I stumbled across a Joss Stone song the other day. I Don't Want To Be With Nobody But You. This song moves me and makes me feel things that I have not felt in a long time. That urgency of wanting and needing to be with a certain someone can be overwhelming and intoxicating. I wonder when and why the stars have aligned with such ferocity, with such speed at this point in my life. I know me and I know that I am not the type of girl that wants to date around. I love being in a relationship and pouring my time and affections into one man. Folks tend to think I move on too quickly but I don't agree. I take care of my heart however I need to. You can call me selfish or even cruel for being that way. It doesn't really matter what people think anymore. I have to take care of me and I choose love everyday, all day.
As I find myself in an ever-changing world, I choose to be happy. I choose to believe and know that I am more than enough. I choose to make the best days of my life be today and all the days ahead of me. I will breathe in joy and exhale pain and rejection. I am enough! And just because I have two failed marriages behind me and they forgot about how I used to light their world on fire DOES NOT mean that my light has dimmed at all. In fact I see my flicker turning into a bright and burning flame. And I choose my happiness above everything else.
So everyday that I play this gem of a song, I Don't Want To Be With Nobody But You, I think of the intense chemistry and fire I feel in my budding friendship with a special someone. He has traversed several hurdles that I have unknowingly placed in front of him. I say "unknowingly" because I was not consciously creating these situations that generated a sort of test for him to pass or fail. That is not my style and yet when I sit back and observe and analyze what is happening between us, I am amazed and fall deeper in sync with him.
The last "test" blew me away. I had been thinking so negatively about how he would react if I exposed certain parts of the real me.... the girl that doesn't have it all together, the girl that needs emotional support, the girl that is sometimes a basket case, the girl that is cranky and moody... he reacted beautifully. He was stunned that I would think so poorly of him and that I would think that he would run at the first sight of realness on my part. Not saying that I am NOT real but I have definitely put my best foot forward in all our dealings. When all the emotions had died down (on my part), he was cool as a cucumber, the following exchange happened:
HIM: You are very special baby
ME: Me? Special? What you mean?
HIM: U are special baby. U complete me. I'm crazy about u.
I know that little exchange does not seem like anything special but after what had happened between us before that, this just set my world on fire. YOU COMPLETE ME. Now we have said some hot and heavy things to each other. I am always careful with my words because I try not to ever say something that I don't absolutely mean. Yet and still, I may say something that comes out like a knee-jerk reaction to whatever he says and then realize -- did I really just say that? But now, having gone through our little trial, whatever is happening between us just got REAL-ER. And the words that once were knee-jerk reactions are now turning into real feelings backed by raw emotion. The rise is so exhilarating and the butterflies that were a mild flutter have blossomed into rapid, pulsating waves of affection. I Don't Wanna Be With Nobody But You!