I Wish I Wasn't...

Here's a lil exercise for the readers of this blog: Open your iTunes or YahooLaunch and pull up Heather Headley, "I Wish I Wasn't In Love With You". Have that song playing in the background while you read this entry. For some reason, when I feel a lil blue -- I play that song and just write. The following is what came up.....

You just ran across my mind today. I'm wondering if you're okay. We've always had this unbelievable psychic connection. I wonder if its because of how much we used to love each other. Sure, we've gone on with our lives... and I'm doing VERY well, really! But every now and again I get a little curious. My love for you was/is unconditional and the depths went far beyond sexual.

I wonder if she loves you with complete abandon the way I used to. Should I even be wondering these things? I tried so hard for way too long. I don't think they make women like me anymore. I see women give up their marriages for far less than we did. They just walk away -- kinda like how you walked out on me -- TWICE!

I don't regret one minute of what we had.
The longing.
The waiting.
The loving.
The patience.
The pain.
The heartache.
The lustful thoughts of feeling you between my thighs.
The constant yearning in the pit of my stomach -- FOR YOU.
The wondering -- where you've been; who you've been with; did you love me; were you ever coming back;
The struggles.
The missing you.
The pain of you not needing me the way I needed you.
Wanting.Only.You.
Making love.
I don't regret one minute of what went on between us for 6 years.

I don't wanna go back to the day before we met and erase anything.
We met.
I fell in love.
I waited and waited for you to want me.
We married.
We fought.
We loved.
You left.
Two years later we were divorced.

And when we did divorce -- I felt so free. I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders. You answered my wondering mind.
You.
Didn't.
Love.
Me.
and I just had to deal with it.

I wonder what you're up to. You and I were there for each other for a reason and a season. That's all. Nothing more. Nothing less. Forgive me for intruding. I just wanted to tell you....

Goodbye heartache!