Bestie Trip : Vegas Edition

This past weekend I went to Vegas with the bestie. We had both talked about doing a girls trip for a long time and it just happened to be our 25th High School Reunion. So we went and had a blast. Thank you to her hubby for agreeing to this trip.

One of the things that makes her my bestie is that I NEVER have to hide my true feelings from her, no matter what is going on in my life. I am NEVER afraid to speak my truth with her. She never judges, never makes me feel bad for wanting what I want even if it makes NO SENSE to her. And the funny thing is that most times, she can see through my facade when I'm trying to "fake it" and usually calls me on it after entertaining me for awhile. I feel no shame if I begin to sob my eyes out because 100% of the time, she's sobbing her eyes out with me.

Every time we get together we do a little bit of everything. We do some partying, pampering at the spa, we've added gambling to our fun-things-to-do (even before this trip), watch some really good shows, movies, shopping, eating. We even snuck in a visit to a psychic (so random) and a stop at REVOLT Tattoo -- all the while catching up on our lives. And the catching up part is where we let go of all our frustrations and try to make sense of the things happening in our lives, separately.

I cherish the catching-up-part. Especially during this trip. I spoke my truth and I feel so good that I actually admitted it to myself and told my best friend. It's nobody's business what my deepest desire is and when I spoke the words to her - she had the biggest smile and tears of joy that I finally came clean about it. (There is one other person I told but he and I have not spoken since last October.) After unburdening myself from "my truth," I felt different. It was like my mind changed in an instant and I believe that my deepest desire will happen for me.

The first night we arrived, we opened up our bags. We both had bought outfits for each other. She says that the stuff I buy her is wayyy too short and I tell her the stuff she buys for me is too tight or sexy. But it's what we do. We played dress up with all our new outfits before we went out to meet up with our classmates at a Korean Karaoke Bar. Oh my goodness, SoJu is my new drink - peach flavored.

If I talked about everything we did, each day would have its own post. We packed a lot of things into our short weekend. Something we started doing as we left the hotel is take a picture in the full length mirror. I share the pictures below. We always have a good time when we're together. Next girl's trip... NYC?

She is Back... with a Vengeance

These past couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotions. I cannot contain the myriad of feelings I have experienced.

Joy.

Pain.

Sadness.

Happiness.

Love.

Hate.

Anger.

Humility.

And now, I am adding EXCITEMENT. 

I think I am finally coming from beneath the grey skies of the break-up with my ex. Fo real, fo real. I am not just saying that like I did in previous posts. I really mean it. We really are done and because I have come to that realization, I think everything will be alright. I am not going to be bitter because if he wants to walk away from me, I respect that. It is not a judgement on my ability to be a good person. In fact, I respect that he had the courage to follow his most genuine desire and move in the direction of where he sees his life going even if it meant breaking up our marriage. Of course, it could have also gone the other way where he actually put in the work to make US work again but I will not mourn that anymore. My life is too fabulous now for me to even consider what NOT breaking up would have looked like.

I have such a clear path ahead of me and it invigorates me, it frees me, it gives me brand new eyes to see that there are an infinite number of possibilities. This is not to minimize what I had with my ex but I felt like a dog on a leash. I had/have so many dreams and ambitions that I have for myself (for us) and I just felt like he would yank it when my ideas were a little too risky. Since we have parted ways, I feel a new sense of EXCITEMENT and that little girl I was - the one that could do ANYTHING, the one with IMAGINATION and CREATIVE PASSION - she is back with a vengeance. I rise and flourish in spite of the heartache and turmoil that I am experiencing.

Other things have also synced in my life that has filled my heart with hope, EXCITEMENT, and new found joy. And I wonder how I ever did without it for so long. Sometimes it be like that.

2017 will be the best year yet. I am strong. I am powerful. I am ready!

He Is Not The Sun, You Are!

One of the yummy books I devoured this year is Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes... writer of the hit TV shows Greys Anatomy and Scandal. This is not a book review but I do have to give a shameless plug for The Year of Yes because it reminded me of one of the best episodes of Grey's Anatomy.

This post is not just for Grey's fans because I am not a die hard fan. I have not finished the series and I don't know if I ever will. Who has the time to sit through more and more of Meredith and McDreamy? I could watch Chandra Bailey do her thing as Dr. Bailey. Her character was so well written and was the one that most resonated with me. Anyway, Meredith Gray is the main character of the show. She has a hot steamy romance with Dr. Shepard, played by Patrick Dempsey. Meredith Gray's best friend is Christina Yang played by Sandra Oh.

Christina Yang is one of those girls whose mind is complete and straight logic. Anything moving away from that is utterly out of her comfort zone. She is the analytical voice always in Meredith's ear prodding her out of her emotional cravings to be needed by Dr. Shepard. In this classic Grey's episode, Christina is leaving for her dream job in Europe. They are writing her character off the show. Christina and Meredith go through this whole series of goodbyes with Christina mostly wanting to stay, to halt the inevitable GOODBYE. In typical Christina fashion, she gives the most endearing advice that gives Meredith the boost she needs to make hard decisions. Christina calmly quips, "Don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy but he is not the sun. YOU ARE!"
 
Every woman needs just the right words to put everything into perspective. This episode, every time I hear those words, "HE IS NOT THE SUN... YOU ARE," reminds me that my desires and ambitions are important. I remember to put me first before everyone else so that my sanity and my peace of mind are intact. How can I be of value to anyone if I am not charged up? I am the SUN! The world does revolve around me. I am a powerful woman who is worthy of all the good things in life.

Finding the Balance

I am 3 weeks shy of completing my Bachelor of Arts degree in Philosophy.

**sigh**

I can't wait. This is the biggest scam in the history of the world (in my humble opinion)! I don't feel any smarter nor do I formulate my self-esteem based on my grades. The grades might be a reflection on my commitment but definitely not on who I am, inherently. If you can go to school for free (via scholarship) then, by all means, do so while you figure out what you really want to do. A person's failure or success is not based upon his or her ability to complete a degree. Far from it!

A well-known Philosopher, Jean-Jacque Rousseau, wrote Emile. It talks about the nature of education and on humanity's quest for true knowledge. The overall gist of Emile is that humanity should return to a more natural approach on education. One should seek out things that they are drawn to by their natural curiosity. I think of the things that I could have done if I had been encouraged to seek out things that truly interest me. I might be a carpenter today or a visual artist, a holistic healer, a journalist (my blog serves this purpose -- if only I were paid for my rants), a furniture maker, a fashion designer; anything but an administrator (I promise I'm grateful for my job!). What can a person really do with memorized interpretations of truth?

What gives people purpose in life? I contemplate that question often. In my own life, I feel so bogged down by religious protocol and by my cultural duties as a daughter and wife. I've mentioned it before on this blog and it seems it hasn't changed. To live authentically means that I must discard all the things that causes conflict in my life; that would include religion and cultural protocol or can I find a comfortable balance between who I feel I am, inherently, with who my family and religious community expects me to be? **heavy sigh**

The funny thing is that I can release all the obligations that I perceive are weighing me down. The only problem is that I am so attached to how I have always done things and how I think people perceive me. It's all so very confusing when I pick it apart. But I strive to move forward and to stay within the current boundaries I have set for myself. It pains me to be so bridled by religious and cultural expectation and to even mention that I have boundaries. Really, I wish I were free from religious dogma and the separations that it forces between human beings. Why can't we all just be brothers and sisters in this beautiful world? Why must there be distinct separations by our political and religious affiliations? I'm beginning to think that the two are the same!

Can anyone help me find the balance between two diametrically opposed worlds?

**photo credit**