I arrived in Maryland on Saturday, October 29th. It has been non-stop adventure with my BestFRIENDforever, BooBoo. This is the first time I am visiting this place and it is definitely not my last. My cousin Marie sent for me. I call it a divorce party gift. I really needed to get off the island and reconnect with ME. Since being out here, I have been feeling like the island is too small for me and my ex. If he wants to stay there, I can't be there. I can't run into him with another woman. That would just break my heart all over again. He, obviously, is not having a problem moving on and I need to move in a direction away from him. Detox from his brand of love.
The first night I arrived, I accompanied BooBoo and her husband to a family Masquerade Party. It was so much fun. The music was great and the feel-good atmosphere was great. Even with the heaviness of the hurt I feel, I managed to smile and enjoy myself. BooBoo and I had similar dresses on. She picked my mask for me and my outfit so when I arrived, it was a done deal. All I needed to do is show up and get dressed. I felt beautiful, which is crazy considering the emotions I have been feeling since getting divorced. The amount of rejection I feel since he said he wanted a divorce is overwhelming. Often, I question what I look like and if I'm really the good woman I think I am. I look in the mirror and wonder what it is about me that repulses him now, when he used to love me so deeply.
Something I have enjoyed looking at in Baltimore are the buildings. After the masquerade, we drove around the city - Fells Point and the Inner Harbor Area. It's a fun city. We didn't get out of the car, which I'm glad about because the heels I was rockin' was killing me. So we cruised through the city and I snapped shots of the buildings I was especially mesmerized by. They have row houses here that are so great to look at. Though I don't know the history of Baltimore yet, the buildings look like they're from another time. I love the lines and the different dimensions of the windows, the paned glass, the moulding, and all the trim indicating another era.
Sunday - I accompanied Booboo and Skeet to his mother's home for Sunday dinner. It was nice. The hospitality of Skeet's family reminds me of my own. His mother put a meal down that was so delicious and I am grateful. Crab cakes. Battered shrimp. Glazed chicken wings. Mac and cheese. Cabbage. It was delicious. We ended the night playing Texas Hold Em. I lost $15 but it was all fun and games.
As I walked around with my fam, all I could think about was my ex-husband and how I wish we were experiencing Maryland together. I walked in silence. Skeet and I had a short convo about how I blocked him on my phone. He told me that I couldn't just cut him off after 13 years of being together but I can't communicate with him. I can't be just a friend and every time I hear his voice or see him, I just want to disappear. It is torture to love someone so much and not feel it in return. I really do wish him the best and maybe one day I will let go of the anger and be able to be civil to him. Today is not that day.