Redefining Love Relationships

All of my life, especially at the foot of my mother, I have been taught the following about love relationships:

Marriage is between a man and a woman.
Sex happens after marriage.
Children happen after marriage. 

And for all of my life, I believed that. I believed that love relationships progressed from love to marriage between a man and a woman to sex to children. I did not necessarily obey the "sex happens after marriage" part but I certainly believed that those were all excellent guiding principles for living a happy life.We live in an ever changing world whose values are shifting all the time. Marriage is being redefined. Gender roles - redefined. Bathroom entrance - who can use the bathroom and where - redefined. The world is shifting.

TWO FAILED MARRIAGES
Here I am at age 42 and the result of the guiding principles is that I have two failed marriages under my belt. I'm not attributing the "guiding principles" as the reason that I have two failed marriages. I'm just saying that those principles did not really have an effect on the outcome. So here's what I'm thinking I want to do moving forward. I am nixing the whole marriage requirement. I don't think I ever want to be married again. My heart just can't take another round of giving my all only for it to end in divorce. I don't want to do that again. EVER. Of course, that's me talking right now and who knows what's in store for the future. My commitment to my mate DOES NOT need to be "sanctified" by the State. I can commit to him in front of God and vow fidelity and respect all the days of our lives. Why do I need to add the contractual certification from the State?



WILLIAM AND MURON
I am reminded of the scene in the movie Braveheart where William and Muron marry secretly in the cemetery. The priest meets them and they cite their vows to one another and the Church sanctions their union. William chose this route because "the State" at that time was the English under the direction of Edward Longshanks. According to the movie, Longshanks ordered the practice of prima nocta. This allowed the English Lord of the town or village the right to sleep with a new Scottish bride on her wedding night. The desired effect was to breed the Scots out of existence. Heinous and absolutely uncivil but this is why William chose to marry his love in secret.

IS MARRIAGE A HASSLE?
Now I'm not saying that my refusal of state-sanctioned marriage fixes my relationship problems. That is not what I'm saying. What I am thinking, though, is that I don't want the hassle of marriage. I want him to live in his place and me in my place and on occasion, we meet for the weekend. He can attend special events with me. I can go with him. But to co-habitate and get bills and mortgages together? I don't want it. To have to cook and clean up after him, I can do without it. Well, I take that back, I actually enjoy cooking and cleaning. I just don't want to be tied down EVER again. I don't want to ask for permission to do anything! I don't want to ask permission on spending my well-earned money. I don't want to ask permission to go on a girls trip if I wanted to. I don't want to answer to anybody!

#iStillBelieveInLove
So then, this logic begs the question -- is my newly defined love relationship just about sex and physical satiation? Companionship, love, are those things no longer important to my new definition of a committed relationship? And if that be the case, am I just a creature of physical lust, animalistic in nature? I don't know what this new approach means. I am not sure how it will even play out. I don't want to appear as a bitter woman because I don't feel like I am. In fact, I am the exact opposite. I love life. Heck, my hashtag for the last year has been #iStillBelieveInLove because I do. I believe that I will experience blissful love again. I look forward to it. This time, though, it will be on my terms.

Christmas 2016 Ramblings

The Christmas holiday has me feeling some kind of way so I called my cousin to book me on a flight to Texas via Los Angeles.

I am feeling restless. Looking for something, anything, to distract me from the pain of a broken relationship. Though I agree with the split now, my natural instinct would have been to tough it out and reconnect instead of throwing the relationship away. I don't know how to give up and yet at the same time, I will not wait any longer.

My life is so full and complete even without a relationship. I savor the time I get to spend with people I love instead of running off to my (ex)husband to maintain that relationship. Maybe I stopped putting him first. Perhaps that is his perception of what happened to us and why he was seeking attention outside the home. I can't call it. What I know about me is that I deserve a relationship that is fulfilling in every way -- mind, body, spirit, emotional. My first marriage was body and mind. This marriage that I just came out of was strictly emotional. The next man I let in will have to nurture me in all areas. I will not accept anything less. I deserve that!

As I sit here at the Los Angeles airport, I think of how exciting it is to have my future seemingly unwritten. There is no routine to tomorrow and that makes me happy. I looked at joining the Peace Corps just to attempt to get the tuition waiver for my service. They have locations all across the world from Fiji to Africa to everything in between. It seems so appealing and something I would really like to do. I could possibly make a life of it and re-upping every year. What I found they are looking for are people to teach English. I can do that! I also applied to Delta as a Flight Attendant. I could really dig that job. It makes pretty good money and is a non-traditional work schedule that doesn't lock me in to the M-F, 9-5 matrix. And both positions will give me more time and material to write about!

What I know for sure is that I am ready for 2017. I am ready to move forward and from beneath the grey skies. I am ready to feel the sun upon my face again and feel true joy and happiness, untethered. I thank one particular, precious soul for igniting a fire inside me again. One day, when the time is right, we will both know love again. Full and complete.

ABOUT ME Rambling

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I last blogged. Ugghhh!!

A lot has changed, in a good way. I'm super excited to settle into my new job. Yes I have a new job. I feel confident that I am going to be where I am for a long time and that gives me great peace to be able to build my life. I'm not worried about my husband wanting to uproot every couple of years, which is usually the case.... he has surrendered! **evil grin**

We have discussed on many occasions leaving the islands. He seems restless most times but I know that this turn of events (me, getting this job) should give us some longevity in the islands.

We are in a good place. I am in a good place. So often, I contemplate the meaning of marriage. Why do we enter into matrimony when it means that we give up portions of our true selves to preserve the relationship? Husband and I have discussed on several occasions the idea of marriage, more particular OUR MARRIAGE, and why we're in it. This past June through August found us battling this same battle that started when we first married. Where should we live? Where should we lay down some roots?

I think the argument has finally buried it's evil head in the sand. Something just feels different about this time. I feel like we're ready to get to the LIVING of living. We are ready to be ALL IN... to settle down... maybe even have a family (a boy and a girl we be just fine for me). But even if we don't have children, I'll be fine too.

So anyway my new job came with a healthy pay raise and there's an annual pay raise right around the corner in January. WONDERFUL! I was bitter for about a month or so about not having been approved to get my lunch wagon rolling but I know that is not for me at this time. This job is for me at this time because it seemed to have just dropped into my lap. I'm so grateful.

Super Soul Sunday & Other Ramblings

I was not a fan of the Oprah show when it was on regular network TV but I am definitely a fan of Oprah Winfrey (the person). Now that she has her own network, I am a fanatic about her Super Soul Sunday and her Master Classes. The things she brings forward is so needed in the world and it's different from religion, free from dogma and the condemnation of judgement. God is not judgement and spirituality is far deeper than religion.



I have always been very conflicted in terms of my religious upbringing and the alignment of my authentic self. Where some absolutely dismiss God because of their religious confusion, I choose to embrace God in the way that I interpret HIM/HER and no one or nothing should ever interpret or explain God to you. A person must come to their own conclusions or their own knowing about God and not rely on another for interpretation.

One of the flaws that religious zealots have is that they are so judgmental and then they project this onto their definition of God. I'm judgmental so that means God is judgmental. I have favorites on the playground so that means God does too. I don't like Gay people so that means God doesn't like them either. Is that really how it works? For me, I want to believe in a God that loves me flaws and all; that the eternal-ness of my soul is what he loves and not the flaws of my flesh. This places me at odds with the God that was explained to me at church and I'm okay with breaking from the pack. **sigh** But why do I have to? It boggles my mind.

Anyway, one of my absolute favorite segments of Super Soul Sunday is Soul Pancake.Tell me that this little video does NOT make you smile.


This next video makes me remember how easy it used to be to make friends. As we age, we just forget how to be outside of ourselves. **sigh** I HEART SOUL PANCAKE. Thank you Rainn Wilson and crew for being such creative geniuses.


You can find all of the SoulPancake segments on OWN's YouTube page. If you're feeling down, it's a great place to get a pick-me-up. When the condemnation of Religion's Gods has you feeling down... visit SoulPancake and get nourished.

Big Change | Ideal Lifestyle

Some kind of BIG CHANGE is coming my way. I know it! I can feel it in my daily dealings. I hope and pray that it is in someway connected to the two business loan apps I've submitted to two different banks. I pray that they will be funding us and our entrepreneurship. That will be so awesome. The quality of life I desire to have is to enjoy this round-the-year summer weather and flourish here in Hawai'i. I don't want to just live here -- I want to flourish; to own stuff and make a positive difference in the community.

My ideal life will include:
-a fully paid-off home here in Hawai'i (with two other rental properties)
-ample income to allow easy travel to anywhere in the world
-live around family, preferably my family
-one or two children of my own
-healthy and maintaining an ideal weight
-I would like to be a successful novelist and/or published author

I think that is a fair assessment of the ideal life I'd like to live. My dream has always been to be an author, a very successful author. I intend to do just that. Now that I have completed my Bachelors degree, I have so much more time to write and get the ball rolling on becoming a successful author. I have been given so many gifts in the way of talents and abilities. I am ever grateful for them and I desire to continue to develop them and use them to do good.

I find that as I age I forget about the things that make me super excited. Writing always gets me excited. Owning a business excites me. The ocean excites me and being near the shore. Hawai'i has always had such a strong pull on my heart. I wonder why that is. Have I created my connection to Hawai'i? Do I exaggerate my relationship with these beautiful islands? At times I feel like I may be chemically-imbalanced or something because of my nearly irrational desire to remain in these islands. I love the slow pace and the beach and the mountains and the people. **sigh**

I know I'm rambling and this post covers all kinds of topics. **shrugs** Charge it to my emotions. I don't know what's in my future but I pray that it is just as I have written it above. In the near future, I hope the bank will tell me that we have received the funds in which we have applied for. **smiles**

And I Think To Myself....

The first time I recall hearing WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD I was watching the movie Good Morning Vietnam.


I was so moved by the story about Adrian Cronauer (a real guy), a DJ sent to Vietnam during the war to help build the morale of the soldiers. The best movies are always the ones that have a little bit of everything: the tragic comedy. This movie does not fall short of those conflicting emotions. War is such an ugly thing so the contradiction of war-images and the beautiful song, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD, just pulls at the heart strings.

We live in this kind of world -- so much anger and hate yet there is so much beauty and so much to be thankful for.

Heart.... Breaking... Again.

I think my heart is breaking....

Talk of moving off the island again.

This time, I don't wanna go.

I don't.

I feel like this island that I love so much is also the curse for my marriage. The first marriage ended in divorce. One of the issues was "demographics"... where we would live. Marriage #2 is going in the same direction.

The crazy thing is, we've done the mainland thing... twice.

I can be alone if that is my destiny.

My heart is breaking.
I feel so all alone.

I just can't move again. I don't have the heart.

I miss my mother. I feel like my heart is on the floor and I'm so sad... wishing she were around to tell me what I'm supposed to do. I already know but I need to hear her say it to me. Tell me to follow my husband. **heavy sigh**

I wish I could start all over again. I wish I were a child. Oh how I would do things differently.

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I miss you so much. I hate that I never have the time to sit down and talk about the stuff that goes on in my world.

I promise I will make time for you beginning in April. School will finally be over in April and I will have received my Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. I can hardly believe that I am finally done with school. It's one of those things that was on my bucket list and since I had access to funds to supplement my schooling due to my Hawaiian ancestry, I figured, "why not"?

I promise to make you over... after April.

I promise to write more and think less.

I wish oh how I wish there weren't student loans attached to the Bachelor of Arts degree but such is life. If I could, I would have probably prolonged the schooling just to delay having to pay the loans back but I am just so sick of school. This has to be the biggest scam in the history of the United States next to the Internal Revenue Service and insurance.

**heavy sigh**

I'm so close to being done that I can actually see light at the end of the tunnel. At the same time, I'm so burnt out.

Arguing about Aristotle and Rousseau, Communism vs. Capitalism... all of it just has me in a complete tizzy.

See you soon.

Sincerely,

NeenaLove

MY NIGHT...

This is my second year volunteering for The Haunted Lagoon. I had to get a shot of the clowns that were walking around the lagoon, waiting for darkness to fall. So that fairly represents what I did with my evening. Last year I was in the clown section as a Tech person controlling the sound and the strobe lights. It was fun. This year, I'm a little more involved.... kinda.

I'm "involved" but I don't feel as involved as I'd like to be. The area I'm in is just.... BORING at this point. Tonight was the first dress rehearsal in preparation for the September 30th debut. We have a long ways to go before 9/30. I'm not at all impressed with what we have so far. If I were truly in charge, it would be totally different. So I'm in the zombies and mummies section. Right now, everything is so random. No scares... just a collection of things to "look" at... kinda like a museum. BORING! I want to be part of the solution so I sent an email out to the person in charge. She's probably totally irritated with my eval but it had to be said. If I'm going to claim that I am a part of this then I need to tell the truth about what I feel. The truth is.... I MISS YOU CLOWNS!!! ahahahahaha

Project's Galore

Life has been so  busy lately. I've put off blogging in favor of doing all the other things I do.

There are several projects on the table right now.

Project #1: Acquiring/ Launching my first "real" business. I'm partnering with my dear cousin to acquire an established business in the area. I'm super excited. She is too. The only thing missing is the funds. I've been rejected a ton of times already because of the student loans on my credit report. I'm bummed but not at all dampered by it. I KNOW that someone out there wants to gift or loan me the money. Even a co-signer would work wonders. **sigh** This has been my mantra lately (from the book One Minute Millionaire) "Every resource I need is possessed by someone, somewhere, at this very moment." My add on: "Lead me to these individuals. The resources will fall into my lap."

I have been brainstorming all the ways we can acquire the needed cash to purchase the business. We've been tossing around the idea of borrowing money from our friends and family then paying 1% interest on it. Another idea is to acquire gold and sell it to a refinery. Gold is like $1300 per ounce. That is terrible inflation but good if I need cash now. Any ideas you have on how to acquire money for a business would be great. I tried going through OHA but it takes 6-8 months processing time. ugghhhh!!! A dear friend suggested we have a plate lunch sale to raise the necessary capital. I'm seriously thinking about it. I mean, it wouldn't hurt.

Project #2: My bachelor's degree. As much as I would love to say that I love school -- I really don't. I think the way education is set up now is just so backwards. More on that later because that topic really needs to be explained in greater detail. I will have earned a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy within a year. My estimated graduation is July 2011. Can you believe that? It took me two years to get this done. I can hardly believe it. I was thinking of continuing on to earn a Masters in Pacific Island Studies from the University of Hawai'i... I'm still thinking about it. What would be the benefits for continuing on when really, all I want to do is be a business owner and WRITE, WRITE, WRITE. If I could count on Kamehameha Schools to foot the entire bill for my education, I think I would probably do it. We'll see.

Project #3: The Danielson Family Reunion. Aigatupu and (Tasi) Gustav Danielson (my maternal grandparents) and all the posterity are converging on the island of O'ahu in July 2011. How did I get placed in this position again? My cousin Marie and I were in charge of the 2008 reunion. How are we charged with planning it again. I know the next one will not be conducted by me. I'm pooped and busy already.

Project #4: The Tai Hook Family Reunion. Lizzie and James Tai Hook (my paternal grandparents) and all their posterity are converging on the island of O'ahu in October 2011. Long story on how I was assigned this project. It was originally my idea but I had slated this for October 2010, which would have been this month. However, my aunt wanted to push it back to October 2011 for whatever reasons. I told her if we did that then I couldn't be in charge of it because I had so many other projects slated for 2011. Well, the other day I get an email from her saying that she would like me to take over again. ugghhh!! In any case. My irritation with her WILL NOT prevent me from doing this for my father. It will all work out EXACTLY as it should.


Well... that's been the "goings-on" in my world. I promise to get back to the blog challenge as soon as my life slows down again. The holidays are approaching also and I'm super excited.

Wishing all of you well. Hugs!

Day 13: This Week

I am so behind on this BLOG CHALLENGE.... so this particular topic is PERFECT since I haven't been on here.

A new light has entered the world -- my eldest brother and his wife had their #5 child on Sunday. So I have been pretty busy helping out with the other four kids. Baby Benson had a few complications but all is well with my sister in law. He suffered from meconium aspiration syndrome. It's a disorder that occurs when a child inhales fecal matter that has leaked into the womb. He was born on Sunday and should be home by Friday or Saturday. I'm just grateful that all will be well with the baby.

I can't even describe the feeling I had when I first laid eyes on him. I suppose I feel this way everytime I am in the presence of a newborn. I am still in complete awe. The morning that he was born, no one was able to hold him. He was in the nursery, hooked up to the oxygen machine, all alone. My heart was so tender as I looked on him. After being in the womb for 9 months, he was suddenly without the companionship of his mother's heartbeat and I felt for him... so all alone.

My sister in law is such an example to me. Everything is natural. She doesn't do the epidural and passes on any kind of pain meds. She has noticed that her babies come out fully alert when she is drug-free. Her first two children were so groggy when they came out of the womb. She swore off the drugs after that and noticed a remarkable improvement in their temperament after birth. I can't wait til its my turn.

My brothers #4... she is so cute. She asks me all the time, "Do you have a baby in your stomach?" I always tell her, "NO. Not yet. Can you ask Heavenly Father to help me out?" She's so cute. Twice, when we had this same discussion, she bowed her head and closed her eyes and said, "Heavenly Father, can you help aunty to get a baby." Oh my precious nieces and nephews. I am the luckiest aunty in the world!

More good news -- I am so close to being co-owner in a smoothie shop! I can't wait! I'm so excited. Also I have a job interview for a temp position at the University that I used to work for. I'm glad that it is a temp position because after I become co-owner in the shop, I am going to really build that business!

Yesterday, I met with the Student Activities Coordinator at my high school Alma Mater. He requested my services with the Homecoming Cheer Fest so... I put together an itinerary for him lastnight. I love being involved. This is the ME that I used to be. The ME that I feel most comfortable being and I'm glad that I can commit to things now without worrying that husband will want to leave the island. :-) HUGE SMILE!

Day 10: What I Wore Today

Does this topic really matter? Actually, I guess it's up to me what I'd like to talk about. What I wear is hardly an interesting topic unless I'm a fashionista. I assure you, I'm not. But maybe in another life I could have been. **shrugs**

I used to love to draw pretty dresses, do a sketch up like fashion designers do; actually, I still enjoy doing that. My nieces love it also because I usually draw the dress then they color it in. #1 niece has a real sense of color. She also draws designs into the dresses. I tell you, the next generation never cease to amaze me.

One of my most favorite shows of all time is Project Runway. I love the challenges that Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum think up for the contestants. It really gets my creative juices going. I'm in such admiration of the really good designers. Some garments that make it to the runway looks like trash and for some strange reason, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Heidi Klum adore them. My sense of style that differs from theirs at times and sometimes we are in sync. I like bold. I like classic. I like clean lines and curves.

What were thinking with these dresses?

My fashion, over the years, is still a work in progress. I remember that the dress I wore to my freshman banquet was hideous. The color was ridiculously "pepto-bismol-ish" and the cut was not flattering to my body. Ugghhh... and my mother who desperately tried to help me pick a nicer cut was silenced by my headstrong-ness. I should have listened to her. Mauve taffeta? Ahh well, we live and learn. I am pictured in my mauveish-pink taffeta with two of my dear friends. This was after a night of dancing. My cousin escorted me to the dance  because my folks said I was too young to date. I also could not wear makeup. All I did with my hair is gel it. I'm glad I didn't do anything fancy because I danced all night long and I was soaking wet by the end of the evening. In fact, this picture was taken when the cleaning crew arrived. We were still hanging around, socializing, not wanting the night to end.

So freshman banquet was in the spring. That summer I turned 15. By winterball, I had a date with a dear friend. I couldn't believe my parents let me go with him to the ball. We had a blast. He was such a gentleman. I seen him at our 10-year reunion, met his wife and daughter. I love that -- meeting up with old friends where EVERYTHING was perfect. Nothing happened between us that would be embarrassing for either of us. We're Facebook friends also. I should invite him to read this blog entry. Anyway... this picture I loved my outfit but look at my hair. I wore a classic black suit with white lapels and white and gold buttons. It was stunning! What's with the hair being combed all too one side? Was that the trend?

I went through this phase where I would cut pants into shorts, roll the leg twice, no hem, and call it a day. Why I did that is BEYOND me. I think it's so funny to look back at what I thought was decent clothing. For instance... both pictures feature a jeans where I cut the legs out to a length just above the knee. I rolled up the leg into a cuff, no hem, and threw those shorts on. Oh, but before I even cut them (picture on the right) I had decided to throw some bleach on it to mimic the "acid-wash" look that my mother absolutely detested. See... even back then I was a Project Runway candidate, designing my own bermuda shorts. I like the length of the shorts. Even now, this is the preferred length of my bottoms. Capris and Clam Diggers are alright but they tend to enhance my calves... which anyone who has seen me in person KNOW how large my calves are. Capris don't work as well as bermudas on me. Picture on the left... I had a bodysuit on (1994... that should explain everything!). Picture on the right... Adidas windbreaker -- don't know why I loved it but I did. I believe that was 1992.

To summarize -- I'll never wear mauve taffeta again. I do like black suits and bermuda shorts. Classics! It's funny how I totally avoided the subject of what I wore today. I donned my work-out clothes all day long. After I took a jog this morning, the clothes stayed on while I did chores around the house.

Day 06: My Day

My day was... well... quite uneventful.

I woke up bright and early while husband was getting ready for work. He gives me "chicken skin" all through my body when I peek over at him fast asleep. This morning, I woke to peek over at him and he was wide awake on his laptop, reading the comments that were left overnight on his video blog. We had a good laugh at how "plugged in" the both of us are because I rolled out of bed and straight to my Blackberry.

After I sent husband off to work, I put my sneakers on and walked the dog. Some mornings I take our Shar-pei/ Mixed dog to the beach across Kamehameha Highway and let him run loose. He absolutely loves it to be able to run without a leash. I love to see him abounding with energy. He's such a good dog. His name is Stony. When Stony had expended all of his energy, we walked home. I gave him some water and fed him a nice meal of the dry, bagged stuff mixed with a 1/4 pound of chuck roast. I cubed it up in small pieces. Stony LOVES the beef.

As soon as I had Stony back in his corner of the yard, I donned my ipod and headed for a morning run. It was a beautiful morning! I recently set a goal to be able to do the Great Aloha Run in 3 hours instead of my usual 4. It is about an 8 mile run and today was day 2 of my recommitment to reaching my 3-hour goal. One day, I hope to do the Ironman Triathlon. It's a lofty goal but one I would like to pursue nonetheless. Aim high!

On my way home from the run, my nephew was in my Uncle's garage. I didn't know that he came with his mother from Utah. I was so happy to see him. He is such an adorable, little boy. He has a difficult time pronouncing esses. So when he says swim, it comes out "whim". His specific words when he seen me was, "Aunty, we go whim!" Too cute! I chit chatted there for a couple hours.

When I got home, I raked the yard and cleaned the drive way. Yardwork is so therapeutic for me. I'm not sure why that is. I had my iPod in my ears and I stayed out there for quite awhile. When I finally came into the house, I started on some homework, played some wii, had a bite to eat, and FINALLY took a shower.

Dinner consisted of some concoction I made up from countless observations of master and amateur chefs on the Food Network. I started by browning some bacon. Added some chopped onions. Turned the fire off and added a half a stick of butter. Added about a 1/2 cup of flour. I added about three pounds of chicken pieces. Coated it in the fat and flour mixture. Turned the fire back on. I slowly added milk until it was nice and creamy. Added brocolli and cheese, tossed in a pound of penne pasta and it was a done deal. It turned out really yummy!

That was my day. Nothing fancy. Nothing adventurous. The adventure begins tomorrow. Have a great day!

Random JULY Ramblings

My camera has been missing for the last two weeks. I'm totally bummed but at the same time, this might mean that I can get a "real" camera; a DSLR camera. I've always been interested in photography. It is the one hobby that brings me extreme pleasure. I have a great 'eye' for composition and with proper development, I can really get started on putting my hobby to work.

Right now, I'm stuck using my camera phone but hopefully soon, I'll be able to upgrade what was. A dear friend of mine is suggesting we take this photography workshop and find out what kind of camera to buy. I'm pretty excited! Maybe some of you will want to come to the workshop also. That is, those of you that are in the Honolulu area or have access to the Honolulu area.

Here are a few of my other "goings-on" with me:
1. I quit my job after two days. Long story, short... the professionalism was lacking.

2. My husband quit his GS position and traded it for employment with a MAJOR airlines. I'm super duper excited because that means I can fly anywhere that this airlines flies -- FOR FREE!!! The world is truly gonna GET IT! We've been talking about travelling for so long. I'm glad the time has finally arrived for us to make it to distant places.

3. My hanai sister has been visiting from Tacoma, Washington. (Hanai, in the culture of Hawai'i, is an act of love. It is a form of adoption or fostering of children into a family.) She has plans of moving here. She's been applying for jobs everywhere. She popped up, out of the blue. I woke up one morning to a text from her asking to be picked up from the airport. That girl is as crazy as me. LOL

4. Finally -- I'm sooooo close to being co-owner of a smoothie shop. I pray that my dream of being a business owner comes true!

Just One Of Dem Dayz

I'm in one of those funky moods. Call it the PMS blues, maybe, or just plain irritation. Whatever! It's Saturday night. Homework due tomorrow and I'm just not in the mood to do anything. In my ears, Lady Soul by The Temptations. I'm tired but feeling like writing. Happy but feel like crying for no reason.

I remember going through these kinds of emotions back in high school -- feel like screaming but at who? I feel like taking a drive but where? I feel like eating a huge bowl of ice cream but should I? I feel like curling up and watching a really sad movie, a romantic tragedy. Food is calling me. That's for sure and that can only mean one thing.... a woman's monthly friend is here as fierce as it was last month. Yes. Today is just one of dem dayz.

Ladies: What are some of your remedies for the PMS blues?
Fellas: How do you deal with the crabbiness?

**sigh** Where's the closest GODIVA chocolatier?

Photo Credit

Food Ramblings

I "redboxed" the video, Julie & Julia yesterday and have suddenly become more adventurous in my cooking. The movie is based on a book about a woman who takes a year to cook her way through Julia Child's cookbook on French cuisine. I enjoyed the movie. It was very refreshing!

I have never thought of cooking as being something to enjoy. When I was younger it was just one of my chores. As I age, I find that I am more interested in cooking as a stress reliever and as a way to guarantee the freshness of the food I put into my belly. Where I once feigned at the thought of using extra virgin olive oil, I now relish the goodness! I will also add coconut oil to my pantry as it is probably more nutritious than EVOO.

My step away from the typical Polynesian diet probably began when I was 19. I was out on a date and he took me to a house in the middle of a neighborhood (similar to Hukilau Cafe in La'ie, Hawai'i but much further off the beaten path) in Portales, New Mexico. The food was AMAZING! It was spicy, full of beans and rice and homemade tortillas. It was absolutely delicious. I can still remember the taste of the sopapilla and how soothing it was after ingesting the hot spicyness of the meal. Ever since then, I have been infatuated with foods from all parts of the world.

Remember the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? When it came out, I tried a couple dishes from that movie. Moussaka was the result. It's a dish that is layered with eggplant, meat sauce, cheese, and topped off with a wonderful bechemel. Google all of that stuff if you're interested. It is just absolutely delicious. That very Greek dish is a regular on my dinner menu's. Tomorrow I will be attempting spanakopita. I saw it on a FoodNetwork show. It looked absolutely delicious. I will definitely take some pictures of the process and the result to share with you.

Am I getting domesticated? I haven't worked in months and I'm totally enjoying it! I'm pretty sure my husband is enjoying all the cooking also. He gets three square meals from me now instead of just dinner. Who would have thought it was in me? Well, good luck to me on my spanakopita!

Quick Update

Christmas Update

The Christmas rush is coming to a close for me. All the packages have been sent off and the Christmas cards are in the mail. I truly do enjoy this time of the year as it allows me to reconnect with dear friends that I rarely speak to throughout the year. I was able to send off two packages off to Iraq.

One for my dear cousin. I sent them baked goods. I hope it keeps until they're able to indulge. It didn't come out as good as I had hoped. Now I know not to do it in bulk. Something was off about the recipe I had used.

I also sent off a nice size package to my family in Hawai'i. The only thing missing in Hawai'i will be me and the husband. This is the second year in a row that I'm not there. **heavy sigh** I'm just glad that I was able to get a gift for everyone. The little ones got two. The teenager's got $20 each. When I give money, this is how I usually do it. In case you wanted to try something creative next time you give money.

Relationship Update

I haven't worked for nearly four months now. Husband and I have been living off of savings. The Creator has truly blessed us to allow us to just "be". Through all the drama of the past couple of months with the big move from paradise to Alabama, USA, the husband and I have finally come up with a common goal to work towards. I'm grateful that we have placed the drama aside! It really was taking a toll on our marriage. We've discussed splitting on many occasions. Finding something to work towards, together, has made all the difference. Also, our commitment to the marriage coupled with our deep belief in a loving Heavenly Father, has pulled us through. We are FINALLY on the same proverbial page.

Homesick Update

I ache for Hawai'i and for my family on a daily basis, yet I know there is a master plan for me. Being away from Hawai'i is part of that plan. God-willing, when I return to the islands of my birth, I will be more able to help lift my people. The other day, I skyped with my nieces and nephew. As soon as the video was up and running on both sides, I could see my oldest niece crying. She is as tender-hearted and sensitive as I am. The second niece and my nephew were making funny faces and singing to me. It was so great to see them yet it aches my heart to be so far from them and not be able to wrap my arms around them and give big hugs and kisses. I am so amazed at the capacity of love I have for them. They are, indeed, what allows me to believe in the future... they allow me to believe that unconditional love is totally possible. There is nothing they could do to make me love them any less.

Birthday Ramblings

Today was husband's birthday. All he wanted was his favorite foods for dinner. (Men are so simple)

THE MENU

Stuffed Salmon
Smoked Ham with a Maple Glaze (this was for the in-laws)
Baked Macaroni and Cheese
Smothered Cabbage
Rice

My sister-in-law also made some Salmon Croquettes. She's pregnant and had a specific craving for it.


My pride and joy, however, was the birthday cake. I made a three-layer chocolate cake. I made a chocolate ganache for the layers and a chocolate butter cream frosting for the outside. It was so scrumptious and unbelievably simple. I sniped the recipe from the Food Network's Barefoot Contessa.

I really should have taken pictures of everything but it all looked so good that I couldn't get the camera fast enough. The salmon was extremely tender and so very delicious. But I just can't stop thinking about that cake though. Yumm! It was so moist and rich. I should make this kind of decadence for a living. Serious!

I was over at one of my favorite blog's, The Brown Blogger, and he mentioned toward the end of his The Weight post how he and the wifey were 1099 workers. As I understand it, 1099 workers do contract work. For instance, (true story), say you find out that McDonald's is in need of a grounds maintenance person. You gladly submit a proposal detailing the services you can provide and how much it will cost. At the point of acceptance, McDonald's (in this case, the franchise owner) hires you on but not as an employee of McDonald's but as a contracted worker. Thus, you are paid according to agreement. McDonald's is not required to do any government withholding. BTW: 1099 references the document that replaces a normal W-2 from an employer. Yes, this example is a true story. I did the paperwork for my father to gain a contract at the local McDonald's where he lives. He did their grounds maintenance for a few years. I'm so glad he gave it up.

So anyway, I mention that only to say that I've been interested in doing this kind of work for quite some time. Not the ground maintenance part, even though it has crossed my mind, but the 1099/ contract work deal! In the last four years or so, I have had a great desire to "own my time" so to speak. XYZ Corp could hire me to cater their party. (I am kind of a whiz in the kitchen.) We do a contract detailing the services that will be rendered and what I will get in exchange. I would be open to bartering for services because I don't think I'd have to pay a tax on that. I wonder?! Hmmm... Anyway -- if everything is agreeable we have a deal. I cater the party, they pay, and that's it! No 9-5 to enslave me. If I wanted to take a month off to go home to Hawai'i, I could by simply blacking out my calender. If I wanted to, I could take jobs in Hawai'i. The possibilities are endless.

The really great part about me revisiting the idea of being a 1099 worker is that my husband sees the light! His lack of support in previous years discouraged me from pursuing it... but now, he's finally on board, and has a desire to try it out. I'm so stoked. I'll definitely keep you posted!

Random Things In My Brain

I have been thoroughly uninspired lately. It's possibly because I've been so busy with school. I started on my undergrad degree... AGAIN! It's on my bucket list and I finally have the time to do it. I'm jobless out here in Alabama so I have so much time on my hands. I am enjoying the "no-responsibility" vibe.

The whole idea was for me to work on my novel. That's another task on my bucket list. I really do have a novel in the works. My closest family and friends have gotten their hands on the first couple of pages and I've gotten good responses so far. What I really need is someone that will tear it apart and tell me what really sucks about it or what characters need re-working. It's so close to my heart that I don't really trust just anybody reading it. I need to know that the person critiquing it is sincere. **sigh**

I just finished my first 10-page research paper. The class is History 223, History of the Native American. I forgot just how interesting research papers can be, especially if it's covering a topic that I enjoy. The title I selected - "Solving the Indian Problem: The Institutional Genocide of the Native American". I think that if the classes continue to be as fulfilling and as quick as the last couple of courses I've been taking, all will be just fine. By next February, I will have 30 credits under my belt. I intend to increase my semester load to 18, maybe 20 credits.

Since I'm done with my paper, I'll have more free time to do some real creative writing here and on my novel.

Laterz!!

Moving Ramblings

It's the wee hours of the morning. I can't sleep because I took a 3-hour nap after work. Not a good idea when I have to wake up at 5am to start the day. **sigh**

Time is flying by so quickly. On one end, I can't wait to leave the island just because it takes so much out of me emotionally to be here. It's like a long, drawn out farewell and it's draining me! At the other end is me totally not wanting to leave. I already miss the things that I LOVE about my island. Either way, I hate being stuck in the midsection just waiting for something to happen.

Everytime I think about leaving, I get all misty-eyed because I already miss my family so much. Though I love my in-laws waiting for us at the other end, it's just not the same as being with your own! I am a down-for-whatever kinda girl and I will follow my man to the ends of the earth. He is that good to me!

Pardon my sporadic posts. I've been so caught up arranging my affairs so that when I leave the island, all will be well. Our lease is up at the end of the month. That gives me one more week to get this apartment cleaned up and the two of us all moved out! I can't believe I'm giving up my independence again to be dependent on others for housing. When we move out of here, we'll move in with my folks until the 24th of September when we fly out. From there, we move in with his folks until........... until who knows when????? uggghhhhh!!! I'm bummed about that but I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. That light is the low cost of living in the "South".