Unravel the Emotions

Rage.

Anger.

Fear.

Love.

Sadness.

Loneliness.

Joy.

Happiness.

It is on the pages of my journal that I unravel the emotions that would seek to destroy me.

I look through my blog and in my journals for hints as to how I find myself at the end of a second marriage. I can't call it. What I do know is that both relationships ended with the man walking away. Both of their monologues exactly the same.

"I haven't been happy for a while."

"I don't want to be married."

"It's not you. It's me."

"You're a good woman. A really good wife."

"The spark is gone."

I don't know what to do with this information but the fact that I have my writing to look back on to compare what happened in both relationships is priceless.

What is strewn across the pages of my journals is how much love I have to give. How utterly insane I am about feeling the butterflies when I'm in love. I read my old writings and the loyalty and devotion I give freely to my husband frightens me. I have come to realize that I lose myself a little too much when I'm in a relationship and I compromise too much of who I am to please my partner. That stops now. Every tomorrow will be about making ME a priority. I promise that to myself.