Saturday, March 03, 2007

Family Issues

I took a test on about the subconscious mind. At first, I was quite surprised with the results but I've become quite aware of its truthfulness. It said that I was preoccupied with family issues.

I've said it time and again that my mother and I have ALWAYS battled. She's very critical of me. In turn, I've treated her in the same manner. I mirror her behavior. Do you know that she said that I should be the bigger person and STOP being so critical instead of her doing it.

I believe that this is the reason I had such a hard time when my mother was on the brink of death. I couldn't let her go because I hadn't resolved any of the issues I had with her. I don't know if I'll ever be able to resolve any of it. She's not really open to it. However, I know I can just put our prior relations in the past and let it drop.

Don't get me wrong. On the surface, it would appear to the general public that my mother and I are quite close. This is not the case. Out of duty I cater to her needs. I cook for her. Clean her house for her. I take her where she needs to go. Whatever she needs -- I am there. That's the surface. On an emotional level -- we DO NOT connect. I don't know how to correct this. I've sat down with her and had OPEN & HONEST communication. It hasn't done anything to transform the relationship.

When she attacks me and criticizes me -- I just swallow it; stand up and walk away. That's all I can do. Due to her physical ailments, the easiest thing to do is BOUNCE. **heavy sigh**

I hope to never, ever pass on this relationship to my daughters.... whenever they come along.... soon!


Nina MM said...

Ever consider therapy? It could be a great help in getting to the bottom of this. Don't try to self-diagnose. You might not be able to figure this one out on your own.

ShellyP said...

I hear you.