Utterly Alone

Sometimes I feel so utterly alone in the universe, like my mind is a jumble of thoughts that no one understands. I wonder if I alienate people by my thought process. Do I send people running in the opposite direction once I open my mouth? In my mind, everything makes sense but when it comes out of my mouth it turns into mush.

I long so much to be needed, the way a child needs a mother, the way a husband needs a wife. I thought that when we marry, we swear off loneliness forever, and yet here I am... feeling utterly alone. As tears roll gently down my face, sadness grips my empty belly, and I am enveloped in loneliness.

I wonder where the carefree girl I used to be went. I wonder where the laughter went; that loud and glorious laughter that used to be my trademark. Would the girl I was at 19 recognize the image in the mirror now? I'm so tired, so very tired. I just want to lay down somewhere, close my eyes, and let it all drift off into nothingness.




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