The Christmas holiday has me feeling some kind of way so I called my cousin to book me on a flight to Texas via Los Angeles.
I am feeling restless. Looking for something, anything, to distract me from the pain of a broken relationship. Though I agree with the split now, my natural instinct would have been to tough it out and reconnect instead of throwing the relationship away. I don't know how to give up and yet at the same time, I will not wait any longer.
My life is so full and complete even without a relationship. I savor the time I get to spend with people I love instead of running off to my (ex)husband to maintain that relationship. Maybe I stopped putting him first. Perhaps that is his perception of what happened to us and why he was seeking attention outside the home. I can't call it. What I know about me is that I deserve a relationship that is fulfilling in every way -- mind, body, spirit, emotional. My first marriage was body and mind. This marriage that I just came out of was strictly emotional. The next man I let in will have to nurture me in all areas. I will not accept anything less. I deserve that!
As I sit here at the Los Angeles airport, I think of how exciting it is to have my future seemingly unwritten. There is no routine to tomorrow and that makes me happy. I looked at joining the Peace Corps just to attempt to get the tuition waiver for my service. They have locations all across the world from Fiji to Africa to everything in between. It seems so appealing and something I would really like to do. I could possibly make a life of it and re-upping every year. What I found they are looking for are people to teach English. I can do that! I also applied to Delta as a Flight Attendant. I could really dig that job. It makes pretty good money and is a non-traditional work schedule that doesn't lock me in to the M-F, 9-5 matrix. And both positions will give me more time and material to write about!
What I know for sure is that I am ready for 2017. I am ready to move forward and from beneath the grey skies. I am ready to feel the sun upon my face again and feel true joy and happiness, untethered. I thank one particular, precious soul for igniting a fire inside me again. One day, when the time is right, we will both know love again. Full and complete.