I'm reaching my thirty-third year on Monday, August 4th. Probably the thing that has plagued my life in the last year has been my issues with fertility or lack thereof. Time is ticking away and consequently so is my biological clock. I feel an unbelievable pressure to bear children. My anatomical parts point to the purpose of my body bearing children and it is something I desire. More lately than ever before. The primal urges in my body symbolize the eternal need to "propagate the species". The creator made it that way.
Choices made in my youth regarding the use of birth control has probably exacerbated the situation, therefore requiring me to take measures to make it right. I stated in a previous post that I will probably be on clomid by September since I currently suffer from anovulation. Clomid is supposed to kickstart the creation of eggs. The reproductive system is so delicate. Any deviation can throw the entire cycle off it's natural course.
I never really thought about children. In my mind, I just thought that they'd come naturally in due course without me having to pursue it so aggressively. I'm okay with it because I know there is a masterplan behind my life and something as important as children could NEVER be random. I know that when my body is ready for it, the children will come without so much planning.
What else has happened in the past year? Well, I decided to go back to school, full-time. I begin on my birthday. I thought that was apropos as I begin a new segment in my life. I've proved to myself that I don't need secondary schooling to be successful. Now, I'd like to take it to another level and actually see how far I can go within the confines of academia. After I finish off my undergrad, I'd like to go to law school, pass the Hawaii State BAR and consult from home. I have no desire to practice law or to be in a courtroom setting but Law interests me, nonetheless.
As I commence on my 33rd year and lay to rest my 32nd, I am hopeful for whats next on the horizon. Motherhood? God-willing! Academia? Definitely! I thank the Creator for my health and strength throughout the last year. May it continue to be mine through the next millenia! Happy Birthday and Happy New Year to me!