Tuesday, November 01, 2016

Maryland Adventures: Part I

I arrived in Maryland on Saturday, October 29th. It has been non-stop adventure with my BestFRIENDforever, BooBoo. This is the first time I am visiting this place and it is definitely not my last. My cousin Marie sent for me. I call it a divorce party gift. I really needed to get off the island and reconnect with ME. Since being out here, I have been feeling like the island is too small for me and my ex. If he wants to stay there, I can't be there. I can't run into him with another woman. That would just break my heart all over again. He, obviously, is not having a problem moving on and I need to move in a direction away from him. Detox from his brand of love.

The first night I arrived, I accompanied BooBoo and her husband to a family Masquerade Party. It was so much fun. The music was great and the feel-good atmosphere was great. Even with the heaviness of the hurt I feel, I managed to smile and enjoy myself. BooBoo and I had similar dresses on. She picked my mask for me and my outfit so when I arrived, it was a done deal. All I needed to do is show up and get dressed. I felt beautiful, which is crazy considering the emotions I have been feeling since getting divorced. The amount of rejection I feel since he said he wanted a divorce is overwhelming. Often, I question what I look like and if I'm really the good woman I think I am. I look in the mirror and wonder what it is about me that repulses him now, when he used to love me so deeply.


Something I have enjoyed looking at in Baltimore are the buildings. After the masquerade, we drove around the city - Fells Point and the Inner Harbor Area. It's a fun city. We didn't get out of the car, which I'm glad about because the heels I was rockin' was killing me. So we cruised through the city and I snapped shots of the buildings I was especially mesmerized by. They have row houses here that are so great to look at. Though I don't know the history of Baltimore yet, the buildings look like they're from another time. I love the lines and the different dimensions of the windows, the paned glass, the moulding, and all the trim indicating another era.

Sunday - I accompanied Booboo and Skeet to his mother's home for Sunday dinner. It was nice. The hospitality of Skeet's family reminds me of my own. His mother put a meal down that was so delicious and I am grateful. Crab cakes. Battered shrimp. Glazed chicken wings. Mac and cheese. Cabbage. It was delicious. We ended the night playing Texas Hold Em. I lost $15 but it was all fun and games.
Monday/ Halloween - Booboo, Tyrel, and I went to lunch. I am so proud of the young man Tyrel has become. He is responsible, keeps a steady job, and takes care of himself. He will be 20 this year. Time has flown by so quickly. We ended the evening taking Kaimani, Booboo's 2nd son, trick-or-treating. For all the walking we did, I was surprised by how little candy he received. I mean his bucket was not even full. He was dressed as a pirate and was the cutest pirate too.

As I walked around with my fam, all I could think about was my ex-husband and how I wish we were experiencing Maryland together. I walked in silence. Skeet and I had a short convo about how I blocked him on my phone. He told me that I couldn't just cut him off after 13 years of being together but I can't communicate with him. I can't be just a friend and every time I hear his voice or see him, I just want to disappear. It is torture to love someone so much and not feel it in return. I really do wish him the best and maybe one day I will let go of the anger and be able to be civil to him. Today is not that day.

1 comment:

Anela Livingston said...

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself IS to physically get away, detach and give yourself the space you need for healing and self love. You, beautiful friend are perfect just as you are. Don't allow his "personal" issues cause you self doubt or grief. You loved hard and gave your best. give time to lick your wounds and have fun while doing it. Whether it be travel, dinner with friends, time to ponder, being a tourist or spending time with good people, do what makes your heart happy. When mama is happy, so is the world.

BTW- being not happy sometimes is okay too...just don't live in that space.

Much love...Hugs...Nela