Thursday, April 20, 2006

(S)He Drives Me Crazy



I wish I had somewhere to unload all my thoughts without fear of judgement. Somewhere to say EXACTLY what I mean without having to "pretty it up". I would love it if I could just put my burdens somewhere and NEVER have to worry about them again. I'm not much of a worrier. However, there are certain things that will bug me to no end.

My relationship with my mother has never really been a good one. She is definitely NOT one that I can unload my true thoughts and feelings on. We had this interesting conversation a couple of weeks ago. I told her how I felt about her and all the things I had resented about her and our relationship. She was totally oblivious to how I felt.

The woman is a major control freak. My father and my older brother kinda just dance around her so as not to upset the "beast". She's quite immovable when she gets behind something.

With her age and declining health, she is consistently making errors with her finances. I have offered to help her organize her life many times but she's such a freak about always remaining in control that to relinquish it is inconceivable. By trade, i am an accountant... i have always worked in finances.... whether it was mortgages or accounting... I've always dealt with money. This would be ideal for her. **heavy sigh**

I didn't start out talking about my mother but somehow I moved right into the subject. There is so much negative energy surrounding my relationship with my mother. I'd like to clear that up. I release that energy! Go AWAY!

I'm in such a "funny" place right now. I feel strange. I feel verrrrry alone with the way my thought process goes. Husband thinks my thoughts are ALWAYS TOTALLY ILLOGICAL. He is my spouse... the man I choose to spend forever with and he basically thinks I'm crazy. I don't know what to do with that.

I don't know if I should take it literal -- does he think I'm crazy?

Or maybe I think he's crazy. **shrugs**

On certain subjects, we're off and running in TOTALLY different directions. We always work it out though and I guess that's what REALLY matters.

3 comments:

ShellyP said...

He thinks you're crazy but he still supports you? That's love!

It's amazing how different women are than men. We have different priorities and the same factors affect us differently also.

notyouraverage.... said...

i agree with shelly. that he may think you are 'crazy' - but is none the less supportive - it's not often you get that - i didn't.

ANGIE B said...

NEENA,
GIRL YOU HAVE TO "CAST ALL YOUR CARES UPON HIM, FOR HE CARETH FOR YOU".
IF HE CARES ABOUT THE SPARROWS THEN I KNOW HE CARES FOR YOU.
GIVE IT TO GOD AND SURRENDER AND WATCH HIM WORK MIRACLES FOR YOU.
LOVE YA GIRL.
B. ANGIE B.