Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I Was In Love With Your Beautiful Mind

My ex called me today after many, many moons. (See the pic when we WERE a happy couple). We've had no reason to talk. We don't have any children together. We've never owned anything jointly. Our marriage could have been beautiful but he thought it was time to bounce after two years of separation and well... I agreed. Actually, I was just plain tired of fighting to gain his love. Some of you saw me through the ENTIRE ordeal. You know who you are. For that, I am truly grateful and will be forever grateful. Please know that.

I was COMPLETELY blown away to hear his voice on the other end. Soon after our divorce was finalized, years ago, we attempted coaching each other through the heartache. But that wasn't working because he was stuck on what he thought was the biggest mistake of his life -- divorcing me. I had moved on and really wanted to see him get out of the rut he had dug for himself. There TRULY is no malice in my heart for that man. He will ALWAYS own a soft spot in my heart. There is no doubt about that but my heart is with the love of my life... the man who shares my bed EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT.... my husband! But that's another entry altogether.

So the ex called to ask me if I could send him a divorce decree. I told him I'd send him a copy. It was an awkward conversation, actually. Hours later, we spoke again. I just wanted to know what was really going on with him. Even though years and emotions have separated us, oddly, we still have an unbelievable psychic connection. NO JOKES! We do. He brought me up to speed. The death of his grandmother and that He's getting married.

Instantly, I felt a surge of emotion. Both happy and sad. The ex and I, after our divorce, had a conversation where I told him that EVERYONE, myself included and even God had forgiven him for his errors. He needed to forgive himself and move forward. So I'm happy for him. I'm happy that he's forgiven himself and can see his own self-worth and that maybe, just maybe he's FINALLY happy. He and I were meant to be a part of each others lives... even if it was just for a short moment. We were always good friends and I pray that we can remain that way even with our spouses. I mean that with all sincerity.... however, I don't think my husband feels quite the same way.

On the flip side, I felt a tinge of sadness. I even shed a tear when he told me the news. I kinda got used to KNOWING that he still wanted me back even after all these years. I felt comfortable that my love had so impressed him that he couldn't find a replacement. LOL... very selfish thinking on my part.

So Michael -- I wish you much joy and happiness. I wish you endless love. I wish you prosperity and posterity.... and a renewed love for LIFE. You are a BEAUTIFUL MIND!!


A Beautiful Mind... an expression I wrote for my ex. **sigh**

11 comments:

Hassan said...

Wow. Blown away once again by your spiritual maturity.

I had a brief IM conversation with her a few hours ago and it garnered a negative response (me being subject matter) on her blog... Yep, I've been reduced to blog fodder and made an example of what not to be to the world for everyone else to see.

You paid Micheal the respect he needs and deserves. I do feel where your husband is coming from though. Natural stuff.

I wish everyone could be as mature as you.

ProfessorGQ said...

You are a wise person with a beautiful soul. You could have remained bitter with him and dimissed having conversations with him and/or having arguements, but you chose the high road. I'm glad to read this post.

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

I feel ya.

I never really said anything to my husband, but he knew. My husband has always thought the ex wanted me back because I had moved on with someone else. The ex told me he had grown into a better person, which I think is wonderful... for someone else.

Mocha_Grl said...

Love the "A Beautiful Mind" expression...

Your perspective on this is so powerful and honest. Thanks for sharing!

Aziza said...

You showed the strength of your character, since you're able to still communicate with your ex in a civil manner.

notyouraverage.... said...

i thought i had forgiven my ex - and moved on, but i realise now that i'm not quite there yet.

ShellyP said...

I love you, Neena! I wish there were more people like you.

If another tinge of sadness hits, just remember that you were his first choice. :)

chase said...

you handled it well...and why not, you have a lovely man that wants to be with you.....stay strong sis.

Soulace said...

seems like you've found solace(soul-ace).

The Humanity Critic said...

You definitely handled it well.

MaryO. said...

Hey girl, gotta say that was the most touching entry yet, You always have such a wonderful insight on things, I think I have felt that same type of way towards my ex....just the knowing that someone else will have what once was all yours for that short time back when is something to ponder over, your soo real for letting go and realizing everything happens for a reason.