3 Things -- Fighting for Love

VIDEO: 3 Things -- Fighting for LOVE

I carefully selected what I would say in this video so as not to ramble on and on. However, I do believe there is room for discussion and further exploration into each point. I have several examples from my own life that prompted this idea of "fighting for LOVE." It seems as if the entire theme of my life has been about finding romantic love and yet what I have come to realize is that all along I was searching for the courage to love myself - the good, the bad, the ugly, and most of all the beautiful.

DON'T GIVE UP
I had a fantastic childhood. Our family unit was whole and in tact. I grew up with both parents in the home and they loved each other and loved us. My parents were so active in my every part of my life. I can't imagine not having that. They are my example of what marriage and love is supposed to be like. So when I talk about fighting for love, I see my parents who stayed together through thick and thin. When I commit, I do not take my vows lightly. I'm not going to leave or give up just because things get hard.


NO EXPECTATIONS
Have no expectations and you will never be disappointed. We all have needs and for most of us, we have this large expectation of how he or she should behave. He needs to show me more affection. He needs to buy me large gifts. He needs to make "x" amount of money. He needs to drive a certain type of car. Blah blah blah. All the materialistic things can be lost in a heartbeat. They can also be acquired in a heartbeat. But it's not your partner's "job" to give you all these things especially when you're more than capable of getting them yourself. All of the emotion and love that you require are already in you. It's not your partner's job to pull it out and if you're waiting for that then you have a lot of your own healing to do. Realize that YOU ARE ENOUGH. Any one that you commit to or have committed to is a bonus because you are already whole and complete.


SELFLESS LOVE
Giving of your love ties in to having "no expectations." When we approach a relationship from a place of service, it changes our partner's reaction. It is not a manipulation. It shouldn't be. I don't give to get. I serve him as a token of my sincere affection. I don't give him a massage because I want one. I don't cook a meal in the hopes that he will do something for me. I do these things to demonstrate that I adore him and it comes from a genuine place in my soul. I have no attachment to the outcome. I give you this, whatever "this" is, and I have no expectation of your reaction to it. You can love it or hate it but I am not going to be attached to how you receive it.

Example: My current beau loves shrimp. When we get together we eat seafood. I made shrimp for him twice. Both times they were sauteed in butter and garlic and hot sauce. He is not a butter person. He likes his shrimp boiled and both times I forgot that key information. He ate it both times, which was selfless on his part because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. Of course my feelings would not have been hurt because I am not attached to how he receives it but he didn't know that. From both perspectives, his and mine, we were giving selflessly. Me taking the time to make the shrimp. He accepting the gift even though he knew the butter would make him sick. Make sense?

CHALLENGE
Do something this week for your mate, spouse, partner, friend WITHOUT expecting a specific reaction. Tell me how it goes.

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FOLLOW ME

It's Always Love Season - Proposals

It's always love season on my blog and in my life. Steve Harvey's TV Show is never short on romantic proposals and over the top expressions of love.

I have been married twice, divorced twice now. The proposal and wedding for my first marriage was very traditional. I appreciate that. He bought me the most gorgeous ring. I don't know where it is today. After the divorce, I think I gave it to my mom. I don't recall and couldn't tell you where it ended it up. It was so unique and would definitely be an heirloom if it's still in existence. It wasn't gaudy at all. The diamond was just shy of 1 karat. Dainty and so very me. It was beautiful. He had never met my father until the day he asked him for my hand in marriage. I appreciate that he did that too. I had hoped it would be the dream wedding that would lead to a dream relationship that would last a lifetime but after 6 years of marriage, it ended. I have told the story a million times. Sorry. Not Sorry.

One of the sweetest proposals I have ever witnessed or been a part of was when my older brother proposed to his wife. It was at a church Valentine's dance. There were people of all ages in attendance from little babies all the way up to the grandparents. She was clueless as to what was happening. At the time, Titanic had just come out and Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On was popular. It is still a beautiful song today and every time I hear it, I think of when my brother proposed to his wife. They celebrate their 20th anniversary this year.

About mid-way through the dance, the music stopped and the lights came on. Cue special music - My Heart Will Go On. About fifteen minutes before, I gathered a bunch of kids and teenagers to help us pull off the proposal. I gave them instructions on what they had to do so when the music started, the show began also. Each person held a rose and a letter. They were to give the rose to my sis-in-law then stand with their letter. The letters spelled out, WILL YOU MARRY ME? It was so beautiful. All the ladies in attendance were in tears. It was Valentines Day. What a grand and romantic gesture. I know we have a video somewhere. One of these days I will post it. She was a blubbering mess. It was beautiful.

Anyway -- #iStillBelieveInLove. I always will. And I will find love again, big and bold and full of genuine affection. He's out there somewhere, maybe looking for me too.

#iStillBelieveInLove - Valentine's Warm Fuzzy

It's love season. Valentine's is my 2nd favorite day AFTER my birthday. I think I have been so numb for so long that I am rediscovering how to FEEL again. I used to be so moved by romantic gestures when I was young then my heart got broken... twice. I think I've been living in a fog since my first divorce. And now... now I'm ready to feel joy again. #iStillBelieveInLove

When I work on a fiction piece, I try to think of the most over-the-top display of romance and write it into a situation. This proposal right here would qualify as an over-the-top display of romance but this is not fiction and that man is a real man. **insert heart eyes emoji** #iStillBelieveInLove

What makes it over the top for me is not the amount of money he spent. No. His monologue, that speech he gave, is like WOW. I don't know very many men that can articulate their true feelings like that or maybe I just hang around the wrong ones. I love to analyze and dissect everything and get to the meat of things especially when a man claims that he loves me. I need to know the whens and the whys. I need to know if there was something in particular, some small moment when I took his breath away. Not only does this man give this woman that, he tells her what he's going to bring to the table. His devotion. He wants to be the provider. He wants to show her sons how to love a woman.

I wish this were the norm - that a man can see beyond himself and want to be in a woman's life, come what may.
I wish this were the norm - that a man wants to be the provider, the protector.
I wish I weren't surprised by his eloquence.
I wish his ability to express himself was the norm across the masses.
I applaud the woman or man that raised this young man. What a gem.

When my ex-husband and I got married, a month later he was deployed to Iraq with the U.S. Army. I wrote him every single day and sent him care packages every two weeks. But what was so beautiful was the love letters that he sent me. I go back and read those and wish for that love we had back then. It is the stuff that dreams are made of. The romance, his proclamation of undying love for me still makes me swoon even though we're not together anymore. He would always end his letters "Your Husband Forever and a Day." Remember those butterflies? Remember what undying love felt like? If we could have carried that love we had back then all the way into today, that would be so powerful.

Happy Love Day everybody. It's my second most favorite day of the year. Love everyone that is still in your life. You deserve to be happy today and everyday. #iStillBelieveInLove

Not So Intertwined

I am feeling more and more like myself.

When I'm with people, I tend to go into auto-pilot mode and my sparkling personality shines through.

But when I am alone, I hear love songs, and shed tears. Today's trigger song was Keshia Cole's, I Remember.


I wish I could shake the blues every time it creeps up on me but I need to feel these emotions, mourn it, and move on. My 45-minute commute to work this morning found me pouring tears. I feel so helpless to these emotions and I desperately want all of this to be over.

Judging on my relationship with my ex-ex husband and the length of time it took to shake him from my emotional landscape, I am going to be in this for some time. And I vow to do things differently this time. When my ex-ex husband and I divorced, I jumped so quickly into another relationship and now that relationship has come to an end after 13 years. My heart is always so willing and so open to love and romance. This time has to be different though.

I have sworn off marriage. There is just no way that I can enter another committed relationship like that. And this could be me talking right now but I just cannot feel the highs of falling in love and the depths of a break-up again. Maybe it's better that I stay steady, alone. It's not that I am cynical; far from that. I still believe in love but I just cannot put my heart on the line again. I don't have it in me to do it all over again. I am 41 years old and I'd rather not try to learn to be with someone new. I can't. I don't want to.

I always toot my own horn about my ability to be a good wife and a good woman. Yet and still, I have two failed marriages under my belt. I cannot explain the whens and whys. Of course, it always crosses my mind that either my selection in men is horrible or that I'm not as good a woman as I think I am. I can't call it.

Last night I went to a local watering hole called The Shack. Seated next to me was an older, Caucasian gentlemen. He was paying the tab and we chatted all evening long. He spoke so fondly of his deceased wife and how they had celebrated their 40th anniversary before she passed. I told him that they don't make men like that anymore. Based on my two failed marriages, both men walked out on the relationship. Divorce was not my choice in either case. When I take the vow of marriage, it means that I will never give up even when shit gets hard. Even when things are monotonous and it feels as if all we're doing is going through the motion. I believe that we can work to make the relationship brand new, given time. I only wish that my type of love were mirrored.

I can say that I have two great loves in my life. They both ended in a quick and concise divorce. Days after announcing they wanted a divorce, I was signing uncontested papers. My heart hurts double and yet I remember these two great loves. Maybe I'm lucky to have fallen in love twice. Maybe not. I can only think about myself now and not be so intertwined in the habit of being in love.

Mushy Gushy Love

The husband and I celebrate ten years of matrimony. In a world where heterosexual couples are mostly forgoing marriage for co-habitation, I am glad that he and I are still together. He truly is my best friend now and we are partners in making our lives the most successful, the most passionate, the most meaningful that it can be. What more can one ask for than to TRULY LIVE to find joy and be happy?

In honor of the life that my husband and I have, I looked through old pictures of us. It seems like just yesterday we met and fell in love. The movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman reminds me of our love story. Me, getting out of a marriage that wasn't working only to fall immediately, head-over-heels in love with my husband. So I'm Helen, played by Kimberly Elise. The ex-husband is Charles, played by Steve Harris. My hubby now is Orlando, played by Shemar Moore. Seriously, my husband just swooped right in and delivered EVERYTHING I desired in a man and partner. It wasn't all good. We did have our fights and some serious hard times but we're still here and we're both in it for the long haul. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for us? No one knows. I will live in each and every moment and be grateful for his presence in my life.

He and I have the most extraordinary discussions about life and relationships and politics, religion, philosophy, and on and on and on. A lot of times we fall on opposite ends of the spectrum but it works for us.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life.

Here's To Us

My life was in a state of chaos when I met you.

10 years ago today...

Out of chaos we have emerged as best friends first and lovers in the privacy of our lives. When we met each other we were both looking for something, someone to bring whatever was missing back in.

We celebrate 10 years of marriage in November. Has it been all good times? No. Definitely not. Some days, even now, it seems like parting ways would be a whole lot easier.

But here we are, still together; still holding on.

We have definitely grown together and evolved together. He is the yin to my yang. He is all logic and I am all dreams. He is masculine energy and I am feminine energy. He is the man that I dream of growing old with.

I am so grateful for his presence in my life to balance my dreamy, far-off philosophies. I'm thankful that our worlds collided, indeed it did.

Here's to US!

I'm so thankful for his concern for me. Sometimes it's overwhelming but always a welcome gesture of love. I may not show my gratitude... but I am grateful.

We learn. We grow. We love. We shift. We evolve. We gently push the boundaries. This is TRUE LOVE. I will never forget you.... and always, always will I love you through all generations of time.

Marriage?

Has marriage become obsolete?

I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. We were discussing the nuptials of a couple who knew each other a few weeks before they decided to "take the plunge". Dear friend had the opinion that the couple just wanted to have sex and that is the reason they decided to marry. Due to personal commitment and religious belief, the couple had not consummated until after the marriage vows were taken. Dear friend thinks that marrying for sex is all wrong.

What is the purpose of marriage?

What are the reasons that leads a person/persons to marriage?

Is sex a good enough reason to marry? Why or why not?

What is a good reason to marry?

I think that any two people can have a successful marriage without having known each other very long. Two people must have the same commitment level, the same goals in terms of living a good life, and most of all the couple must be willing to make the marriage/relationship work. Love is not necessarily a component, in my opinion, in building a successful marriage. In fact, the love tends to come after many years.

Husband and I are creeping up on 8 years on Monday the 14th. I can honestly say that we are finally rounding the corner to where we step into semi-bliss. I only say "semi" because there's bound to be a couple of bumps in the road in our future. However, we have formed a cohesive bond that allows us to operate as a single entity yet maintain separate identities. We have grown together through these 8 years and I feel so blessed to have a strong and intelligent man to travel this life with. We are two peas in a pod.

The emotion that we think is love in the beginning stages of a relationship is more than likely just infatuation. We are enamored with the idea of being in love and of spending forever with our love interest. It prompts us to make commitments that we normally wouldn't under different circumstances. I've told the story at least a dozen times on this blog about how my husband and I met and married 7 months later. As I look back, I can't believe that we even waited that long.

I notice the current trend with adults is to discard marriage altogether. Has marriage lost its appeal? I have an aunt who is adamant about never marrying again. She's been single for a relatively long time. She doesn't like having to answer to someone or ask permission of someone; not that marriage requires it but it makes the relationship work better. I can see her point and should my husband and I not work or he pass before me, I probably will not ever marry again. I too would rather not have to "answer to" anyone.

So has the current young adult/ adult population outgrown the "institution" of marriage?

Why are gay people in such a hurry for something that hetero's are disregarding altogether?

If marriage is a spiritual and emotional commitment to another, why does one need the STATE to recognize it?

Dear friend of mine that started this whole conversation is still single. I'm curious as to why she's not in a hurry to marry. Many young people are not even flirting with the idea. I think I was looking to marry as soon as I left high school. I was searching for LOVE and someone to love me enough to marry me and commit his life to me. I just don't see that in young people today. No one is in a rush.

What is truly the status of marriage in modern America?

Day 20: This Month

I started this blog challenge in September so I have failed miserably because here we are in January and I am still attempting to finish this challenge. What can I say about this month?

The only thing I associate January with is my first marriage. Today, January 4th, marked the day I married my ex. That all ended in 2003 -- his choice. I'm glad it all happened. What a wonderful journey my life has been so far even with all the heartache. I have learned so much from all of it.

I remember when I was getting ready to get married the first time. The night before the wedding, my maid of honor (Tasi Fiso), the best man, and me and the groom took off to Wal-Mart at like 1 in the morning. We laughed and laughed and pretended like we didn't have to be up early. **sigh** I think we watched the sun rise and made our way back to Hau'ula. Why was I in such a rush to be married? I don't know.

Then came the wedding. It was scheduled for 3pm. At about 10am that morning it started raining cats and dogs. Uncle Cy Bridges married us and I remember him saying something to the effect that rain signified abundance. Well, the rain kept on until well after the ceremony. The reception was at BYU Ballroom @ 5pm. I don't remember what I ate but the groom and I had been drinking so it didn't really matter... we were feeling good. The entertainment was tooooo much fun. The Fonoimoana's put on a great show.

What I have to say about weddings is that they are so over rated... hindsight, of course. This particular wedding was such a waste. If I could do it over, I would have gone with an intimate ceremony. Small wedding.

Day 08: A Moment

...The moment I crossed the finish line at the Great Aloha Run - fantastic!

...The moment I went from just a girl to "aunty" - miraculous!

...The moment I signed papers that forever divorced me from my ex - transformation!

...The moment I said "I do" in front of a judge in Illinois - gutsy!

...The moment I went from civil marriage to FOREVER -euphoric!

The only thing missing... children. Hopefully in time, I'll have that too.

Cookie Corner Question

I was having a discussion with some young women here in Alabama. One woman was very passionate and against women being submissive to a man in marriage. She believes that a woman should NEVER serve a man or anything even close to it. She went in depth about how wrong it is and how it sets women back if we do it.

What do you think? Is submissiveness appropriate in male/female relations?

My answer tomorrow.

Unravelling: Where Culture's Clash

Today is my sixth wedding anniversary. Last year, I made a little slide show in honor of the event. This year I'm not feeling as full of love and sentiment as I usually am. My moods are a funny thing. On the surface, the fire of my love cannot be questioned yet at the core of me is a desire to please myself. Me and only me rather than the marriage relationship.

At times I feel like my life is lived for other people. To maintain this eternal pair, my marriage, have my husband and I given up portions of ourselves? (Of course we have.) I think of the loyalty I feel toward my parents and how serving them til my dying day is so much a part of my culture and a part of who I was raised to be. Yet the eternal pairing, my marriage, stands in direct conflict with that portion of my culture. My husband, father of two children with two different mothers (neither of them me), has matured to the point where he wants to be totally involved with the children's lives. Yet I haven't come to terms with the implications of the relationships and the roles I am suddenly asked to take on. Taking on the "step-mother" role, am I sacrificing my loyalty to my parents? Can I be of service to both my parents and my marriage/ family?

Perhaps, this is the biggest conflict of having had to move to the continent. As I dissect the landscape of my mind and the roles I am required to take on, I find that my two worlds are colliding. My role as a Polynesian daughter versus my role as an American wife and "step-mother". **sigh** I am having a tough time reconciling myself and finding the balance that serves my desire to be of relevance to my parents and (at the same time) to my husband.

Moving to the continent has put a serious strain on how I view my husband and our marriage. I feel as if my desires have been placed on the back burner so that he can play "daddy". Yet I knew that this was the lot I was choosing when we married six years ago. When I married, I knew that I was (almost) forsaking my family for my husband. I just didn't know that it would be at the cost of giving up very important portions of who I am. My desire to NOT be on the continent, at times, is greater than my desire to be in love.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly. He has grown in so many ways. I've watched him mature considerably. Yet I wonder sometimes if this is the point in our lives to which we needed to escort each other to and at which point we begin growing apart. **sigh** The differing cultures causes such a strain.

Happy Sixth Anniversary -- may the Creator find it necessary for us to remain together for all our days. Create in me a desire to hold on to this precious marriage contract. Make this last FOREVER! This is just me purging some of this negative vibrations inside of me. Tomorrow will be better since I let this out into the atmosphere. I love my husband! I really do!

How I Followed My Heart

There was no big "to-do", no white dress or tuxedo. There was no romantic music playing in the background or poetry readings to signify the occasion. In fact, it was just me and him, and a judge.

The day was cold, St. Louis cold! That's where I was living, Missouri, when we decided to tie the knot. HE had talked about it for weeks. He had asked me a dozen times to marry him. I blew him off every single time. I didn't know that I'd marry him until the second I said the words. "I Do!"

Up until that point, that very second, all I knew was unrequited love; a longing deep down in my soul to feel true love. Both our lives were full of confusion and yet he knew he wanted to marry me and I knew I didn't want to be unspoken for. Yet the truth is, I wanted to marry him too not just because I didn't want to be alone but because I knew he was a good man. There would be no logic to support my decision to marry him.

I joke that the ink had not quite dried on the final decree of my divorce from my ex-husband and I was marrying again, yet it was the truth. My ex and I signed divorce papers in April. By November of the same year I had already remarried. What would my parents say about the whole thing? What would my family think? Would they think that I had operated as an adulterer for all those years that I was separated from my ex-husband? What a tangled web it was so I decided that our marriage would be a secret. Yet, as Polynesian families go, there are NEVER any secrets!

News spread like wildfire within minutes of our nuptials. I don't even know how my parents found out but my phone began ringing off the hook. I can't begin to imagine what my family thought. Yet the truth is, we met just five days after my ex-husband left me. Spent time for two months. He got shipped off to Fort Riley, Kansas and we had no plans to pursue the romance any further. I moved to St. Louis, feeling so heart-broken in so many ways. He drove out to see me and we felt like we had when we met. Like everything was just so right. We both followed our hearts and we married. We're still married. Sealed together for time and all eternity to love each other in EVERY lifetime!

I don't know if I've ever told the story here; about how we ended up in front of a judge in a small suburb in Illinois; or how I followed my heart, as I always do, and how it has made all the difference today! Babe, thank you for loving me!

The Difference Is...

Husband and I are doing a sort of "renewal" of our vows kinda thing, this coming weekend. It's so much deeper than that but in this forum, that's all I'm willing to give. So on Saturday, we went to Celebrity Tuxedo to rent him a nice tuxedo. I think he's gonna look sharp! I'll post pics later.

My dress is being sewn - bridal satin and green organza. I hope it will look gorgeous on me. **winks** Red is my favorite color but my mama said that I better not wear red... so I settled for my second favorite color... GREEN. It's actually a sage green and it will overlay the white satin. GORGEOUS!!!

My life is so beautiful now... like MAGICAL. I was diggin' in some of my old journals from the former marriage. I can't believe how far I've come as a woman and how I FINALLY see my own self-worth to want more from a relationship. Like clockwork -- when I raised that proverbial "bar", my HUSBAND stepped up to it.

When you raise that "bar", you are telling anyone you let in your world that there are certain deal-breakers; things that you will ABSOLUTELY NOT compromise. If you require total fidelity -- don't compromise that because you think it would be easier to have an open relationship therefore rationalizing that "cheating" DID NOT occur. It requires too much emotion and a portion of your heart and mind will NEVER really trust the other person. DEAL BREAKER!

I wish you could read what my life was like just a couple of years ago.... by going through my journals and sneaking a peek into my past. I love where I am today. I love the man who shares my world. He is THE ONE.


So, the difference in what I had before and what I have now has nothing to do with who I'm with. I'm different TODAY. I expect more and demand more, in turn the people that couldn't keep up with that have exited my life... and the one's that could are still here! The difference is ME!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I'm feeling so sentimental today. Feeling like... like... like life couldn't be better than it is today.

I was looking through my old journal and stumbled upon this article. I got the piece from VIBE Magazine... January or February issue, 2002 and clipped it. It is my ABSOLUTE favorite article about love I have ever read... so simple and so me!

Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Cheo Hodari Coker

Enjoy!!!

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Love. Can't define it. Refuse to. Ask 10 different people what love is, and you'll get 20 different answers. I could probably give you 40, most of them stolen from moments I've experienced with Dinah Washington ("...the thought of you makes my temperature rise... like a summer with a thousand July's..."); Prince ("What's it gonna be, baby? Do you want him? Or do you want me? 'Cause I want you"); or even Ghostface Killah ("Your whole body looks wild / With your rugged profile / Enough to make a hardrock smile").

May 12, 2001, was the day my ship came in. As I stood in front of my bride, looking into her eyes, I was rendered speechless by her beauty. Never more so than that day. I was holding my wedding vows and being asked to define the one thing I could never find words to express, to an audience of 130 people. Well, here goes nothing.

"My feelings for you remain so profound, so primal, so real, that I lack ability to voice them," I said. "Why does God feel I am worthy of one of his angels? I'll never know. But I've learned never to question His gifts, but instead to cherish them as I do the air that I breathe.

"I promise to always protect this beautiful friendship that we have - to communicate, to listen, to appreciate, to praise you. I stand here in awe of you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And maybe one day, I'll create a phrase that fully encompasses my feelings. Something deeper than the three words that leap from my heart every single time I hear your voice, look into your eyes, or hear the simple mention of your name: I love you."

Not a dry eye in the house. But I was cool. Didn't tear up or nothin'. I smirked. I was the man. But then as Donny Hathaway's "A Song For You" fell from the sound system like a gentle rain, I felt that twinge. This is it. This is the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I saw our children - and grandchildren - flash in front of my eyes. The house. The anniversary parties. The whole nine.

Not gonna cry. I looked at her through the veil, tears of joy running down her face, ruining her makeup. Beginning to waiver, but no tears. "We did it," she whispered. "We made it." I started bawling. The whole world disappeared, and it was just me, her, and Donny Hathaway's voice.

I love you in a place where there's no space or time. I love you for my life. You're a friend of mine. And when my life is over. Remember when we were together. We were alone. And I was singing this song to you....

That's my definition of love.

Never Been Married?

If anyone has ever said that marriage is the easiest thing on earth, they either have never been married OR wasn't in LOVE with their spouse.

I love my husband. When we're hammering away at the issues in our relationship, we often get into these BIG arguments. He can't stand when I cry. I can't stand that he criticizes the tears. **sigh** It just exacerbates the problem and makes it bigger than it should be. Really, the only problem is communication. If we were both communicating effectively, we would be able to agree to disagree. And that has been hard for us.

I am EXTREMELY grateful for my husbands presence in my life. I honor him and bless the day we first crossed paths. He fits in my world most of the time. I am wayyyy more agressive than he is and it scares him to death. I am not afraid of failure. I am NOT afraid to try ANYTHING and that scares him as well. **sigh**

So we've been compromising.... if you CANNOT learn to do that, marriage is just NOT for you.

I Look At Him....

I look at him and love him.

Sometimes I get so upset about something he does... and I scream, tears streaming down my face, hardly breathing... just so frustrated because there's no one that I'd care to share my issues with. I'll rarely ever blog about our arguments.... I did it once before, he found it and lost his mind about the things I said. Actually I put it on my blackplanet page. He was so upset! But it doesn't matter cuz we get through the junk.

I think that's what real commitment comes down to. The hard times are the glue that keeps it all together. Trust is my foundation... at first, the foundation was a little shaky but we've been repairing the damages done to it.