Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Soul-Mate-Ness Of It All

Cue these songs:
I Remember, performed by Keyshia Cole.
Never Too Far, performed by Mariah Carey
Run To You, performed by Whitney Houston


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I can tell its that "time of the month" when everything makes me feel so... so... so melancholy! When its that time, I pull out my old journals especially the ones that talk about my biggest heartbreak... the breakup of my first marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am glad it happened just as it happened else I wouldn't have ever experienced my forever love.... my husband now!

In eastern traditions, it is believed that one person will experience many different soul mates. A soul mate is someone that comes into your life to help you blossom into your greatest potential. How that blossoming occurs is not always the romantic ideal of love and happiness. With that said, in my heavyhearted, blue-sy, pensive emotional state, I revisit a certain soul mate.

The relationship was full of so much turmoil. It was at two extreme ends. At one end, was love and great passion. At the exact opposite end lived hate and turmoil. Thinking about it, even now, makes me tear up and turns my stomach upside down like I'm riding a roller coaster. There's just something about experiencing lost love that hurts so completely. One is never quite right after losing their FIRST-REAL-Grown-Up-LOVE.

I can't quite put my finger on what pulled me through. I remember the morning immediately after getting dumped by the man that I had nearly worshipped for nine years, I volunteered at a Women's Shelter to forget my troubles. The news that he wanted divorce came as a surprise because I wanted to believe that he wanted to do right by me. And yet, at the same time, I experienced his track record of leaving when things got hard, so it couldn't have been too much of a surprise.

So how does this all relate to the soul mate issue? Well, he closed the door on me. He easily penned the words, "The End" on the book about him and I. Though I had invested my whole heart into the relationship, he risked nothing! My ability to love with complete abandon was stripped from me as he had managed to mangle my heart into such a wretched picture. And the soul-mate-ness of it all is that I had to push through the pain, push through living my life to love him, and into the freedom of independence.

And I'm grateful!

I'm still standing. I'm so much stronger now than I have ever been in my life. The soul-mate-ness of it all is that I had to experience all of it to blossom into the woman I am today. I give so much credit to my husband now and my family for bringing me back into the light. In the re-discovery of me, since the days of my divorce, I am so empowered to do and be whatever I want.

2 comments:

The Law Ohana said...

Thanks for being an inspiration to me!

Da Orem Pula's said...

I totally get it! Been there done that. It is very empowering to be on the "right track" with the one you love and he loves you back, the way you deserve.