What's Your Song?
I have a love affair with love songs. Of course, I do. #iStillBelieveInLove
I can pin point exact times in my life with just a hint of the first measure of a song. For instance, the first two notes of I NEED LOVE by L.L. Cool J will have me thinking of the summer I turned 13. I had to have played that song a hundred times a day. If I wasn't in the ocean turning purple from being in the sun, I was laying out on the sand listening to L.L. and dreaming of being the one he wanted to kiss and hold. I had his posters plastered all over my bedroom wall. My nieces say he looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I can't relate to that! He's aged but I still think he is delicious-looking. He's a married man and I shouldn't crush on him. Duh!
My older brother and I have this thing when we hear songs from our younger years... we will call out the year that it reminds us of. TWO OCCASIONS by The Deele -- sick memories for him and I. He's three years older than me so the memories are different but it takes us back to the same year. For me, it reminds me of Christmas time when I was in the 8th grade. I remember the first time I heard it, we were on our way to a volleyball tournament. I was the setter for our Laie Town Girls team. Our jerseys were white with blue letters. I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to be in love, to have someone feel that way about me -- that they only "...think of me on Two Occasions. Day and Night." My enthusiasm for love and being in love way back when could not have prepared me for all the heartache I have known in my life since then. And even with all the heartache I have known, it has not dampered my excitement to love and be loved. Call me a hopeless romantic or foolish. #iStillBelieveInLove
The first strum of PURPLE RAIN has multiple memories attached to it. I think I was in the 4th or 5th grade when that movie came out. As a little person, I could not have identified with the lyrics of that song in its full totality in the way that I do now. Prince is and will always be a genius in my eyes. The personal stories everyone has with his music and especially Purple Rain, the song and the movie, could probably fill volumes of books. I remember riding in a van with a bunch of girls to Waimea Valley and we had Purple Rain on repeat throughout the hour long drive. By the end of the drive, we had all memorized the lyrics and had our own connection to the song. As an adult, I remember having a "date night" with my sis. She had her man and I had brought over a "friend" and we did dinner and a movie at her place. The movie we watched was Purple Rain. Needless to say, it was a night to remember. The details of which will remain tucked away in my memory and attached to that song and movie.
Music has a crazy way of manufacturing feelings that may not have been there beforehand. I think of the song by Shai, COME WITH ME. At the time that song came out, my then boyfriend had just moved away from me - thousands of miles across the ocean. I remember hearing the song and the lyrics and I decided in my mind that I would follow him, that I would do whatever was necessary to be in his arms and be the love of his life. I get that way - when I want something I go after it hard. Is it a flaw or a strength? I don't know. I end up putting my ALL into following my desires. And it's not his fault that I am so forward and so very devoted to loving him - whoever "him" is at the moment. It's a crazy pattern that I should probably change because it seems to have a negative effect on me.
I want to know
Should I really, really go
And if so, are you coming with me?
So I, I got to know,
If you really want me to go,
And if so, come with me!
I married that man that I followed thousands of miles across the sea. He was my first husband. When we married, we had a big wedding. He was my first love and the man that I wanted to share forever with. The song I chose to walk down the aisle to is RIBBONS IN THE SKY by Stevie Wonder. The first bars of that song still reminds me of the day we wed. It was so very rainy. Nothing was going right. One of my bridesmaids told me, right before we went out to walk down the aisle, "You don't have to do this. If you have any reservations, we can run away right now." I will never forget her words. I almost took her up on it. No amount of wedding primp could have prepared me for the loss of that love in my life. He was the only man to have my heart so full and so complete - it had not been jaded or tainted by hurt and broken promises. He left me after six years of marriage. I still think of him walking out of my apartment after we signed the divorce papers. Seeing his back exit the door, his distinct walk, the silhouette of his body; my heart went with him.
Music will always be a big part of my life. In recent months India Arie's, BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE, has me all warm and fuzzy. New love is always so exciting especially when love was not the expectation. And new love can never be that deep love that comes after years of being in a relationship. It's not supposed to but it contains all the hope of enduring love, forever love. It can never get to that point without the butterflies of new affection first. That initial attraction fuels the fire that forces us to take flirtation to some next level feelings.
I know I am EXTRA when it comes to the way I demonstrate my affections. I will never stop being that way and one day someone will appreciate that about me. I will not change the way that I love. I will not change how devoted I am when in love. I will never change my level of commitment when I give it and my loyalty will always be something that my man will always remember. My past loves could NEVER say that they ever questioned my loyalty or my devotion to them. When you talk about a true partner, I see myself as that woman. I will always make sure that my man looks good to everyone in his life. I support his vision, encourage him to be the best man that he can be for everyone in his world, not just me. EVERYONE. I will never understand why my past loves would walk away from this. I can only move forward and believe in the hope of new love.
Just recently, I stumbled on PROMISE TO LOVE by Kem. I am picking that as my song if I ever fall in love again and maybe one day marry again. Maybe (marry again)! My heart has been banged up especially this past year. But I will never lose my enthusiasm to be in love again. I will never stop believing that there is a man out there that wants to be in my world FOREVER.
You're the baddest woman I have ever known
The sweetest thing I've ever had, yes you are
And I want to thank you baby
For loving me, and changing me, and saving me
You see I was lost, I was lonely
But you came and turned it all around girl
You light up my life, yes you do
You're the song of my heart
The joy of my soul
What's your song?