Sunday, December 02, 2012

Letting Go... A Rambling of Thoughts

A couple of weeks ago, I buried my uncle. A man I considered to be my second father. **sigh**

A couple of days ago another uncle passed -- so sudden.

Today, they found my cousin's body at the bottom of a famous cliff.

I don't quite know what to make of it all. Just a year and a half ago, my mother left this world also. I can't help feeling a little envious of the people that have gone on from this life and are moving toward eternity. That's where my mom is, right? Isn't she out there in the great universal heaven where we are all fated to go some day?

Hearing the news of my cousin missing since Thursday was a shocker. We weren't very close but I always used to think it was so sweet that every time he saw me he would invite me to one of his singing gigs around the island. Apparently, from all the Facebook posts from friends, he invited everyone to his gigs. LOL. Someone reported him missing. The police found his car and soon after they found his body at the bottom of the cliff.

I don't quite know what to make of all the death around me. Should I feel happy and hopeful that someday I will meet them again? I feel like life is starting to be about letting go. All the different stages in our lives are about letting go of the past to embrace what's ahead. I used to think I was really good at that. As I age, I'm getting less and less good at letting go.

Most times I wish things could be just as it was at my happiest moments -- feeling my parent's love; seeing my first niece come into this world; seeing my husband for the first time; seeing the light in my baby brother's eyes when he came into our lives; allllll very magical moments that I wish I could experience in every single breath that I take.

When we buried my uncle before Thanksgiving, as I said my last tearful goodbye, I only thought of my mother on the other side. I miss her so very much and I wish I could see her and talk to her and hear her voice again. I don't think I will ever let her go and I don't want to. I do however want to let go of the idea that she has died. I can let that go and be peaceful in the fact that our energies will meet again and we will put aside the ramblings of this world and trade it for an eternity of endless living.

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