Friday, September 16, 2005

For A Mother That Will Never Know

His physical features are perfect! But you have stolen his mind.

I hate that there is no cure for his ailment and you're the ONLY one to blame.

Your selfishness robbed him of the ability to focus, to concentrate. That hurts him in school. They try to put him into mandatory special education. I continue to fight to keep him from it.

In grade school, the teachers and administration labeled him a trouble maker. Behavioral problems stemming from something you could have prevented. The psychologists suggested ritalin... no way in hell!

He's in the seventh grade now and is still struggling to catch up with his peers. Even now, we're still not sure what his learning style is and what works with his learning disabilities.

I lose patience so quickly, with him, but it's not really his fault, is it?

It's not his fault that he cannot reason efficiently. I blame you for that.

Though you birthed him, you will NEVER see the difficulties you have subjected him to. You will never sit with him long into the evening to help him with his vocabulary.... because he's still catching up. You will never have to explain to him a million times why he must look both ways before crossing the road. You are spared from watching him cry in frustration over failing a test because he 'just couldn't remember'. You will never have to experience the pain of watching him make poor decisions due to his inability to gauge danger.

On the flip side, you will NEVER see him progress. That blessing is granted to us.

You could have prevented this! When he sat in your womb, I wish you just left the drugs and alcohol alone.


When I was 18, my parents brought home a three month old baby boy. He was a foster child in our home. The woman that birthed him left the hospital WITHOUT her baby boy and never turned back. By age four, our family adopted him. In a few days, he'll be 12. It was meant for him to come into our home, there is no doubt about that. However, the effects his birth mother has on his life is astounding.

She turned tricks for a living. She did drugs. She drank lots and lots of alcohol. She has lived a destructive lifestyle and it continues to influence his life. It makes me sad that he must suffer through the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, yet happy that he has NEVER BEEN EXPOSED to her lifestyle. The effects are irreversible. There is NO WAY to gauge what she has stolen from him and at the same time, there's no way to determine just HOW MUCH he has blessed our lives.

I love you "baby boy"!


chase said...

My mother and stepfather adopted 3 kids, all with various problems, we had many, many foster kids come thru for years and of the children we brother is locked u now....for the umpteenth time...same issues, mother did drugs, alchahol...abused him. Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever be able to make t on the street.

Anonymous said...

I'm speechless.

NORA said...

WOW, Neena, this brings tears to my eyes as I sit and read. I'm not sure if you heard my blog about me loosing my son. Well, I lost him because I was going thru so much and turned to alcohol to deal with all the stress and depression.

I think about what I did to him, and I think about what if GOD allowed him to live and how he would be.

GOD blessed him by putting him in your family's home, and has blessed you all for allowing this precious little boy to enter your lives.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Neena's lil brother.

GOD will see to it that he'll be okay. Even though things may get hard, no one ever said the road of the righteous man was easy or short.

I'm sure there is a lot of fight in him, and having a big sister like you, he's already alright!

Thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

This epidemic, angers me. I was a special ed teacher and still work in the field. I see the effects that negative lifestyle choices have on our children and it's soooo sad.

These children deserve better. What I have learned is that this whole problem is mainly cyclical and self-perpetuating. I have a client who is a 29 year old grandmother!!!!

Chele said...

You're right...everything happened just the way it was supposed to. You received the gift of him and him the gift of you. You are able to bring into his life what his birth mother can't. What a blessed event!

Byebye said...

Yo this is so insightful. I too am a special ed teacher and have seen how environment is the main factor for these kids being in the class. Its hard but fair, sad but true.

Another thing that made me get a lump in my throat was that my old girl and I decided to abort a child because we knew that it was conceived under the influence of toxins and we did not want to take the chance of the child being wrecked.

Shame on these parents that just don't care though...just like many of these teachers aren't community or culturally connected enough to deserve to teach our kids; many of these parents aren't even willing to be prepared in order to prepare their own child for the life ahead. And the viscious cycle continues. Touching post NL

@Safa: WOW, a 29 year old grandmother...the epitome of what's wrong

Byebye said...
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Byebye said...
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chase said...
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chase said...

Hey sis, to answer a post u left me, my art classes havent started yet, the 27th I cant wait, lol

Sista K said...

I am so glad that your brother found a family like yours to love him and show him despite the disibilities he inherited...he is worthy of being loved and cherished

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

I "want" to be sad for him, but I can't. I say this because he will have to face many more adversities before he comes out SHARPER than a sword. God took that woman out of his life for a reason, and that is for you and your family to see and appreciate all that's in him. Momma was "off" and could've never appreciated him. You all are there for the long haul.

Wait and see...the child has PURPOSE!!
Nuttin' but luuuv for you and ya baby brudda. :o)

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

and another thing...did you ever notice that no one really notices the actions and gifts of a "normal" child? There almost HAD to be something different about him, so you could see what's truly special in him.