Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I heart you, You haunt me

Jackson sits with me.
He plays with the TV
from time to time,
making the channels turn.
At first it makes me smile.
Then it gets on my nerves.
Big time.

Because he can't talk 
like a normal guy.
He can't hold hands
like a normal guy.
He can't kiss
like a normal guy.
Unless it's in my dreams,
and then we do those last two things.
But dreaming about them 
isn't the same 
as actually
doing them
and experiencing them.

All he can really do
are the strange ghostly things
that let me know
he's here.

(Excerpt from the book by Lisa Scrhoeder,
I heart you, You haunt me)

I Heart You, You Haunt Me

The other day I asked for some advice on how to deal with a young woman whose boyfriend just passed. In the comment section someone suggested this book. Praises to the smart people who thought up Public Libraries. I requested the book online and was able to pick it up within a few days. Spectacular!

So I read this book hoping to understand the myriad of feelings that a young woman I associate with may be going through. What I came away with is a feeling of triumph for the central character, Ava, who overcomes her grief for having lost her boyfriend, Jackson.

The book is an easy read. It took me all of 45-minutes to get through. The format: Verse Novel. I have never read a verse novel so this was an interesting treat.

Ava loses Jackson to a diving accident which she dared him to do. She carries the guilt with her. Immediately following his funeral services she begins to feel his presence in the hope indicated by a cold impression. He signals her with songs on the radio and the opening and closing of cabinets. He appears in the mirror and in her dreams.

In dialogues with friends and specifically with an ex-boyfriend, Ava gets a push in the right direction. The ex tells her how he 'got over her'.

"I just decided, Ava.
That's all.
I just decided."

She tosses the idea around and finally musters the courage to let go of her guilt, a switch in the mind that happens so quick.

The beauty of it all is evidenced in a letter she writes to her parents. If I could, I would tell the girl I associate with the same.

When I look out at the stars now, I wish with everything I have that Jackson was still here. Every day, I've wished.

But today, I'm wondering something. What is Jackson's wish for me?

I think his wish for me is this:

Joy, not sorrow.

Laughter, not tears.

Life, not death.

Love, not blame.

1 comment:

Aubrey Anne said...

Hooray! I'm so glad you read it! And most especially, I'm glad it seemed to help. It's a YA novel, so it's definitely not difficult, and I felt the same feeling at the end. :) "Joy, not sorrow."