. I didn't suggest to him with any mannerisms that I was interested in what he had to say. In fact, I think I was being downright cold.

I respond again, shaking my head and cupping my ear, "What? What did you say?"

Seriously, what was he thinking asking for my number in all of 30 seconds?

He calls the waitress, orders a drink, whispers something in her ear and she scampers off.

I'm looking around for the rest of my 'girls'. They're all on the dance floor. I was bugged out that none of them saw me and hadn't come to my rescue yet.

The waitress returns with his drink and a single yellow rose bud. He hands the rose to me, smiles, and oh my goodness he had a couple of gold teeth. I'm so not feeling this dude even if he was kinda sweet with the single yellow rose. The gold teeth put me way past uninterested to damn near ready to run off to the ladies room for the entire evening.

I take the yellow rose, break most of the stem off and place the rose bud stem to rest on my left ear. Usual tradition in Hawai'i: flower over right ear means TOTALLY AVAILABLE. Flower over left ear means TAKEN and VERY SPOKEN FOR.

I tell him very loudly, "Thanks. You really shouldn't have."

He grins again with the gold teeth smile and I still have not thought of an escape plan and none of my girls had shown up to rescue me yet.

He sits there staring at me as though I'm a piece of steak in the market. Even though I'm ignoring his stares, I feel his eyes poring over me and I wonder what he's thinking. Why is he still sitting here waiting for my attention?

The music stops and Bobby Brown, Rock Witcha comes over the speakers. Slow music must mean the club is getting ready to close down. All I'm thinking is: Please don't ask me to dance... You will so ruin the "Rock Witcha" Experience for me.

He stands up, places his hand out and says, "May I?" The 80's song works well with this gentleman caller.

I look at his hand, not wanting to be too rude, I ask, "May you what?"

"May I have this dance?"

I take a deep breath, exhale and lead the way to the dance floor. I try to get as close to the stage as possible, not wanting to be seen with the 90's Flashback. He pulls me in close. He smells so good even after a full night in the club.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Random Ramblings

I have no direction today. No serious thoughts or playful memories to share. All I have in front of me is a blank screen that beckons me to write something. Anything!

My day's have been swallowed up by trips to Mililani, searching for an apartment to move to. We have discharged moving to the continental U.S. for right now. That decision might creep up on us in the future but for right now, we're settling in Mililani for the next couple of months.

My night's are spent reading. I'm trying to get through Eat Pray Love. I'm a third of the way through. The book reads like a diary of thoughts; like a blog! She references sensuality to many of her experiences in Italy. Sometimes it's overwhelming. I look forward to her experience in the ashram. Maybe that will bring some spiritual epiphany's for the author or maybe even for me.

I would love to sit at the foot of a Buddhist monk and study for a couple of months. What an experience that would be. I don't know the logistics of how that would work. However, Husband and I have been looking for work abroad. We have also considered the Peace Corp. That might assist with my desire to study the Buddha or to experience an ashram.

Well, whatever great thing is in store for husband and I... we're ready!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

25 Things (from my FaceBook)

1. I am currently suffering from INSOMNIA... it's 133am and I'm still up.

2. I would like to visit the Great Wall of China soon and do some genealogy while I'm in China. All the people that I meet, straight from China, have a hard time believing that I'm Chinese. Why is that? hahahahahaha

3. I have driven from Oakland, California to Hinesville, Georgia... and it was a ride to remember!

4. I have driven from St Louis, Missouri to Key West, Florida... it took us 25 hours of straight driving!

5. I feel like I am a nomad -- would love to bounce from place to place and never have to settle anywhere. Every couple of years, I get up and go... somewhere. My life is in constant need of change.

6. My most favorite thing to do is read and write. I am compelled to be the storyteller for my family and the family history expert.

7. Life is too short to be unhappy!

8. I enjoy "date night" with my husband. We always have a good time.

9. I am seriously ADDICTED to Nintendo Wii!

10. I love to hear live bands... especially live R&B bands. They used to have one that played at Aron's (Atop the Ala Moana hotel) on Saturday nights but they've replaced it with a DJ. Boring!

11. I have been to Europe. The next time I go, I would like to spend a whole month in Italy. The food is sooooo delicioso!!! The cathedral's are so beautiful. The architecture, breathtaking! 7 days in Rome. 7 days in Venice. 7 days in Florence. 7 days in Milan. Even then, the trip would be too short!

12. I can barely stand this 60 degree weather we've been having lately. Even though I've endured colder.

13. I miss my friends from high school dearly! I miss how we all used to hang out EVERY SINGLE day at school. Is that stupid? lol

14. I am in desperate need of a massage. Do you know of anyone that I can go to?

15. I wish there was a Roller Skating rink around here. I LOVE to roller skate... especially to disco music! Sometimes I'm a Bee Gee's junkie!

16. I would love to see Erykah Badu perform live. If you have seen her perform, can you tell me all about it?

17. One of my favorite books is called Shark Dialogues. The story is set in Hawai'i. One of the main, female characters is a Hawaiian activist. She totally rocks and I can so identify with that character!

18. I would like to buy a beach truck real soon. I used to have a beach truck and I miss having the convenience of having a truck.

19. I have become very interested in guided meditations. It is so soothing and such a stress-reliever!

20. I love to watch Judge Judy, Judge Mathis, and The People's Court. I DVR every episode then watch it during dinner.

21. One of my favorite movies of all time is Braveheart, starring Mel Gibson. I love the soundtrack to that movie!

22. I bought a new camera and carry it around everyday, just waiting for a Kodak moment! I dropped my old camera in the ocean on MLK Day but it's okay because I've been meaning to upgrade!

23. I think I would like to buy a home within the next year. Hopefully it will be here in Hawai'i. We'll see where the Lord places us!

24. I would love to have a house, set on an acre of land with my own fish pond of edible fish. I would like a piece of the acre to have lots of trees... maybe a banana patch, a mango tree, an ulu tree, and an avocado tree. I would like to have a water feature of some sort so that I can always hear running water.

25. I am utterly, 100% in love with my husband. He keeps me centered and always on the straight & narrow!