Tuesday, December 09, 2008

A Tribute

I met him in a chatroom on Blackplanet then we met up again in a Yahoo Group. At the time, I had just separated from my ex-husband and I felt so vulnerable and so utterly heartbroken.

We were such great friends, "D" and I, such great penpals. He knew so much about me. "D" understood my thought process, knew my deepest heart aches, yet never used it to manipulate me. He remembered all my special days. From my birthday to my wedding anniversary. He sent me beautiful cards in the mail and thoughtful gifts. He was growing on me in a scary way, in a way that would have probably meant infidelity to my "then husband". He was so utterly sweet, so thoughtful, so romantic and I was so in need of that kind of attention.

He and I talked so often. During my separation from my ex-husband, he was more accessible to me than my ex-husband. I mean, he was always there for me no matter the hour. Often, we'd have lengthy conversations in the wee hours of the morning. It would be midnight where I was at and he'd be six hours ahead of me, getting off the graveyard shift at work. He was such a rock to lean on at such a precarious time in my life.

He saw me through my entire separation from my ex-husband. At the point when my then-husband decided he wanted to reconcile, I told "D" and he was so upset but supportive of what I needed to do for me. He was such a gentle soul and at times I miss his presence dearly mostly because he said all the things I needed to hear.

The reconciliation with my ex-husband lasted all of two months, at which point my ex decided to divorce me. All things happen for a reason. I'm fortunate that there were no children between he and I to complicate the relationship further. As soon as the dust cleared, "D" booked a flight to come out to Hawai'i and finally meet in person.

There were no fireworks between us and I was so caught up in my own junk, I couldn't really thank him for always being there for me. I didn't fully appreciate his beautiful heart. I did nothing with our time together. I think we seen each other three times while he was on my island. **sigh** We split not having really bonded. He left the island and we lost touch.

I pay tribute to him today. He was truly one of the great friends I've had in my life. He disappeared a couple years ago, got married, and I heard moved to the western U.S. I'm glad he found someone to share his life with. I hope she makes him happy. He deserves all the happiness one heart can hold.


Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much said...

I love reading your blogs. You have a talent! Have you thought about becoming an author? I'm sure your books would sell!

Nina MM said...

I had a similar situation with a man that was there for me through so much -- a childhood friend, an adult confidante, my lover between boyfriends...the best of every world I lived in at the time. I never thought once as to how this intimacy and closeness weighed on his heart until the day he told me he was getting married. He explained to me that he knew that I didn't "want" him, and he had to move on. We talked two more times in 8 years. He died on July 20th, left to survive him was a loving, absolutely beautiful wife and daughter. I felt fortunate to put my arms around her neck and thank her so very much for loving the friend who never knew/felt the deep and unconditional love that I had for him. Your tribute here swells me not with regret for my situation, but peace. That the circle of life takes care of us all.

NeenaLove said...

Hey Nina... glad to see you're still perusing the blogs. Great to see you on here! My now-husband didn't like this post at all. LOL... His wife paying tribute to an old "male friend". **sigh**