Monday, April 03, 2006

Time to Mourn

I think it was his age that allowed him to fully see the depth of my soul. Oddly, I'm convinced that it was MY age that chased him away.

My soul runs so deep. It sounds so cliche, so worn out, so used. And yet -- he understood it. I miss that.

The hours and days have run into months and years and we've both moved in different directions. And I'm in a good place... better than I've ever been before. I have learned to balance my spiritual self with the other dimensions of me. That, above all else, has been most rewarding.

Yet sometimes... way too often, I long for depth... for someone to truly understand who I am. Someone who is able to see right into the heart of me and KNOW... just KNOW... without me saying a word.

The only one who ever did -- I will probably never have the occasion to speak to again. Most of my friends cannot see how many different facets there are to me. I still discover them daily... and I love that about me... but it isolates me.

How can I feel so alone in a world full of people? How can I feel like no one can see my soul and really understand how deep it runs?

I have never mourned that loss. I pushed it down way deep inside of me, hoping it would just go away.

Today, I mourn! Though I wish him success and honest, sincere and true love -- I will mourn what will never be. I mourn the separation of two souls that really, truly understood each other.

5 comments:

ShellyP said...

I don't know what to say.

Hassan said...

I'm a little speechless myself...

nikki said...

i'm right there with you sista.

**RPM** said...

This one hurts girl. My question is...what do you do when they're alive...but it feels like they might as well be...a memory?

This one made me sigh.

ANGIE B said...

girl you gotta let that go.
if he was so good to you why is he gone.
you got a good man and you have to learn to make him understand you like your old one did.
It will be 14 years in July and I thought he would never understand me.
But he has and it took time and effort on both of our part.
You know what I am tellin'you is right.
Yeah the good times will always be there.
Create new ones with this husband.
Don't be like a dog that goes back to its vomit.
Look ahead, cause we can't change yesterday.....but we sure can change tomorrow.
Lylas,
B. Angie B.