NeenaLove Epiphanies: Moana Movie

I am on a flight headed home to Hawai'i but this journey home is different.

I will be 42 in exactly one month. I have blogged continuously in recent months that this is not exactly what 42 is supposed to look like for me. And I have made crucial decisions in recent days and weeks that will move me in an entirely different direction. If there is any time that I should reinvent myself, now is the time.

Interestingly enough, I am watching Disney's Moana cartoon. When I saw this movie in the theatre, I cried my eyes out. There are so many similarities to my life in this movie. In typical Pacific Island cultures, a single woman remains home until she is married off. Well, I am the survivor of two failed marriages and my father is now worried about my well-being, about me being "taken care of," and his concern for my safety. I get it. I get that a parent wants to keep their child safe and far, far away from unnecessary risk and danger. However, I have been on my own for a very long time and am fully capable of caring for my temporal needs. I appreciate that I have such a concerned father and my brothers are ALWAYS, ALWAYS looking out for me. I feel so "spoiled" by them.

Though I can care for my temporal needs, I often find myself so needy for emotional support. A very special person has consistently stepped up, offering his time and his ears and priceless counsel on my broken heart. My closest friends have also been so pivotal in my healing. Whether it was offering a welcome distraction with a late night trip to the bar, buying me an airplane ticket to get off the rock, sitting next to me and crying like she was getting divorced too, temporarily elevating the mood with a lil something, or just giving positive vibes -- I am so grateful for my dearest friends and family. I should be so lucky, so blessed, to be loved by so many people.

There's a part in the movie where her father forbids her from going beyond the reef. And yet Moana is constantly called by the horizon. Her inner voice beckons her to follow the call to go beyond the reef and yet she must balance that voice with her obedience to her father and cultural traditions. I feel that right now - I love that I have such a good relationship with my father and I know he only wants the best for me but there is something far greater calling me to rise to my highest potential. And it requires me to sacrifice the things that I love right now to move toward my life goals. And I see my biggest dreams as so tangible and so within my reach if I just make these sacrifices right now. If I want something different from my life then I have to take different actions. Now. Now is the time to reinvent myself! Also, at the end of the day I need to carve out a life for myself independent of my life with my father and my brothers.

Another thing that I absolutely adore is Moana's relationship with her grandmother. Her grandmother can see Moana's potential so clear and is the right support system to allow Moana to have enough confidence in herself to pursue her dream. Gramma sings to Moana:
You may hear a voice inside 
And if the voice starts to whisper 
To follow the farthest star 
Moana, that voice inside is who you are
I always want to see everyone I come in contact with as God sees them. And I support everyone's most positive ambitions. As I hear a voice whispering, no, shouting at me to change direction in my life, I am going to listen to it. It is who I am and what I was born to do. I can see my star rising. It is so extraordinarily clear.

Resolutions 2014: Journaling My Goals

It has been a while since I last blogged. It obviously has not been a priority for me even though I want it to be. I used to blog while at work during my down time. I work at a university so down time is right around mid-term. There's no hustle and bustle associated with that point in a semester. Right now is down time and I have too many ideas in my brain and no discipline to sit down and write. What I really hate is the interruptions. Since I inherited scheduling the use of my building, I get requests all day long and interruptions. I'm grateful though since it keeps me busy all the time.

I have several story board outlines for novels that are occurring in my brain but no real fruit from the story boards. I have a debate in my brain about handwriting it in a composition book versus typing it out in a MS Word document. Of course the latter seems much more practical but I find that I "over-edit" when I type. I try to create the perfect sentence and edit as I go along. Whereas, most successful authors suggest free writing and not editing until the entire story is complete. I read that Stephen King does the same. He is one of my favorite authors. The twists and turns he comes up with just boggles my mind. I also love Toni Morrison. There is debate around her style of writing being so complicated. I find her work to be very character-driven. I think I am that kind of writer. One of my most favorite books of all time is Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. The way she constructs characters really brings them to life.

I have crazy goals that I wrote down but nothing really pulling them all together. I started an investment class that I thoroughly enjoy. The only problem is that we started playing with a simulator platform that allows you to trade with fake money. What's wrong with that, right? Well, the problem is that all the simulations that I have done has been very, very profitable -- I wish it were real money. **sigh** I made a silent commitment to myself that I WILL NOT participate in these investments until I reach a more important goal: HEALTH. Yes, I have put the priority of losing weight above my desires to continue to grow my wealth. The logic that drives it: if I'm unhealthy, how can I enjoy my riches? Truly, the best gift I can give to myself is to be healthy.

There is no time like right here and right now to do all the things that I want. Instead of participating in sporadic, chaotic, scattered goals, I am prioritizing them and getting it all together. I can't do everything at once because I need to be "all in" for one project. So here it is in a very particular order.

1. HEALTH - release 50 pounds forever.
Why?
*To increase my quality of life now and forever.
*To feel better and have more energy
*To not rely on medication or medical intervention for chronic illness
*To look better
*To be able to shop ANYWHERE and not have to see if the store has a "plus-size" section
Deadline: August 4th, 2014 - ambitious, aye?
This pic of me was 10 years ago and about 30 pounds ago. If I can get to that by June, I think I will hit my 50# goal by my deadline.

2. INVEST - to get at least 20% returns on my discretionary income
Why?
*To actively be engaged in growing my income
*Personal satisfaction of having "money in the bank"
*To relieve the stress that comes from debt
*To prepare for retirement
Deadline: I give myself 3 months to make my first deposit into my TD-Ameritrade account. Once I put the money in, I'm sure I can yield at least 20% by the end of the year. I have a great mentor; one that I am very grateful for.

3. FARM BUSINESS PLAN
Why?
*I'm a doomsday prepper - healthy food is better than gold especially in a famine.
*To be able to eat from the yield of the earth, planted and harvested by my own hands
*To contribute to the earth by being a sustainable farmer
*To create a sustainable community
*To teach the next generation that food comes from the earth and not the super market
*Because I feel such love for the earth - we live in such a beautiful world
Deadline: I will give myself six months to complete and be in the beginning stages of implementation. I think I can do this!

4. COMPLETE ONE NOVEL
Why?
*It's been a dream for so long
*I want to write the book that I wanted to read when I was a pre teen
Deadline: March 1st, 2015 - that's almost an entire of year to complete this.

Well, I've just put my whole entire heart out there. I'm going to print this out and plan my life around achieving these goals. When I have achieved my goals you will hear me say that this aint luck baby -- this is hard work and dedication. I am planning my success!!

Here weeeeeeeeeee goooooooooo!